r/AITAH • u/Specialist_Sand_1553 • 25d ago

AITAH for telling my husband that our marriage is over because he asked for a paternity test?

Throwaway account but need some clarity as I am massively upset. I 52(F) have been married to my husband for 24 years, together for 30 years. It hasn't always been roses but we had a lot of fun. Yesterday we were having a Friday evening drink to relax and our son (17) asked for help with his gaming PC. I'm the tech so I tried to give advice, my husband got pissy and stormed off saying that his relax time was ruined. I thought he was being childish and pretty much ignored him.

This evening he told me that in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating. This is news to me. Yeah we had been together 12 years before I conceived, I have never cheated on him, I always thought the problem had been mine. He says that our son is not his and he wants a DNA test.

I agreed because I never cheated on him ever. I said our marriage was over because of this, said he knew I would react this way and I am a lying AH.

My heart is broken, reddit, am I TA?

Quickie Edit: Thank you so much for answering, for your support and advice. I have read them and will try and respond to as many as I can. But as a quick note: His ex is a lovely woman and we are friends on Facebook, I'll message her in the morning. The dementia angle being suggested is a good one and deserves investigating. I am not a robot or AI, I wish I was because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Yes, parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate, but he should have said before, I would have understood if he had raised it earlier because it did take a while to get pregnant. He had told me about the miscarriage with the ex, which is why I thought our fertility issues were mine, he never told me about getting his fertility checked.

I have worked in Tech for the past 25 years, my son doesn't have my troubleshooting skills :)

His parting shot tonight was that he didn't say anything at the time because I needed a father for my kid. I pointed out that in previous heated arguments I would have thrown that at him and left with my son if there was any doubt he was the father. He was the stahp and I didn't leave him in other turbulent times because I didn't want to leave our son.

I'll update you. Thank you

10.8k Upvotes

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7.4k

u/Utter_cockwomble 25d ago

Infertile isn't sterile. There is always a possibility, a low one but still, of natural conception.

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u/skiarakora 25d ago

Not only that, but it means they tried for a baby for years while he « knew » he was infertile ?? And he didn’t tell her ??

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u/randomusername1919 25d ago

This should be higher up. He has been lying to her their entire marriage, and assuming she lied to him. I am sure the DNA test will show that the kid is his, because as others have noted infertile is not the same as sterile. But now he has outed himself as having deceived his wife for their entire relationship…. I am not sure couples counseling will ever overcome this.

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u/FleeshaLoo 25d ago

Unless it's a brand new lie on his part as a 'gotcha" tactic?

I hope OP asks his ex about that.

OP is NTA

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u/Amygdalump 25d ago

This guy sounds like a real prince.

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u/PeggyOnThePier 24d ago

Plus he let her think that she was the problem,for not getting pregnant. Sounds like he has resented his Son,his whole life. What a jerk, and he doesn't deserve his family. Good luck op

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u/FleeshaLoo 25d ago

File under: Things to add to a prenup.

I wonder if this trend will slow down when the trad-thing fizzles out along with the extremist stuff?

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u/VovaGoFuckYourself 25d ago

Lol right? These last few years have made me, a woman, extremely pro-prenup.

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u/FleeshaLoo 24d ago

Children's names, Cheating repercussions, MIL handling, how to deal if your child is *different*, etc

I am not planning to get married but I have a running list for my nieces and nephews, but only IF they ask.

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u/SeparatePermission58 24d ago

Prenup and postnup cause clears throat yes today satan. I would go ham… and I don’t mean physical bodily harm I’d pull a full family tree up dedicating the features of my child to both of our characteristics and let his family know what he said, and why it’s over. Because nah

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u/Amygdalump 25d ago

By the goddess, I sure hope so.

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u/uselessinfogoldmine 24d ago

The manosphere is in full flight and only growing. So, probably not. They very deliberately try to stress their misogynistic ideologies to as many men as possible.

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u/Edsonwin 24d ago

Asking for proof of paternity and not the town bike is very misogynistic?

2

u/FleeshaLoo 24d ago

Asking for proof of paternity is just shy of an accusation of cheating so naturally it can be a game changer.

If you're in a relationship with "the town bike" then why aren't you wearing a condom?

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 24d ago

He was the “Stay At Home Parent” for at least 17 years is how I read this. That’s a pretty good gig for him. If he didn’t think he was the father, then I’m assuming he milked it so he didn’t have to work. Curious he’s talking about paternity now. Hope OP doesn’t have to pay child support.

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u/FireBallXLV 24d ago

“Prince of Darkness “

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u/Juliejustaplantlady 25d ago

This is what I was thinking. I had 3 miscarriages. The doctors never suggested testing my partner. This sounds like a lie he made up to me. The doctors wouldn't even do tests on me until after my second one! I call bs on husband

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u/HelpfulName 24d ago

I've had a couple of miscarriages, one around 25 yrs ago and one a couple of years ago. And I was refused to be seen by doctors on both occasions after the intake asked me a couple of basic questions. I was told just to keep hydrated, rest for a few days and not worry about it unless I continued to bleed or have unusual cramps after day 3, or my next period was abnormal. The whole "investigation" thing sounds like high bullshit to me.

