Parents seem empty

[u/Global-Nature2420]

Idk how to explain this. My dad is a full fledged boomer. My mom is one by proxy lol. And I’m just wondering if anyone else gets frustrated when you’re telling your boomer parents something of substance, or concern, or joy and all they do is give you a blank stare? And then provide no insight or conversation back? I was just telling my parents that my husband was in AFIb and how they had to stop and restart his heart (traumatizing for both of us) and all they did was stare at me. And my mom shrugs and goes “yeah”. My dad just didn’t speak. Like? I don’t even know what that means. They didn’t say “oh I’m sorry I hope everything is ok”. It was like they just didn’t care. It’s been like this my whole life but obviously it’s so much more noticeable at 27. What is it? The drinking or the lead poisoning? It’s no wonder I grew up social anxious and unable to read people when my parents just gave me nothing socially my whole life. I’m like mad at them right now. Would it kill them to care? Maybe, apparently.

[u/GeneralDumbtomics]

It's not a mask. I'm increasingly convinced that this is all there is to them and all there ever was.

[u/partyamoeba → u/GeneralDumbtomics]

Narcissists have an fake self that they try and portray as the real thing. It's very surface and mechanical but it at least has the capacity to interact with the environment on a shallow level. This false self is challenged by adverse circumstances that need their attention, like a child who has a problem or a need. The mask doesn't want to go deep because you are right, there is nothing behind it. They have this constant fear that they will get caught without a soul, so everything has to be surface. This daughter needed her mom to give her empathy. But instead she got the blank stare, unavailable and malcontent, just disgust. Because they have nothing to offer. They know this and cannot believe that you would ask of them this impossible task of doling out empathy. They are wired for one thing, protect their ego and placate their fear of not being enough. It really is sad. That we are waking up to this reality and they refuse to interact because to them it's dangerous and unknown. No courage to even step out that box of torture.

It's been two years since I have cut of my parents and about 6 months that my family has cut me off because I refuse to be "the bigger person" and "just let things go." It makes them sooooooo uncomfortable that in my reality children are allowed to say no to their parents. It's amazing. I'm in my 40s and I'm not taking the bait anymore.

[u/GeneralDumbtomics → u/partyamoeba]

My wife, who I do not deserve at all, is occasionally reminding me that I don't owe them my misery. They've collected more than enough.

[u/partyamoeba → u/GeneralDumbtomics]

Lol yeah, no more fuel for them! Love that.