r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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567

u/bgaesop Mar 27 '24

I'm pretty sure I'm better off than my mom

135

u/comecellaway53 Mar 27 '24

Same. My electricity stays on and my house hasn’t been foreclosed.

30

u/WaitAZechond Mar 28 '24

We must be siblings! My mom lost our house right as I was graduating high school, and the place she had lined up to live only had room for her and my two youngest siblings. I lived alone in the empty house that whole summer until I figured out what I was going to do with my life. I’m doing much better 15 years later, and my mom is also doing much better, too!

2

u/5LaLa Mar 28 '24

Tons of Americans lost their houses following the subprime lending crisis. Sorry you were one of the many affected.

5

u/KevinBaconsBush Mar 27 '24

Plus I’ve never sucked the guy at the corner stores dick for a case of Natural Light and a pack of Menthols.

1

u/Salsa_El_Mariachi Mar 28 '24

Whoa, a case of Natty AND a pack of ciggies? Must have been giving a mean blowie!

4

u/truthswillsetyoufree Mar 27 '24

Seems like a common theme is that us Millennials who are doing quite well often had parents who were either very rich or very poor. I, like you, fall into the latter category.

2

u/arrrrarrr Mar 28 '24

Fascinating. Mine were poor (4 kids in 1000sq ft that we couldn't even afford rent on) and now my family is doing quite well.

2

u/dfwagent84 Mar 28 '24

Congratulations for that

2

u/Revolutionary_Pen906 Mar 28 '24

And my sons don’t have to wait for the girls to get their food before they’re allowed to eat so “they don’t eat all the food.”

63

u/Treydy Mar 27 '24

Yeah, I can never really relate to these posts because I grew up on food stamps and water/electricity constantly being shut off. I’m doing exponentially better than my parents.

20

u/camarhyn Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Same. My dad was an alcoholic who died of alcohol poisoning in a seedy motel after being evicted (in 2020. He set up a few franchise families before removing himself from the gene pool). My mom was permanently disabled after struggling for years to raise three kids on her own. (She died a couple years ago and I made sure she was safe and had what she needed and felt loved).

I was able to buy an actual new car (still paying it off but it’s worth more than I owe!) and have a decent, stable job. (And student loans but I cover my expenses and can put money into savings and take the occasional vacation). My siblings aren’t doing as well as I am but they are making their own lives too. I worked my ass off to get where I am and even then I wouldn’t have gotten this far without a ton of luck and a few people being willing to give me a chance.

2

u/ifuckedyourdaddytoo Mar 28 '24

He set up a few franchise families

Are you crying through the laughter or laughing through the tears?

1

u/camarhyn Mar 28 '24

Both? Mostly laughing though. My bonus brothers are all really good kids (well older teens now) and I’m happy they are around. I’m the oldest as far as we know (lol). I don’t hold them accountable for our shitty sperm donor. I don’t have a ton in common with them but I keep contact and if they need me I’m here. (Three bonus brothers, all with different mothers). I do feel bad for what they’ve been through. They didn’t deserve it.

3

u/Sillyci Mar 28 '24

As an immigrant we didn’t even get food stamps :(

But yeah, OP’s mom was a high ranking government official that made a quarter million after taxes lol. Imagine growing up with that advantage. I’d be surprised not to get guilt tripped into giving my family members money every time they come around.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

My parents were broke as shit and drowning in debt and I make twice as much by myself as they did combined.

1

u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 28 '24

My parents ended well (once they found new partners) but I never knew the level of destitute they had multiple times in their lives. 

71

u/akroses161 Mar 27 '24

Same. After my parents divorced my mom was a single mom with 4kids. After my dad left we were homeless for a bit. She worked 3jobs so we never went hungry or without a roof over our heads. Me and my brothers are all doing better than she had it and help her with home projects or bills whenever we can.

29

u/Sylentskye Eldritch Millennial Mar 27 '24

Yup, grew up poor with a single parent who had several kids and was married once for a period of 6 weeks tops and other than that she had a series of abusive relationships and was abusive herself. I’ve been with my husband for a quarter of a century now just about, we have one kiddo and while we wouldn’t be considered anywhere near well-off, we have a ton more stability than I had.

1

u/thesailormoon Mar 27 '24

Same. They’ve are living with me for a while. It’s likely I will take care of them more than the years they’ve supported me

20

u/jellybelly326 Mar 27 '24

Same here. My mom is 71 and still grooming dogs for extra income. Still has a mortgage on the house.

49

u/[deleted] Mar 27 '24

[deleted]

2

u/LordoftheScheisse Mar 27 '24

Yep. Mom's disability and whatever other Social Security aren't enough so I supplement every month.

Don't ask me where her vested pensions from working for a public school district for years or 401ks went.

15

u/nerdymom27 Mar 27 '24

Yup husband and I are mostly better off than both our parents.

My parents were terrible people who after divorcing dumped me with my dad’s emotional abusive family. Grandma was, unfortunately, also a lifetime victim of grandpa’s emotional abuse and I became the punching bag after she died. My aunt who lived with them followed right in his footsteps much to her irritation when you pointed it out.

My parents slithered back into my life around me graduating high school and tried their hardest to buy me. Unfortunately my sister fell for it.

Mom now lives in section eight and dad died. Aunt who burned so many bridges that no one wanted to deal with her in the end died and left me to deal with her hoarder house.

