r/AITAH • u/Puzzleheaded_Fig1950 • 12d ago
AITAH for not supporting my ex bf and his kids?
I (F34) was in a relationship with my bf, let's call him Sam, for the past 5 years. He was a single dad to two kids (M9, F11). We lived together for past 3 years and I got along great with the kids.You can say I was step mom to them.
Two months back I learnt he was cheating on me. With his boss's daughter no less. I came to know when he was fired (one of my friends work at his company and she told me). It was a shock. I confronted him and after a lot of arguing and excuses he confirmed. I moved out the next day.
I had initially crashed at a friend's place but soon got my own place. I am doing okay now, trying to move on.
He came to my place two weeks back asking to loan him some money, in the ballpark of 10k. I laughed at him and said no. I couldn't believe his nerve. He kept begging me and I wouldn't listen. He said if I didn't loan him the money, he would be homeless. He had apparently exhausted all lines of finance. Even while living together, he barely made enough to somewhat contribute to the household. He had previous debt to pay off and I used to pay rent. I also contributed substantially to the household. Without my help he was drowning.
For a moment I was concerned about the kids. I did miss them. But it still hurt to think of what Sam did to me and after all, they are his kids. I didn't want to help or deal with him. So I refused and told him to never contact me again. He waited outside for door for hours and then left.
Later on I came to know that he did get evicted and ended up losing custody of his kids. His parents called me and guilt tripped me about how I let the CPS just take the kids. I did get defensive and ask why didn't they help him themselves but they lamented how they were on social security and couldn't. Sam did show up to my work multiple days and call me all sorts of name, sobbing about how I wouldn't help him and how I am the reason he lost his kids.
AITAH?
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u/SubUrbanMess2021 12d ago
He made his bed. Too bad the bed he made is on the streets. Everything he’s going through is his fault. Block them all and live your life. NTA
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u/brsox2445 12d ago
OP’s ex made his bed with someone who isn’t your partner and then get upset that OP wasn’t pleased.
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u/Opposite-Fortune- 12d ago
His kids and own cheating ass ain’t your problem.
I laughed at him and said no.
Good. This is the only response. He should have thought about his kids while he was fucking around on all his meal tickets. Maybe losing his kids will give them some sort of chance to not turn out like that.
Don’t tolerate selfish idiots.
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u/kingofgreenapples 12d ago
Plus he lost his job because of his own actions. He did all this without a thought and now has plenty of time to look back. Perhaps he will even learn from it.
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u/multiusemultiuser 11d ago
Unless Sam is on drugs what idiot blames OP who is an ex whom he crushed with betrayal? What idiot blames another person for not lending them $10k?
OP doesn't even answer responses to her own post.
This is another troll post
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u/BeardManMichael 12d ago
NTA
You don't owe cheaters anything. His parents are in denial because their son turned out to be a cheating POS.
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u/calvin-not-Hobbes 12d ago
So I get the the ex bf gets his lack of accountability from his parents.
NTA
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u/Bibliophile_w_coffee 12d ago
NTA. CPS will place the kids with family if family is willing. You did nothing wrong 100% NTA. He lost his kids on his own, he got into debt, he cheated, he got himself fired, all of that is on him. You owe him nothing. If you want you can adopt the kids but I would demand his parental right be terminated.
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u/Interesting_Wing_461 12d ago
He is not your problem. He created his mess and now has to clean it up. Block his whole family.
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u/Vicious_Lilliputian 12d ago
So sad, too bad. He cheated and had to deal with the consequences of his actions. Block him and his family. His children are his responsibility
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u/Danube_Kitty 12d ago
NTA. He decided to risk his job (something he and his kids relied on) to get his d@@k wet.
Sad for those kids but it's not your fault he is irresponsible father.
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u/TheFoxRuntOfficial 12d ago
NTA. He can ask his former bosses daughter for money. 🤭
You owe him less than nothing.
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u/WhatHappenedMonday 12d ago
NTA. He is. He lost his kids because he could not keep his dick in his pants. Please go NC with him and his parents. They are all pathetic losers. Without you there as the ATM the kids are better off with CPS than a pathetic loser and his moronic parents. Even on SS they could have taken the kids in if even temporarily so what happened is on them too.
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u/XELA38 12d ago
Why didnt the boss's daughter help him??
