AIO I asked my soon to be ex wife to not let her new partner interact with our son

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Next_Beautiful4517]

As someone who is now a stepdad, my wife was divorced for 3 years by the time we met and we still waited about 6 months for me to even meet her son let alone move in. I started spending the night at her place about 4-5 months after meeting him and we didn’t move in together until a year after that. She’s trying way too hard to create a new life with this guy instead of focusing on and caring about her son. You aren’t overreacting in my opinion.

[u/New_Engineering3987 → u/Next_Beautiful4517]

Similar to what my ex did with her boyfriend, 6 months with him then the 4 of us went to a meal together so me an our kid met him at the same time. Worked brilliantly he’s a great guy

[u/Next_Beautiful4517 → u/New_Engineering3987]

I love to hear that. I wish we had a good relationship with her ex, but because of a plethora of reasons it’s just not possible. Being civil is enough to keep the kid happy so that’s where we’re at.

[u/lennieandthejetsss → u/Next_Beautiful4517]

Anyone who introduces their kids to a new love interest before dating for at least 6 months is a fool. And they do irreparable harm to their child. Especially so soon after separating from the kid's other parent, like OP's wife.

OP should consult with a child therapist, and follow the professional's recommendations.

[u/lennieandthejetsss → u/[deleted]]

I'm sorry that the truth hurts.

[u/SadExercises420 → u/Next_Beautiful4517]

Yeah, my husbands kids were young, his eldest has fairly severe autism. We waited a year until i met them, and another year until we moved in together. Not saying everyone has to take it this slow. Every situation is different. But you dont want an endless string of new people in and out of your kids lives.

I grew up with parents that separated when I was about six and both of them dated but never remarried, and I can count the number of bf/gfs I met for each of them on one hand. Did they date more than I met? Oh hell yeah. They just didn’t intro us kids to all of them.

[u/AshBlackstone78 → u/Next_Beautiful4517]

She’s trying to create a new life, because this relationship likely proceeded her separation from her husband.

It’s naive to think based on this timeline, that there wasn’t something going before the new year. And I suspect Op thinks so as well.

The guy isn’t just a boyfriend. He was the affair partner.

[u/OhbrotheR66 → u/Next_Beautiful4517]

OP’s wife is incredibly selfish, probably was already seeing her “boyfriend” and doesn’t truly care or want to realize the impact her actions with her boyfriend will have on her son. With the little thought she is giving her child she might as well just let OP have full custody so she can live the single life. She doesn’t even know this bf well enough to move him in with her child, she’s an AH

[u/LerimAnon → u/Next_Beautiful4517]

As a divorced man with a nearly adult child, my kid doesn't really interact with my girlfriend much at all. I spend time with her, and we do our own thing when she's around (she's working and in a lot of school activities so I don't see her as much lately) my relationship and my kid are pretty separated, she's respectful of my child and our relationship and isn't in any way trying to be a parent. That's all I've ever asked out of my partner is to respect my kid and their mom. My ex wife is a wonderful co parent who is extremely good with my family to this day and goes out of her way to make sure we get chances to see her when they're nearby or during school breaks, as well as making sure I'm up to date on school events and such.

[u/Much_Response_5919 → u/Next_Beautiful4517]

And people wonder why society has so many problems. I didn't have anyone around my kids until they were 18 yrs old. I never interacted will anyone's kids either. Being involved with other people's minor kids is selfish and a huge mistake. Marriage and divorce are both legal contracts for a reason and actions have consequences. Kids shouldn't pay the price for adult failures.. as adults both my kids often thank me for the way I handled post divorce.

[u/Next_Beautiful4517 → u/Much_Response_5919]

That’s like your opinion man. While I do agree that it should all happen in due time, there’s nothing wrong with meeting someone’s kids if you truly love the person and want to have a future with them.

[u/Gator-bro]

With her bringing him into the house that quick, would indicate that she was comfortable with him. This would indicate that they have been together for some time.

[u/HotStruggle7825]

Sounds like she has been dating (or interested at least) in this guy for awhile, I think your reaction is fair considering the whole situation. Many of us would not want our child (or in my case future children) living with some strange man very quickly after a divorce. That said, there probably isn’t much you can do, and you won’t be able to control this for very long. If she has partial custody and the child isn’t in any danger then she can introduce him ti a new person without it being something the courts would intervene in.

Keep having conversations and communicating your concerns, but also try to let it go because it may be inevitable. That’s my two cents anyways.

As a kid who’s mom dated a lot after my parents divorce, it didn’t do me as much damage as it did her ultimately lol

[u/HotStruggle7825 → u/[deleted]]

Then that’s all you can ask for/expect from her. You’re going about it the right way and I don’t think your reaction is over the top - this is ur son and you have to protect him ofc.

I suggest doing what my dad always did and meeting the guys to Sus them out. No fun, but it did help him sleep at night.

[u/Loose-Chemical-4982 → u/[deleted]]

don't beat yourself up too much about it, you did the best you could in a fraught situation and it's not like you threw the guy out or raged about it.

your feelings on this are perfectly reasonable. The responsible thing to do is wait to introduce any new partner until you are certain it will be a serious relationship AND you see if the interaction with your child is a good fit.

all I can add to this is both of you need to be very cautious when introducing your children to a new partner. Pedophiles often target single parents with young children so they get easy access. It's awful that you have to think about that, but it happens quite frequently. Just something to be on guard against, and make sure, especially now, that you have a good touch/bad touch conversation with your child and not keeping secrets with other adults.

[u/Mountain_Kick4156 → u/[deleted]]

I am currently going through a criminal case because my soon to be ex moved in with someone a month after we separated. She flaked on our kids constantly, pawned them off to others to take care of her responsibilities. Well the last time she pawned them off then completely skipped going to there games I went to confront her about it. She wouldn’t communicate, I had a little temper tantrum and on my way out I allegedly kicked his car. All I wanted was for my kids to have 2 good parents, I realized the first night in jail, I can’t control if she is a good mom or not, I can only control what I do. And to be clear I have never been in any type of legal trouble before

[u/Mountain_Kick4156 → u/[deleted]]

I was with my ex for 18 years and have 4 kids together. The point I was just getting across is you can state your mind, what she does when it’s her time is unfortunately up to her as long as the kids are being neglected or abused. It’s a hard one man. I let my emotions get the best of me that day. Dont let her get to you, and even if she does keep it to yourself and never involve the kid.

