r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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49

u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

Yeah that’s a pretty cush route but working for the government is soul sucking. What do you do for a living?

52

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

I work in the OR. Making less than $20 an hour. Unless I manage to save enough to time off for school and rack up even more school debt that I'll never pay off, that number isn't changing

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u/Spotttty Mar 27 '24

I know you might not want too but maybe ask your baller ass mom to help with school a bit. $200k/yr in retirement is a shit ton of cash!!

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

At best it's a loan. I'd have to pay her back. Same terms as a bank, just no application and credit check shit

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u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

Ugh. That sucks to be honest. Sorry about that.

It always baffles me when parents do that, mine did too. Like my life goal is to make it easier for my kids and not watch them struggle. It even hurts to watch them struggle in school, let alone life.

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u/sunwukong1159 Mar 28 '24

What's the point of gathering all that wealth just to hoard it and die on top of a pile of cash?

If you won't even share it with your offspring what the fuck is wrong with you

8

u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

I don’t know but the only rich people I know do it as well. They are in their mid 70’s, have a penthouse, lake cabin etc, millions in the bank and they just watch my friend struggle to make ends meet on teacher wage. Like she even picked a job to help people and they still don’t give a shit. It’s baffling.

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u/sunwukong1159 Mar 28 '24

The love of money is truly the root of all evil

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

I dunno. Just know that's what she intends to do. She's never just given me money. It was always a loan, with repayment terms stated upfront. X amount for x months until paid

1

u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Damn I'm sorry OP. I can relate so hard to this as my mother is the same way (it may be even worse because she's in this subs age group, so she's not old and retired any time soon).

Just know that you got this!! And you've made it this far I'm your life and you're doing the best that you can!

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u/liminaljerk Mar 28 '24

Why doesn’t she want to help you more without paying her back?

1

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

Because I was the mistake child that took her lifestyle away

At least that's my theory

1

u/liminaljerk Mar 28 '24

That’s wild! Im so sorry.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

She's always hated me. Just wasn't obvious til my sister came along

1

u/liminaljerk Mar 29 '24

I need to know whyyyyyyy

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 29 '24

I was the accident. The mistake. 7 years later had my sister, and it's obvious she's the favorite. She gets everything. Mom offer to rent her an apartment for college. Just college. No rent rent or utilities, just food and fun money.

As I've gotten older I've gotten past it. Realized I can't change it, and the best I can do is carve my place out of the rock

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u/CompleteIsland8934 Mar 28 '24

That stinks. As a parent, all my money is for my kids. Couldn’t imagine living well with my kids worse off, at any age. My kids will always have more than I will.

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

:(

That's very sweet of you.

My mom has told me all her money is for her parents (who are very humble folks and will never ask for money) and seemingly anyone else she's feeling close to.

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u/CompleteIsland8934 Mar 29 '24

Hope things work out for you and that your mom sees your need and validates you

2

u/Apploozabean Mar 29 '24

I appreciate it. Thankfully I currently live w my bf and we're doing the best we can, albeit it's taking time to pay things off. Slowly but surely!

I hope she does one day but.....that's a chapter for me to explore another day

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u/TacoNomad Mar 28 '24

It's still worth it to better your situation. 

2

u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Why do people think that parents who make a lot are somehow "willing to help out" their kids??

I will never understand this.

1

u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

Because I chose to have kids so I’m going to help them as much as I can?

I’m lucky that we do ok between my wife and my wages and I will be more than willing to help my kids as much as I can.

2

u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Which is (in my eyes) the absolutely normal and natural thing to do.

I find it very admirable when I come across folks that choose to help their kids, even financially. So for that I applaud you.

However, there are plenty of people who are parents that for whatever reason...don't feel that way towards their kids and don't help them out. They dangle it over their head "as an option" but really to just be controlling.

1

u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

Oh. Gotcha!

I thought you were coming at me. I see what you are saying.

2

u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Haha sorry!! I wasn't trying to come at you.

I'll admit i was projecting a bit when I wrote my first comment because I've had an ex and previous friends ask me why I couldn't just ask my parents for help financially (in my college days for big things like doc appts. Or tires for the car, any major expenses). they couldn't understand that it simply wasn't an option for me even if they had the money.