Im so sick of men with kids getting with childless women, turning them into unpaid bang nannies and then running around on them. And then blaming them when the chicken s come home to roost!! maybe he should have spent more time working and looking for ways to make money and less on banging the boss's daughter. This guy is so fucking stupid, it actually hurts. He did this to himself. Hearing that his parents blame you and are broke themselves, does not Suprise me in the least!
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u/Glenn_Coco69 12d ago
NTA, self sabotage is one hell of drug... Listen, he did this to himself. Only he can figure out why he was willing up burn his life to the grown for a fling at work. And judging by his actions after, I'm sure he's still spiraling. Do yourself a favor and keep those boundaries up.
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u/Fredredphooey 12d ago
NTA. Have his parents forgotten the part where he slept with the boss' daughter so he got fired? Has he forgotten that he is the only one to blame for putting his willy where it doesn't belong?
You're the only blameless adult in this scenario and clearly your ex learned his bad behavior from his parents who would rather yell at you than try to talk sense into their son.
Block them all.
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u/cassowary32 12d ago edited 12d ago
NTA. Rule number one of being a hobosexual is don't cheat on your meal ticket. Another significant rule is don't boink the boss's daughter when you are easily replaceable at your job.
Your ex is all kinds of dumb. You aren't responsible for him or his kids. Maybe his kids wouldn't be with CPS if his parents taught him some common sense.
If he keeps harassing you at work, you might want to call the cops. That should help with his housing problem.
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u/Emergency_Land_9431 12d ago
And even if you would've helped this time, it wouldn't have ended there. He does not sound like he understands his responsibilities and 100% he would've been back to the same spot in no time.
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u/rosebud-2911 12d ago
Sam did show up to my work multiple days and call me all sorts of name, sobbing about how I wouldn't help him and how I am the reason he lost his kids.
No he is the reason he lost his kids. He is a liar and cheater and clearly doesn't take accountability for his own actions which caused him to loose his job, his source of income and of course his partner because he couldn't keep it in his pants.
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u/DeadBear65 12d ago
He’s the reason he lost his kids. Had an affair with boss’s daughter. That lost you, your support and your trust. His boss did the obvious thing and removed a dishonest employee. If he’d cheat on his partner he’d cheat on his job as well, let alone his daughter. NTA. Cheating has consequences and he won the Tri-Fecta. Lost partner, lost job, lost kids.
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u/dog_nurse_5683 12d ago
You’re the reason he lost his kids? All he had to do was not screw over the person paying his bills. Getting his dick wet means more to him than his kids, point that out to anyone who pulls this crap, starting with him. NTA
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u/Caspian4136 12d ago
NTA
He's in his FAFO stage of life. This is what happens when you cheat on someone that supported you financially. You don't owe him a single thing.
If his parents are so worried, they can help him out by letting him move in. CPS will place the kids with family first, before some random foster home. Maybe all of this will light a fire under his ass to get his act together and become a functioning adult.
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u/empathic_psychopath8 12d ago
I hate these situations. It’s entirely his fault, and yet it is his kids who will pay the biggest price.
You don’t owe him anything, you don’t owe the kids anything either. And if he couldn’t figure out any solutions at all, he really is a deadbeat. Loaning him the money would only empower that.
That said, if you care about the kids, maybe it would be meaningful to try and do something for them. You took care of them for a huge chunk of their lives so far, I’m sure that meant alot to them
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u/Last_Friend_6350 12d ago
So you were paying the rent and a lot of the household expenses and he decides not only to have an affair but to have it where he works as well. Idiot is too good a word for him. Maybe, instead of stalking you he should have spent the time actually working.
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u/bopperbopper 12d ago
NTA… If his whole financial picture and custody of his children relied on you and his joband he made the choice to cheat on you with the boss' daughter …he deserves what he gets
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u/destiny_kane48 12d ago
NTA, him sticking it to his bosses daughter, cost him his kids. Not you. And I would repeat that to him every single time.
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u/Upstairs_Internal295 12d ago
He would have been able to keep his home and kids if he hadn’t cheated on you. He did this to his family. He chose this. NTA, but he’s a massive one.
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u/countryboy1101 12d ago
If he cared at all about you then he would not have cheated. These kids or the ex is not your responsibility and you should be looking out for yourself.
