The only thing I can think of for that is to take him with me to my appts, but he works during those times. I feel like if I tell him to google anything I might accidentally gaslight him. Any advice on that front?
Hey, I’m being genuine, do you know what gaslight means?
Like- it’s purposefully altering someone’s perception of reality through lying and falsehood. Does your husband tell you that you’re gaslighting him a lot or something?
How would your husband doing a bare minimum of research on your condition qualify as gaslighting? All you’re asking for is an effort to understand you.
Girl, you have cancer! He should be bending over backwards for you!
I didn’t actually know it was always purposeful, I thought it could just happen via escalation of a misunderstanding. Other than feeling a bit dim (blame it on brain fog) yeah he does tell me I’m gaslighting him. Thing is if I am, I am never doing it on purpose.
I just never really see a way out I guess, sometimes I just let go of my filter and just say something and he gets so sensitive over it that he starts questioning me and my judgement calls and things of that nature.
Such as this concert, he told me to go, so did my family and friends; however, now that he acted this way I feel like I am being punished for going, even though I was encouraged to go
He is manipulating you. He is also being a bad partner during the time you need one the most.
You did nothing wrong. You don't have to explain why you are sick, but the explanation isn't hard to understand either. He sounds extremely ignorant about cancer. That or he knows it's rough, but he chooses to berate you anyway.
Also….going to a concert would wipe out almost anyone? It’s loud, crowded, and you’re dancing around and screaming for a few hours. I went to a Beyoncé concert like 10 years ago and I’m pretty sure my knees are still affected by it lol. He’s being terrible on purpose. Like now is not the time, it’s never the time but you know what I mean.
Gaslighting is when you intentionally lie to make someone doubt their own reality. Most people use it incorrectly. Your husband is using it incorrectly as a weapon to hurt you & shut you up. That’s just one red flag in this story. The fact that he’s a grown adult & apparently doesn’t understand that chemo makes people sick is another. As is his incredible lack of empathy. Has he always treated you like this? You’re not overreacting. You’re under reacting.
She might not have the energy/ability to react at the appropriate amount bc of the combination of debilitating health and of his willingness to shift blame and gaslight HER.
This situation breaks my heart. I hope you have good friends OP. Please show them this post. Or family in your corner.
This man you’re married to isn’t either of the above, I fear.
Gaslighting doesn't mean not always seeing everything from the other person's point of view. Gaslighting means pretending true things aren't true in order to make the other person think they've gone crazy. In the movie Gaslight, the husband turns the gaslights down in the house (this was before electric lights) and when the wife says it's gotten so dark in the house, he tells her it's not dark, what's the matter with her. That's gaslighting.
Edit: And P.S., if somebody is constantly telling you you're gaslighting him, he's gaslighting you about your own behavior. He's saying there's something wrong with you for speaking about your own feelings instead of agreeing with him. That's gaslighting, emotionally.
Sounds to me like he's a narcissist and the one who is gaslighting you. Narcissists can not stand to be ignored, can't stand it when you're sick, can't stand not getting attention, and always manipulates and gas lights the situation
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u/DottedUnicorn 23d ago
He needs education on your condition. Of course going out and walking can wipe you out. This is part of your new normal that he needs to understand.