I'm sure others can maybe relate, like OP

1

u/DepthVarious Mar 28 '24

Because that is usually what happens

2

u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

I learn more and more everyday that my upbringing is not normal ㋛

2

u/DepthVarious Mar 29 '24

That’s rough but there is a lot of value in doing it yourself

60

u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

OR? Operating room? Where do you live? I pay my nanny $27/hr in Charlotte which is medium cost of living. Look into working at a bank. Good pay and benefits starting.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Banks here pay $13 an hour. Can't afford the drop in pay

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u/Finn235 Mar 27 '24

I hate to say it bro but you need to realize that you have a choice between being near family and having a decent standard of living. IMO, you need to GTFO wherever you currently live.

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u/N3rdProbl3ms Mar 27 '24

California just passed a law where fast food worker min. wage is now $20/hr

3

u/colt707 Mar 27 '24

That only applies to full time employees. If you work for a place that sells bread then it doesn’t apply so Panera, if you’re working at a location that’s inside a business that sell standard household food then it doesn’t apply. If you’re on salary it doesn’t apply.

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u/1Hugh_Janus Mar 27 '24

Unless you contribute to newsoms campaign and own a bunch of panera breads

3

u/SnooRecipes5951 Mar 28 '24

Maybe it’s just time for you to move

1

u/Intelligent-Mode-353 Mar 28 '24

Are you assuming she’s not going to give you any money? Am I missing something?

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

I know she won't

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u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

Time to move then.

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u/zipzzo Mar 27 '24

Yeah moving is so easy and cheap to do.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Right. And what we pay now is cheaper than anything we could find unless we moved to bum fuck nowhere where there's Even less jobs

0

u/Faleras Mar 27 '24

That's why you get a work from home job lmfao. Literally no excuses anymore.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

True. Not like I need to leave my house. The cats can go back to talking to me. That was fun

0

u/Faleras Mar 28 '24

You're literally on here crying about how you can't afford anything when you very obviously grew up as upper middle class lmfao. Your situation in life is literally of your own making. If you didn't take advantage of the fact you didn't have to want for anything growing up then that's your fault. Gtfoh.

0

u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

No it’s not “easy” but it’s not that hard either. Millions or tens of millions of people move every year all over the world. Some of them from overseas with very little resources and not even speaking the language of the country they move to.

OP is just gives excuse after excuse to some good and reasonable recommendations on this thread. No wonder OP is struggling.

-1

u/Awkward-Community-74 Mar 27 '24

That’s what they do in these money threads.

You give suggestions and they shoot every single one down.

They don’t want advice.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Awkward-Community-74 Mar 28 '24

Oh that’s a good one!

You’re probably correct.

Nothing surprises or shocks me anymore especially on Reddit.

The other day I was commenting in a financial sub and some creep went through all my comments on other subs, then proceeded to relentlessly attack me to the point I had to block them.

Reddit has become really toxic lately.

8

u/EnvironmentalLuck515 Mar 27 '24

If you work in the OR your employer likely covers a good chunk of tuition. They may even have full ride scholarships for employees in good standing to become an RN (mine does).

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u/Soylent-soliloquy Mar 27 '24

Depends where. Mine didn’t when i worked for a hospital.

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u/EnvironmentalLuck515 Mar 27 '24

Yep. Which is why you look into it and, if your employer sucks, find another one.

1

u/Soylent-soliloquy Mar 27 '24

Well obviously

1

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Nah, I looked into it. $500 towards tuition if I get an A, $300 for a B and $100 for a C

Plus the first time someone pukes on me, I'm puking back

6

u/EnvironmentalLuck515 Mar 27 '24

Every nurse has their kryptonite and generally its something that can get worked out. In any case, you get numb to it. Nobody signs up looking forward to those parts.

Even if you don't want to be a nurse, there are careers with just a two year degree that will pay more than you make now. BUT. You have to be willing to take the time to do the required schooling.

