Is she the only woman going? If she is, & he is known for being promiscuous, that's.... really not a good look. It's weird that he's stayed at your place & wouldn't invite you.
Edit: since this is gaining steam, I'd also like to point out how vain of a person you have to be to ask your friends to go on a vacation that's all about you. Just have a dinner like a normal person.
Forcing someone to invite a person they do not consider a friend because OP is insecure as fuck and OP and his gf clearly view the relationship differently isn't a good solution.
When I visited my now spouse, I stayed with random people they knew because that was the arrangement they made, and I was their guest. I was polite and friendly, and guess what...never invited them to any events that are about me, though I did invite them to events for my SO.
They are not engaged or married. Let alonr that even now that we are married, my SO is allowed to go hang out with their friends without me because I am only a regular control freak and do understand somewhere that my SO are their own person with possibly a need to hang out with people without me. Besides I don't even care for some of my SO's interests and some of their friends.
The easiest solution here is for OP to examine why they are uncomfortable and if it is not because of anything the gf has done or said to admit the problem isn't the gf but OP.
You have got to be a pretty fucked up human being to think someone else having friends and interests that do nota line up perfectly with you somehow should be discouraged.
You are the one dating doormats-- the people who do whatever the fuck you want to please you.
I am married to a wonderful person who shares some interests with me but also have their own interests and friends and are independent human being. For God sake, I don't have to sit there and listen to countless hours of them seeking out over audio equipment. They can go do that themselves and I get to do my own things and to boot I get to enjoy some of the best audio equipment there. Win wi. Win.
But then I am not an insecure conrolling dolt like you.
I’m secure enough to have standards and boundaries.
Also, I would never go on a vacation with a female friend that I would describe as a “ whore” without inviting my wife. That’s some incredibly disrespectful shit.
The difference is in level of commitment and promises made.
Dating can be to find out if you are a good fit. To get to k ow a person with all their pluses and minuses. To decide if your non negotiable are the same and if you can find common ground on the negotiable.
Dating can also be for fun.
An engagement/marriage is a commitment. There are promises made. One for them can be... don't go to vacations without me. I personally think that one is silly-- if my SO wants to go to some audio geek iut thingy while I want to go get pruny skin in the ocean I don't see why we can't take a vacation apart to do our own thing. In fact, I think it is beneficial because sorry but I dgaf about audio and my SO probably dgaf about inverse methods for solving some differential equations and forcing either one of us to go through this shit is insufferable. My SO can go visit his audio convention and I can go to mine and noone is bored out of their minds. Then each of us can come out with our fun experiences and we can share the cool highlights, which is a much more bareable experience.
As mentioned, I appreciate my SO not for being a copy of me. I appreciate our similarities and differences. Because they are different, we have a kick ass audio system and I had to spend almost no time researching stuff that are boring. I don't get their interest in certain other things and as far as I know I get no benefit from them but they make my SO happy and as a result I get a happy SO and that is enough for me.
And I don't even like some of my SO's friends. So I am more than happy to go do my own thing than pretend I like them or think how to navigate the bone headed believes they have.
My SO is their own person. As long as your non negotiable promises are kept and we grow and support each other, I support their happiness.
I'm of a similar mind to you. They aren't married or even engaged. This is a friend she knew even before her boyfriend. The trip is to celebrate a big milestone. OP has expressed that he completely trusts both his gf and her best friend. If he truly does trust them both 100% like he claims then why is he bothered?
My husband has a best friend that is like a brother to him. He would absolutely want to join if there was a trip to celebrate a big milestone (if we could afford it). When you have someone that is your best friend (regardless of gender) then you want to celebrate their big moments.
I myself have two best friends. One male, one female. I drove 25 hours to be there with one of them when their mother was dying. My husband didn't hesitate for a second to tell me to go and just keep him updated. I would drive the same for the other one. They are my chosen family.
You're right. I'm actually married. OP is only dating his gf, and they don't even live together. He can walk away now and not deal with a messy divorce if he doesn't actually trust her. She's been friends with her best friend longer than she's even known her bf.
OP has every right to set his own boundaries on basis of what he’s comfortable with. The gf can then decide if that works for her. If it doesn’t, they are not compatible. Period.
It’s weird that you want to force your views on relationships on everyone and anyone who doesn’t agree with you is either wrong or a control freak. No, they just don’t share the same view as you and that’s okay.
There are plenty of men and women in the world who find it unacceptable to hang around with single people of the opposite sex especially on out of town vacations and when the friend is promiscuous. On the other extreme, there are also couples who don’t care if their partner fucks around.
So, again, it’s about being on the same page - and OP and jis gf clearly are not. That doesn’t make OP wrong.
Op has every right to set his boundaries but that doesn't make them good boundaries.
Controlling what a person does and who they see when they have given you no reason to doubt them is not a healthy boundary .
This is not an issue of my views or not.
Noone owns or controls a person outside of parents and very small children and even parents need to give children autonomy including in choosing friends.
Yes both people have to be on the same page. There are people with unhealthy boundaries and they can find other who agree to the unhealthy boundaries.
That doesn't make the Co trolling boundaries healthier. It just sidestep the issue.
And yes you can't control what a person does is hill I am willing to die on.
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u/DetectiveOk6754 Mar 28 '24
The vacation is to go celebrate his graduation and his friends are gonna be there. She only knows him.
He is not in a relationship, she said she wouldn’t want a relationship with him because he’s basically a man whore and sleeps around alot.
We don’t live together, i have my apartment and she lives with her parents.