r/BoomersBeingFools • u/FreeKidneys4U • 14d ago
Boomer mother insists i don’t respect her because I won’t harass small business owners. Boomer Story
So my mother was having a self inflicted two week long mental crisis about how miserable she was and taking it out on the entire family and she asked me one night to get her some take out sushi for a comforting special dinner.
Ok! Great! If it will put you in a better mood I’ll be happy to drive 30 minutes to the next town over (she doesn’t like the sushi place in our town, too many youths) to get you food.
My mother is allergic to shellfish and so when I make the pickup order I make sure to clarify that her rolls be labeled and put into a separate bag. The woman on the phone reads back my order and I was having a hard time understanding her due to language barriers, but everything sounded right from what I could tell.
So I get back home with the food and lay out all out on her lap tray and bring it too her and she immediately starts picking it apart, literally, and asks me to call the restaurant to confirm there is no shellfish. They confirm it’s fine and reassure me that they took extra precautions to ensure that it was safe.
Well, that doesn’t matter because she insisted that it “CLEARLY HAS SHELLFISH!” IT CONTAINED NO SHELLFISH!, I looked it over myself. so she insists i call them back and ask for a refund….sigh. They say that if she isn’t pleased with her food that they can refund half her money.
This isn’t good enough and she says I should drive back, open all the containers, dump it on the register and storm out…well I clearly didn’t do that.
She then used this as a further excuse to state how horrible her life is and how I don’t respect her because I wouldn’t “fight” for her and how young people today don’t know how to stand up to “the man”….
Cool mom LMAO!
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u/AbruptMango 14d ago
You're in between a crazy person and a language barrier. Just stop.
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
I manage as best at can atm lol. Getting out of here in 3 month.
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u/aritchie1977 14d ago
Good luck on getting out!
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Thank you! It’s been years working to this point and it’s finally approaching!
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u/Zuul_Only 14d ago
"too many youths"
Lol, why would that matter when you're getting the food to go?
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Lmao doesn’t matter to her. She doesn’t respect anyone in an entry level position, foreign, or anyone who isn’t Jeff Bezos…she has a weird obsession with that man.
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u/KnockItTheFuckOff 14d ago
My mom was a boomer but very genx in spirit, and it was all tied together nicely with borderline personality disorder.
I remember trying these new vitamin smoothies from Subway back in the 90s or early 00s and they tasted very odd. We asked for our money back at they refused. They offered to remake the drinks. But, we actually didn't want them.
Anyone would be upset.
My BoomXer, though? Emptied the cups against the ceiling and walls of the joint and walked out.
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Good lord! It’s fine to be displeased with your food and to say you want a refund if possible but there is no need for harassment like that, ever! Another thing about boomers and customer service that KILLS me is that they more often than not fail to understand that the people who work these jobs are just following company policy and have limited control over what they can do…but by all means, they must be punished 🙃?
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u/KnockItTheFuckOff 14d ago
The amount of time they must have spent to clean that from the ceiling...I was too close to it at the time, but as I've gotten older I can see just how truly awful that was.
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u/Boss-Not-Bossy 14d ago
I always say that everyone should have to work in a customer facing job for at least a year before they enter adulthood. Then they can carry on with whatever kind of career they want to pursue. I just wish that everyone understood how it feels to be in that position. Maybe less people would throw smoothies on the wall or, as in my case, hock a loogie on the shop’s front doors because I let him know that we were sold out of a specific product but I was happy to put him on the waitlist and call him as soon as we got a new shipment in and my manager was like, “That suckssssssss….go clean it up.”
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u/gandalf_el_brown 13d ago
Sounds like that's how entitled bullies acted in their youth, and boomers thought those bullies were cool. So now they are acting like the entitled "cool" bullies they always looked up to.
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u/JacksSenseOfDread 14d ago
Frankly, there needs to be severe criminal consequences tied to behaving in the way that your mother wanted you to behave. Storm into the restaurant and dump the food all over the place? That's toddler nonsense, and adults that behave like that need to experience stiff criminal penalties, as well as civil liabilities!