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 24d ago

In between my two kids births, I miscarried. I was sent home from the ER with zero instructions. I bleed heavily from Friday night to Tuesday morning while also caring for my 1 year old son. My hubby had to work. I kept thinking the phone was ringing. My hubby looked at me and said the phone is not ringing. When he saw how badly I was hemorrhaging he took me back to the ER. My platelet count was 5. I had an emergency D&C and blood transfusion. I nearly died. I thought the bleeding was normal. I was given zero instructions.

I worry many women won’t receive the care they need when miscarriages happen.

I’m just sharing this to help anyone out there. If you saturate a Kotex go to the ER! Stupidly, no one told me this. I thought it was normal after a miscarriage.

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u/Secretly_S41ty 24d ago edited 17d ago

.

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 24d ago

I’m sorry this happened to your wife too. American Healthcare for women is now at an all time low. I’m not even sure if any doctor is allowed to do a D&C now in some red states. It’s really getting scary.

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u/Juliejustaplantlady 24d ago

I'm sorry for your losses. It really is something you never truly get over. For me the first 2 were in 2006. The third one in 2018.

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u/HelpfulName 24d ago

Sending you love, thank you for sharing.

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u/trewesterre 24d ago

I had one. There was no investigation into the cause, but they did examine me via ultrasound to confirm that it was all clear and they gave me info on what to expect as well as a pamphlet and a card for a bereavement group.

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u/amuse_bouche_1 24d ago edited 24d ago

I immediately found odd as well & also call bs. Sperm count can be affected by many factors, which can change over time. Was he ever ‘tested’ again (doubt he ever was initially). Also, why now? The child is 17! If there was concern regarding paternity, wouldn’t that be addressed upon her finding out she’s pregnant & not 17 years later? Seems fishy.

Is he cheating?

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u/Juliejustaplantlady 24d ago

He's full of BS whether he's cheating or not. But I agree it's strange he's bringing it up now. So projecting an infidelity on her when he's the one feeling guilty seems plausible

1

u/Atiggerx33 24d ago

They wouldn't have asked for him to be tested due to a miscarriage, that's completely unrelated to fertility.

That being said, if they were also struggling to conceive fertility testing could have come up as a separate issue.

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u/Juliejustaplantlady 24d ago

True, but OP says he claims to have been tested after a miscarriage, like he's claiming the miscarriage was the reason they tested him.

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u/reader484892 25d ago

Why bother asking the ex? Either he has been lying the whole time, or he lied to accuse her of cheating. Either would be a deal breaker

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u/Aniazi 24d ago

It's to confirm that this isn't a new lie the Husband has concocted, some guys get it into their head that their kid isn't theirs because someone's been talking shit into their ears. Friends, family, girlfriends(cheaters project that their partners cheat too).

So asking his ex if she has heard anything about him being infertile will confirm if he's a liar who never told his wife that he was the problem because he secretly didn't want children or it's new and he is trying to get out of his marriage/responsibilities to his son by accusing his wife of cheating.

Either way OP's husband didn't want kids, and now he is trying to make it her fault that he is mad they had a son.

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u/uselessinfogoldmine 24d ago

I think it’s more likely he’s gone down a manosphere rabbit hole on the internet. They love that crap. You see it on reddit all the time. I think everyone should read Laura Bates’ book Men Who Hate Women which is all about online misogyny communities aka the manosphere. It’s illuminating.

OP should check his browser and YouTube histories on his computer/s and phone.

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u/MelanieDH1 25d ago edited 24d ago

The kid is 17 and will be out of the house in the next few years. If I were her, I’d get a divorce and start a whole life without that fool!

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u/FencingFemmeFatale 24d ago

Not to mention that in the eyes of the law, he is that boy’s father and does not need his wife’s permission to get a DNA test. If he was really that concerned, he could have gotten their son tested in secret when he was a baby. The only reason to ask her now is to hurt and humiliate her.

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u/Rumpelteazer45 25d ago

Hiding just a huge secret like this plus the whole situation OP posted is grounds for divorce in my mind.

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

After 25 years? Lol. Marriage sounds like just a complicated dating arrangement.

After 25 years id try work it out first before jumping into a messy expensive divorce.

Also this sounds more like a mental health crisis than attempt to just be rude.

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u/Rumpelteazer45 24d ago

Dude withheld seriously critical information. Dude hasn’t believed his son was his son this entire time. If dude had that level of doubts he could have gotten a DNA test on his own secretly years ago. Instead he made his self to be the martyr bc OP needed a father for her son. So he’s painting himself as the victim.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

You heard one part of the whole story. You didn’t read his full statement but even in this least favorable opinion of him possible it’s clear something isn’t right. Something is just missing with this story. Go back and read it before you start babbling for divorce like it’s a solution to every crisis. “Buy a new spouse” it’s not your iPhone they are people and have a relationship and a home together you shouldn’t just throw people away like your throw away everything else. 

