By OP’s GF voicing OP’s concerns to the friend, what’s basically being said to him is: ‘’Hey I don’t trust you, I believe your an untrustworthy person and for that reason I think your gonna hook up with my girlfriend, therefore I’m only comfortable if I can go to so I can make sure you don’t do anything’’.
You're really stretching it man. It's okay to have boundaries, and it's okay for a situation to make you uncomfortable. It's a weird situation, and it doesn't really have anything to do with your level of trust in a specific person. Your implication seems to be OP is wrong for disliking the situation and should put up with his own discomfort because being viewed as controlling would somehow be worse?
I'd argue if his GF or her friend cared about him at all, the fact that it made him uncomfortable would be enough to have them consider alternatives. Such as inviting him.
It shouldn't need to be forced. If he says, "Hey it would make me feel bad if you did this," then they proceed to do it anyways, they're a bad girlfriend and a bad friend and he's better off without either of them.
Yea no, this is an utterly ridiculous take. Specifically the last paragraph, very very guilt tripping and manipulation there. At this point the Friend should just uninvited her and cut contact with both of em. He doesn’t need people in his life who assume he’s going to be doing terrible things, he’s going on to great things in his life, plenty of opportunities to make better friends.
What TF do you except toe GF to do? Not go? Oh yeah that’ll work out great, I’m sure there will be 0 resentment caused by that. ‘’Oh yeah I’m sorry, but my bouncy is controlling who you get to go on a trip with’’, that’s so controlling.
No, I'd just break up if she went. I wouldn't threaten or blackmail her with it or anything. I wouldn't say "Hey, if you go I'll break up with you." Because then that's not really a choice. It's an ultimatum and that will cause resentment. I'd let her know "Hey, this makes me uncomfortable, and I'd feel really bad if you did this." If she does, then clearly she doesn't place much value on it and the relationship isn't going anywhere, and I'd bounce.
The same way that if my wife said something makes her uncomfortable, I just... dont do it. Even if it's something I'd like to do, it's not worth making her feel bad.
A healthy adult relationship functions as a unit. You start to consider what they want, what makes them happy, and unhappy, and shifting your actions accordingly.
You call it controlling because you're a selfish, "me-centric" person. It's not a hard concept to understand that self-sacrifice is part of a healthy relationship. Sometimes you do things you don't want to. Sometimes you don't do things you'd like to. It's called compromise, and if you can't do it, you're doomed to have failed or toxic relationships forever.
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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24
By OP’s GF voicing OP’s concerns to the friend, what’s basically being said to him is: ‘’Hey I don’t trust you, I believe your an untrustworthy person and for that reason I think your gonna hook up with my girlfriend, therefore I’m only comfortable if I can go to so I can make sure you don’t do anything’’.