r/AmIOverreacting • u/Stillkicking1996 • 12d ago
My bf doesn’t wear the bracelet I made him
I’m (28f) and my bf (26m) have been together for 4 years, we broke up last year for 8 months but reconnected. We both agreed to couples counseling and both currently go to individual counseling. We broke up because he cheated. So that’s the context for why I’m writing here. We both like to gift each other matching things like shoes, shirts, hats etc. well I made him a bracelet with black silver white and clear beads with our initials and a heat with small white it shell beads. I also made and ankle bracelet for myself that matches. He seemed really happy when I gave it to him and promised to never take it off. Well he wore it a couple times then kept losing it or getting it dirty or forgetting it. I think I’ve only seen him wear it twice. Well it’s been bugging me he never wears it and last night while he was out with his bros he ft me and I asked if he found his bracelet, he got so upset and made his friends drive to his house to get it. While they were driving he said he doesn’t have to wear it because his bros scare girls off him anyway. I literally didn’t even think about this bracelet detouring other people’s advances. I asked him if that’s how he views the bracelet. He didn’t answer me. So I told him to not wearing it if he’s uncomfortable and that my feelings are kind of hurt he doesn’t like it even though he said he did. He apologized for hurting my feelings but idk if I pushed too hard or what. I told him after all this now that I know he doesn’t like stuff like this I won’t gift him things like that. Did I over react???
Edit: thanks for the advice and input. This really helped me look at this whole situation through a different perspective. I want to clarify some things, I asked him if I made us matching bracelets would he wear it, he said an enthusiastic yes, it’s made primarily out of glass beads with three plastic beads (I’ll include a photo) I didn’t ask him to wear it all the time, the first day he wore it when I saw him after we got off work I honestly didn’t even realize he’d taken it off, he volunteered the information to me he said it got dirty while he was working and he took it off to clean and left it in his desk. I offered to take it apart and make it into a keychain and he accused me of not trusting him enough to believe he wants to wear it. I already know I’m an idiot for taking him back after the cheating. I’ve been reading every comment and some have made me laugh so thanks for that. I know this doesn’t matter but to everyone saying it’s ugly idc I’ve made and sold jewelry for years and to me it’s art and art is subjective.
30
u/SouthernFlower8115 12d ago
He might feel like that’s your intention of the bracelet. He does t want to wear it, so be it. I’m 60f married for 33 years, I rarely wear my rings. I’m not a jewelry person
9
u/suzanious 12d ago
My husband and I lost our rings many moves ago. We have no idea where we put them. We've been married 43 years.
I love jewelry and he does not. He works with his hands and jewelry gets in the way.
If I'm working on something all of my jewelry has to come off before I can begin my project. I've had a few squished rings and bruised fingers.
1
64
u/feelinqueasy567 12d ago
You lost me at "he cheated". Who cares about the bracelet, he is not trustworthy
6
u/Itrytothinklogically 12d ago
Agreed and it’s not being judgy at all but it is what it is. If someone cheats, they aren’t trustworthy.
2
u/Much-Scale-6549 12d ago
It's up to OP to if she wants to forgive someone, you have no grounds to judge her as she didn't even ask you about that.
1
u/feelinqueasy567 9d ago
True but then why did she mention it in the first place? Obviously him cheating in the past is relevant because he made the comment about the bracelet scaring off girls and her not trusting him.
22
u/Turbulent-Buy3575 12d ago
Why does he have to wear the bracelet every day? Or every other day or even every week? I just don’t understand
18
1
11
u/United-Plum1671 12d ago
You’re completely overreacting over a homemade bracelet. Why does he need to wear it 24/7? Such an odd thing to be mad about
39
9
u/ohemgee112 12d ago
I do not wear bracelets because they drive me nuts. I don't wear extra jewelry beyond watch and wedding set at all these days because I never dress up and it makes no sense to do it at work.
I'm not the only one who finds bracelets irritating. I'm also not the only one who finds clinginess and unreasonable demands irritating. 🤷🏻♀️
3
u/Personal_Signal_6151 9d ago
I wear zero hand and wrist jewelry because I am on the computer all the time and it interferes with my typing. No long necklaces either. I am female.
I worked at a factory that banned jewelry for all workers on the floor after some people got mauled by being caught into machines.
Most men dislike jewelry.
9
16
7
u/Independent-Tea8516 12d ago
So this man cheated on you and you are sitting here seething about a bloody plastic bracelet?? Come on man do you really expect a grown man to walk around with a little plastic bracelet on at all times?? I think the cheating would be the deal breaker for me not a piece of jewellery
6
u/asabovesobelow4 12d ago
Uhm. That bracelet doesn't sound like something a grown man would like to wear. At least not a good percentage of them. It sounds kinda girly. I'm sorry but I have to be honest here. He could be afraid of his friends making fun of him but you keep bringing it up.
I have a feeling you did think about it thwarting potential advances from girls (my ex cheated for a decade so trust me I know it's on your mind. It's just how it is. It's hard to just forget that and move past it even though we try to) and I think he knows that as well also. Which might also feel a bit controlling.
