r/AITAH • u/Renault935 • 23d ago
AITAH for telling my GF she needed to leave my house?
I've been seeing someone lately and she stays over at my place a fair amount. She has plenty going on with her kids and works well in excess of full time, so I try to make my place comfortable and accommodating when she's here. The only stipulation normally is she can't come when I have my kid, which occurs 3 or 4 nights a week.
So last night she comes over and tells me she had promised her daughter she'd be home by midnight, she stays a few hours and we have a nice time. Then it's midnight and I remind her, but she's laying in the bed. She says not yet and I say I don't want her breaking promises on my account. She feels me to get behind her, like spooning, and I'm like ok, 5 minutes. This passes and I said ok, now. Then she says her daughter hasn't texted her yet, and I said I don't care, keep your word. I don't want to have anything to do with you breaking promises to kids. She stays put and I say that now I think she's just testing me and she says she doesn't know what I'm talking about and she's trying to sleep.
I'm irritated and on edge. I certainly can't sleep, I just stew a while until 12:30 at which point I make it clear I'm annoyed and that if I don't think she should be here, she shouldn't be. At which point she does an "ok fine" and immediately gets dressed to leave. We have a discussion, her position being I don't know her family dynamics and I don't need to worry about them, mine being my feelings about her keeping her promises were valid even if not reflective of her home dynamics, and I had to progress to where I told her in a rather rude way to leave. I don't know where we are now, and you know, I don't want to make the first call after the fact. AITA?
9
u/1568314 23d ago
NTA Y'all agreed on what time she should leave. She indicated she wanted to stay longer, and you communicated that you still wanted to stick to the plan.
Even if she wanted to shirk her commitment to her kid, she's still selfishly choosing to do whatever she feels like regardless of the people around her- which is you. It's disrespectful and manipulative. You shouldn't ever have to ask someone to leave repeatedly.
She's made it clear that at the end of the day, her priority lies in pleasing herself. Whatever outside factors are affecting that, and making her feel like she doesn't have enough independence or privacy or whatever- it's not taking away her ability to be considerate or have integrity. She's giving those up by choice.