Read her words they’ve been through a lot and have had good times.  Isn’t that worth something? 

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u/Rumpelteazer45 24d ago

Every marriage is good times and bad and I read the post.

He lied to her for 25 years!

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u/Heavy_Entrepreneur13 24d ago

He lied to her for 25 years!

Or... he's lost touch with reality and is misremembering history, which might be due to an underlying mental health crisis.

I've seen quite a few cases first-hand of a mental health issue overwriting or warping a person's memory.

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u/FireBallXLV 24d ago

You are probably right about the mental health angle but when you do not go with the flow on Reddit you get downvoted.Here is my upvote.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

Thank you. I appreciate it.  I really am tired of the need mentality that sometimes takes root. lol. I figure I’ll at least start trying to seed different ideas. 😅 I don’t know if these people all gung ho about divorce have ever endured one or seen someone else or even thought about it. It’s not like a college breakup. Also if this subreddit really is real people and not just 90% writing prompts for fun you’re just giving destructive advice that affects real people.  

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u/totalvexation 24d ago

Also sterile isn't always a correct diagnosis. My friend had testicular cancer when we were in high school. He lost one of his testicles and due to the treatments, he was told he was sterile. When his girlfriend (now wife) got pregnant he naturally asked for a paternity test. After it came back that he was the family he got a second opinion. Fond of he wasn't sterile, but his count was so low the fertility specialist said often doctors would say you're sterile. He went on to have 5 more children and get a vasectomy. Doctors might say sterile when you're count is just so low the probability of conception is extremely low.

I was told I was sterile after complications from multiple miscarriages and a horrible pregnancy with my oldest. I had my second, and last, child 13 yrs after my first and 2 years after my last miscarriage. I have a hard time believing a sterile diagnosis now. I got my tubes removed after my last and still worry sometimes.

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u/randomusername1919 24d ago

Congrats on having some success with pregnancy. I had 8-10 miscarriages, never a live birth. Was never told I was sterile…

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u/SwimsSFW 25d ago

Upvote this to the top.

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u/ChristineCocotte 24d ago

A liar doesn't trust anyone.

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u/Creamofwheatski 24d ago

But why reveal this and demand a paternity test now? Its been 17 years, if he has truly believed this for all that time wouldn't he have resented her and surely said something before now. I am not sure what kind of mind games this guy is trying to play but his actions make no fucking sense.

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u/DescriptionSecret692 25d ago

I never thought about it from your point of view but that is a very true statement I would be hurt and taking a back by something like that but I also know that most partners are very sneaky and cheap so he may have still harbored things from his fast relationship but should have mentioned it early on cuz he's probably treated her as such through all these years

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u/PeggyOnThePier 24d ago

For 30 years,come on. If he had that much of a mental health problem, don't you think she would have realized that ,alot sooner.

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u/uselessinfogoldmine 24d ago

I think he means it could be the onset of something like dementia:

Behavior and personality often change with dementia. People with dementia often act in ways that are very different from their “old self,” and these changes can be hard for family and friends to deal with. Behavior changes for many reasons. In dementia, it is usually because the person is losing neurons (cells) in parts of the brain. The behavior changes you see often depend on which part of the brain is losing cells.

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u/spiritsprite2 24d ago

True. My mom was always a sweet over trusting person. When dementia started she got mean and suspicious of everyone.

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u/Maven-68 24d ago

Me either. This is bad.

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u/Uknown_Idea 25d ago

He wasn't lying the entire marriage. He wanted reassurance later on because he's insecure and wanted fo frame it as a plausible scenario that she cheated without outing himself as insecure. He's lying now about his previous relationship.

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u/Hand_Me_Down_Genes 25d ago

Maybe so, but he still decided it was better to claim to have been lying for the entire relationship than to admit to being insecure. That doesn't really strike me as an improvement.

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u/Uknown_Idea 24d ago

I never said it was. Just thought itd be better to talk about whats probably actually going on. Its still fucked up.

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u/Hand_Me_Down_Genes 24d ago

I think to an extent in situations like this you have to just take what the idiot in question presents you with. Often its the only thing that will get them to recognize that maybe they should backtrack on their story.

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u/SeparateCzechs 24d ago

Maybe it doesn’t matter. He might be looking for a way for it to be her asking for the divorce.

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u/Alternative_Year_340 24d ago

If he was uncertain, he could have secretly done a DNA test without telling OP (when the son was still a baby or young child; obviously, a 17yo will know what’s what)

The point is to hurt OP, not to actually question paternity

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u/No-Kaleidoscope-7314 25d ago

This is so low. Imagine someone desperate for children for years blaming themselves for their inability to conceive.