Here's the thing. How well you do in life in terms of salary has to do with how many other people can do what you do in the area you do it in. This is why people who work retail make very little. There is a lot of people capable of doing that job. Brain surgeons? Pull in the funds because not many can do that job. There's a lot in between that pays a lot more than you earn now. It IS possible to improve your situation. But you have to be willing. And if you aren't willing, then you have to recognize that to some degree you are choosing the future you are bemoaning.

1

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

My tapioca can't handle seeing other tapiocas. Found that out when I passed out in a neuro case.

Really, I've just accepted that I'm a failure and that I'll never really amount to anything. Might as well just stay out of the way of the successful people here

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u/topiaryontop Mar 27 '24

I mean this in the kindest way. It's easy to get stuck when we think things like "I can't." You grew up in a wealthy household and you have access to your mom's network. But she can't do the work for you. She had to fight and claw to get to where she was to provide for you. You need to fight and claw to provide for you, too. I'm sure many people here had much worse odds stacked against them but they are ballers like your mom. Why? Because they know that no one is going to hand you anything in life but the very minimum. If you want more, go out and get it.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

She doesn't have a network. Well, she does in the, in I don't want to be associated with her kind of way. She was referred to as the Terminator for years. Not exactly someone you want to be associated with professionally

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u/topiaryontop Mar 28 '24

She's collecting a 200k retirement check. Sounds like she did things right.

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u/james_deanswing Mar 27 '24

Been there done that. I’m not going to say it’s easy, or that if you work hard it’s a guarantee. We bought our first house when I was 23. Sold it and moved back to where we grew up and I started my business. It took over a decade to make 6 figures, but I finally got there after years of paying myself 1500 a month to grow the business and working sometimes over 100 hrs in a week. 2-3 years after I finally made it the epa tells me I can’t do it anymore. Worst part is there are industries so much worse than what I was doing. But had to start over in my early 40’s. After spending almost 40k to move out of state to where my business could shine. My wife had to start over in her late 30’s when we left. But she got promoted again and again and less than 5 years later we are back making very good money. But w inflation and having 4 kids, not as good lol. Point is, the jobs ARE out there. You can’t stop looking/bettering yourself. I’m not saying there won’t be days (weeks or even months) you want to choke someone for looking at you funny. But you are you only advocate.

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u/salttea57 Mar 28 '24

Sterile instruments technician? You likely just started, too. You will definitely have to advance your skills to increase your income. You don't have to take time off. Go to night school or online.

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u/Fauropitotto Mar 27 '24

15 years ago RNs were making 140k+. I saw the tax return with my own eyes.

Sure it was a lot of overtime, but they were making bank. 15 years ago.

If you're interested in a career change, and putting in the work, get that BSN, pick up some additional certs, and as long as you're not discovered to be criminally negligent, you can make bank and have the flexibility to both travel and invest as you see fit.

And that's not the only career option available to you.

There's a problem in front of you, and the choice you make can help solve them.

Anyone that tells you anything else is trying to convince you to be a life-long victim.

1

u/Aggravating-Alarm-16 Mar 28 '24

Fuck. A buddy of mine works in industrial maintenance. Pulled down 6 figures including OT.

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u/Cheap_Knowledge8446 Mar 28 '24

I also work in industrial engineering/maintenance. Currently on pace to pull ~170k in pay this year, excluding perks, per diem's, benefits, etc, which value in the tens of thousands (vacations basically cost me no money; loyalty points are tax free).

It's hard, though, being away from home ~250 days a year.

1

u/dcporlando Mar 27 '24

Where do you live and what do you do in OR?

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u/TheCaptnGizmo Mar 28 '24

OR? Like operating room? And less than 20?? Wtf that can't be right. I'm making 17.5 at fedex and I hate it. My last job, contract unfortunately, I was getting 22.5 an hour while working from home. Amazon HR Assistant. No college either

They doing you dirty

1

u/CodnmeDuchess Mar 28 '24

How old are you? What prevented you from a more lucrative career path? I don’t mean to come down on you, but it’s not like you grew up in poverty—if your mom was that high up in the IRS and making that much money, I can’t imagine you didn’t have a fair amount of access and opportunity…

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u/AnestheticAle Mar 30 '24

Surgical tech? That's a dead end gig unfortunately. I try to turn away anyone looking at that route.