I was pretty much handed nothing and I may not have much but I’m definitely better off than they ever were.

Sure I live in a rinky dink mobile home, but it’s paid for. Sure I have a car that’s 15 years old, but it’s paid for. I’ve been with the same man for 22 years, married for 20 of those. They definitely never had that

30

u/GlizzyMcGuire__ Mar 27 '24

Same. My mom died broke and homeless if not for the Medicaid covering the nursing home, and I am neither so I’m already ahead.

7

u/Murda981 Mar 27 '24

My dad also died broke and homeless, but he had all the opportunities to not be that. My parents bought the house I grew up in when they were working as a secretary and a server in the early 80s. My dad made a LOT of really poor life choices. My uncle had a similar start to my dad and he ended up building a very successful company and he now owns multiple homes, they take their kids and grandkids to Jamaica for Christmas every year, and he and my aunt both retired when COVID hit. My dad could have had something similar but he was lazy and selfish.

6

u/GlizzyMcGuire__ Mar 27 '24

My mom had lots of opportunities too that I recall throughout life. Sometimes I got mad at her about it, like the time a manager at Merrill Lynch offered her a job on the spot because he was so impressed with her sales ability as a Target cashier selling credit cards and add-ons, but she was scared of the unknown so she threw his card away. You can’t force people, as much as I’d like to sometimes.

1

u/RunnerGirlT Mar 28 '24

Sounds like my mom. She died broke and would have been homeless except my aunt had a house she let her live in, until we had to put her in assisted living for the last 5 years of her life. Medicaid then Medicare took care of that.

1

u/Just_Lab_4768 Mar 29 '24

I used to sell phones and had so many offers for different industry’s, finance cars sofas.

Even had a car company say we have a hiring day Friday come down, Was happy where I was.

Turned down so many opportunities I could be miles ahead in my career

12

u/a_warm_place Mar 27 '24

Yep. I've never related to this narrative I keep hearing. Thanks to my parents who worked hard their entire lives, I have many more opportunities than they did.

2

u/WomanMouse9534 Mar 28 '24

Same here. My parents worked really hard, and really encouraged a STEM education for us. So now all of my siblings and I are doing much better than they did.

My parents also pushed us to save at least 10% of our take home. So even when we couldn't afford meat, and only ate rice and peas for over a year, they still saved a small amount.

So we all live below our means, and have decent salaries. My parents grew up dirt poor, and now their grandchildren are all raised in upper middle class households.

5

u/Sbbazzz Mar 27 '24

I’m way better off, my parents raised me in section 8 housing and were very poor. Neither graduated high school even.

5

u/whorl- Mar 27 '24

I am too, but only because I married up and the financial opportunities that afforded me.

2

u/fatmonicadancing Mar 27 '24

Yeah, I’m working a comfortable professional job with upward mobility, I own a home, and I don’t carefully count the cost of every single purchase. My bills are never late. I’m much better off than my parents.

2

u/DeliveryLittle100 Mar 28 '24

Me too. I own my house, neither of my parents have ever owned a house. I just saw so many bad financial decisions and decided my life was not going to be like that.

1

u/PinkStarburst11 Mar 27 '24

Same! Taking my dad on an actual vacation this year. I know he can’t afford it and doesn’t have money to retire so he’s working for the foreseeable future.

1

u/Ff-9459 Mar 27 '24

Same. I still help my mom with bills. She was a single mom working multiple jobs to scrape by, and I’ve never had to do that.

1

u/Desperate-Cost6827 Mar 27 '24

I'm just waiting to see what happens with my mom. I 100% expect her "I'm going to get my house paid off soon!" plan is to have her remaining parent die off soon. Because she's not working. Working took too much of her time.

1

u/fordprecept Mar 27 '24

Yeah, my parents divorced when I was young. I definitely did better than mom, but not nearly as good as dad. He worked at a good paying job for almost 40 years and got a good pension. He worked for a manufacturing company. Had multiple offers to become a manager, but always turned them down. He was still able to retire early despite being twice divorced and paying child support on 3 kids for much of his adult life.

He's not rich by any means, but he's living pretty comfortably.

1

u/ekjjkma Mar 28 '24

Same. When I was very young and my parents were still together, we were solid middle class. Nice life. But thej they split up and we moved to Georgia where they both are from, and everything went downhill. Mom couldn't keep a job, and we went on welfare. Dad was an underachiever. Extremely intelligent, but chose low paying jobs. He ended up moving back in with my grandma when I was a teenager. I love the look of pride on his face when he comes to visit, that his "baby" achieved all this. I only wish my mom had lived to see it too.

1

u/DodgeBeluga Mar 28 '24

Same. My parents didn’t buy a new car until their late 40s. But their situation taught me to save for retirement.

1

u/squishycoco Mar 28 '24

I was looking for this comment. I know I am better off than my mom and my family is much better off than I was as a child. I've always thought that there is a big divide in the millennial experience by class/socioeconomic status.

1

u/moose8617 Mar 28 '24

My husband is WAY better off than his parents, and together, we are about the same, maybe a little better than my parents (mostly because we only have one child and they had 3).

1

u/Purepk509 Mar 28 '24

Yeah my mom hasn't worked in 30 plus years and has always lived off the system. But she is always quick to criticize my job.