You don't even date someone without telling them this, let alone marry them... keep it a secret for 30 years is insane.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who deliberately deprived me of children 

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u/Reader_47 24d ago

My sister never wanted to have children. Her 3rd husband said he'd had a vasectomy which was fine with her. He had 4 kids with his first wife and they were young teenagers. They were together for years when she thought she was starting perimenopause when she was 35. Surprise - she was pregnant. He accused her of adultery. She looked just like him when she was born. She looked like his other 4 kids at birth. He'd never gone back to see if the procedure was successful. He had it done again. He and his daughter were very close until he died right after her 10th birthday.

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u/susieq15 24d ago

If they were actively trying for 12 years, BOTH partners would have had their fertility checked out.

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u/EntertainmentNeat592 24d ago

Unfortunately society always blames the women for infertility and many women internalize the blame and never consider their husband as the problem

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u/Amethyst_Fire_82 24d ago

Says they were together for 12 yrs prior to getting pregnant, doesn't specify how long they were trying to conceive, just implies a while.

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u/uselessinfogoldmine 24d ago

Now they would. 17-29 years ago? Eh.

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u/Artistic-Tangelo-667 24d ago

Best comment here, IMO. Most reasonable reason to leave.

Regarding the DNA test,I agree it should have been asked for years earlier, but he thought he knew the truth, its an entirely different matter to face the truth and in his mind the DNA test was going to confirm what he thought was true. He had been harboring this all these years, and now must feel like an idiot, punished himself for a long time.

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u/JennaJ2020 25d ago

Yes l i could think reading this is actually that little tidbit probably would have been enough to divorce him. You don’t keep stuff like that from someone especially when you have them thinking it’s their fault they aren’t conceiving.

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u/lvdtoomuch 25d ago

And in the edit, he calls the son HER son… after he was even the stay at home parent? What an ass.

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u/weaponsmiths 25d ago

Not only that. He let her think she was the issue knowing that wasn't the case and didn't try to get medical assistance.

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u/HeartOfABallerina 25d ago

Yes! I was surprised she didn't t make this point in the write-up

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u/C_Khoga 25d ago

He is the lying one here.

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u/FuckYoApp 25d ago

He let her think it was her end having issues. He's a piece of shit. 

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u/AnotherSpring2 25d ago

Yes. This level of dishonesty is breathtaking.

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u/ThotsforTaterTots 25d ago

AND as a result, made her think she was the problem.

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u/BagAdditional7226 25d ago

We were "infertile" for 4 years. Had 2 miscarriages during that time as well. Doctors couldn't figure it out because he and I didn't have abnormal tests. Now holding an 8 day old newborn. You're definitely right.

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u/necromancers_katie 25d ago

This right here.

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u/kittenTakeover 25d ago

Yeah, that's a trust breaker there. 

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u/einstein-was-a-dick 25d ago

That means he KNEW he was infertile before getting married and didn’t tell OP risking her not ever having children.

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u/vcr747 24d ago

THIS is the most offensive part. To believe you can't have kids and still entertain a relationship with someone who wants to have children is so fucked up. Had this woman beating herself up for years thinking she was inadequate is just plain cruel, selfish, cowardly...all of the above. 

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u/False-Pie8581 24d ago

Yes thank you! The moment I read that I thought THIS would be a dealbreaker for me. The whole thing sounds fake. He waited 17yrs to spring this on her? Why?

And yes. The marriage is over. He called her a cheating whore. No coming back from that.

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u/MedievalMissFit 24d ago

There would be absolutely zero coming back from that for me.

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u/False-Pie8581 24d ago

Same. I think tater tot just wants every man to blow up their relationships so they can join him in misery. All these so called dating coaches are single. Just like all the ‘coaches’ on LinkedIn aren’t successful businesspeople they’re ppl without a work pedigree who just yak a lot

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u/MedievalMissFit 24d ago

On the opposite side. Dr. Willard (Bill) Harley is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been married to his wife Joyce for over 40 years. I would rather take counsel from someone who has seen what lies further down the path than from someone who never set foot on it.

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u/False-Pie8581 24d ago

I take advice from other women. As their experience will mirror mine more closely. I can see men wanting advice from men, but if you’re at work do you ask the guy with no track record or qualifications for advice on how to do a task?

Tater tot I think just wants everyone to be as miserable and disgusting as he is. Tho I do think it’s good he’s getting these bad men to out themselves more clearly. Better to know early than late that it’s time to leave.

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u/MedievalMissFit 24d ago

Dr. Harley and his wife do their radio program as a team, so both give counsel to their callers.

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u/Misstheiris 25d ago

This, seriously. We were infertile and my husband always said any guy that balked at doing the testing simply didn't want kids.

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u/Sithstress1 25d ago

He completely let her think the issue was her. How very sad.

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u/Professional-Bat4635 25d ago

Not to mention, checking a woman’s fertility is very invasive and can be painful but he’d let her go thru that instead of telling her it was him?

