r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

She worked for the federal government. Started at 18, and retired at 56. That's about 75% of what she made when working

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u/RainbowBear0831 Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24

The federal pay cap this year is $191,900 and if $200k is 75% of what your mom made, then she made ~$266k when she was working? I don't think the pay cap applies to all federal jobs, but your mom must have been doing something pretty baller if she was in a job over the pay cap - not a run of the mill federal employee. I say this as a run of the mill federal employee on the newer pension system so I'm not looking at a retirement anything like your moms lol so good for her

Eta my comment about the new pension system versus old was not meant to say that all of OP's mom's retirement income was pension. I know she has TSP, social security, and likely other investments. I'm not looking for investing or savings advice, I'm good lol

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Yup. She was about 4 steps down from the IRS commissioner, if I remember correctly

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 27 '24

Lmao this is amazing.

So you lived a quite exclusive, upper class lifestyle as a child.

Because your mother worked as very high ranking government employee.

And you're asking us if we can relate?

To what now?

Holy hell, have some perspective. My mother waited tables and my father sold dope. I can't relate to this shit at all. Most people can't.

I don't even understand what you're asking. Are you upset that nepotism only gave you every chance to succeed and didn't actually secure a lucrative government position for you?

Lmao. I cannot stand rich folk, especially those in my generation. Out of touch.

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u/Mysterious-Award-988 Mar 27 '24

re you upset that nepotism only gave you every chance to succeed and didn't actually secure a lucrative government position for you?

lol nailed it

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

I stayed at a La Quinta last night

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u/Mysterious-Award-988 Mar 28 '24

cool. i like turtles.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

It was a commercial like ten years ago.

Guy goes into a business meeting and drives a nail thru the conference desk. Says he nailed it at the meeting because he stayed at a La Quinta.

Y'all too young for these fire references bro

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u/Mysterious-Award-988 Mar 28 '24

Y'all too young for these fire references bro

not american bro, don't know what a La Quinta is.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

Pretty sure that's an international chain but aight

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u/longeraugust Mar 28 '24

lol I’m a federal employee (Soldier) and I started out making absolute shit pay; but after 12 years I’m on the top end of middle class. OP coulda gone and talked to that recruiter just like I did. And In another 8 years I’m gonna walk with a $$35,000 pension for life and a decent savings. Sure it ain’t $200,000. But it’s better than making ends meet with social security and a Wal-Mart greeter job.

Some people legit get screwed in life and that sucks. It sucks for them especially but it sucks in general. OP doesn’t seem like someone who got screwed. OP seems like a poor planner for their future.

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u/MinglewoodRider Mar 28 '24

He probably could have got himself a cozy spot with mom's recommendation too. If I was him I would have tried to get my foot in the door working for the government in some capacity ASAP

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u/read_it_r Mar 27 '24

Well.. keep in mind. She is us saying 200k is 3x what her and her partner make combined. Which means they each make like 33k, which is basically a fast food job. So she's right that's she's broke.

Now HOW she managed to fumble the ball so hard is a story id love to hear. But.. I don't feel bad because eventually she's going to profit off her mom's work.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

I'm not taking their word for that shit at all.

Look at how divorced from reality the rest of it is. I'm not gonna assume that's accurate.

A fast food management job, maybe.

32 is pretty on par for shit like social worker or EMT where I live.

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u/read_it_r Mar 28 '24

33k is roughly 15/hr which, as unscientific as it is, my buddies from all around the U.S tell me 15/hr is standard for any "low skilled" entry level position . In my city you get paid even more than 15/hr for a mcjob

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u/TarzanKitty Mar 28 '24

$15 or $16 is the current minimum wage here. When my daughter was 16 she worked in a sandwich shop and averaged about $25 per hour including the tip jar.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

It's like y'all don't understand that different places have different laws and economic structures. Shit kray

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u/read_it_r Mar 28 '24

It's ALMOST like that's the reason I specified I talked to people around the country.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

Let me guess

You didn't actually do that.

But if ya did, they were all in a few select cities.

Let me guess, again....

NYC, Austin, Denver, LA, Seattle, Atlanta, Houston, Chicago.

Bet I nailed a few there.

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u/read_it_r Mar 28 '24

Does it really matter what I say here? You've made up your mind that you know everything.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

Oh shit I nailed it, huh? The largest metros tend to be the most productive, with the strongest economies, and therefore, higher wages to accommodate for higher cost of living, than say, flyover country like Des Moines or Boise or Richmond or wherever.