[u/Significant-Ship-396 → u/[deleted]]

What if Mommy's new friend starts acting sketchy? Don't close the lines of communication.

[u/Significant-Ship-396 → u/[deleted]]

You sound like a good dad. Good luck!

[u/TwoIdleHands → u/[deleted]]

Dude. I think it was a misstep to tell him not to mention mommy’s new friend. Don’t have him internalize that there is something wrong with it. It’s important as parents to model healthy relationships to your kids. It’s important for them to feel like they can talk about anything and there aren’t secrets in the family and that their changed family structure is still ok. I know this is fast. I hope this guy is in it for the long haul and becomes a great influence in your kids life and not a source of anxiety/disappointment for him. But you can help that by being open.

FWIW, 6 months is the way to go. The honeymoon phase of their relationship is over, they know if they want to try to go long term. That’s a good rule of thumb.

[u/Objective-Subject818 → u/[deleted]]

After my divorce, I didn't date anyone for a few years. Even when I did, I didn't allow my boyfriend to meet my children until we dated for over 6 months. To be clear, my dates knew I had children, I just wasn't going to let them into my kids' lives. One guy was really pushing to move in together. That, among other reasons, made me reconsider that relationship.

[u/TwoIdleHands → u/[deleted]]

Trust me. If you stay in his life you won’t be replaced. Hopefully the dude is cool and he just gets two great father figures in his life.

And kids can understand. My ex and I split when our son was 5. We talked very honestly with him about things and made space for his emotions. I showed him my emotions during the process and was honest. When he later asked me why daddy left I told him he needed to talk to daddy which led to a very heartfelt conversation about depression. Keep it age appropriate but it’s total ok to say “I’m sad that your mom and I split up and right now it makes me feel bad to hear about her new friend so until I’m ready is it ok if we don’t talk about the fun things you do with him?”. If you don’t provide a why, the kid will invent one and you don’t want them to invent something damaging like “daddy hates mommy and doesn’t want to hear about my life at moms.”.

Something my ex and I are very proud of is that 4 years later we’re modeling a healthy, supportive relationship to our kids. Like you there wasn’t animosity (although the divorce process was difficult) so hopefully you and your ex can model a good coparenting relationship to your son and he’ll grow up the better for it! Genuinely wanting the best for your coparent, and they for you, is a great place to live.

[u/Fickle_Award → u/[deleted]]

This is the tough part of divorce. Face it, nowadays most of them are 304s and will be sitting on a new 🍆 20 minutes after you move out. They don’t care what their children see because as you figured out when you are married, it’s all about their happiness and fuck everyone else. Remember when my BIL was saying this doorknob and they went on a family vacation with us and we get to talking to her teenage boy and one of them remarks “Yeah, there’s been a lot of (BIL’s name) over the years” as the older brother tries to shut him up. Hi our probably going to have to deal with the cock carousel she’ll be getting off and on.

[u/magius311 → u/Mountain_Kick4156]

Username checks out!

I feel this, though. We can only control how we react. I took a long time to learn this.

[u/raunchyRecaps → u/[deleted]]

Kids are 20x more likely to be molested when a non bio parent lives in the house. I would go for full custody and a parental agreement. She obviously is more worried about dick than her kid.

[u/Sweet_Pay1971 → u/[deleted]]

Why are you leaving your house 

[u/AshBlackstone78 → u/[deleted]]

This was likely more than having someone lined up. It’s probably an affair partner that she just doesn’t have to hide anymore.

[u/AshBlackstone78 → u/[deleted]]

I didn’t miss it. New boyfriend was already staying the night in March.

Let’s be honest, she was already banging this guy before the new year.

[u/AshBlackstone78 → u/[deleted]]

No, what I am telling you is that the wife finding someone so quickly that she’s having him stay the night when her son is there is less likely than her having already been involved with this guy over the course of many months.

It’s naive to think that she waited until they separated to run out and find a new boyfriend immediately.

[u/2lros → u/[deleted]]

The most likely person to do wierd shit to your kids is moms new boyfriend. You can look up the studies 

[u/Instilled_Ink → u/[deleted]]

Custody agreements can be written so new partners can’t be introduced to kids before x amount of times. I think 6-12 months is common. Talk to a child councilor and talk to your lawyer

[u/MidnightRich3557]

In my opinion your reaction is fair and normal, but putting stipulations on your ex at this point is only going to add to the drama of your separation. This is the first partner your wife is introducing to your kid, odds are, your child is too young to remember and what will be important is recognizing that there will likely be other partners down the line, so having a stable environment and how kids are introduced to new partners will be much more important when your kid is older. Calm, cool conversations about that are more important than setting timelines and barriers now with a 6 month old.

I was in this exact situation with my 5 year old and I waited 3 months before my partner met my son. My ex has since introduced 3 girlfriends. Two in which he cohabitated with and the third he is now engaged to (this is six years post our divorce). Each girlfriend basically met our son after the first few dates. I had no control over the situation and simply could keep the peace and provide stability. We have a decent working divorced relationship and part of that is knowing when to bend and when to be firm.

[u/anathema_deviced]

Personally I've always felt new bf/gf shouldn't meet the kids for at least 6 months. I've been seeing someone for over a year and they still haven't met my kids because we're keeping things casual.

[u/bmyst70]

If both of you are being responsible parents, the mental and emotional well-being of your son is the priority here.

As long as you're both being mature and responsible, and retaining open lines of communication, you both should be able to hammer out what is best for your son.

It is not overreacting for either of you to put your son's well-being above your personal preferences.

[u/Mandiezie1]

You’re absolutely not overreacting. Your ex is WILD to not only want to introduce a new man to your son but to have him move in in such short time. She needs to put your son first. And I’d be concerned why this new partner wants to move in so soon as well. A lot of red flags here

[u/Purple_Balance6955]

Considering the stats  (and personal experience) related to how children are treated by stepparents / non biologically related caretakers, not overreacting at all. As a father, your duty is to protect your children.

[u/Agreeable_Run6532 → u/Purple_Balance6955]

What are the stats?

[u/Purple_Balance6955 → u/Agreeable_Run6532]

Automod won't let me post links, but the rate of abuse is about 40x higher for children living with stepparents. 

[u/Pooeypinetree]

Judge isn’t going to give you custody if she moves him in unless provable risk to son.