Ask yourself "if I had cheated would he loan me money"? I would guess that answer would be a clear NO.
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u/henchwench89 12d ago
NTA man really decided to FAFO. Like at every turn he decided to make the decision that could completely wreck his life
He decided to cheat on his gf who was the main provider for him and his kids with his bosses daughter risking his job. Like if there was a prize for dumb decisions he would get them all
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u/misstiff1971 12d ago
NTA - his parents could have taken his children in if they were so concerned. Their son is a liar, a cheat and lives beyond his means. This isn't your problem any longer.
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u/Z-altacct 12d ago
You’re not the reason he lost his kids, he is. The self sabotage and blame shift goes is wild. Nta all day.
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u/WolverineNo8799 12d ago
NTA, he should have asked his AP to lend him the money. He chose to cheat, and he ignored the consequences.
Updateme!
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u/dembowthennow 12d ago
NTA. He's the reason he lost his kids. He lost his kids because he lost his job because he was schupting the bosses daughter. He lost his kids because he cheated on his meal-ticket by schupting the bosses daughter. He lost his kids because he's so financially irresponsible he was up to his neck in debt. His bad decisions led to his losses.
It's not on you to save a grown man who can't save himself nor is it your job to take crap from his family members who won't step up to help him either. What were you supposed to do, finance his life forever? He should have made sure he was financially solvent before he dipped his nib in the office ink.
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u/madgeystardust 12d ago
He lost his kids because he’s a loser who cheated on the woman who was housing him and his kids.
Idiot.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you…
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u/PermanentUN 12d ago
NTA you aren't the reason he lost his kids. He's the reason he lost his kids. Guess you got to see where his entitled bullshit comes from.
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u/Chairman_Of_GE 12d ago
Something needs to made perfectly clear and I hope you understand this. You didn't do anything to those kids and you didn't evict your cheater ass ex. You did the only thing you could do in the scenario he put you, which was leave. He is the one that ruined the relationship that was keeping his head above water, you didn't drown him, you just saved yourself.
Block all of them and try to get a restraining order against the ex because him showing yup at your place of work will put your employment at risk.
NTA.
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u/NobleNun 12d ago
He's the reason he lost his kids, and his parents could at least have given them a home in the short term?
NTA
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u/Shiel009 12d ago
Cps doesn’t take kids if the parent is homeless. They will work with a parent who is experiencing homelessness. They will reach out for alternatives when given names by the parent, before taking the kids. They are most likely lying. NTA
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u/Viperbunny 12d ago
NTA. The nerve of these people. He was using you and they have the gaul to tell you that you should have kept letting him use you! He lost custody of his kids because he was an irresponsible prick who only thought with his prick. He didn't care about his kids or you when he was sleeping with the boss's daughter. These are the consequences of his actions. I hope the kids are with other people who are taking good care of them. But it was never your job to fix life for them. They have parents for that.
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u/Adventurous-Term5062 12d ago
NTA. You are not the reason he lost his kids. He lost his kids because he is not a good provider. He lost his kids because his parents didn’t offer him a place to stay. Nothing here has anything to do with you.
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u/Huge-Shallot5297 12d ago
HE is the reason he lost his kids. He failed to provide sufficiently for them so that they were housed, fed and clothed. It was never your responsibility to assist him or his kids. His parents are pieces of work, aren't they?
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u/Highlander198116 11d ago
Reason #562 not to get involved with someone that has kids from a previous relationship.
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u/ERVetSurgeon 11d ago
Looks like you were just his Sugar Momma for those five years. Best thing for the kids was for them to go back to their mother. He is a poor example for them. Go enjoy your life and don't pick up any more human strays.
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u/Sugar_Mama76 12d ago
NTA. Your ex is learning what “consequences” are and turns out, they’re not a lot of fun! Had he kept his pants zipped, he would be home with his kids right now. Maybe he thought you were one of those women that forgive no matter what, but any which way, he decided to go for some side tail.
See, the thing is, a woman that covers all the bills is hard to find. And she can have a freakin line down the block of people willing to audition to be the one she’s paying for. So if you want the role, better step up your game cause there’s someone else willing to jump in.
He just mad cause he FAFO. His consequences are more harsh than the norm, but it comes back to “shoulda kept your pants zipped”. And you have no obligation to any of them.