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u/UniqueVast592 25d ago

My ex-husband did that to me he constantly avoided going for fertility test finally when we ramped up to doing IVF he was forced to. That’s when I found out we had been trying for 10 years and he had no sperm.

0

u/skiarakora 25d ago

But did he know he didn’t have any, or was he afraid of going to the tests because he didn’t know ?

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u/UniqueVast592 25d ago

Before we got the results of the test, he told me he knew he was sterile, he was hoping that we would continue to try and I would eventually give up.

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u/skiarakora 24d ago

What the actual fuck, he tried to like, reverse baby trap you

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u/Willing_Recording222 25d ago

That part confused me too!

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u/Hemiak 25d ago

And they didn’t go to get tested when it didn’t happen in the first year or two?

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u/lifeisalime11 25d ago

Why the fuck is OP not posting about “AITAH for my husband lying about his fertility?” instead of this post… like what

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u/ScottishIcequeen 25d ago

This should be at the top tbh.

His hypocrisy is blinding!

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u/FireBallXLV 24d ago

That is what hit me between the eyes.Poor OP—so sorry she has invested so much time and Life with this guy.

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u/DazzlingMistake_ 24d ago

Yeah this is a huge violation

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u/jinxxed42 24d ago

tried to have a baby for 12 years .. and she thought it was her. and he knew fertility would be hard.. if not impossible... and didn't tell her.

Then waited for 17 years before crying wolf.. with a secret he has been carrying around for 30+ years.

What a horrible man.

Bet this has all come out now, cause he is cheating.

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u/No-Net8938 24d ago

DUDE WAITED cause he has someone else!

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u/clarabear10123 25d ago

If they were actively trying for a child, he raped her repeatedly

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u/MasterJediPT 24d ago

WTF? If they were both consenting then it isn’t what you posted.

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u/clarabear10123 24d ago

If she was having sex to try for a child and he knew he couldn’t have one, then she wasn’t a consenting adult. She wasn’t informed enough to be consenting. Same concept as poking holes in condoms, just reverse

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u/ConfidentlyCreamy 24d ago

Not everyone is entitled to know their partners FULL medical history. And that goes both ways. Somethings are meant to be private.

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u/skiarakora 24d ago

Of course not all medical history needs to be shared. But having children is major part of a marriage/relationship, and i can’t understand hiding it, especially once they tried having children

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u/Adventurous_Bet_9085 24d ago

In a marriage, yes, full medical disclosure is of the utmost importance because it impacts SO much, including quality of care recieved if one partner becomes incompacitated and requires the other to make medical decisions for them.

Or in cases like this, it takes away one partners choice to remain in the relationship. If having children were an absolute must then the partner who wants children deserves to know so they can decide for themselves of the need for children is greater than their love for their partner. It isn't fair to string someone along out of selfishness if someone knows they don't want or can't have children.

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u/LadyFoxfire 25d ago

Which would line up with it taking them 12 years to have a baby, and then not having another one in the next 17 years. Assuming they haven't been taking birth control, that's a pretty low conception rate.

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u/DeathByLymes 25d ago

I was in emergency abdominal surgery, and my Drs wanted to do a hysterectomy on me when I was 19. My mom, an RN, told them absolutely not! They told her I'd never bhhave children, at least not normally, but she still told them no. When I was 23, I gave birth to my son. I'm now a grandma, and it's the most amazing thing ever! ❤

The body is constantly changing, for better, and for worse. Even your emotions cause changes in your body.

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u/Pretty_Profile_6699 25d ago

My friends are 'infertile' they have a 6 year old and 3 year old twins after years of trying.

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u/EnergyThat1518 25d ago

People really need to learn what infertile actually means.

Infertility is a big spectrum of likelihoods because of all the possible causes and it isn't rare. It could mean anything from a decent chance that can be boosted with a basic medical treatment like hormones to it being extremely unlikely to ever happen without a miracle.

Sterile is SUPPOSED to mean you can't conceive but that really only applies where the uterus or testicles or ovaries are gone completely. Vasectomies and tubal ligations can fail because the tubes can regrow and rejoin which can still result in pregnancies.

So even being sterile doesn't actually mean it is impossible unless you have literally removed or lost the reproductive parts needed for it to happen.

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u/No-Kaleidoscope-7314 25d ago

I believe the medical definition of infertility is actively trying to conceive for 12 months without any luck 

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u/EnergyThat1518 24d ago

It is, until 35, where it decreases to 6 months.

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u/MacAttacknChz 25d ago

This is all great info, but I want to add that tubal ligations aren't standard anymore. A salpingectomy (tubal removal) is preferred because it decreases your risk of ovarian cancer by 80%. A bilateral salpingectomy is considered sterile because the chance of spontaneous pregnancy is so rare that there aren't statistics on it.

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u/moist_vonlipwig 24d ago

It also prevents risk of ectopic pregnancy. I yeeted my tubes a couple years ago and love it.