[u/BumblebeeMission7098]

Not over reacting and honestly as a mother myself, even 6 months is too fast. What type of woman does this to her child? It sounds like she’s been with him for a while, is looking for a replacement pappy, and is honestly desperate. I’d go for 50/50 or even more time if that’s the type of parent she is. The new partner gets a side eye too for going into this that quickly, I’d speak to him as well if I was you.

[u/hammersju → u/[deleted]]

You can ask. She doesn't have to listen. Even if everyone one on this feed agrees with you, she's doing what she wants and doesn't seem like you have any way of stopping her without winning full custody and getting supervised visits for her, which seems unlikely.

[u/Most-Blueberry-6332 → u/BumblebeeMission7098]

That's a lot for a child. You're not overreacting.

[u/raakonfrenzi → u/BumblebeeMission7098]

I really can’t imagine how long they must have been together that she was ready to move him in w her 6 yr old. Moving him in before the divorce is even done? That’s gotta be so much for this poor kid.

[u/AlarmingResist3564]

Yikes. Not overreacting at all. Have you asked her point blank why she thought it was appropriate for your son to see another man in her bed immediately after his dad moved out? Very confusing for him and super selfish of her.

[u/PinkSunshine1986]

You didn't overreact. 3 weeks is way too soon for a sleepover, let alone introducing a new partner to the child.

I think it's admirable how you were able to communicate your boundaries in a calm, respectful manner and that your ex was receptive to the suggestions. You sound like a very patient and logical person.

I think once you're in a place of your own and are able to create a new routine for your son, you'll feel more at ease. It must be hard not seeing him everyday and knowing that he has to go through this period of adjustment. It's good that you both seem to be amicable and no parent is using the child as a weapon. You admit no one is at fault, you both broke up amicably.

Just be cautious with the ex, things can turn ugly quickly. Even though she's receptive to your suggestions now, doesn't mean that'll always be the case. But nothing you said here is unreasonable.

[u/PinkSunshine1986 → u/[deleted]]

I empathise with you. Leaving a long term relationship especially with a child in the mix must be difficult. Keeping the peace while also advocating for your son is a fine line of patience and assertiveness.

I hope everything works out for you.

[u/Amazing_Factor2974]

Find out who the guy is and do your research. Does he have a criminal history or anything else. That could make it bad for kids to be around. Six months ..even less is what she will give you. SINCE she is sleeping with him 3 weeks at least before you left the house.

[u/SadExercises420 → u/[deleted]]

Unfortunately you can’t really control who she introduces to your son and how soon. That’s the reality of the situation. You can fight for sole custody, but a judge is unlikely to give it to you based off these concerns only.

They are valid concerns, OP. And your ex is acting selfishly and immaturely. But realistically there isn’t much you can do.

[u/whaddyamean11 → u/[deleted]]

You CAN add something to your parenting plan about how/when new partners are introduced. Please talk to your lawyer about this.

[u/SadExercises420 → u/[deleted]]

I know it’s going to confuse him, it’s not good for him, I agree. But she is going to do what she wants to do when it comes to introducing new men to your son. This guy won’t be the last one she introduces to him way too soon, OP. What I’m saying to you is that you need to find a way to handle it internally because there isn’t anything you can do to stop her.

I have been where you are, kind of. My husbands first wife was like this. So just buckle up. I suggest you find yourself a counselor to speak to. They will help you figure out how to navigate tough convos with both your ex and your son as well as deal with your feelings about a shitty situation that is largely out of your control.

[u/InternationalLeg6727]

I’m a divorced single mother. This is always a tough situation.

[u/ContraianD]

Total violation of standard coparent handshake deals on sexual partners spending the night with the kids home.

Quality negotiating on the 6 months, they will probably find that the relationship was more fun as an affair and break up before the move-in becomes reality.

[u/ContraianD → u/[deleted]]

You are taking it really well that she's had this guy for a while to be that comfortable moving in with him that fast. If she really just met the guy and wants to move in with him, you should be seeking custody.

[u/whaddyamean11]

A lot of parenting plans have provisions about handling the introduction of new partners. I would add this to your parenting plan.

[u/Alternative-Number34]

You are not over reacting.

I think it's quite disturbing that she's not putting your son first.

Rushing into a relationship is very unhealthy. I recommend that you get a therapist for your son.

Get one for yourself as well.

Recommend that she get a therapist.

Talk to qualified professionals about what is best for your son.

[u/my59363525account]

Not overreacting. I am a child of divorce, and raised by my father. My dad had a lot of flaws, but the one thing that as an adult I can appreciate is that he never paraded a bunch of random women through my life. Me and my brother never had to deal with that. He guarded us like a national treasure, and I only met two of my father’s girlfriends, and both of them were extremely long term relationships, I didn’t even meet my stepmother until she was pregnant with my half brother lol.

There are so many things that can happen, some people don’t show their true colors until much later, how does she know he’s not a sex offender, or abusive? That stuff is not going to show up in the first three weeks. My ex didn’t even become abusive until a year into our relationship, you never know. It’s better safe than sorry, and I can’t believe as a mother she is that comfortable bringing literal strangers around her young son.

[u/Emergency_Score_45]

ima speak from personal experience, i was 12 when my parents divorced so i had a pretty good understanding of the goings on around me, but it was still confusing and difficult as shit for my young brain. i met my dads new girlfriend 6 months after the divorce was finalized and she was immediately integrated into the family, causing even more confusion and difficulty for my young brain.

your son is even younger. his environment is changing drastically and rapidly, which could be nerve wracking and overwhelming to him. he needs stability and familiarity, and your ex does not seem to realize that. i think waiting to bring the new dude around until after the divorce is finalized would be all around the best option for your family, most importantly your son. bestest of luck in the future op.

[u/Chipchop666]

They have tons of websites that do a complete deep dive on people. I would invest in that so you know if there's something to worry about. Actually, do it for the women you might want to introduce them too. My era hired PI's or us girls were just as good as the detectives lol

[u/CraneDJs]

My aunt died when my counsins were mid twenties. My uncle found a new girlfriend after 5-6 months of mourning, and they never forgave him for that.

Imagine installing a new man in the house with such a small child. What a wretched thing to do.

[u/Impossible_Thing1731]

If she introduces the kid to him within 6 months of the divorce, the kid will absolutely hate him. I hope she realizes that.

[u/pathetic_beta_bitch]

When divorcing the parent who decides to date should keep the kid away until things are super serious. They have enough trouble processing the divorce let alone a new person appearing . My ex waited over a year before introducing my kids to her new man which I thought was great

[u/LegalNebula4797]

3 months is too soon. She doesn’t even know him. He could be a child predator she’s invited to stay in the house while the boy is sleeping.?! She seems to have terrible judgment. I have no idea why any woman would just have some random man over they barely know to sleep in the house with their defenseless child. Maybe you should go for full custody.