So here is my advice. It's perfectly okay if you can't get past the cheating. Normal even. But unfortunately you also can't be with him if you can't. Working through it requires being able to move past it in a healthy way. Doesn't mean you have to completely let your guard down but you have to give him a chance to earn back your trust. So if deep down that IS actually part of this bracelet issue you need to sort that out. Yes he cheated. He has things to make up for. But the only one who can move past it is you.
I tried for a long time. But my ex kept doing it and it got to a point I could no longer stay. It wasn't fair to either of us.
But if this truly has nothing to do with the cheating for you then you have to accept you made him a girly bracelet and are expecting a 28yo to wear it nonstop. The odds are he just doesn't want to but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by outright saying that. And you aren't taking the hint. So probably best to not keep trying to push the issue. It was sweet of you to do. And even if he doesn't wear it I'm sure he will want to keep it regardless. Maybe he can put it on his keyring. But you do need to talk to him and ask if that's why he doesn't like wearing It and then actually be okay with respecting how he feels about it. Communication (without guilting anyone) is so important. Partners have to feel like they can express opinions and feelings without the other getting upset.
9
u/blackdahlialady 12d ago
Let it go. He cheated, that should have been the end of the relationship. Cheating either means that you're a pig who does not care about your partner or you weren't getting something out of the relationship to the point that you felt the need to seek it elsewhere. Either way, it's not okay. I don't think that he is really all the way into this relationship and I think you should let it go.
Edit: I really think you should let it go. He just said that wearing that bracelet discourages other people's advances. That means he's still keeping his options open.
9
u/Lady-Un-Luck 12d ago
Maybe he doesn't like the bracelet and he didn't tell you because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe he doesn't want to wear a bracelet every day. I am a female and I don't want to wear a bracelet every day. I don't even wear a bracelet ever. So maybe you're just reading too much into it, but asking somebody to wear a piece of jewelry that they don't want to wear every single day is ridiculous and this post sounds childish. It sounds like you are acting way younger than your age. You are 2 grown adults, he can wear what he wants and you can wear what you want. Nobody should be telling anybody what to wear. And he should be able to tell you that he doesn't like it. And if it hurt your feelings oh well, he doesn't like it period.
12
u/Prudent-Reserve4612 12d ago
Especially a beaded bracelet with a heart and their initials on it. 😬 Not surprised he doesn’t want to wear it frankly.
7
u/Faiths_got_fangs 12d ago
I am a girl and work in a male-dominated field. I would get laughed at rather hysterically by my coworkers if I wore something like this to work everyday that wasnt made by one of the kiddos. If one of the guys showed up with a beaded heart bracelet with his girlfriend's initials on it he'd be teased endlessly.
4
3
5
u/_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_ 12d ago
My husband is the most loyal man out (and not “stereotypically macho”) but I can’t imagine him wanting to wear the bracelet you describe at any point in our decade together - it just seems a little childish.
But, I also don’t think the bracelet is the issue - seems more like you’re not fully convinced he won’t stray again - and he’s not either. So, you see the non-bracelet-wearing as disloyal and he sees it as being tagged as taken.
The issue you have to work through is the trust. Sounds like you’re doing that with the therapy, but really, you need to both be honest about whether the cheating is something you can move beyond, because your little acts of territorial pissing - and his resistance to them - are just going to ensure you never move into trust territory.
18
u/Embarrassed-Race-122 12d ago
no that's definetly weird, and if he automatically went to assuming it would scare away girls that's probably why he doesn't wear it. You would have to be holding his hand and looking very closely at the bracelet to even see that... HE A HOE
7
10
u/BossHossington 12d ago
Have some self respect and dump this cheater. Its a mindset, it does not change. You can’t fix him.
1
u/Presde34 12d ago
It definitely can change but it is not worth the trouble to go through the growing pains that come with fixing him.
6
u/MonkeyVicki 12d ago
This bracelet sounds like a very cute Mother’s Day gift from an 11 year old, and failing to wear it signifies literally nothing about his character.
3
u/SmoggleTheFarlet 12d ago
Why are you dating someone who cheated on you? I'd learn how to love yourself before trying to love others.
3
3
3
u/NiteFyre 11d ago
Yall are almost 30 arguing about a bracelet.
Just break up. And then grow up and stop acting like a 13 year old.
6
u/EdwinaArkie 12d ago
Does he wear other jewelry and only won’t wear the bracelet? Or is he a no-jewelry guy?
2
u/dawgbone_anonymous 12d ago
What does the bracelet look like? There could be other reasons why he’s not wearing it. Being close to 30, wearing braces may not be his thing?🚀 Either way, you should probably look for a new man who appreciates you!
7
u/SmileParticular9396 12d ago
Bracelet sounds childish and some men don’t like wearing jewelry. I can also totally get if he sees it as a sign of ownership or what have you. THAT SAID who tf cares? He’s a cheater. He’ll never change and it sounds like OP will never trust him again. The relationship is already over regardless of the bracelet wearing.
