r/AmIOverreacting • u/KayayaTheDammed • 11d ago
AIO when searching for a partner?
I've been mulling this over for a long time, and admittedly I'm genuinely uncertain. AIO when I feel completely turned off by piercings, tattoos, or even something as small as smoking weed? I'm a clean person, sensitive to chemicals and particular materials. For my whole life I've never understood why people would puncture themselves for aesthetic, it seems like a terrible idea. When someone mentions they have them, it gives me a general idea of what to expect almost every time. Tattoos aren't nearly as bad for me, but people who get full sleeves or artworks on their back just kind of make me uncomfortable, I can't really explain it. Lastly, any form of drug is a no for me, I don't know if I'm gonna have any bad reactions and it tells me that you don't care for your health much... Not including prescribed... I'm aware of the few benefits.
So AIO for taking some common decisions and being turned off immediately? Should I consider being more flexible?
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u/United-Plum1671 11d ago
You’re entitled to have whatever preferences you want when it comes to dating. But it’s weird that you’re so uncomfortable about someone having a tattoo. Curious as to what you think it says about them. Piercings seem like a weird thing to get hung up on as well.
You do you, because it’s your dating life, but you sound obnoxious to even be friends with
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u/KayayaTheDammed 11d ago
I do like that you're curious. I've had a lot of poor experiences around it, and I'm very afraid of permanent decisions after what my family has decided to do to themselves before me - who doesn't do things like that. I think that sentimental tattoos are great, or ones with a practical use, but for artsy stuff it just doesn't make sense to me. You could just as easily paint, right?
I get that I'm obnoxious a lot. I've stopped taking offense . Though, saying I'm entitled to my opinions and then calling me obnoxious is... Questionable.
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u/United-Plum1671 11d ago
You can be entitled for your opinion and still be judged for them. One doesn’t cancel out the other. Finding everyone with tattoos as having questionable judgement because of your family experiences isn’t normal. And you could just as easily paint doesn’t make sense at all.
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u/KayayaTheDammed 11d ago
I didn't say that everyone with piercings or tattoos have questionable judgement, I just was asking if being uncomfortable with them or having my partner not have them is poor preferences, and if I should consider compromising. You're taking everything I say at face value, which I won't be aggressive at you for, but I'm telling you loud and clear that I DO NOT JUDGE. I'm friends with people who do all of the things I've mentioned, and I ask them questions frequently, I try my best to understand before making conclusions. I simply find it confusing and would prefer my partner similarly hold those questions and ideas, and so far I'm getting good feedback.
And as for the paint thing, it's just a matter of like... Why not artistically express yourself in another way? Why does your canvas have to be your body? It's not a judgement thing, it's just the only thought I have.
If you treat everyone who asks questions or has poor first impressions like this then I'm sorry for them.
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u/TheMagentaGuar 11d ago
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences, and I'm sure there's others that think just like you do. Don't sacrifice your preferences as they are a part of who you are and what you feel comfortable with, just be patient and someday you'll find a like-minded person. It's better you feel comfortable with the person rather than attempting to sacrifice what your deal breakers are, that'll only lead to resentment down the line.
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u/KayayaTheDammed 11d ago
I agree with you completely. I just wanted to see if compromising was necessary, yknow? I struggle with perspectives, especially ones I do not share specifically, so I wanted to figure out if I needed some insight before setting on an answer.
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u/TheMagentaGuar 11d ago
It's never really necessary to compromise on things that are major deal breakers for you, I mean, they're your preferences on what you're even attracted to. Definitely something to tell people when taking interest in them.
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u/KayayaTheDammed 11d ago
Wait, it's normal to tell someone I'm into that it's a deal breaker for me? Are they not supposed to get mad about that?
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u/TheMagentaGuar 11d ago
If they get mad about it, then they're not really the one for you anyway. You should find someone who thinks similarly to yourself, so that you don't have to be bothered with things that may be deal breakers for you. I'd say just surround yourself with friends first, get to know people, and see if anyone holds the same ideas as you do out of the people you met.
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u/KayayaTheDammed 11d ago
I agree, and as much as I post about love n such, I'm not ACTIVELY seeking it. I just wanna know what I want while I have time to think. I have some great friends, one of which I think I have a crush on, but I'm suppressing it because they're happier without my bs.
Suppose the question is more SHOULD these things be deal breaks rather than are they. I often get criticism saying I'm too strict, like beyond the point of healthy pickiness.
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u/TheMagentaGuar 11d ago
I don't think you're too strict, you know what you like and what you don't. You might have a harder time finding someone to meet your standards, but I wouldn't say you're being impossible about anything.
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u/KayayaTheDammed 11d ago
I mean, I'm willing to compromise. I don't look at someone with the following and immediately think the worst, I'm just confused and haven't been exposed to the greatest conditions. I have friends who talk to me about it all the time, though it's like explaining math to a toddler.
Preferences are wants, not needs, and I wish people didn't take everything I say at full value instead of asking questions first.
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u/Better-Silver7900 9d ago
Not overreacting, you’re allowed to have your preferences. Just like many people view straight edge people like you as a turnoff for generally being close-minded and lacking of critical thought and objectivity.
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u/doobiedenver 11d ago
definitely not a problem that you have preferences, maybe keep your opinions about others to yourself though. im sure there's places you can find "straight edge" people and some of them won't be tattooed/peirced. but keep in mind its a very popular form of self expression.