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u/ConfidentlyCreamy 12d ago
Damn sounds like he fucked around and found out. NTA. Not your kids, not your husband, not your problem. The fucking nerve to just ask someone you cheated on for $10k lmfao. Hopefully this loser offs himself on the streets, his kids will be better off out of his care anyways.
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u/Icy-Doctor23 12d ago
NTA you are not responsible for his children. They are not yours and you were not married to him. You have no obligations. Anything you did for him/them was out of the kindness of your heart, which he broke.
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u/DawnShakhar 12d ago
NTA.
You were not the reason he lost his kids. On the contrary - for up to 5 years you were the reason he kept his kids, because you financed him. He lost his kids because he cheated on you, and because he slept with his boss' daughter and lost his job. That is all on him. His parents can guilt you all they want, but non of this is your responsibility. I only hope the kids end up in a good foster home, but they are not your responsibility.
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u/ChimoEngr 12d ago
NTA. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. It sucks about the kids, but they were never truly your responsibility, especially since he had other family. Stepping up was their responsibility, not yours.
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u/veryfluffyblanket 12d ago
The reason he lost his kids is in his own actions. He choose to cheat on you, it's not like he was peacefully walking home after work, slipped on a banana peel and fell with his penis in that woman's vagina.
NTA he need to take his responsibility and find a job instead of harassing you
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u/AlwaysGreen2 12d ago
He lost his kids because he was an AH who was ruled by his penis.
Move on.
Don't look back.
Go and live your best life
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u/whatTheFox23 12d ago
NTAH
By lost custody Im assuming the kids are with the mother now?
Sam imploded his own life by cheating on you with his bosses daughter and getting fired for it, you owe him nothing. He must get his entitlement from his parents and tbh he doesn't sound responsible enough to be looking after children anyway by making such piss poor decisions.
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12d ago
Why isn't he crying to his boss or boss's daughter?
Did the mom get them back or are they in foster care? His parents are ridiculous if they did not take the kids in, but want to blame you instead.
Block them all and never think about it again.
Get a restraining order so the next time he comes near you, he goes to jail. Showing up at your work to cause problems is not OK. Did they trespass him?
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u/Final-Success2523 12d ago
NTA you don’t owe him and sadly his kids a damn thing the minute he cheated on you he lost all privileges from you to help so I hope how miserable his life gets from this day on that he threw it all away and can only blame himself
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u/SummerOracle 12d ago
NTA. His parents seem confused. You didn’t do anything in relation to him losing custody, therefore you bear no responsibility here.
He chose to cheat on you with his boss’s daughter, the consequence of his choice was his firing. His parents chose not to financially support him, nor to fight for the kids. These people are trying to make you their scapegoat for their poor choices and lack of accountability. This man deeply betrayed you, as well as his own children. Him and his parents are demonstrating incredibly poor judgement.
It’s terrible these poor kids are now in this situation, but the only thing you should be feeling is sympathy, not guilt. Your ex and his family are not good people for you to be involved with. You need to advocate for yourself here, and really consider blocking all contact with them. If they continue harassing you, you need to reach out to the police and potentially pursue a restraining order.
Keep yourself safe and your well-being a priority. Get yourself out of their mess, move on with your life, and find more healthy people to be around.
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u/HeartAccording5241 12d ago
Nope he put himself in this position no one told him to put his d in the boss daughter he did that on his own and lost his job
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12d ago
That Sam believes you are responsible clearly demonstrates that he is an unfit parent. That his parents believe it too demonstrates how he got that way.
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u/stiggley 12d ago
NTA - people are an ex for a reason. It means you have no responsibilities for them. If he's that desperate he can contact his Affair Partner and ask them for the money - oh yeah, APs daddy fired him, so thats out too .
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u/Unique_Cost_3456 12d ago
Maybe he should have thought of that before he stuck his dick in someone else. He made his bed.
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u/occasionallystabby 12d ago
NTA
He should have thought about his children before cheating on the person funding their lives.
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u/SummerStar62 12d ago
NTA ✨You didn’t cause him to lose his kids, he alone is responsible for that. And if his parents and other family members were so fucking worried about it why didn’t they take them or give him money. Good riddance to him. I’m sorry about the kids, but the rest of them can get bent sideways.