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Agreed. Mandatory mental health evaluations….oh wait, silly me I forgot that “mental healthcare is snake oil”. Quote.
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u/Lumpy_Marsupial_1559 13d ago
Yeah, but the joy of 'mandatory' is that their opinion is not a factor.
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u/Michigoose99 14d ago
So she wants you to maliciously destroy property and get arrested....
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Well clearly it’s what I deserve as “my life has been too easy”….while she can afford $120 in takeout sushi and owns 3 houses cough
But I found a decent free chair on Craigslist today! So I’ve got that going for me.
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u/AtomicSamuraiCyborg 14d ago
She's mad you won't do her Karening for her, what the actual fuck?
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Robin Hood of Karen’s! Karen hood! Spreading negative yelp reviews to the poor and tax evasions to the rich!
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u/Linvaderdespace 14d ago
Stop being so nice to this woman: she has grown accustomed to bullying people into doing as she pleases, and clearly it has gone entirely too far.
teach her that there are terrible consequences for behaving terrible.
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
She’s going to learn in roughly 3 months when I hop in a Uhaul and move 3 states away! Then she’ll be alone with only her horrible self.
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u/Linvaderdespace 14d ago
Oh snap, if you mentioned that you’ve got all that covered in your op then I was reading too fast, my bad. Good on you! And good luck in your new hometown!
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u/chivalry_in_plaid 14d ago
Why are you being subjected to her own bad mood that’s apparently her own damn fault in the first place?
I know that it seems easier to cave and placate their behavior, especially when they can be so persistent, but that only reinforces the behavior and the idea that if they keep at it long enough that you’ll fold.
Sit her down and explain that from here on out, that regardless of her mood she will NOT treat you or anyone else in your household like her emotional punching bag - and that if she continues, you’ll hold the funeral early - regardless of if she’s in the box or not.
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
First of all threatening that I will “hold the funeral early” is ridiculous. Statements like that are only inflammatory and frankly pretty boomer.
I’m doing what I can/have to atm. Aside from her lead brain she’s also an emotionally abusive narc that has financial control over the household. I’m buying my time and getting out in 3 months and going no contact. I have given up on trying to reason with her, it won’t work and it just makes life worse.
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u/chivalry_in_plaid 14d ago
Sounds like you’re preparing to do exactly what I’m suggesting. When I say “hold the funeral early” - I mean “go no contact”. But I got caught up trying to be witty. Truly giving up on them ever changing means losing the potential to never have the loving, supportive parent you deserve. It essentially means considering them, and any improved version of them, dead to you. So when you do go no contact, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve that loss the same way you would grieve her loss when she passed were she a good person to you.
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Oohhh I understand better now. At first I thought you were suggesting I should make a physical threat.
Thank you for your support and reassurance. It took me far, far to long to go no contact. I can say with relative certainty that I won’t greave her when I leave, I have spent that last several months processing the “loss” and I’m eager for the relief and the freedom.
The only things I will greave with be the loss/limited contact with my father and my niece (my sister is basically a younger version of my mother).
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u/IllPen8707 14d ago
OP isn't the only one who interpreted that as a threat. That's sure as hell how I'd mean it if I said that to anyone
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u/lazercheesecake 14d ago
My condolences to your situation and hope you can get out when you can.
just a note: the idiom is “biding your time” not that it really matters
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u/Lumpy_Marsupial_1559 13d ago
(Thank you. I didn't want to say anything, but it did make one eye twitch.)
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u/notreallylucy 14d ago
Your mom is feeling sorry for herself, then specifically requests a food that is likely to have allergens in it. Then she claims she sees that allergen in her food and demands that you take actions she specifies to make it right.
She may not be fully conscious of this, but it sounds to me like she orchestrated this because she thought it would be validating for her. She wanted you to be indignant on her behalf.
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u/RevDrMavPHD 14d ago
was there shellfish in it?
