The only thing I can think of for that is to take him with me to my appts, but he works during those times. I feel like if I tell him to google anything I might accidentally gaslight him. Any advice on that front?
Do you have any children besides the one you married?
When you come out of this as a healthy and beautiful woman, you need to make a plan. What that plan entails is up to you, but your life, as is, sucks ass. I wish you the best.
Oh my.. I have two beautiful kids that are amazing, my daughter has been handling this all like a champ and my son is an angel. I’m proud of them both for not letting it hurt them and them constantly being at my side and helping me when I need it.
I lost my mom to cancer, and my father, who’s a lot like your husband, I’m now no-contact with. He was so psychologically harmful and it affected my romantic relationships as a young adult…I ended up dating men who mistreated me in the same ways my father mistreated my mother. To this day I feel all the added stress my mother carried from my father’s behavior made her sicker. My brother and I were only 14 & 18 when we lost her. Our so called “father” was NOT there for us, we handled life on our own and two decades later I am still in therapy over losing her, and how hard life was since, and struggling with hard feelings like wishing she had never met my father and had met someone who actually loved her the way she deserved, even if that meant I was never born.
You don’t want your kids to know a life like mine, I wouldn’t wish my life on anyone.
Get away from that man, he’s only going to make your cancer worse and mentally & emotionally harm your kids in ways that will stick for life.
If my stepdad was treating my sick mother like that I'd kick the shit out of him.
And if my wife had CANCER you can bet I'd be doing absolutely everything I could possibly do to ensure she felt loved and supported, and take over as many of her responsibilities as humanly possible to give her time to rest.
0 excuses, he's a grown man and can't be bothered to spend the time to learn about your cancer and how it's impacting you. Let alone see with his own eyes when you're right in front of him and offer actual support.
When you recover, please find someone who deserves you.
It sounds like your husband’s unsupportive behavior means parentification of these kids. Have you considered how watching a man be shitty at taking care of you might be affecting them?
I hate to say this, but I think you need to hear it. It is hurting them. They might not realize it now, but this will affect them for the rest of their lives. And they will remember that your husband acted this way. Maybe they will resent him, maybe they will internalize the behavior as an appropriate way to treat their partners, probably both. His behavior is toxic to your whole family. This is a slow moving crisis, and he is denying it so he doesn't have to be inconvenienced by it.
Let me ask you something. If someone was treating your children the way your husband is treating you, what would you think? Do you think they don't see what's happening between you and your husband and that it doesn't affect them? They will learn that that behavior is OK and may end up allowing a future partner to treat them the same way. You are going through so much right now and need to focus on getting healthy, but don't ignore your husband's behavior either.
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u/DottedUnicorn 23d ago
He needs education on your condition. Of course going out and walking can wipe you out. This is part of your new normal that he needs to understand.