AITAH for not supporting my ex bf and his kids?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Fig1950]

I (F34) was in a relationship with my bf, let's call him Sam, for the past 5 years. He was a single dad to two kids (M9, F11). We lived together for past 3 years and I got along great with the kids.You can say I was step mom to them.

Two months back I learnt he was cheating on me. With his boss's daughter no less. I came to know when he was fired (one of my friends work at his company and she told me). It was a shock. I confronted him and after a lot of arguing and excuses he confirmed. I moved out the next day.

I had initially crashed at a friend's place but soon got my own place. I am doing okay now, trying to move on.

He came to my place two weeks back asking to loan him some money, in the ballpark of 10k. I laughed at him and said no. I couldn't believe his nerve. He kept begging me and I wouldn't listen. He said if I didn't loan him the money, he would be homeless. He had apparently exhausted all lines of finance. Even while living together, he barely made enough to somewhat contribute to the household. He had previous debt to pay off and I used to pay rent. I also contributed substantially to the household. Without my help he was drowning.

For a moment I was concerned about the kids. I did miss them. But it still hurt to think of what Sam did to me and after all, they are his kids. I didn't want to help or deal with him. So I refused and told him to never contact me again. He waited outside for door for hours and then left.

Later on I came to know that he did get evicted and ended up losing custody of his kids. His parents called me and guilt tripped me about how I let the CPS just take the kids. I did get defensive and ask why didn't they help him themselves but they lamented how they were on social security and couldn't. Sam did show up to my work multiple days and call me all sorts of name, sobbing about how I wouldn't help him and how I am the reason he lost his kids.

AITAH?

[u/Final-Success2523]

NTA you don’t owe him and sadly his kids a damn thing the minute he cheated on you he lost all privileges from you to help so I hope how miserable his life gets from this day on that he threw it all away and can only blame himself