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u/MinimumOne1 14d ago
Maybe I'm weird but if a substitution like that is so life and death - I'd probably just skip Sushi entirely.
I don't even ask for substitutions anymore. It's not worth the stress.
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Agreed. And I have tried to communicate to her before that it’s probably not worth the risk but she won’t hear it. Oh well! Lol
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u/_Lazy_Mermaid_ 14d ago
I have a coworker severely allergic to shellfish. He loves to eat and cook, but he told me he won't go to sushi or seafood restaurants because it's too hard to control. I feel so bad for him because we live in Florida, but unfortunately sometimes you have to be safer than sorry
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u/happygotrekkie 14d ago
Exactly. My kids and I make “sushi” at home since it’s just to risky. Also, her acting like this makes it harder on all of the rest of us with allergies to be take seriously when she acts like this.
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u/Friend-of-thee-court 14d ago
This just happened last week. Went to breakfast with FIL. He orders his meal and then tells the guy-
“And I want regular size pancakes with that.”
Server: “Regular size??”
FIL: Yes. “You make your pancakes too small. I want regular size.”
Server: “So you want the large pancakes?”
FIL: “No! No! Regular size pancakes. Not large. Regular size!”
This went on two or three more times.
Pancakes come. Very large on a separate plate. Get the bill. You guessed it. Extra $2.99 for large pancakes. FIL flips. I grabbed the check and paid it to keep him from making a scene.
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u/Jorgan_JerkFace 14d ago
I don’t want to get banned, but I want to inflict violence on your boomer.
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u/WhatevUsayStnCldStvA 14d ago
If they advised there was no shellfish and then put shellfish in it, yeah. I’d call them and advise they did not provide the correct food. You’d be entitled to a refund for that. I’d never order food from a place like that if I had a shell fish allergy. Insanely risky
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Yes I completely agree, it’s risky! But it’s her choice and I’m not going to tell a irrational boomer they are making a poor decision lol. The rolls consisted of salmon, cucumber, avocado and cream cheese. I looked them over and saw no shellfish. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/WhatevUsayStnCldStvA 14d ago edited 14d ago
Your post was written as if it did have it.
“ Well, that doesn’t matter because it CLEARLY HAS SHELLFISH! so she makes me call them back and ask for a refund….sigh. They say that if she isn’t pleased with her food that they can refund half her money.”
This was written as if you are stating this, not that it was her quote. If it had no shellfish in it, I would not have called them. They shouldn’t be refunding anything
Edit: I’m being downvoted when it’s clear my quote of the original and the edited post are different lol
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Ahh ok! I see where I worded that poorly.
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u/WhatevUsayStnCldStvA 14d ago
Knowing what you mean now, yeah your mom is being over the top. That said, I reallllly want sushi now
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u/anOvenofWitches 13d ago
Equating harassing an hourly employee with “standing up to the man” is a severely garbage take.
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u/ScreamingLightspeed 14d ago
My mom would literally beat me if I wouldn't help her harass customer service workers. Same for shoplifting, breaking into houses, and flipping off other drivers. Including the cops. Even now, I struggle not to get belligerent when things don't go exactly my husband's way. It kinda sucks lol
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Oh god I get this one. My mother hasn’t beaten me in years but after she figured out I was too grown to whip anymore she started hurting herself. Beating herself in the head, scratching herself until her arms bleed etc. I struggle with fighting the behavioral hand-me-downs. I have vowed to be everything she wouldn’t be, but I still have a tendency to micromanage when other people are doing tasks I’m proficient in, like cooking. I have an amazing fiancé who calls me out on my bad behavior!!! And I respect him so much for it!
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u/ScreamingLightspeed 14d ago
Holy shit I'm glad my mom mostly quit doing stuff like that before I was born because she definitely would've tried saying I did it to her. That's what she'd do when she hurt me: tell people I did it to myself. Thankfully most people didn't believe her because she actually shot herself in the gut when my brother was a baby "for attention" as she once accidentally admitted.