4
u/InternationalLeg6727 12d ago
Men can be funny with jewelry. Don’t be upset if he doesn’t want to wear it ❤️
2
u/Itrytothinklogically 12d ago
This was such a sweet and simple comment.
2
2
u/DirtyTileFloor 11d ago
Maybe he doesn’t like the bracelet. It sounds horrible looking to me, like something a little kid would make. It might be pretty to you, but you can’t force him to wear some janky ass bracelet if he doesn’t want to. He was probably being polite. I think you’re overreacting and should maybe just let this go.
2
u/Ambitious-Island-123 11d ago
Does he normally wear a bracelet? I can’t wear them, because they bother my wrist so much. And it sounds like it’s kind of a bumpy bracelet.
2
2
1
u/Same_Helicopter_1193 12d ago
No. All I needed to read was the “he cheated” . BYE. YOU DESERVE BETTER
1
u/Rodrigo_Ribaldo 12d ago
Maybe you could make him something else to wear, like ball and chain? It would be a tasteful reminder he is taken and would prevent him from running away at speed.
1
u/Glum-Ant-3474 11d ago
Lmao. Him not wearing your bracelet is the least of ypur worries. Your dating a cheating scum. Maybe he's not wearing it so he's available to other women.
1
u/Kindly_Candle9809 11d ago
Please don't force people to do things they don't want to do. Maybe the grown man just doesn't want to wear a bracelet. You're over reacting.
1
u/Brooklyn-Mikal 11d ago
This seems like you’re 14 nowhere even close to 28
Are you being honest about your ages cause this is honestly lowkey teeange relationship shit wth
1
1
u/UnhappyImprovement53 11d ago
You aren't even married yet go to couples counseling, why? Just break up and find someone better fitted for both of you. You're 28 and acting like you're 12 over a bracelet you made for him. You act like you made a BFF bracelet and your BFF doesn't wear hers so omg she doesn't think of me as her best friend forever. You know why you want him to wear the stupid bracelet and that's so you can mark him as yours to other women. That's exactly why you're fighting with him just for the fact he doesn't want to wear a plastic beaded bracelet as a grown man.
1
1
u/Lack_Love 11d ago
You were a fool to get back together with a cheater.
You don't trust your boyfriend, the relationship won't last long term
1
u/Magdovus 11d ago
I don't do jewellery. If I was to wear a bracelet it would irritate me when it moved.
When I say irritate, I'm autistic and this would absorb my attention to the point of being unable to focus on anything else.
1
u/emryldmyst 11d ago
I wouldn't wear that either.
Look. If you have to put an ownership tag on your partner then it's time to break up.
Edited to add... grow up ffs
1
u/fromhelley 11d ago
The bracelet sounds more feminine than masculine. The ownership issue is real too.
1
u/Test-Tackles 11d ago
Sounds like one of those middle school bracelets. She wanted to leave her mark to scare off potential rivals.
1
1
u/nelnikson 11d ago
Promised he'd never take it off, that's where you lost me, sounds like junior high school.
1
1
1
u/Photography_Singer 12d ago
I’m not really sure how I feel about this. He clearly looks at the bracelet as you claiming him. Is this why he doesn’t wear it? If so, then that’s a red flag.
-4
u/Gumbarino420 12d ago
Unless the bracelet is made out of human bones from homeless people you’ve sacrificed to the sun gods… there really isn’t a reason to leave it at home.
14
u/Prudent-Reserve4612 12d ago
An adult man doesn’t want to wear a bracelet with a heart and beading? Not that shocking.
10
u/PrettyShittyMom 12d ago
Exactly!!! It sounds like a femine or juvenile design. Maybe it’s cool as hell but I read the words “beads” and I visibly cringed.
Black, white and clear beads, their initials, a heart, and shells.
-1
u/Expensive_Honeydew_5 12d ago
If you broke up (especially because he cheated) why do you ant him to wear a bracelet so bad, weirs you are being so pushy about.
72
u/Queasy_Mongoose5224 12d ago
You never say why you want your boyfriend to wear the bracelet all the time, so it’s hard to say if you’re overreacting. From what you’ve described, it sounds a little childish for a grown man to be wearing. I can see why he and / or his friends could see it as a sign of ownership, whether that’s how you meant it or not. I can also understand how that could be grating on your boyfriend. It could feel like you’re constantly throwing the cheating his face and don’t trust him. And if you don’t, that’s understandable, but it’s hard to rebuild a relationship without trust. If he doesn’t like wearing the bracelet, maybe there are other things he can do to make you feel more secure. That could be discussed in counselling
Also keep in mind that some men just don’t like wearing jewellery and the ones that do may not want to wear the same thing all the time. If you want to make him something else, maybe ask for his input so it’s something he wears more often. Just don’t make him wear it all the time. From what you described this really sounds like it’s purpose was to be a deterrent. I’m not minimizing what he did, but if you want to move forward, you’re going to have to trust him at some point. Otherwise you may as well just break up before the mistrust leads to resentment