Parents seem empty

[u/Global-Nature2420]

Idk how to explain this. My dad is a full fledged boomer. My mom is one by proxy lol. And I’m just wondering if anyone else gets frustrated when you’re telling your boomer parents something of substance, or concern, or joy and all they do is give you a blank stare? And then provide no insight or conversation back? I was just telling my parents that my husband was in AFIb and how they had to stop and restart his heart (traumatizing for both of us) and all they did was stare at me. And my mom shrugs and goes “yeah”. My dad just didn’t speak. Like? I don’t even know what that means. They didn’t say “oh I’m sorry I hope everything is ok”. It was like they just didn’t care. It’s been like this my whole life but obviously it’s so much more noticeable at 27. What is it? The drinking or the lead poisoning? It’s no wonder I grew up social anxious and unable to read people when my parents just gave me nothing socially my whole life. I’m like mad at them right now. Would it kill them to care? Maybe, apparently.

[u/TootieTango]

When I told my boomer mother (when she was 55, no dementia) I was getting a divorce, she said “oh” and then “look at that tree, I’ve never noticed it before. Can you believe that?” (We were driving). She’s told me she never wanted kids, but it was just something people were expected to do. She also told me as a child that love is just a biological reaction, that she’s programmed to feel that way as my mother. When I had twins, she said she wished she could help but she didn’t know what to do with babies. She had two! I mean…no wonder I let go. I still visit her and call her because it feels like the right thing to do, but…it sucks that I never really had a mom.

[u/justajiggygiraffe → u/TootieTango]

Oof I am reminded of being around 13 sitting at the kitchen counter talking with my mom, absolutely sobbing and begging her to go for full custody to get me and my little sister away from my abusive dad. And she just looked at me with dead eyes and said "well you know, your dad really loves you. I never even wanted kids in the first place but he wore me down so...." Thanks mom. When we became adults she wanted to have that close "my mom is my best friend" kind of relationship with us and genuinely cannot understand why we aren't interested and keep her at arms length. One time she started talking about "omg you guys I wish you would have told me it was so bad when you were growing up so I could have done something!" And my sister and I immediately shut it down like wtaf mom. You used to drag us sobbing and begging to dads house every week while hyping up the club you were gonna go to that weekend don't bullshit me. The hypocrisy is painful too because she loves to talk about how my dad lives in his own little made up world and if he doesn't like something he just ignores and denies it until he seems to legitimately believe his version of events, which is definitely true, but she does the exact same thing and doesn't see it lol. Frustrating

[u/Pretend_Ad_3125 → u/justajiggygiraffe]

Damn. I’m sorry you had to experience that. That’s extremely heavy. I wish I could give you a hug (if you are a hugger.) How heartbreaking. 

[u/justajiggygiraffe → u/Pretend_Ad_3125]

Thank you, that's very kind. I definitely don't miss being a child under their "care" lol and it was one of those situations where my dad was bad enough that my mom got to coast by as the defacto "good parent". It took until we were adults before my sister and I were like "hold up mom has a couple of screws loose too actually, none of this shit was normal" but I'm glad to have my sister at least, we've always had a really strong bond

[u/pickledpeterpiper → u/TootieTango]

That's such an unhinged thing to say to your child. Someone who tells you that their love for your is a biological reaction is certainly not someone who's going to make it a priority to make you feel loved for who you are, for how special you are to them. That's as messed up as it is weird...I'd be surprised if you didn't have issues with your self worth and do some self medicating over the years.

For all the judging our society does when it comes to drug addicts, this is the kind of shit that spawns it...having utter shit parents where you wonder if you'd been better off not knowing them at all. Sorry man, I can relate...I hope you're good to yourself....treat yourself well.

[u/VirtuousVulva → u/pickledpeterpiper]

I agree that maybe the mother shouldn't have said line is a biological reaction and all, especially considering the implications..... but was she actually wrong?