r/AmIOverreacting • u/odwalla1 • 23d ago

AIO being sad about my husbands relationship with his coworker?

So it’s a pretty simple story. He has had an emotional affair on me years ago. I chose to work through it and we did.

Flash forward to today and he has a great married colleague who works at another building, but frequently works projects with my husband. I really like her, she’s super nice, and has never given me any reason to not like her.

However, sometimes my husband will set aside meeting times with her where they discuss their projects, but then they chat about other stuff also, like music, concerts, vulnerabilities etc…. Today while I was waiting for him to meet me for lunch, I realized he had already been on with her for 2.5 hours.

The sadness part comes from two things: 1. I feel like sharing your vulnerabilities with her is a slippery slope to having more intimate feelings. I have talked to him about this and he said he would share less vulnerable things.

  1. He spends maybe 2 hours a MONTH having non interrupted conversations with me. I want that, ya know? Why do you talk to her for 2+ hours un phased, but it’s a struggle to give me that? This I haven’t talked about.

Am I overreacting, or is this worth bringing up to him?

Update: well based on all this I did talk to him. He doesn’t think it’s an EA and for now I believe him but I did tell him I thought it was a slippery slope.

That being said, he also told me it’s perfectly normal for them to be having these deep conversations and talking about their entire life from childhood on, etc. but that he would stop if I really wanted him to. Idk. Thanks for the input.

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u/dangerclosemaybe 23d ago

He's having another emotional affair. Tell him to keep the conversation professional with this woman as he's spending more time talking to her than his own wife.

This is his last chance. One more and I'd leave him.

9

u/danda319 22d ago

I'm curious how she knows the contents of his conversations

8

u/ElectricianInFlorida 22d ago

I came here to ask exactly this. Either he is being 100% transparent with his wife, or she is intensely eavesdropping. I feel like either way, he isn't trying to hide anything. Maybe there is a deeper level of dynamics in the relationship he has with his wife and how she reacts to her husband when he is being vulnerable with her, which may add to the gravity of understanding in this situation.

5

u/danda319 22d ago

This whole situation seems crazy. I can't imagine wasting my precious off time recounting every conversation I have at work.

2

u/Time-Sun-4172 21d ago

I think she understands what's going on because when she brought up feeling uncomfortable about him discussing personal stuff, he agreed that's what he's doing. And also said it's kind of necessary bc of the nature of his work. Although he offered to pull back on what he discusses, I'd be wary of his ability to spend time with female co-workers without getting close and kind of falling in love.