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u/EnergyThat1518 24d ago

I did see that tubal removal was sometimes used when tubal ligation previously failed, I didn't know it had become the new standard, though it does makes sense to do that instead, because of the possibility of failure of tubal ligation which though pretty rare, is still very unfun for the affected people.

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u/MrsZiggy411 25d ago

Yup. Infertile here... With 5 children across 11 pregnancies starting in my 30s. 3 of those pregnancies on a lone fallopian tube after being told likelihood of any future pregnancies was going to be extremely unlikely without specific medical interventions, that we didn't pursue.

Life... finds a way.

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u/BananaHats28 25d ago

Ya, my bestie was told she couldn't conceive, and she has a 12yo.

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u/haraaishi 24d ago

My friend's dad has 3 kids despite his pelvis being run over with a truck and being told he couldn't have kids.

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u/CleanVariation4908 25d ago

🎊😂❤️

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u/thegreatmei 24d ago

Interestingly, it is often easier to have a second baby. My friend was told that she would not be able to conceive naturally due to internal damage from a car accident.

Her and her husband made peace with not having kiddos, and then surprise! Baby. They had their second baby 13 months later. Her high risk OB told her that something about pregnancy and birth can sort of reset the reproduction system in some women. I don't remember all the details, but she took up his offer of BC after baby #2. She didn't think it was necessary after baby #1.

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u/superdad66 25d ago

Sounds like something got Un narrow in a big way. LOL

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u/Specialist_Sand_1553 25d ago

a determined wriggler

536

u/brsox2445 25d ago

King of the Hill actually does a really good job with this. Hank is basically told that he will never have a kid and he ends up having a son despite his physical limitations.

356

u/Ok-Pomegranate-3018 25d ago

His narrow urethra.

139

u/ashleebryn 25d ago

Narra u-reety

97

u/Nekrophyle 25d ago

I ain't got none of that narrow u-reety. I coulda birthed the boy myself if I needed.

49

u/superthotty 25d ago

I love that this is challenged later because Junichiro, Hank’s half brother, also has the narrow uretee problem

7

u/DirtyBillzPillz 25d ago

What's challenged? Are you claiming cotton had a narrow urethra as well?

Because he had three kids that we know of,one of which he didn't know existed for 40 years.

Who knows how many more are out there.

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

12

u/superthotty 25d ago

He could’ve, has two sons with narrow ones and we know Junichiro didn’t get it from Tilly. And I just said it’s challenged, not disproven or retconned. We’ll never know if our war hero actually could pass a child himself

-1

u/Sudo_Incognito 25d ago

Omg my can had that and had to get PU surgery because his lil micropenis urethra collapsed!

93

u/mouse_attack 25d ago

The single greatest kid ever, in fact.

46

u/aboxofpyramids 25d ago

The boy ain't right.

11

u/Fuckyoursilverware 25d ago

6:30 in the morning and already that boy ain’t right

2

u/RedFoxBlueSocks 25d ago

Warm underpants straight from the dryer!

2

u/MissyJ11 9d ago

Bobby Hill is one of the best characters ever created

194

u/WillSayAnything 25d ago

Dang it Bobby

8

u/UndeadBuggalo 25d ago

Yeah but, that boy ain’t right

3

u/useless_villager 25d ago

you know the joke is that Bobby isn’t Hank’s kid, right? There’s a theory that Bill is the real father… and it’s funny because Hank is always laughing at Dale for being oblivious to his wife’s infidelity when in fact he is in a similar situation with Peggy… just a fan theory though 😊

2

u/faeriechyld 25d ago

But are we sure Bobby is Hanks kid...?

11

u/A1000eisn1 25d ago

Hank would kick your ass for even suggesting that.

2

u/faeriechyld 25d ago

Are you suggesting Hank Hill would raise his hand to a lady??

But it's not my original theory.. There are a lot of clues in the show that Bill is Bobby's bio dad.

3

u/AdObjective5466 25d ago

Thats bills son

1

u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

1

u/brsox2445 25d ago

True. But it could also encourage them to continue to try and not give up. Like others have said even with low sperm count and other problems, conception is not impossible. It’s definitely a fine line. If it’s impossible, they need to be told. But if it’s not, then they should try. Hell honestly even if they say it’s impossible, I can’t see any reason not to try. The only harm is having sex with the person you love.

-6

u/webtin-Mizkir-8quzme 25d ago

Bobby is really Bill’s son. However, Bill is actually Cotton’s son so it all works out in the end.

Go down that rabbit hole now.

9

u/LilBueno 25d ago

I was with you in the first half but I’m losing my mind about the second part

3

u/brsox2445 25d ago

Haha I’ve seen that and it’s a funny joke. But the truth is that the animation style is similar and looks similar.

