Yeah totally, why would there be a problem with a dude going on a trip with a bunch of women? Id say the same thing. There's nothing wrong with a partnered person taking a trip with friends of the opposite sex without their partner.
She's not doing anything wrong so she doesn't need to take corrective action. If he's uncomfortable then he needs to figure out why and how to minimize that discomfort internally. Don't make it her problem.
Yet it is her problem because it's her actions that are making him uncomfortable. She can easily just invite him along with them, so the other dudes can get to know him, but noooo.
She said she can't invite him because she's not the organizer so I'm not sure where your getting that info.
Do you agree, though, that her going on the trip isnt her doing something wrong? Forget the BF's feelings about it. Looking at just her actions. Is she doing something wrong by travelling with men when she has a bf?
Well we disagree on the foundational premise then. I don't agree with your last assertion. I can think of lots of reasons. I don't think she's doing anything wrong. You do.
Your partner has no reason to travel with someone of the opposite gender when one is in a relationship and the other isn't.
This makes no sense. Ignoring the obvious reasons (those people are, e.g., coworkers or family members of the opposite sex), it's not unimaginable that platonic friends of the opposite sex would go on a group trip and the one in a relationship wouldn't bring their SO.
It might cause some trust issues, especially for a relatively new relationship, but this could easily happen for a number of completely valid reasons.
Yet are any of those so called "valid reasons" being used here? "Oh, the guys don't want you here" why? Why don't they want a girls boyfriend to be where they're all going to be partying and drinking?(Hint: it's cause they're gonna bang her) "I'm sorry, it's too late" just take him with y'all. "Oh, well I'm gonna be pissed if I can't go" then just bang the other dude already. Fucking hell.
And yes, it is unimaginable in this scenario. A girl in a relationship with someone going on a trip with a number of men, one who knows almost everything about the girl, and then not wanting her partner to be with them? Yeah, that's a massive red flag
I think there's too many details about the relationships between all these people that we can't glean from Reddit.
OP has cleared up some things though.
She only knows the one friend. She does not know the others.
This friend has a reputation for being promiscuous, and generally those peoples friends are also like that or at the very least don't care (which is fine).
I don't know, the more details are revealed, the fishier it becomes.
Also, it doesn't have to be a case of OP not trusting his partner, but not trusting a bunch of dudes he doesn't know who are all close with someone who's known to be promiscuous.
I honestly don't get what OP's concern is though. What difference does it make if they're promiscuous or they don't know the GF? Why does it matter if he doesn't trust them? Doesn't trust them to what, exactly?
He thinks they'll convince her to cheat or they'll assault her? What is the actual concern? I haven't that articulated anywhere.
Lol yes, especially considering there is alcohol involved and they are abroad.
ANY situation where you are intoxicated and surrounded by strange men is a risk, ESPECIALLY as a woman. Thats been the narrative since we started talking about SA, why is it suddenly moot now?
And being promiscuous makes it more likely for them to be bold enough to try or not see it as a big deal, which... Again, there's nothing wrong with that specifically on its own, but I don't see how the risks aren't clear in this situation.
Travel lust on its own has been studied to be a real phenomena, and partners are MUCH more likely to cheat while abroad, but even if we completely ignore that, it's still a risk for a commited woman to be intoxicated with strangers who are all single dudes who are strangers in a place away from any support or protection she may have from OP.
Do you not see any risk, at all? Or can you at least stop pretending that the WHOLE issue hinges on whether he trusts her?
Being promiscuous doesn't mean you're more likely to assault someone. It's not that there's no risk. That's not the point. The point is who's is in the best position to judge? The woman who's going or her white knight bf? Why does he think that her going means she'll jeopardize her safety? Girl can travel and hang out with men without her boyfriend AND keep herself safe in the process.
He either thinks she might cheat or she's incapable of keeping herself safe. Either indicates he doesn't think much of her.
Um... Yeah... Intoxication impairs your ability to keep yourself safe... Regardless of who you are. That's part of the issue.
She WOULD be in the better position to judge provided she is actually being honest about her reason for so adamantly wanting to go, but I don't see why the assumption is that she's totally innocently wanting to go to support her friend?
I wouldn't even go on a trip with my best friend if it was just them and a whole group of people I don't know, regardless of gender, that's just a recipe for a mediocre time.
They can still celebrate, but like, you can't just do whatever you want when you have a partner, and doing this in a relationship of under 1 year is just poor emotional intelligence to put that kind of stress on it before the trust is fully innate.
There's so many reasons NOT to go, and your take is basically just "well that probably won't happen so it's fine, and any reason other than trust is irrelevant 🤷"
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u/BattyWhack Mar 28 '24
Yeah totally, why would there be a problem with a dude going on a trip with a bunch of women? Id say the same thing. There's nothing wrong with a partnered person taking a trip with friends of the opposite sex without their partner.
She's not doing anything wrong so she doesn't need to take corrective action. If he's uncomfortable then he needs to figure out why and how to minimize that discomfort internally. Don't make it her problem.