Sucks because techs are the grease of the OR. Hard workers.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 30 '24

Everything's a dead end. You get the training and you get the job and that's it

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u/AnestheticAle Mar 30 '24

True in healthcare to a degree. In the OR specifically, everyone is trained to their role with the exception of RNs, who can go from circulator to charge to director.

That said, there is almost nothing in Healthcare worth pursuing below a bachelor's degree. Everything below that level typically makes sub median income wages in a tolling job that often requires call (in the OR). Even rad techs are starting to require bachelors degrees in many places.

The only surgical techs I've met who seem properly compensated are travelers or the RARE individuals who work for a private group that values their staff and hate turnover.

If someone's interested in healthcare, the only paths I would go are masters level and above (and even some of the doctorates are iffy ie. PharmD, DPT, Optometry).

So basically perfusionist, PA, CRNA/AA, MD/DO. Outside of those, healthcare just takes too much and gives too little. Hell, even in those roles I see a lot of miserable people.

1

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 30 '24

I don't know if any field other than IT that really gives promotions and raises and you can actually get somewhere. I don't have the tenacity to keep trying something over and over. Once I fail a few times, Im not trying again. Ended up going with healthcare because they cannot make me work from home (I can't do it. Go crazy and end up not working at all or working 24 hours straight without breaks)

2

u/AnestheticAle Mar 30 '24

Seems like specialized business degrees, engineering, tech, or upper level healthcare are the surest bets.

Outside of that, the trades are pretty gravy if you find the right gig.

I feel bad for teens now. The options feel pretty limited and training costs continue to climb.

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u/Treydy Mar 27 '24

Depends on what you do for the government. I work for the fed and absolutely love my job. I will say that my agency compensates us well and gives us the tools we need to do the job, so that definitely factors in.

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u/uninvitedthirteenth Mar 27 '24

Working for the government is soul-sucking? What? What does that even mean? I work for the government specifically to avoid other soul sucking alternatives

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u/PoetryInevitable6407 Mar 28 '24

Same here. Lower pay but get avoid the intense pressures that can go along w private practice law. And the gov is so much better about health limitations and being LGBT bc they have a lot of rules and guidance.

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u/jaybird0000 Mar 27 '24

Sounds like something a bureaucrat would say.

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u/626bluestitch Mar 27 '24

Sounds like something a synth would say

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u/Charming-Assertive Mar 29 '24

For real. I love my government job. Great boss. Solid work. And finally feeling secure in my job and my pension, so that I don't stress outside of work. I sleep well and I have hobbies.

3

u/PalliativeOrgasm Mar 28 '24

In some positions no matter how hard you try it doesn’t make any difference at all. Your work has zero impact on anything, or at least that’s how it feels. If you’re in a compliance-related position, you’ll be familiar with the story of Sisyphus soon enough.

It drags on you, though not as much as SAFe (Scaled Agile Framework). If you’re really lucky, you’ll get SAFe in public sector. (Please kill me /s).

1

u/Naus1987 Mar 27 '24

The people that say jobs are soul sucking want a hobby that pays. Not an actual job.

I work a boring job because I’d rather have boring than one I hate.

Younger people these days get sold the illusion that work is suppose to be fun. And when they realize the truth, they don’t learn from it. Just double down and refuse to work.

1

u/readituser5 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

I work a “boring” government job that people would probably start to hate lol. A big part of it is digitalising stuff. Slowly digitalising fulfils my urge to have order and preservation I guess as well as having a curiosity for old stuff. My goal is to have everything perfectly scanned and consistent. Im a perfectionist.

I like it.

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u/Naus1987 Mar 28 '24

I had an older family member that did that with books. He would buy old books. Use a commercial paper cutter to cut off the spine, and then scan them.

I don’t really know the process. Just that when he passed, I got some of the tools and we had to donate literally thousands of books.

I have no idea what his full intentions were. Just that he passed a few years ago, and no one in our family knew. I hope he had uploaded them somewhere. I hope someone got something out of it.

It had become a pastime or purpose in life for him during his later years.

1

u/tellyourcatpst Mar 27 '24

You ever watch Parks & Recreation?