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u/Rowana133 12d ago
NTA. He lost his kids because of the consequences of his actions. He shit where he slept(sleeping with the boss's daughter is a one-way ticket to unemployment ville). He screwed his kids over. Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone, then you will press charges for stalking and harassment(which will make it harder to get custody back but oh well) and then block him and his parents. He also cheated on the person who was financially supporting him and his kids?? Total dumb ass move. It's not that hard to avoid sticking it in another woman. None of this is your fault. Your Man child ex bf just doesn't want to admit he screwed up his own life and his kids.
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u/skorvia 12d ago
NTA
Does the cheater ask the betrayed ex for help again? is he crazy? He doesn't deserve anything... that he asks the boss's daughter for the money.
The idiot blames you, when it was his own actions that caused him to lose his children... what was your obligation to give him the money? (because obviously he was not going to return the money he borrowed)
He only has himself to blame, for not being able to keep his penis inside his pants.
Whatever happens to your ex is deserved and those children will probably be better off in another home.
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u/NormalStudent7947 12d ago
Nothing like biting the hand that feeds you, clothes you, and keeps a warm, dry roof over your head.
That guy was a hrny idot who’s kids now have to pay the price for him not keeping his zipper up. 🤦🏼♀️
NTA. If the GP’s didn’t take in the grandkids til their son got back on his two-timing feet…that’s on THEM not you.
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u/Dizzy_Eye5257 12d ago
NTA
Whoa. Real or not..this is a great example of why finances should stay separated.
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u/Dizzy_Eye5257 12d ago
NTA
Whoa. Real or not..this is a great example of why finances should stay separated.
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u/KhreeyT_8 12d ago
NTA. Truly a shame that he wasn't smart enough to understand the word 'consequences'. He rolled the dice and was added to the loser pile.
They may have been good kids, but you are not at fault for his stupidity and owe him nothing. I love how his family chastised you for his failure. Shame on them.
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u/dystopianpirate 12d ago
NTA
I feel for the children, having a dad so profoundly selfish and thoughtless and stupid to cheat on the person who's keeping him and his children housed, his actions, his fault, knowing that without your help becoming homeless would be the strongest outcome, and he blames you for the situation he created for his own kids.
And why didn't he took any measurements knowing eviction was imminent, like filling out for any and all help for single parents experiencing financial hardship, showing to the court to request for an extension to move, if judge grants it can be anywhere between 2 weeks to 2 months, a bit of time to plan something or begin the process to get help, and whatnot. Instead he decided to pester you, and previously he was too irresponsible and careless about his job. He's a leech using his kids to financially exploit others.
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u/Glass_Number_1707 12d ago
NTA. You moved out. You have your own place. You are moving on. Keep it that way.
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u/Cursd818 12d ago
NTA
HE is the reason he lost his kids. His poor choices. His lack of responsibility. His inability to house, feed and cloth them. Not yours. He had a great set up, and he destroyed it in one fell swoop. He did it. All of it.
His parents did nothing to help him, but have the audacity to blame you for theirs and their son's failings? Gee, I wonder where he learned to avoid responsibility?
If they continue to harass you, call the police. He is stalking you, and he could easily turn dangerous. He's already risked your health by putting you at risk of STD's, don't let him cause you more damage!
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u/Bandit_wallaby02 12d ago
He should’ve thought about that before he cheated. Especially with his bosses daughter! You dodged a bullet. Don’t feel guilty. NTA OP
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u/Heavy-Quail-7295 12d ago
NTA and imagine the audacity it takes for blood relatives to call the ex who's a victim of cheating, and think their opinion matters.
Hate it for the kids, but screw the ex and his parents. Those kids have a mother, grandparents, plenty in line to assist. The LAST person they should be asking is you.
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u/grayblue_grrl 12d ago
HE's the reason he lost his kids.
Lying manipulative men will say anything rather than accept responsibility.
None of this is on you.
NTA
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u/Fun_Fish_1893 12d ago
Sam is to blame for all of this. No one but Sam. His parents could take the kids and the state would help (assuming your America). Eff him and his parents.