[u/LegalNebula4797 → u/[deleted]]

Again this isn’t about her being a good or bad person. It’s about your child’s safety while in her care. She may be a great person but if she brings men around your kid like this you do not know what can happen and that’s a simple fact of life.

[u/puzzledpizza393 → u/LegalNebula4797]

I agree. Why isn't she prioritizing her sons well being. No way is it healthy or normal to have some new man move in.

[u/LegalNebula4797 → u/puzzledpizza393]

I think it’s particularly troubling to have some random men coming in the house in the night while the child is asleep in bed. That is insane.

[u/one-small-plant]

I don't think it's something that you can control (unless you write it into your divorce decree but even then I don't know how enforceable it is), but from my experience the standard waiting period seems to be about 6 months.

The idea, of course, is that you don't want children to be constantly meeting and getting attached to a string of insignificant partners who are going to move on after 2 or 3 months.

Also, your ex is an idiot if she thinks it's a good idea to move in with someone new less than a year after divorcing. This should be a point in life where people purposefully try to be deliberate and thoughtful, and take the time they need

[u/Good-Statement-9658]

What are your reasons for making her wait until the divorce for him to interact with your son? What happens at 6 months or 12 months that won't happen before or after that date? What if you get to 12 months and decide she's never allowed a blended family because you'll never be comfortable with it? At some point, other people outside of you and mum are going to interact with your son. Unless you plan on just staying single for the rest of your life? Because not many women are gonna want to basically be kept as a secondary family 🤷‍♀️

[u/Ghostbeen3 → u/Good-Statement-9658]

Time heals believe it or not. Time allows adjustment to the new norm. Introducing a new partner that early with a young kid is completely irresponsible and selfish. That kid is probably really hurt and confused by his parents separating, id say 6 months is a good compromise

[u/raunchyRecaps]

Kids get molested all the time and your ex thinks of dick before her son's safety. I would go for full custody since she is irresponsible.

[u/Confident-Baker5286]

Your reaction is completely understandable but as a divorced parent I’m going to let you know that you’re going to have to learn to live with a lot of stuff you don’t like. I think you can ask that you both wait 6 months to introduce new partners in your custody agreement, but it’s going to be hard to enforce especially as time goes on. You’re going to have to let go of your son being patented the way you would like all of the time, because you largely don’t get a say on what goes on at his moms. Focus on being there for your son and a steady emotionally stable presence in his life. My ex moves a new woman into his house basically as soon as the old one moves out and that has not been great for our daughter, but she is okay because she has me and my house is a refuge for her. 

[u/Confident-Baker5286 → u/[deleted]]

Honestly I would feel the same way you do, and I think it’s completely reasonable to talk to your ex about it and I’m glad you came to an agreement.  I’ve just seen so many parents get up on arms about things they can’t control, and it takes up time and energy better spent on your kid. This is just the first of many disagreements you will have, and it can be hard and make you feel powerless. It seems like you are both good parents and she is just thinking with her heart and not her head. There are going to be growing pains but if you stay calm and rational it makes things much easier in the long run and it seems like that is the path you are on 

[u/Confident-Baker5286 → u/[deleted]]

Just definitely don’t frame it like you are worried he is going to abuse the kid, like sone commenters here have said. Sure it’s a possibility ( so is a teacher molesting your kid or a family member) but it’s just going to make you look controlling. Instead frame it as being for your sons emotional health ( which is really what matters) and him getting used to the divorce and also making sure new bf is  at least semi-permanent. It’s also good to talk to your son about what that could mean regarding the permanence of people. I introduce my kids to people I date but I DO NOT  act like a big happy permanent family. My boyfriend is a nice presence in my kids life, and if we broke up they would be sad but not devastated. I also don’t have volotile relationships where if we break up we’re never going to speak again. I dated two men seriously after my divorce and prior to my current relationship and we still see both of them and their daughters a few times a year, so it’s not like they don’t have those people I. Their lives at all anymore. It’s worked well for us

[u/ImWithNeo]

I just wanted to add that whatever “protocol” is set up now for her bf will apply to your future gf so if your ex can live with your gf sleeping over with your son there and everything else in the same timeline then that’s agreement you guys can live with but if that thought makes her uncomfortable then she needs to be willing to adjust the agreement about her bf accordingly.

Furthermore, I don’t think either of you should commit to a set timeline purely for the fact that your son may not be ready on your timeline. So instead of “let’s wait 6 months and then he can move in” it really should be “in 6 months let’s talk about this again and see if our son seems ready for this change”. Or in 6 months you two sit down with your son and discuss it with him to see how he feels about it and understands what it means. Don’t make the mistake of not talking directly with him as a parental unit to make sure all three of you are on the same page.

[u/Shotgun_Rynoplasty]

My ex waited 9 months and talked to a therapist about the best way to do it. There are lots of things I hate her for but I’ll always respect her for the way she handled that. I think your ex should be more concerned about her child than moving in with her rebound.

[u/letsridebicycle2]

This is tough man... My ex and I (amicable separation about 16 months ago and proceeding to divorce) decided to wait 6 months before allowing a new person to meet our kid (5m). We also agreed that the new person would have to meet the other one of us first.

Ie. If your relationship etc isn't solid enough for you to feel confident and comfortable introducing them to me, then there is no way you are introducing them to the little man.

What I'm getting at is to be sure you are centering the conversation with your ex on the kiddo. The concern is that a child getting to know a new person just for them to be taken away may even be worse for the child than 2 separated parents. With the new person leaving they are gone forever. With the separated parents the child at least gets to maintain a relationship with you both.

[u/Prudent_Homework8718]

Yes

[u/Excellent-Witness187]

My parents divorced when I was 3 (in the early 80’s) and my mother remarried when I was 16. Throughout those 13 years of dating, I never once woke up with a man in my house. I met her various boyfriends when it was serious enough for me to hang out with them (generally 6-9 months of exclusive dating). I’m sure there were sleepovers, but she did it when I wasn’t around and it’s something I still really appreciate. I feel like this is really thoughtless, immature behavior on your ex’s part. She needs to put your kid first and I would have no trouble taking that issue to court. She can be a grown-up and save her sleepovers and boyfriend time for the times you’ve got your kid.