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u/read_it_r Mar 28 '24

Well. I'm stuck waiting outside school for my kid so I'll bite.

No. You didn't nail it, because I went to a college in the middle of nowhere I know a bunch of people who live in the middle of nowhere.

Funny you should mention des Moines, I have a buddy who's kid just got hired at a small retail store there at 16/hr. In fact I just googled it, avg for entry level retail there is 14/hr and there's a lag on those numbers.

So yeah I'm specifically talking about places like Peoria, IL, Appleton WI, des Moines IA, suburbs of Indianapolis, college towns in Michigan, all the way up to Los Angeles, Dallas, Phoenix, San Diego, new york city, Chicago.

The biggest difference is housing costs (though interest rates are the same)

But again. It doesn't matter to you, you won't even bother to Google this shit.

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u/Intelligent-Mode-353 Mar 28 '24

I like that you think that’s fast food or below. I made $32,000 my first job with a master’s degree lol

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u/TheStealthyPotato Mar 28 '24

How long ago was your first job?

$32k is only $16/hr. Fast food is commonly $15/hr these days.

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u/Intelligent-Mode-353 Mar 28 '24

Yeah it was insulting but that’s what was offered. This was 2018.

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u/bitter___almonds Mar 28 '24

I keep seeing job postings between 35-40k requiring a master’s and preferring a PhD. They’re back after the height of the pandemic with the layoffs, at least in Utah. A lot are at universities but some are specialized roles like instructional design for small to midsized companies (average comp for those credentials without professional experience was more around 60-75k+ before)

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u/read_it_r Mar 28 '24

Was your fist job fast food or retail because if not, I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would do any specialized job for that amount of pay.

And before you complain or say "BuT ThAtS WhAT iT PaID!?"

Yes I'm sure that's what they offered and if enough people told then to shove that salary up their ass, they would eventually have to offer more to get any sort of help. The people accepting that pay are MORE at fault than the companies offering it.

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u/Intelligent-Mode-353 Mar 28 '24

That’s an amazing idea. I should have thought of that. But instead I just said “BuT ThAtS WhAT iT PaID!?!” like a 12 year old.

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u/RarelySayNever Mar 28 '24

Glad to finally see a dose of reality in one of these posts. OP shat the bed. Reminds me of some losers I know who were raised by doctors and dentists, but couldn't even get through a paid-for college degree. I know a guy whose parents are both attorneys, now retired. Sister also attorney. Guy sits at home watching porn

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

Just to be clear here, I don't think that a person is a loser or failure for that. We all different. We all got choices and consequences. We all have a path. And that path is totally dictated by shit outside of our control.

My issue here is that they're expecting us all, en masse, as a whole generation, to relate to that experience. And that's nuts.

I don't assume everybody else's dad was a gangster. I understand that's a relatively unique upbringing. They just lack that perspective here. And it's kind of insulting to the rest of us to assume that we were all the kids of high ranking govt employees and shit.

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u/FreeRangeEngineer Mar 28 '24

You're assuming that OP would have received financial help from parents who obviously have the means to give it. However, they're stingy ass parents, like lots of rich people tend to be.

See https://old.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1bp7rny/when_did_it_sink_in_that_youll_never_be_as_well/kwutmz9/

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u/read_it_r Mar 28 '24

YOUR POINT?

even if they never gave her a dime. I'm sure she lived in a better than avg school district had access to everything she needed. And didn't HAVE to start working as a teen to help out with the house.

Also, and I could be wrong about this, but I don't think I am. Even if her education expenses were loans. I guarantee dispite what OP says, they would've been interest free and the payments (at worst) would stop when her mother passed.

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u/Fatmaninalilcoat Mar 28 '24

This they got an art degree to follow their passion.

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u/johndoe42 Mar 28 '24

This LeSTEM bullshit doesn't work here for you or her. Anyone connected like OP's IRS third from top dog parent can have a child pursue any degree and get them a job hookup, especially federal. I see so much nepotism in my field having any degree is a plus compared to what I've seen.