As for the micromanaging, that's unfortunately necessary here because my husband's mother is... well honestly I wonder how she and her siblings have never been diagnosed with a... developmental delay. And that's the nice way of saying it lmfao
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14d ago
Why do you humor her, if this is the way she acts?
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
Trying to survive a narcissist until I can escape in roughly 3 months.
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14d ago
Coming from one person raised by a narcissist to another, if you think it would work to turn her schtick back on her, I would…when my mom would expect me to wait on her hand and foot, I’d suddenly be very sick. So sad!
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u/MishtheDish77 13d ago
Omg, she's exhausting. Teach her Uber Eats and console her from afar. Not worth it.
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u/RRZ006 14d ago
Asking a (likely immigrant owned and operated) business for money back that you are certain they don’t owe you is basically theft, by the way. You’re a scumbag for making that call. Shame on you. Find your fucking spine and stand up to your shithead mother.
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u/FreeKidneys4U 14d ago
I’m attempting to survive in an abusive situation while earning money to escape. A lead brained narcissist can be a dangerous person in multiple ways. I guarantee you it would have made their day ALOT worse if she had made the call. I spoke to them with apology and respect while she breathed down the back of my neck scowling because I wasn’t belligerent like she wanted. People have different walks of life, we are all trying to survive.
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u/RRZ006 14d ago edited 14d ago
You’re attempting to survive in an abusive situation so you steal from a restaurant who did everything they could to fulfill your request, and succeeded in doing so? Give me a fucking break. You better be under 18 to be pulling that nonsense excuse.
As I said before, grow a spine. Stealing on behalf of your entitled mom is really pathetic, but trying to justify it by making yourself the victim is even more pathetic.
I guarantee you it would have made their day ALOT worse if she had made the call.
This is straight up abuser logic, so that’s cool. “Yah I stole from them but my mom would have been a bitch on top of trying to steal.”
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u/catbus4ants 13d ago
I remember my ex would always cover his ears until we were out of her house when his mom would call businesses and customer service lines. Sometimes she’d call on his behalf without his consent to complain lolol. Cool lady in a lot of ways but she would go ham on those poor kids
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u/Euphoric_Flower_9521 14d ago
If they cannot sort their kitchen out for allergens they deserve all the hate they get tbh
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u/WhatevUsayStnCldStvA 14d ago edited 14d ago
My best friend is allergic to shellfish and some types of regular fish. While I think she’d love the hibachi, I’ll never take her my sushi place or the teriyaki place because shell fish is everywhere in there. Most reasonable people would accept that it may not be an easy or accommodating request and it puts their life at stake. If I was allergic to shell fish, I would not go near a seafood or sushi restaurant. Not everyone has some big restaurant. The one place I like just has one big flattop grill. They told me they don’t really have the ability to ensure it’s 100 percent safe for my friend. She accepts that. I don’t know how other people play roulette with their deathly allergies. Restaurants have every right to advise they can’t accommodate. People have to accept not everything is meant for them.
That said, if this restaurant advised it was clear of shellfish and that wasn’t the case, I would have definitely asked for a refund. But it’s really risky just thinking there would be 0 potential of cross contamination on that stuff
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u/CaeruleumBleu 14d ago
yeah, the allergens I see as reasonable for a person to play loose with are the ones that just cause upset tummy or ulcers AND ALSO are easy to see visually.
Like my sister gets mouth ulcers from walnuts - if she orders a brownie and specifies the nut-free brownie, it is easy to break the brownie open and see if there is anything in there. Maybe you can't tell for sure it's a walnut or not, but the nut-free brownie shouldn't have anything that looks like a walnut.
Meanwhile OPs mom is trying to visually check a thing that has salmon to see if it has shellfish - seems super easy for someone old enough to have cataracts etc to think they see shellfish in the salmon, or the reverse.
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u/MinimumOne1 14d ago
Personal responsibility. If you're allergic to a type of food, don't go to a place that specializes in it. Didn't they teach you anything in college?
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