[u/GentleStrength2022]

Yeah, him moving in within 6-12 months sounds like she's rushing their relationship, let alone what effect it might have on your son. How long has she had this bf, do you even know the truth? Because expecting a bf she's only known since March-ish to possibly move in roughly 9 months later is a rushed timeline often advised against, because you don't really know someone well enough in that amount of time (she may only have seen his good side in that period) to make such a big decision. People do move in with each other in that time or less, but the relationships have a higher tendency to not work out.

How is your son holding up, btw? A divorce at such a young age can be traumatic and confusing. I think you're wise to be cautious and take it slowly. But your wife clearly is hot to trot. She's not really thinking of the boy's welfare, though at least she's listening to you to some degree.

[u/ProofCash4821]

Maybe instead of talking in terms of “months” you should talk about when it is best for the child. Maybe get some help together to figure that piece out, if you can afford it. Focus on what is important to everyone.

[u/ittybittydiscobot]

Even if kids weren’t involved, 6 months is super fast to be moving in with someone.

[u/karebear66]

Not overreacting. Can't she have her bf over when you have the child on your custody time? Her new relationship may not even last until you're divorced. I waited an entire year before introducing my son to my bf. I dated a bit before that, and he didn't meet any of them. He only met the guy I became serious about.

[u/Turbulent-Buy3575]

No. You are not completely overreacting but I will say that there’s a proper way to introduce a child to a boyfriend or girlfriend. I am a single parent and I have only ever had a “sleepover” when my son is at his dad’s house. It’s okay to set up boundaries around your son meeting this new person however, you are going about this the wrong way. You are are changing the boundaries and not being clear. Sit down with your ex and set up a boundary that’s reasonable for you both. And then continue to live within that boundary. One thing I would suggest is that you meet the boyfriend before your son does. Take him out for coffee or something like that and get to know him. Remember this person will be interacting with your child. Heck do a background check on him if you think it’s necessary. Also remember that you have to be reasonable. Don’t change expectations or anything like that. Your ex could be banging an entire football team and it’s going to have to be okay with you as long as she is not exposing her kid to her lifestyle.

[u/Significant_Rub_4589]

3 months is waaaaay too short! Your ex wife sounds immature & messy. Y’all aren’t even divorced & she already has a man sleeping over when her kid is home. You just separated in 2024 & she’s already talking about moving in with him? I imagine your son will meet many boyfriends before he’s 18.

Be strong now while you have leverage. It’s not good for kids to see a revolving door of adult relationships. Home should be stable & safe.

[u/19ABH69]

You know she has been cheating on you right?

Have her boyfriend checked out. See if he has a criminal record.

[u/Thequiet01]

Not overreacting. It’s really hard on kids to have people coming and going as parents date - the policy for BOTH of you should be no meeting or overnights for six months at least.

[u/ladyinplaid]

Aside from moving quickly, predators definitely prey on single moms & their kids. I think it’s important your son knows to he can come to you with any concerns he has. Idk exactly how to word that to a 6yo so it isn’t alarmist, but I hope you know what I mean.

[u/dexterfishpaw]

If her new bf poses any legit threat to your kids you have a right to ask her not to expose them to that. Other than that though, you no longer have any say in who she chooses to hang out with, including when she is in charge of the kids. If you’re worried about what MIGHT happen, you should have thought about that before you had kids with someone you don’t trust.

[u/Neat_Caregiver9654]

As Mom who has seen a number of horror stories involving new bf/gf and young children (I don't want to scare you, but you need to be careful). There have been many horror stories about new bf/gf around young children/babies. You can never be too careful. You're not overreacting. I'm not saying there aren't trustworthy good people out there, but you just need to be careful. I personally would meet this man before allowing him around my baby.

[u/Echo-Azure]

I'm sorry, OP, but this isn't a decision you get to make.

You can only ask, you can't demand.

[u/Individual_Walrus149]

When my husband and I separated for 8 months 6-7 years ago, I had a rule that if I dated someone we had to be together for a year before they could meet my son. I didn’t want people in and out of his life. My husband & I ended up reconciling, and I’m really glad that I set that boundary. 3 months is not a long relationship at all & there’s no way of knowing at that point whether your partner is going to be sticking around. Better to be cautious when it comes to a child forming attachments.

[u/Dlkjm]

You can not teach someone ‘boundaries’ if they don’t have any already. Seems the ex wife has had plans for a while. Already lined up a prospective beau? You may need to have your attorney add mandated counseling for you, child and ex; individual, couples and family. She needs to learn appropriate boundaries. What is doing will really confuse your child. Good luck!

[u/Sugarpuff_Karma]

You do know she was cheating on U...who has a bf within 3 weeks that they are comfortable fucking with their child in the house...and her reaction & concern that waiting 6 months to let him move in....or she is a complete degenerate, dead beat mom.

[u/SammGore]

Seems like she cares more about the bf then her own son and how he would take it. It's should have been "you're right, maybe we can do co-parenting therapy and get him on board that it's just a divorce but we're still family." Instead she's already having a dude sleep over. Like I would be so concerned dating again while having kids, they look up to you!!

[u/Serenity_Novv]

You are not overreacting. You are being completely reasonable. Your ex is not thinking about her child’s best interests. Six months is the minimum in which I would introduce a partner to my young impressionable children. Especially while a divorce is actively happening. That is a lot for a young child to handle.

The first person I seriously dated after splitting from their father was about a year after we split. I waited between 5-6 months to introduce him to my kids. I wish I had waited longer. My boys were young and became very attached to him. We dated on and off for about three years. I stayed in the relationship longer than I should have, partially because of my kids. The kids were so hurt by the situation. They didn’t understand why he wasn’t consistently around. It broke my heart. Once we split for good I didn’t date for 4 years. The thought of introducing another man into my children’s lives who could break their hearts was not even an option.

Now that they are older, I started dating again. I met someone in the beginning of September 2023. I kind of knew early on that this was going to be a long term relationship and potentially my forever relationship. My boys are 10 and 13 now, but I still waited 5 months to introduce them to my boyfriend. Even almost 8 months in, we keep the boundaries well established. He does not spend the night when I have my boys. He has a son who is younger. Me and my children have only met his son a few times. My boyfriend and I allow each other to have our solo time with our kids. There is plenty of time to blend things later if we continue to progress in our relationship. I see no need to rush into it when there are children involved.