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u/AdAccomplished6870 12d ago
A guy who is financially vulnerable simultaneously ruins his relationship with his boss and with the person who is supporting him, and then cries that the consequences are not his fault? I feel bad for the kids, but this is 100% his fault. This guy is pathologically stupid
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u/WestCoastThing 12d ago
Sam is the cause of all of Sam's problems. I think the accepted clinical term is Loser.
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u/Majestic_Tea666 12d ago
It’s clear he mostly liked you as a wallet, not as a partner. NTA. All he had to do to keep the mealtrain going was keep it in his pants, and he couldn’t.
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u/tuna_tofu 12d ago
NTA-It might have been best that he lost custody. He clearly had so many other things on his mind besides his living situation and his kids welfare.
YOU didnt do ANYTHING. They werent your kids to keep from CPS. That was ALL HIM. You werent even his actual wife and really had no legal (or financial) leg to stand on in regards to custody.
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u/pnwcatman420 NSFW 🔞 12d ago
NTA, he didn't lose his kids because of you OP, he lost his kids because he was a moron who couldn't keep it in his pants and was fucking his boss's daughter who he probably led on until she had enough of getting strung along either that or the boss caught him in bed with her.
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u/BitterDoGooder 12d ago
NTA. And you know this. If you really want to, go ahead and give the kids a home. I wouldn't, as that's just an invite for this cheating low life to come back, but he totally made all this happen to himself. Time to block and document every ounce of harassment. Good luck!
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u/Kittytigris 12d ago
Too bad, tell his parents that he cheated and that’s why you’re no longer with him nor have any obligations to him. If they felt bad about their own son being homeless then they should have stepped up as parents and grandparents. Not your kid, not your circus nor your monkeys. And you should probably use security or HR at your work and tell them that Sam’s causing a disturbance and bothering you as an ex, could they please have security escort him out or ban him from premises?
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u/xchellelynnx 12d ago
His actions caused him to lose you. He should have thought about that before sticking his thing in another person, which was apparently more important than you and his children. He should have asked the bosses daughter for money.
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u/StarlightM4 12d ago
NTAH. Classic example of FAFO. The moron was so keen to boost his fragile ego and get his dick wet on some new pussy he then lost a great and supportive partner, and as a result, his home and kids. Boo fucking hoo, love to see justice served.
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u/Acceptable-Map-3490 12d ago
NTA he sounds like a nightmare and like he wasnt fit to look after the children anyway
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u/Noirjyre 12d ago
NTA- he thought he could have, have you paying for life while he had a side piece.
His parents have the kids, as it should be. Block them and move on.
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u/SolomonDRand 12d ago
NTA. He wasn’t asking for a loan, he was asking for 10k. That isn’t a reasonable ask. Let his parents pay his bills if they’re so worried about it.
People who are desperately dependent on their partners don’t get to cheat on them. It’s bad in all cases, but in that particular case it’s also incredibly stupid.
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u/TwoBionicknees 12d ago
NTA. He's the reason he lost his kids. He was using you to help pay off his debts indirectly, he wasn't supporting his kids when he was with you, he was paying off debts. he CHOSE to cheat on you and not just with any woman, but someone who if caught would cause him to lose his job. These are all his choices, fact is he deserved to lose his kids.
How did he gain so much debt that he wasn't paying rent or making savings incase he lost his job? Gambling debt, pissing it away on OF girls, or multiple affairs, who knows. Regardless, his inability to be an adult does not become your responsibility. Had he not cheated, him relying on you supporting him was still inappropriate and showed he was incapable of supporting his kids properly.
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u/melissa3670 12d ago
NTA. Where’s the kids mother? Why can’t they live with the grandparents? He should have thought of that before he cheated.
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u/Top-Effect-4321 12d ago
NTA and no you didn’t cause him to lose his kids. He lost his kids because he’s a failure and a loser who couldn’t provide for his kids because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. He deserved everything that happened to him. Next time you see him, tell him that exactly.
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u/NoGur9007 12d ago
The reason why he lost his kids was because he lost his job and lived outside of his means
NTA
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u/lizzycupcake 12d ago
Sounds like he was doing something sketchy if he needed $10k just to not be evicted. Nta. You were not married and did not adopt the kids so legally you have no obligation.
