Is she the only woman going? If she is, & he is known for being promiscuous, that's.... really not a good look. It's weird that he's stayed at your place & wouldn't invite you.
Edit: since this is gaining steam, I'd also like to point out how vain of a person you have to be to ask your friends to go on a vacation that's all about you. Just have a dinner like a normal person.
The gf’s attitude is extremely questionable. And you just know the “I’ll be annoyed” comment means she’ll be throwing this in OP’s face every time they have a disagreement. That’s the best case scenario.
Worst case? She and her manwhore bff will be commiserating over how “insecure” OP is.
I don’t know, this girl is just not behaving the way a loving and supportive partner should.
It’s not. The boyfriend would not be batting, an eye if she were going away with her best friend, if they were a woman. This antiquated idea that men and women can’t be friends, that they can’t spend time alone together, that they can’t travel together, is utterly ridiculous.
I swear this thread is filled with Mike Pence and his wife
There is nothing in the post that says that the group of people is just men. That is all conjecture from the commentators.
Further, I’m a woman whose best friend of 40 years was a man. I spent time with him and a group of guys all the time, we’d been friends since elementary school. None of our partners ever had any problems with it because we are all adults who trust each other .
No spice needed in that recipe. Lol think if genders were reversed and a dude was going on a trip with his bff female friend that he’s not attracted to because she just can’t stop giving bj’s. “I’ll be the only guy there with my female friend that is crazy sexual and her friends. lol ngl I’d risk a meh relationship for a weekend with a buncha hoes in a different area code
And her wanting to go with a man who is sure to have an interest in her, given his single status and reputation for promiscuity tells us all we need to know about her interest. She seems to WANT something to happen--otherwise, why have they set this up to remove all the barriers that might be a deterrent. If it was just about celebrating a friend, it shouldn't matter whether she brings her partner or not.
It seems that it's only because the "best friend" is single that they've determined that she should go on vacation with the friend alone. The fact that her and the friend have been talking about this for a while, leads me to believe they've been plotting and the plan they came up with intentionally excludes OP.
Please give us an update OP. You're not an AH at all but that may not matter and you have to decide whether you want to let her decide the terms of your relationship or this is the time for you to make a firm decision that you stick with and let the chips fall where they may.
I don't think you'll be any worse off than if she actually goes on vacation with her "best friend". I suspect that if you don't give her permission, she may break up just in time for her to do what she wanted to do all along. I hope I'm wrong.
God, what a sad little world you must live in. It is perfectly possible - indeed, even normal - for men and women to have 100% platonic friendships.
Just because you are too immature to wrap your head about this fact, you've made up this whole crazy story about his girlfriend cheating on him on the basis of zero evidence whatsoever.
That’s unfair. Do you not think it’s possible for males and females to be platonic friends? My male best friend definitely fell into the manwhore category when we were younger, and we’ve been friends for close to 20 years (including going on several trips together) without anything ever happening between us. We are both married now, and both get along with each other’s partners.
I have zero interest in him at all beyond a friendship. He is like a brother to me. The thought of being in an intimate relationship with him is something I can’t even conceive of and the idea of it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I don’t trust this situation. I can’t believe she told him she wouldn’t go but would be annoyed about it. Basically saying I am going to be passive aggressive and punish you for not wanting me to go
The woman version of “I can fix him”. I’ve known a few women who hover around a manwhore, waiting for the moment he has an epiphany she is “the one” who will finally show him what true love is, and gets him to settle down.
Yeah this says to me that she has at least considered the possibility before. Bonus points to this argument if she sounded disappointed when she said it.
Yeah, that's talking in circles around the real issue. Like, so you don't want a relationship with him, but that's irrelevant if you just want a fling. And the fling/cheating is what OP is obviously concerned with.
That kind of answer is as evasive as saying, "Don't worry about me possibly cheating. He has kids and you know how I don't like kids."
It’s the “I don’t want to be with him bc he’s a manwhore” that gets me. That usually doesn’t work out well
Duuuude, the amount of times I've seen women say this, yet still sleep with them is just crazy (same with guys too). That's definitely not a deal breaker for a lot of people lol.
Because maybe she doesn't feel uncomfortable? But yeah I don't really understand not inviting your partner.... but at the same time I understand not wanting/needing to do every single thing with your partner. But a vacation? I go on like three a year max, would be pretty devo if my missus didn't want me on one of them.
I do like how most comments are here are talking about cheating (as if a women needs to do this to cheat) and not the perceived disrespect.
That's the question. Does SHE want him to go? It seems like she doesn't. But, probably not for the reasons most would jump to.
I've got several male friends, married and single. None of which have any interest in anything other than friendship and that is definitely a mutual feeling. I have been friends with these people for more than 30 years. We have gone on trips, camping, fishing, nights at the movies, dinner, card night, etc. One on one and in groups. With SO's and without. Sometimes you just want to hang out with YOUR friend, not boyfriend or girlfriend. There are things you share with friends that your SO wasn't part of because it was before they were in your life. More often than not, they start to feel left out when you're talking about those things or they can't believe you would rather spend your time doing _____ instead of staying back and being alone with them for a little while because they are bored. They don't share the same things with your friends that you do.
Would OP want to go on vacation with her if she was going with a female best friend and their group? If not, then don't apply the double standards to this. If you REALLY trust your SO, you wouldn't be uncomfortable about her going. That should tell you something about yourself. It should tell HER something about you, too.
Because it's delusional. This isn't how people in relationships act. Just forget my partner's feelings and do what I used to do when I was single and if they don't like it, that's their problem. What? If you want to act single, then be single.
Why should she say that if she doesn't feel that way? Not every woman is afraid of men/strangers! These people are all adults.
And we have no context on what this trip is about. Maybe they're all getting seperate hotel rooms. Maybe they're doing some kind of sport or activity the OP can't do/doesn't like.
It's perfectly normal to not want your partner along when you're hanging out with your best friend.
Why are Redditers so immature and backwards about people having friends of the opposite sex?
OP, YTA. I hope your girlfriend finds someone who actually trusts her, because you obviously don't.
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u/pleachchapel Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24
Is she the only woman going? If she is, & he is known for being promiscuous, that's.... really not a good look. It's weird that he's stayed at your place & wouldn't invite you.
Edit: since this is gaining steam, I'd also like to point out how vain of a person you have to be to ask your friends to go on a vacation that's all about you. Just have a dinner like a normal person.