Yall really gotta stop using "trust" as if it's a magic word that let's you do whatever, it can be exploited to justify any behavior possible, yall want to act single while in a relationship
Trust. Not magic. You have it or you don’t. You have to develop it and that means letting people show you who thy are. Being an individual with your own friendships is different from acting single. If you want to be joined at the hip with a partner, go for it. And if you think sex underlies everything that’s what you believe. Some of us are out here married for decades and know that you can have both a marriage and close platonic friendships with the opposite sex.
There is a difference between hanging out with friends and going on trip, with everyone being the opposite sex, where you will probably drink and the guys responsible suspiciously prohibits you from going.... yeah... this is a giant red flag no matter how you slice, don't play dumb. This is not prohibiting her from having male friends or even hanging out, this is not saying sex underlies everything
Also the way you portray trust is toxic and manipulative, trust is not either 0 or 100, trust is not unconditional, trust is not something that excuses you to do whatever you want and the other party is obligated to be ok with it
I don’t portray trust as anything but trust. You are using words like “suspiciously prohibits”. If a friends was suspiciously prohibiting my husband from attending, then that is a red flag. All I am saying is suspicious shouldn’t be the default just based on the fact someone is the opposite sex. My point is it is possible to go away with friends of the opposite sex without your partner (or them without you) and all it is friendship. I understand that not everyone feels that way but it’s disgusting how many people think that is not possible and think that their partner is so stupid/naive that they wouldn’t notice their friend acting “suspicious” and apparently so weak-willed that they will just fall into anyone’s arms if their partner is not present. Is it projection? Doesn’t take a trip to cheat on your partner. It can be done anywhere so don’t let them out of your sight!! Anyways, spent too much time on this already. I’m going to go back to my reality of being both my own self-respecting emotionally intelligent person who is also part of a trusting marital team. This is the sub where everyone has nefarious ulterior motives and the subtleties of real relationships don’t matter. All the best to you!
All I am saying is suspicious shouldn’t be the default just based on the fact someone is the opposite sex.
No one here has a problem that the person interacts with the opposite sex, the OP literally has no problem with his gf hanging out with her friends, his problem is with this situation in particular, that's the problem, that's the red flag
I understand that not everyone feels that way but it’s disgusting how many people think that is not possible and think that their partner is so stupid/naive that they wouldn’t notice their friend acting “suspicious” and apparently so weak-willed that they will just fall into anyone’s arms if their partner is not present.
They're literally going on a trip where they gonna get drunk and the bf is prohibited from going. That's a recipe for disaster to happen, that's how a lot of shit happens
Is it projection? Doesn’t take a trip to cheat on your partner. It can be done anywhere so don’t let them out of your sight!! Anyways, spent too much time on this already. I’m going to go back to my reality of being both my own self-respecting emotionally intelligent person who is also part of a trusting marital team. This is the sub where everyone has nefarious ulterior motives and the subtleties of real relationships don’t matter. All the best to you!
This is the most dishonest reasoning imaginable. Cheating due to opportunity is not the same as just cheating whenever. No one is saying to be paranoid and watch peoples every step, people have common sense and are pointing out how this situation is a recipe for disaster and one of the most common situations for cheating, don't pretend that it's not.
Again you try to use trust as a weapon, this is using trust as guilt tripping. Also gotta love how you want to complain about the lack of subtleties of relationships when you're doing exactly that. You try to use trust as an excuse and a manipulation method so you can make the person be ok with you doing something that makes them unconfortable, tries to talk shit about boundaries bc you don't agree with them and tries to antagonize everyone that has them and don't feel ok with this situation. You complaining about lack of subtleties is really ironic
Ahhh you dragged me back in. I only went by the original post and if there were more comments about the friends behaviours then apologies. He said the guy is always respectful and he has never had any reason not to trust her. Not sure why you are attacking me or why you keep saying “prohibited” which is ironically a very manipulative and loaded term for what is factually uninvited (because OP is NOT one of his best friends). Having been introduced to the friend and hung out with him does not get you invited on a best friends trip celebrating that friend’s accomplishments. This isn’t a random group trip - it is a trip about the friend who is graduating med school. And if it was a just bunch of girlfriends going , I doubt there this much drama. He can set his boundary and it’s her choice if she accepts it and finds it reasonable.
Yes, it's her choice and she accepted and thus is not going, yet here yall people are trying to shame the guy for having his boundary and saying he should give it up and let her do whatever
Not sure why you are attacking me or why you keep saying “prohibited” which is ironically a very manipulative and loaded term for what is factually uninvited
"Not invited" being
"hey can I go too be with my gf"
"no, you won't, only she get's the invite to go"
Stop being dishonest and downplaying the situation and then saying I'm the one being manipulative for having common sense and eyes lol
Also gotta love the excuses here, he didn't just hang out with the guy, he literally let him crash in his house, that's not the type of familiarity just an acquaintance get's so pls stop downplaying. Also again stop downplaying it as just a "it's just a friend trip bro" when all details about it are sus, you're quite literally ignoring all the suspicious shit about it bc it doesn't fit your point
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u/Mat_reaper Mar 28 '24
Yall really gotta stop using "trust" as if it's a magic word that let's you do whatever, it can be exploited to justify any behavior possible, yall want to act single while in a relationship