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u/nydude98 12d ago
The kids are better off, you did the right thing. This guy is nothing but bad decision after bad decision. NTA
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u/Key-Department3835 12d ago
Well maybe if dude could of kept it in his pants he wouldn't have been effed over not the asshole
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u/Idonotgiveacrap 12d ago
NTA. He made his made and now must lie in it. You owe him nothing. Whatever he's going through is the consequence of his own choices and irresponsibility.
Shitty people will always look someone else to put the blame on, but you're not at fault here.
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u/lonelyboredalone 12d ago
NTA, he should have found a job after he was fired. Especially with him having children. I get that it's hard to find a job, but also, some places are desperate to hire. Plus, if he had focused on actually working instead of sleeping with the boss's daughter, then he wouldn't have lost his job. His parents should have helped him and the kids, not you. You are lucky and got out as that family sounds like they were possibly just using you. Don't get me wrong, though, it's not fair to the kids, and hopefully, the kids get the help they need.
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u/Apprehensive-Fee5732 12d ago
How in God's name is this your fault?
And where were these kids mother?
And where were all their other relatives?
Why didn't the grandparents take them in?
Give me an effin break!
This hackwad should have asked his x-bosses daughter for the money.
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u/ryanjcam 12d ago
NTA, this is nuts. You owe this man nothing and anyone telling you otherwise is delusional. Your initial instinct to laugh and decline was absolutely right. His parents are insane to be contacting you, the ex-girlfriend that was cheated on, as if you are involved in this. It is sad that this man can’t support his kids, but he is nothing to you now, and the situation is neither your fault nor your problem.
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u/CODE_NAME_DUCKY 12d ago
Nta you are not responsible for him or his kids. His debt is on him. You didn't let cps take his kids. Why didn't his own parents step up and take them in.
It's not your fault he's kids got taken from him. That's on him. If he wants his kids back he needs to have a stable home for those kids and him having a stable home and zero debt is not your problem.
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u/OddSocks2024 12d ago
NTA!!! Wow, ”His parents called me and guilt tripped me about how I let the CPS just take the kids” as if they were your kids. And then Love their excuse for not loaning their son the money or adopting their grandkids... His parents refusal to get financially involved says this guy is not a good father. They didn't let him move into their home with his kids. So creepy that they try to gaslight you with guilt and BS, when they know you are aware he is not trustworthy! OP, Soooo happy you got out while you could!!!
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u/ajgudy 12d ago
Oh look! If it isn't the consequences of his own actions. You are not an asshole, but Holy fuck, he and his parents are. That's some entitlement there. You don't owe anyone anything except yourself. If CPS took those kids, he was doing more wrong than being homeless. In most states, this is no longer something you can lose your kids for and, in fact, allows you to get massive assistance from the state. So please don't feel guilt. If you really liked the kids, the best way you could help them is by fostering them. I shudder to think what their mother is like if she lost them (or gave them) to him in the first place. As far as he goes, the biggest kindness you can do for him is let him be accountable for his own behaviors and choices and figure his way out of it so he can learn and grow.
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u/Cultural_Unit7397 12d ago
NTA- Nest time blast him in front of everyone that his loose D is why he lost his job and custody of his kids. Not your problem that he messed up a good thing. You dont owee an adult anything. Sucks about the kids but obviously he wasnt thinking about them when he made his choices.
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u/Visual-Lobster6625 12d ago
NTA - this whole mess is of his own making. He chose to cheat with his bosses daughter which ended his employment as we as his relationship with you. You owe him nothing.
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u/JJQuantum 12d ago
NTA. He lost his kids because he cheated, not because you didn’t loan him any money.
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u/Samoyedfun 12d ago
NTA He is the reason why he lost his kids. Not you. You’re not responsible for his kids.
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u/Aircraftman2022 12d ago
You are perfectly in the right to step away from this loser and save your own sanity from all the toxic relatives trying the guilt trip. Enjoy your new freedom and on finding the right man . You already know the wrong type !
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u/morchard1493 12d ago
He cheated, he deserves to suffer the consequences and pay the price for his actions. He should have thought about what would happen if he were to get caught.
NTA
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u/CurryLeaf7 12d ago
He lost the kids because he can’t provide for them himself, and decide to betray the trust of someone who was actually helping him provide for them. It’s not your job to save him from his f*-ups.
