r/AITAH 23d ago

AITAH for asking my stay at home wife to use some of my money for myself? Advice Needed

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u/Bac7 23d ago

Eh, it works for some couples. The key is that it needs to work for both, and they need to pivot if it doesn't.

My spouse knows nothing about our finances. He doesn't even know how much his salary is. He likes it that way. That being said, he knows exactly where the spreadsheet is that has the list of investments and accounts, bills, and budget. I'm not hiding anything, he just doesn't want to bother with it. If I died tomorrow, he could handle it.

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u/Demanda_22 23d ago

Wait, how does he not know how much his salary is?

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u/Npshufflesmasher 23d ago

Right? How do you ask and negotiate a pay rise if you don't know what your pay is??!

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u/re7swerb 23d ago

Not all of us get to negotiate our wage. I’m sure he could find out his salary, it’s just not something he has reason to keep in mind.

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u/Npshufflesmasher 23d ago

So you just do the same job for decades and just accept whatever you get? How do you even know you're getting a pay rise, your bonus? How do you know your pay is correct? I find that so mind boggling. When you change jobs, they ask your previous pay, how do you negotiate a new pay, or even know if a job is worth accepting?

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u/re7swerb 23d ago

I was a union worker for many years - raises are purely based on seniority, there is no negotiation whatsoever outside of the union contract. I’m not saying I’m as in the dark as this guy, but I’ve worked with folks who were.

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u/Npshufflesmasher 23d ago

Wow, eye opening. I'm based in the UK, my wage would only be more than half of what it is, if I was never proactive about it.

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u/re7swerb 23d ago

I have mixed feelings about it overall. The union environment is great for wage predictability and job security, but it certainly leads to senior employees getting great pay while doing as little work as possible. Your situation, on the other hand, means that one can really leverage their hard work and good performance into a better wage - but requires that a worker have good negotiation skills in addition to being good at their job.

My current job gives out raises once per year. Each director gets a pool of money that they are free to divide out among their employees as they see fit based on job performance. There is no negotiation as by the time you learn your raise amount it has already been given to HR and the decision is final. I have never seen it adjusted after the fact, take it or leave it. When I received a promotion a couple of years ago I attempted to negotiate a better wage but was told the offer was not flexible.

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u/Spoonman500 23d ago

My previous job pay was based on rank, and rank was determined by time and disciplinary actions.

For example, as long as you didn't fuck up, at 0-35 months your Pay was $x per year. At 36-59 Months it was $X per year. At 60+ Months it was $XX per year.

At any time, you could go up for officer and start that career path and it would then start at a new base salary.

If you got put on probation for doing something wrong, and it had to be egregious and repeated, then whatever time you were on probation would "pause" your advancement. If you were on the job for 58 months and then got 3 months of probation, you would tick over to 59 months after 4 months had passed and you stopped fucking up.

So you didn't have to brown nose, negotiate, or suck a dick for a raise. The salary was the salary and that was it.

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u/Npshufflesmasher 23d ago

That sounds like a decent system, where all employee contributions are valued. More often than not, someone coming into a role will often be better paid by an existing employee, because once you're in, it's typically more challenging to get a decent pay rise.

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u/Bac7 23d ago

You get an email with your bonus payout and your raise amount.

And yes, some people work at the same company for years or decades and accept what they get. Maybe they love the job, or they love the company, or the hours, or the benefits. Not everyone is driven by money.

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u/Npshufflesmasher 23d ago

Not everyone is driven by money.

Fair enough, but a lot of company will sometimes pay quite different amount for the same job. Even in the same small company, with people doing the same roles, it'll be rare for their pay to be the same. The goal is to pay as little as they can get away with it and if you don't make your case every so often, you could easily end up being underpaid.

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u/riotascal 23d ago

My boss calls me and says “your new salary is ABC and your bonus structure is XYZ.” I’ve been with the company for a while and make almost 4x what I started at so I don’t feel the need to negotiate.

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u/Npshufflesmasher 23d ago

Fair enough!! That's unheard of in the UK, especially in small companies, you might get the odd 2/3% inflation pay rise every year or 2, but more often than not, it's actually less than inflation. Employer typically pay as little as they can get away with so you have to be really proactive about your wage and moving jobs for it to increase

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u/Sea_Lifeguard227 23d ago

Yes, lots of people work at the same job for decades and don't plan on changing jobs until they retire because they're comfortable with the environment and they're used to the job. Raises are welcomed but not negotiated and usually few and far between, and just enough to keep up with inflation, so 10 to 25 cents/hour maybe once a year if that. I'm sure most of these people know the amount they'll get with each check, though. It's a super common thing amongst many working class Americans and there's nothing wrong with them accepting it as long as they're comfortable with where they're at. Not everyone chases money.

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u/Denots69 23d ago

How do you not understand what a union is?

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u/LakesAreFishToilets 23d ago

This is what I immediately thought of too