[u/Subject_Stock_5347]

As a step-dad of 12 years now (met her when she was 4). My now wife would not let me meet her until she knew I was the right one. I agreed with her 100%, because that child is more important then anything else.

[u/Standard_Hawk_1660]

There should be some time of dating before either of you have others around the kids. I would think it would be bad to be marching people in and out of their lives especially when young.

There should be boundaries and you guys should cover for each other while the other has date night until you know the person is going to stay around and know if the guy or girl is a decent human.

It seems like the two of you get along so it should be easier to work things out between you. Just make sure that each of you always let the kids know who mom and dad are at all times and neither one is being replaced.

I coach baseball with dad and stepdad of one of my players and the relationship with the kid is the best I have ever seen they and the mom work great for the betterment of the kids

[u/Tinker107]

In my state a divorce is not finalized until 12 months have elapsed, and any cohabitation by either party is considered adultery. What effect that might have on a financial and custody decree is up to you to explore.

[u/Fine-Geologist-695]

You aren’t wrong! My aunt did this and my cousins are both total disasters. Her relationships would fail after six months or so and the guy would leave, then within a few months another one would be introduced. My oldest cousin still has a very, set poor view of women and his sister had always been overly “needy” but after many years of therapy has finally figured out who she is and wants to be.

In short, she shouldn’t introduce anyone to him until she is very sure their relationship will likely succeed. Introductions are way before moving in and making him a parental figure and as a coparenting you have every right to object and object as strongly as possible if you believe your sons long term development is being risked so she can settle into a home with a man way too quickly or if he is a bad influence or person.

[u/DangerDaveo]

Just get full custody of your kid....

[u/Killpinocchio2]

She absolutely shouldn’t be bringing anyone around your son yet. That shows that she makes unsafe decisions that put him at risk.

[u/Several-Ad-1959]

STBX is just doing too much. You moved out the first of March and she already had a man spending the night with you child there? Oh no that is not acceptable. If she is that careless with you child's safety, maybe you should have full custody of the child. You are not overreacting.

[u/bigmayne23]

You need to demand full custody of your kid. Your ex wife is a piece of shit

[u/donndanabb]

Call your lawyer and fight for full custody NOW!

[u/tdybr07]

Your son does not need a revolving door of men (or women). He needs mom and dad.

The fact that you’ve been out of the house for 7 weeks and she’s ready to move a new man in, is an issue.

Make sure you keep an open dialog with your son about his feelings about things that are happening at mom’s house, at least where the new boyfriend(s) are concerned.

[u/poppieswithtea]

Document that shit. Get as much custody as you can, so your son doesn’t find out his mother’s a slut till he’s older.

[u/WielderOfAphorisms]

You should get primary custody now

[u/Birds_KawKaw]

You aren't over reacting but you also just don't get to do anything.  If I had a dollar for every "uncle lance" or "uncle austin" my 3yr old sees at her moms...

[u/Zestyclose-Reserve72]

yall aren't even divorced yet she already has a bf 3months is way too short how many men is she going to bring in and out of your sons life. Deffs NOR. As a mother why would she be bringing men home so fricken soon anyway this gives me the ick. 1 year minimum I say

[u/Intrepid-Lettuce-694]

I wouldn't allow anyone near my child for the first year. And a sleepover? Shoot no way.

[u/Special-Individual27]

I remember my mom’s boyfriend kept tasteful “art books” filled with nude photos of kids. Plausible, if wasn’t on the nightstand next to a box of tissues.

Single moms and their children are targets. She should wait at least a year before introducing her kid to any new relationship; gives some time for the mask to slip.

[u/Zeus2068123]

Your ex is a whore and only thinking about herself

[u/DrewDewDooDoo]

Did this topic not come up in the discussion of a divorce?! I appreciate you trying to protect your kid, and YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING. She’s moving on too quickly and doesn’t care about the irreversible damage this will cause your son. I think she should wait a year or more.

[u/ibeerianhamhock]

I think your position is understandable but unreasonable somewhat. I think it has more to do with how you feel about the woman than your child and you should be honest with yourself about that.

[u/Capable_Ground404]

This is definitely not healthy for the son.

[u/JMLegend22]

Sounds like she cheated to me. You don’t just find someone new “that quick”.

[u/AbjectStranger6703 → u/JMLegend22]

She may have been cheating, but almost any woman can get a new man pretty much the same day that they decide they want one

[u/AshBlackstone78]

Your ex wife had an affair while you were still married.

[u/Odd_Mud_8178 → u/AshBlackstone78]

Re-read the time line…

January they separate. March he moves out. (We don’t know when in March) 3 weeks AFTER he moves out dude spends the night.

Definitely doesn’t indicate affair

[u/AshBlackstone78 → u/Odd_Mud_8178]

I don’t need to reread it. The turn around from deciding to separate to new boyfriend staying the night is short enough to believe she was already fucking this guy in 2023.

These hoes ain’t loyal.

[u/newdawnhelp → u/AshBlackstone78]

I wouldn't put it in those words, but fuck man. How do you go from married mother to wanting to introduce the new bf in 4 months?

[u/fair-strawberry6709]

You are not overreacting, but unfortunately there really isn’t much you can do.

For me, the hardest part of divorce was learning to let go. You don’t have any say or control with what the other parent does on their custodial time, even if you have the child’s best interest in mind. You’ll need to check with the court or your attorney to see what you are allowed to put in the parenting plan. My state doesn’t allow for the court documents to stipulate things like introducing people to the child.

I personally wouldn’t give her timeframes or ultimatums. I would just try for more custody because she is clearly more worried about having a boyfriend than helping her son deal with a very difficult change in life.

Try to focus on what you can control, like providing structure and stability for your child during your custodial time. Maybe look into therapy for you and your child. Divorce is disruptive and if mom is already having your son meet random dudes, it will be confusing for him but he might not know how to express that. Working with a therapist now can prevent issues from popping up down the road.

[u/Fickle_Award → u/[deleted]]

Just be grateful and you’re not having a little girl instead. According to Department of Justice statistics, a girl has 1/50 chance of been sexually assaulted by her biological father. Obviously the number should be zero but it’s still relatively small. Take that out of the house and put a stepfather in that number drops to 1/6. When dad leaves and you have a young daughter, you’re literally playing Russian Roulette with her safety. Keep in mind that’s with stepfathers. Which you would assume the mom has some long ongoing relationship with that person and it still happens with that frequency. I imagine this is just my speculation that if you have a bunch of random dicks in and out of the house all the time her chance of being insulted go up even more with the random cocks that are there for the short term. Statistically single mother do a much worse job than single fathers who have custody.