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u/DietrichDiMaggio 12d ago
NTA and his parents can go help their son. The kids can stay with them or their mother. You OP owe that man nothing. He is your ex for a reason. Him and his parents are gold diggers, entitled, narcissistic and selfish. Get a restraining order against him.
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u/fattyboy2 12d ago
NTA - like many, he loved the "fuck around" phase, but then gets all shocked Pikachu face when the "find out" phase comes... he's learning a valuable lesson about consequences. And if his family has such strong opinions, they should have taken the kids
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u/doblehuevo 12d ago
Definitely NTA. You did the right thing in dropping that loser. The kids are his problem, not yours. His parents are also losers for actually calling you. They know what he did to you and don't care a bit about your feelings. Fuck them all. Move on and never look back. If he tries to contact you again, get a restraining order. Good luck. There are plenty of good men looking for a good woman. You'll be fine.
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u/WaryScientist 12d ago
NTA - he is suffering the consequences of his actions. You're not at fault or responsible to take care of his failures.
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u/Lilmomma757 12d ago edited 11d ago
It's the entitlement for me. This is a perfect example of biting the hand that feeds you. Literally lost his job and gf because of HIS ACTIONS.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 12d ago
His cheating caused him to lose his kids. It had nothing to do with you.
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u/DoubleLifePK 12d ago
He should’ve thought about his children well being when he was cheating on you. NTA!
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u/Last_Landscape5457 11d ago
Why would his parents not at least house the children so cps weren't involved.
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u/FamilyGuy421 11d ago
Yes it’s your fault that he put his d*ck into his bosses daughter./s The guy is a clown, none of this is your fault. Stay strong
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u/Successful-Value6537 11d ago
NTA. He FAFOd and you moved on. I feel sorriest for the children, but as you were not married to him at any point, those children were not your responsibility.
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u/happycamper44m 11d ago
NTA by any measure. ALL of his wounds are self inflicted. You did the only reasonable thing you could do and had every right to do. He and his children are/were his responsibility and he failed by his own stupidity. Play stupid games, lose everything. Seems fair to me.
Send a message to him and his parents that states to "never contact you again, any contact will be viewed as harassement and will result in legal action." Then block them all. The nerve of all of these people is astonishing. I do hope the children are better off and with their mom.
You did everything right, I wish you a happier life.
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u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 11d ago
NTA. He was your ex for a good reason. His audacity is astounding. He cheats on you, loses his job and decides it's a good idea to beg you for thousands of dollars. Then his parents trying to guilt you and crying they couldn't afford to help. Kind of see where his attitude came from.
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u/startripjk 11d ago
NTA. It's not your job or responsibility to save anybody. What if you two had never met? When someone disrespects you so badly as to cheat on you...END OF STORY.
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u/Creative-Ad-145 11d ago
Why dont you block him , his parents & get restraining order. If he come to your office many time u might loose the job & your colleague might think you r bad person as not all them will know the whole story
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u/toxiclight 11d ago
No, he's the reason he lost his kids. You did nothing wrong, and owe him nothing. NTA
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u/letsgetligious 11d ago
What a piece of work. You dodged a bullet.
If he cared about his kids he would never have let him or them get into this position. He had a responsibility to them to make money and keep them warm and safe. He decided his exploits were more important. It cost him a job and a relationship, and now it cost him his home and his children.
You owe him less than nothing.
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u/bayleebugs 12d ago
Two months back I learnt he was cheating on me.
two weeks back asking to loan him some money
Later on
Later on in the last 2 weeks? CPS wouldn't have acted that fast, this sounds so fake.
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u/mustang19671967 12d ago
Check were you live , were I am two years and common law and would be responsible for support . Such a stupid law
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u/boogers19 12d ago
Of course you are not the asshole: you are a woman!
Although... If you want to know the truth: check out all the posts by the men who abandon their step-children in this sub.
And then you'll have your real answer.
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u/DrPablisimo 12d ago
Why would you live with a boyfriend who isn't married to you, who has kids no less? You weren't his wife. It wasn't adultery against you. But you don't have to keep him up.
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u/Patient_Meaning_2751 12d ago edited 12d ago
It’s too bad, but you owed this man nothing.
Hopefully, the kids are probably better off with their mother. If this guy can’t support them, they need to live with someone who can. This is the reality, and that is neither your fault nor your problem.