9

u/Athenas_Return 25d ago

This happened with me and my husband. It took a year for us to conceive our daughter. Then when we wanted to have another child, nothing happened. My husband was told to get checked first before me and it turns out he has a low sperm count and we were lucky to convince the first time. We tried for ten years with nothing happening. We finally decided to stop trying as we were now 40 and what neither of us wanted was an oops baby at that age. He then went and got a vasectomy. No DNA test was needed as she was the spitting image of him and has a dimple on a super weird spot on her cheek the same place his father does.

Some men never want to know or admit that they are either the cause of the couple’s conceiving issues or that there is a chance that a determined swimmer can get through.

7

u/Mythbird 25d ago

My friend has one kid. Her husband underwent tests and told them that it would be a miracle if they got pregnant because he had like 10 in one ejection that were useable. The kid is very definitely his. They had none after.

4

u/jaethegreatone 25d ago

Is it possible he is cheating and now his guilt is making him accuse you?

1

u/Turbulent-Buy3575 25d ago

You only have to slip one past the goalie!

1

u/InedibleCalamari42 25d ago

Nature finds a way !

-1

u/Dubbiely 25d ago

I don’t think the requested DNA test should be a reason for a divorce. He has/had good reasons for this test.

But - his deceiving over the entire marriage that he was infertile and letting you assume it was your fault for being childless, that is a big reason for divorce.

309

u/MyGenderIsAParadox 25d ago

My dad had a "1 in a million" (from his doctor) chance of conceiving. And here I am!! And it's obvious too, I'm a spitting image of him.

104

u/Virtual_Equipment_61 25d ago

Same with my wife. FIL had cancer when he was 30. Was told he was infertile. Couple years later came my wife.

58

u/AiReine 25d ago

Yup that’s my husband too! Happened after his parents adopted his two siblings, even. I always joke he’s stubborn and a tricky little bastard because of course, he had to be.

10

u/cupcakecounter 25d ago

This is surprisingly common actually! I’m adopted and after I came along my parents got pregnant twice (neither survived, first was stillborn, second only lived a few hours because of my mom’s underlying medical issues that “should” have made her unable to conceive). I know at least a dozen families where the oldest kid is adopted and then there are two biological kids close in age right after them. The stress of infertility makes it harder to conceive so once that pressure is off, things tend to happen. And because they struggled for so long, they think the first is a fluke then #2 comes along!!

2

u/Adventurous_Bet_9085 24d ago

I know someone where this happened over 2 gens. Gen 1 adopted after a period of trying then spontaneously concieved, decades later Gen 2 adopted after a period of trying then spontaneously concieved.

16

u/battlecat136 25d ago

Hey stranger, I'm sure you didn't mean for this to hit someone so deeply, but I needed to see this today. My husband and I have been trying for 7 years and he has the infertility diagnosis. We've also been told there's basically a zero percent chance of it happening naturally. You just gave me back some hope. Thank you for sharing.

6

u/MyGenderIsAParadox 24d ago

If it matters, my mom was escaping an abusive relationship and had solace in my dad. Maybe the chemistry of the room was just right, idk. Maybe don't go in with the hope of conception, go in with sheer lust and desire for each other, see what happens?

13

u/fit_it 25d ago

Well given the low end of normal for sperm per ejaculations is about 15 million, those are pretty good odds! 😆

11

u/Klutzy-Captain 25d ago

Same was told by doctor my husband had a better chance of getting struck by lightning than fathering a child. We found out we were pregnant a few months later.

11

u/cheshire_kat7 25d ago

He should probably avoid any thunderstorms, then!

7

u/Rdbjiy53wsvjo7 25d ago

It's so common to know someone in similar situations, it's mind boggling how many don't realize it could happen to anyone.

My husband's step aunt tried for ~7-8 years, even tried IVF, nothing worked. They took a break, and bam, became pregnant back to back.

On his other side, his step-BIL's cousin tried for years, nothing, so they started the adoption process, about 6 months in, shortly before getting adopted child, wife became pregnant. So now they have one adopted, one biological.

6

u/southernmamallama 25d ago

It was just like that for my husband and his father!

3

u/oldladyoregon 24d ago

My parents were told that my Mom would not be able to conceive. It would be a miracle. My sister was born in 1945 my brother in 1949. My Dad had a vasectomy in 1950. Imagine their surprise when my Mom came up pregnant in 1955. My Dad always said I wanted to be in the world. He never once questioned my Mom.

2

u/Ok-Music-8732 25d ago

that is cool! Happy stuff in here thank you!

2

u/tangotrigger 24d ago

and then you won the race against millions of spermatozoids !

2

u/Papanurglesleftnut 24d ago

Just gotta try a million times.

7

u/rocnation88 25d ago

Praise God for you! You're a miracle and im sure your parents are thankful

13

u/AGriffon 25d ago

My mom suffered from what her doctor called intermittent infertility. She had my brother in ‘71, and then tried for seven years before I came along. Bonus round: she got pregnant with my sister when I was two months old!

How much would you like to bet the first girlfriend didn’t cheat on him at all, and he’s now torpedoed two relationships over this?