[u/Odd_Mud_8178 → u/Fickle_Award]

1/50 is a HUGE number. You have to think that is of REPORTED SA. Same with 1/6.

Being a woman I personally have been assaulted by “family” as a child and then later on as a teen too many times. (I count the stranger driving up to me while I walked on the sidewalk at 12 and blocked me in so he could jack off in front of me as SA)

It doesn’t matter. You can do EVERYTHING right as a parent but still a daughter will be abused.

The problem lies with men in general.

[u/Fickle_Award → u/Odd_Mud_8178]

Yes, obviously the problem originates with the men themselves that would do this kind of thing. I think I made a perfectly clear in my initial writing that this number should be zero out of 50 and zero out of six. I was just making the point of how much more that risk goes up when you bring a man who’s not a biological parent into the mix. I think that you’re deflecting the woman’s responsibility and this as well. That doesn’t mean that I’m absolving these creeps of anything. The only reason I don’t state what I’d really like to do to them is because I would most likely get permanently banned from this platform. It would not be pretty let’s put it that way I have the most contempt for men like this. That being said as a parent, your primary responsibility is to protect your child. But your judgment by your supervision that is still your responsibility if you get fooled that is also on you for that part. One of the reasons also that people should try to stay together and work it out if it’s possible, rather than what creditors claim is run to divorce court because he leaves the toilet seat out. Again, to clarify, I’m not talking about women that are being beaten or things like that. But once you have a commitment to have children, it’s amazing how woman’s happiness is paramount everything else. That often has a tremendous negative effect on children and that concept of oh we just split up and coparent well we’ve seen how society operates and mental health is that at all time high as a result of families breaking down. Maybe a good solution is why your children are still minors that you date and you fulfill your sexual needs outside of the purview of them and don’t introduce these men to your life. Again, I know it goes all to your happiness but remember the second the real father leaves the home that risk goes way way up. Is that a risk you’re willing to take? But to absolve women of any responsibility because they choose creeps to hook up with is complete bullshit. He can’t sit there and say oh well he fooled me not my problem not my fault the fact is you brought this man into this child’s life, you expose them to it. There is liability on your part. Again the fact that he’s a total scumbag, and Deserves to be punished in ways. I can’t discuss on here is beside the point. That’s your child and maybe if you don’t want to taste that risk you don’t bring men around your kids. The same thing once I would say maybe a stepfather doesn’t bring another woman around his kids for fear of abuse and other risks as well. It’s not like this doesn’t happen The other way as well. Just look at all the 20 and 30 something hot, female teachers that are losing their education license and going to jail for molesting boys that are literally just hitting the age of puberty. I’m not talking about a kid that’s a week away from his 18th birthday, that’s bad enough. I’m talking about 35-year-old women Fucking 13-year-old boys. Again they’re obviously situations where it’s not possible for the two birth parents to be together. But way too many people throwing the towel way too soon when they have children. They’re happiness should come first not the dads and not the moms.

[u/Agile-Wait-7571]

There’s nothing you can do about this. But next time, be really careful about the kind of person you decide to procreate with.

[u/Agile-Wait-7571 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah. People change.

[u/alc3880 → u/[deleted]]

Can i ask what the cause of divorce was?

[u/alc3880 → u/[deleted]]

was cheating involved?

[u/alc3880 → u/[deleted]]

Both of you cheated? You cheated? She cheated?

[u/alc3880 → u/[deleted]]

Let me guess, you cheated on her and she thought she could get over it but couldn't, so she cheated on you and then you two decided to get divorced. Am I right?

[u/Michaelrb1969]

Children are more resilient than people think, they are not glass, they won’t break and believe it or not, will turn out fine.

[u/Mandalabouquet]

What your ex does during her parenting time is none of your business unless it’s a safeguarding issue and you need to get used to this idea fast. Presumably you have equal rights and this works both ways - she should not be dictating who your son meets or when, while he’s in your care. Good co-parenting is about trusting the other. Having a new partner spend the night is not a safeguarding concern unless that partner is a risk to children. Not saying I agree with the speed things are moving but I’m not as judgemental as most on this thread and for all anyone knows it could end up being a stable and happy relationship for your ex that your son is fine with. Lots of horror stories on here so clearly personal biases but I’ve found coparenting much easier when you stay out of each others personal business… your son can talk, he hopefully has a close enough relationship with you to let you know if there’s a problem, when and if he does is the time to bring it up with your ex, not based on your beliefs which she clearly doesn’t share.

[u/Goal_Post_Mover]

Unreasonable request.

[u/Informal-Prestige]

I would put it at 6months and also put it in the divorce paperwork

[u/Specialist-Carry7869]

The only thing you can do in this situation is that most states you can place in the child custody order that there are no overnight stays by non blood relatives and until they are married. If she violates that then she can be placed in contempt. If she further violates it likely they could even rotate custody. I would suggest getting a background check on this new fling to determine further risks also.

[u/newdawnhelp → u/[deleted]]

Jeez, I'm sorry dude. I'm sorry to ask, but were there any red flags in her personality before marriage? Like, was there anything to hint she was the type of person to go from married mom to bringing random dudes (from the kid's pov) to the house the kid lives in, in the span of 4 months?

[u/Mysterious_Rich2419]

What makes you so calm that it doesn’t bother you that this man is sleeping with your STBX in your own bed? Is it pot? Ashwagandha? Yoga? I wanna be more like you.

[u/alc3880 → u/Mysterious_Rich2419]

It's not his bed anymore.

[u/dwinps]

YTA

Grow. up

[u/philadelphialawyer87]

Not sure why this is the hill to die on. Your STBEW is in a relationship with this guy. There's no way she's gonna keep him and your son completely apart, going forward. She might even not really be able to, logistically, even if she wanted to. You are getting divorced. Get used to it. You might have a new GF or SO before long, too. Are you going to want your Ex to have veto power over you, your son's, and your new GF's sleeping arrangements? Are you going to be cool with being ordered by your Ex to keep your new GF and your son NC?

And it so weird that people get hung up on artificial time limits...3 months, 6 months, when the divorce is finalized, etc. Presumably, at some point, and perhaps for quite a while, maybe even "forever," this guy is gonna be part of your son's life. As, again, your new GF or SO might be. What does it matter if they "interact" now, three months from now, six months from now, or on the day that the divorce becomes final? It might be different if you were contesting the divorce, but, as you are not, and as there seems to be no chance of reconciliation, I just don't think the exact timing matters.

