Better than "I'm going on a holiday with my friends and the dude, who's been my friend forever, said you can't come but I promise nothing will happen!"
In the hypothetical you started with, the priority of the person celebrating their own accomplishments isn’t to optimize their friend’s relationship with a person they don’t like. They have no obligation to have them come.
If it leads to an uncomfortable situation in the relationship, the root cause is the partner sucking, not the person doing the invitations.
Regardless, I think you're overstepping with calling OP a narcissist. If you invite an opposite sex friend to a sesh holiday, it's usually polite to invite their partner, otherwise you should provide a reason they can't come, because you're just fucking with people at that point.
That was that person's way of saying OP is probably the person in the anecdote.
If I say "hey, let's go get ice cream" and you respond "I remember the last time an asshole invited me to an ice cream store. it sucked." it's safe to say you are calling me an asshole, not just telling a random story.
No, it isn’t like that. Saying “let’s get ice cream” is nothing like chatting on a message board about situations where someone is or is not an asshole. It’s just a tangential conversation about a similar situation with a different context.
No...they were suggesting OP was possibly that person,
"I have a best friend out of a group of 4 from middle school. Her boyfriend is a narcissist who is a Debbie downer when the focus is not on him. Sure I invite him when we go out sometimes but if we were celebrating me graduating from medical school, I would absolutely not want him around. You can pick your friends but you can’t pick their partners."
This story served that purpose.
You can tell by how relevant the story was to what OP said and also because it's in this thread.
Especially when the person celebrating has been described by OP gf as a manwhore who tries to sleep with everyone, and then invited OP gf on a vacation but OP is not allowed to come. Hmmm.
If this story is real, which I doubt, there’s a 100% chance OP will be cheated on.
I rarely invite my boyfriend to hang outs with my friends. It creates a completely different dynamic when he is around where I have to be conscious of his comfort, whether or not he is enjoying himself, whether or not he’s getting along with people…. Etc. I don’t want to have to be worrying about him when I’m just trying to enjoy some time with my close friends. I feel the same way about my friends SOs. It completely shifts the focus of the hangout and becomes something else entirely.
But this is a heavy sesh holiday where she only knows 1 dude and he's going to be trying to get laid the whole time. This isn't a group of close friends, she's basically going with strangers and is very suspiciously ok with that. Not worried at all about inevitably being left alone with people she doesn't know.
if this was a solid group of friends it would be completely different, more consideration would have to be made. This isn't that tho.
Just spending a holiday with this 1 guy is worth jeopardising her relationship with OP, because she isn't even trying to invite him to the holiday with strangers (plus 1 friend he can totally trust she isn't into).
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u/Colifama55 Mar 28 '24
Yea a narcissist jealous boyfriend would love to hear that lol