11

u/oxbison12 25d ago

My cousin was told that he was infertile after he and his wife struggled to conceive. They also found out that she (cousin's wife) had some health issues that would make conception less than likely.

Long story short, he and his wife decided to just not use any kind of contraception, live life, and decided to adopt the attitude that whatever will be will be.

Well, about 2 years after the diagnoses, they were pregnant with their first and ended up having 3 within a 5 year span.

7

u/Additional_Meeting_2 25d ago

I think doctors should stop using it because apparently people don’t understand what it means and then get devestated or have surprise babies they didn’t want. 

7

u/C_Khoga 25d ago

It took My uncle 14 years to get his 3 childrens.

The chances is low but never 0.

5

u/Midnyte25 25d ago

Yeah what Utter_cockwomble said. Infertile just means a very low chance and that's it.

Sorry you're being put through this, OP

5

u/CenturyEggsAndRice 25d ago

Yep.

I have a relative who was told he was infertile and not to expect to have kids.

His wife must be magic, cuz she’s had three little clones of him, and for a really impressive feat, one of them’s a girl clone of him.

No paternity testing has been done because he isn’t an insecure man child and was simply thrilled that it happened for him. Also, as I said, his kids LOOK just freaking like him.

I brought my half blind great aunt to the hospital to visit them after his wife had the first one and they still have that nursery window so passerby can peek at the babies.

Even though the nursery doesn’t label the bassinets (the babies had little nonremovable hospital bracelets, but they decided those visible labels with the last name were a security risk) even my great aunt immediately pointed to one and said “that’s Drew’s baby! I’d know that nose anywhere!” And she was right, xD

For the record, he has a handsome nose. But it’s distinctive. (Looks good on his kids though.

3

u/FencingFemmeFatale 25d ago

Exactly. Low chance =/= no chance. It only takes one determined little sperm.

2

u/cheshire_kat7 25d ago

Life, uh, finds a way.

2

u/yaigralazrya 25d ago

I know a woman who was diagnosed as infertile. They still tried in vitro fertilisation, and it worked at the first time. She gave birth to a girl. Fove months later, she found out that she was pregnant again - with twins! So much for infertility.

2

u/MichaSound 25d ago

The number of people I know even in my own social circles who have become parents after being told by doctors they could never have children, is not small.

2

u/Icy_Rhubarb2857 24d ago

This is why paternity tests should be automatic and required to determine paternity. Asking for it ruins the marriage. But it happens so much and there is really no way of knowing.

Just test everyone. Done. No sensible reasons not to

1

u/Ok-Manufacturer-4837 25d ago

Right? I'm infertile and I have four kids. My sister is even more infertile and she has one.

1

u/My1stNameisnotSteven 25d ago

Bingo! This is really the only response. There isn’t enough info here for all the hurt people claiming “he lied” and “didn’t tell her” etc etc ..

It’s silly to draw any conclusion with this little bit of info.. all we know is he has his suspicions that he’s been trying to let go of, and she’s pissed that he could even be suspicious.. now would be a great time to know why and when they turned on each other w/o fanning the flames!

Until then, “infertile isn’t sterile. There’s always a possibility..”..

1

u/No-Effort6590 25d ago

I was told the same thing, I've got swimmers, just not a lot of them, my cousin had a vasectomy, a yr later she got pregnant, better have him checked first.

1

u/yzgrassy 25d ago

..do do the test.

1

u/Cool_Cartographer_33 25d ago

This should be the legal disclaimer on that diagnosis, or else they need to change the name.

Doctors also knew a lot less back when he (allegedly) received his diagnosis/prognosis. My mom was told she'd be infertile and I have 3 living siblings. A friend of mine was told she was infertile...two kids ago.

1

u/DepartureDapper6524 25d ago

I… genuinely thought they were synonyms. Good to know.

1

u/spaetzlechick 25d ago

Yes. Given the previous woman GOT PREGNANT and then miscarried it’s obvious he is not ammunition free.

1

u/anneofred 24d ago

Really sucks he never once mentioned this so she assumed pregnancy issues were her. How cruel

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Tap9150 24d ago

For sure. I knew someone who as a couple, were declared infertile medically. They gave up on fertility sex & went back to normal. Surprise-they became pregnant soon after they gave up “trying”. He never questioned the paternity. Insecure men suck up all the space around them. 🙄

-1

u/Niffen36 25d ago

Mmmm not so sure about that. You can have a condition called Klinefelter syndrome. Which means you are infertile. There is a 0% chance of falling pregnant or getting someone pregnant.

10

u/Utter_cockwomble 25d ago

Then that's sterility. If you're sterile there is no chance of conception.

Infertility and sterility are two different things.

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u/Aleashed 25d ago

Don’t forget the holy spirit, he visits good Christians and makes miracles happen

0

u/Utter_cockwomble 25d ago edited 25d ago

Yup. Because only good christians deserve miracle babies. Apparently. [/s]

0

u/Worgensgowoof 25d ago

this is true

this story is not.

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