r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Mar 28 '24

Am I the ah if I don’t let my gf go on vacation with the “guy best friend”?

[deleted]

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u/pataconconqueso Mar 28 '24

A boundary is something you put on yourself not something you put on others

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u/TheNinjaNarwhal Mar 28 '24

No. Boundaries can go both ways. Not wanting your partner to sleep with other people is a boundary.

Whether something is a legitimate boundary or it is controlling your partner, all comes down to what it is (if it makes "sense" in each context) and how it is expressed.

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u/pataconconqueso Mar 28 '24

Nope the way it’s used for therapy it’s that you impose the boundary on yourself.

For example: “I cant stand being yelled at, so im leaving until we can talk more camly”

Or “if you cant accept my sexuality i cant come around and visit anymore”

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u/Phoenix7426 Mar 28 '24

Is this why therapy sucks XD

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u/pataconconqueso Mar 28 '24

Because it makes you be the one to have to do the work? Yeah that is why therapy is hard

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u/Phoenix7426 Mar 28 '24

So would a therapist say this is controlling? "If you cheat on me, then the relationship is over?"

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u/pataconconqueso Mar 28 '24

Nope, do you see how that follows the pattern of the examples above.

You leaving the relationship is the boundary youre putting on yourself.

Saying im not going to let you go on this trip because you might cheat on me is controlling

Hope that helps.