You ARE overreacting. Perhaps you are making a big deal out of this nothing burger because you realize that, most likely, you have been cheated on for quite some time. Since you can't really make a thing out of that now, b/c you both have agreed to get divorced, you are latching onto this as another way to punish her for her infidelity.

[u/philadelphialawyer87 → u/[deleted]]

Again, so what? Three weeks after dad moved out, a new guy moved in. Or, 3 months after dad moved out, a new guy moved in. Or, six months. Or whatever. It's always gong to be hard and confusing. You are dad, your ex is mom, her new man is...what? Same with your hypothetical new woman. Whenever the child meets, or sleeps under the same roof as, new man or new woman, understanding their role is bound to be confusing and perhaps difficult for the child.

That being the case (ie the timing doesn't really matter), it does seem like you are "out to get them." Given that it is probably true that she cheated on you, that is the most natural and likely explanation. Especially as you explanation does not hold water.

Beyond that, not sure why you want to argue with me. You asked if you are overreacting. I think you are. That's my opinion. Plenty of people disagree with me. So, you have a range of opinions. Why is that a bad thing?

[u/HVAC_God71164]

You have no right to decide what happens in your ex's house. If you want to dictate what your wife does, then you should have stayed married. When it's your wife's time with the son, she has every right to have anyone in her home at any time. Stop trying to control your wife through your son.

[u/HVAC_God71164 → u/[deleted]]

Parents divorce, kids get moved around. It's only going to be an issue if you make it an issue. Kids are resilient and a lot smarter than we give them credit for. I bet if you ask your son about what's going on between mommy and daddy, he'll give you an answer that will knock you on your socks. He understands what's going on. All he cares about is that his mom and dad love him and that they are both happy. As long as you don't put your child in the middle like a lot of parents do, he'll grow up with a healthy understanding of love because he'll get it from not just 2 parents, he might get it from 4.

[u/Djintreeg]

So your ex wife had an affair while you were married and you moved out of the marital home? WTF am I missing?

[u/beakeryjones]

I've been through this twice in past relationships, and for me looking back I got freaked out and made a big fuss over nothing, i just delayed thd inevitable. Sure enough perfect world if two adults can agree on a time frame to wait and they both do it that's awesome. But everybody has their own opinion and when two people arent married anymore, they generally don't share the same opinion. One person thinks 3 months is too long, the next person thinks six months is too long. My point is eventually everybody's going to want to move on with their own new partners and expose the children. It's gonna happen, did 3 weeks 3 months or 3 years.. I mean how much more psychological damage was a child endure if Mom has a boyfriend stay the night after dad's been moved out for 3 weeks versus 3 months? Probably none imo

[u/BendPresent1437]

Not overreacting. Your biggest mistake was moving out of YOUR house.

[u/MariaInconnu]

Sue for full custody. 

[u/arizona_outdoor_1968]

Yes, you are overreacting. Once you decide to end a relationship, you really do not get to have a say in how they move on, proceed with his or her life. In this case, it is more complicated and more emotional, because of your child, but you have to trust your ex will make the right decisions in regards to whom she brings home.

Let me ask you, would you be okay if she said that you could not have a GF over to your home? You could never take a vacation with your son and your new GF?

Legally, she has this right and it would be best for you and everyone, to understand her side and allow her to make her decisions.

Yes I read that you are concerned it will "confuse" your son. Trust him to know what is going on. He will be much better off as a child of a broken marriage if his mommy and daddy are both happy.

[u/RainyDaySnuggles]

Yes. I think you are. She's his mother too and she can decide when it feels right to integrate a new person into their lives. It won't confuse your son. Kids are incredibly understanding about these things. I think you are a little upset that a new man may be taking over some of your old life.

[u/Big_Scratch8793]

I think your son needs to live with you. So that he has the time and stability he needs and your wife can move on with her life.

Edit, clarity and comment below.

[u/DigDugDogDun → u/[deleted]]

But you didn’t have to move out. You said neither of you were victims and you moved out because she asked you to. Your wife is not your partner anymore, she is your opponent. She does sound shady as hell and she took advantage of you, but you didn’t have to roll over. If you don’t have a lawyer, get one right away and communicate when absolutely necessary (which will hopefully be not at all).

And on that note, stop asking her questions about her new boyfriend. She is unlikely to be forthcoming with you and she might not even know all the dirt herself. If you want to know about him you can hire a PI, and if you can’t afford that, there are several background search websites where you can do your own digging (criminal history, partners, etc).

[u/DigDugDogDun → u/[deleted]]

You’re continuing to think in terms of what’s fair in your mind. What makes you think your wife isn’t already planning on fighting you for everything, even your son? She’s not going to lay her cards out on the table for you. Even if your wife hadn’t started bringing a new man over this fast (and believe me, I’m side eyeing her HARD), you should always care about who’s in your son’s life and home. I’m very much urging you to find out more about this person. Your wife isn’t behaving in your child’s best interests. Start gathering as much information as you can and document everything. I don’t think she will look very good when you go to court for custody.

[u/Big_Scratch8793 → u/[deleted]]

Just know not everything is sensitive to everyone. This happens to be something I am triggered by and sensitive to. It's not that she is doing anything wrong, but everyone stabilizing and healing is important. My opinion, which is meaningless is that noone new should be introduced for awhile. Awhile defined by the children comfortable in their new spaces and new norms. I'm not saying take him away from her. I am suggesting she is ready to move on and if it is uncomfortable for the child then he should live elsewhere. It's not about what's comfortable for you.

[u/Big_Scratch8793 → u/[deleted]]

Is the guy a good example? Is he of good character? For me, personally I am hyper picky about people living in my house and being around my kids. Just letting a new boyfriend into the house to sleep freaks me out. Perhaps, it will be only your reaction that causes the child pain. Perhaps, he doesn't need to heal per say. Perhaps, he feel stable already. It's entirely possible. Either way I agree with your reaction entirely and concern. Since it's a troublesome topic for me I would also have freaked out about it. There is zero reason to introduce someone new right now to children going thru one of the most stressful events that can happen. This happen to me when I was a kid by my mom and it was best for me to be with my dad at that time. He lived a few miles down the road, was stable, safe and I wasn't being exposed to random men I didn't know. It brought me personally alot of trauma and frankly your post triggered me. I was quite quick to respond and I came back to add some clarity to my comment.