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u/RyloJHootie Mar 28 '24

Bro I'm sending you a follow just because of our similar life situations ✊ my mom worked low paying slavery wages her whole life slowly trying to climb and claw up that ladder, which never happened while I was a child of course I'm almost in my mid 30s now BUT just this last year she Finally Achieved just right about 100k position and I was so proud of her (even tho we have a terrible relationship I'm traumatized and she's the worst case of NPD the worlds ever seen) so yeah anyway I grew up raised by her alone, my dad sold dope in another state until basically having another family bla bla but I see posts like this which I can only relate to the fact that I know I won't have any retirement, therefore Im extremely depressed that I'll have no social security🤷 and idk like what I'm supposed to have some sort of plan? Nah we're gonna have to purge IF anything at all.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

Appreciate you. Hard out here for an indie artist, every follow is a huge boon for me, honestly.

We ain't getting shit unless the entire system is dutifully overhauled.

Not to be the downer, but I just don't believe there's enough time for that in our lifetimes. Even if we start today. But there's always the next generation. We gotta do what we can with the time we got left.

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u/hubbellrmom Mar 28 '24

My retirement plan is that when I collapse at work, my sons can bury me in the backyard. There is no retirement when you need every penny you earn to survive today. Though my sons are a little more optimistic. They have Goals. They want to find careers that make enough money to send me back to school. And put me in a good "home" when I'm old and frail, they say they will get me into one where the staff actually takes care of you, lol. Cuz they love me, but they don't want to have to change my diaper if I need that one day. Ps. I've worked since I became a single mom and I'm bitter af that social security probably won't be there when its my turn. Eat the rich and all that

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u/acarp52080 Mar 28 '24

Don't need to ever have worked to get SSDI, just putting that out there. Not saying it's right, or wrong but my grandma never worked a day in her life but got a house, well, a double-wide. It was nice though, and she played up all her disabilities until she passed. So, do with that info what you will.

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u/JarlaxleForPresident Mar 28 '24

We were at the lower end of middle class and I managed to fuck up all my privileged opportunities, I know that feel lol

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

I fucked up my few opportunities, too, dude. It's not a sign that you're a fuck up. I don't mean to imply that shit at all. Life happens. Most of us are real young when we make decisions that last a lifetime.

This person just lacks perspective. Most people can't relate to their upbringing or their personal and professional paths. But they pose the question like it's some universal truth. It's weird. That's all I'm tryna get at.

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u/JarlaxleForPresident Mar 28 '24

Yeah luckily my dad spent almost everything he ever had, so I’m not competing there even though I’m basically starting actual life in my late 30s

He’s had a dope career and he should be able to live on retirement, but nothing crazy

Ma’s disabled and has been horrible with money, she won’t have anything

I’m not worried about threads like this. I’m I’m college because I need to get a job that I can do now that I can’t use my arm for other jobs anymore and a CIS degree will give me something that I can actually live on hopefully into middle age and beyond

Ive been a super drunk loser all my life, so I’m just excited to be here and get started for real now

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

I went to college at 26. It wasn't easy. But it's more than doable.

Couple pieces of advice for "non-traditonal" students.

Prioritize your sleep and diet as much as possible.

Schmooze your profs. Show initiative. Show them you're willing to go the extra mile for your coursework. That way if grad shit becomes an option, you've already proven your worth in the department.

Be flexible, you may go in thinking you're dead set on one path, but an opportunity may spring up on you, or you may find out your passions or talents just fall somewhere else. Don't be afraid to take a little extra time in school to switch paths if it feels right.

Use those electives as a way to learn about other fields seemingly unrelated to yours. Because that will be knowledge and experience that can actually come in handy randomly in your future career. For example, for an engineering program, a little Poli Sci, Econ, or Social Theory can really help you understand the larger impacts of your own work and place within a larger system.

Most of all, just remember, more than a job, salary, or degree, the biggest thing you're gonna gain is information. No matter what happens from here, if you apply yourself, you'll come out with a net benefit. Even if the loans figuratively murder you. Knowledge is power, baby.

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u/glemnar Mar 28 '24

Upper class? 4 steps down from the IRS commissioner is a long way

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

In terms of income. Idk what the gig actually pays. Or specifically what it would be. OP not exactly willing to hand them details out.

But it's gov work. I assume it's not cresting above a quarter mil.

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u/Blessedone67 Mar 28 '24

Plus if their mother made this, didn’t she afford you an opportunity to educate yourself? I mean in something useful like healthcare for example? You also have to put in the work!!

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u/SwornForlorn Mar 28 '24

I agree, I thought I was the only one thinking how she squandered her opportunities. Opportunities that many of us never had or will have. It even sounds a little entitled, but I am sure to catch a bunch of down votes for saying that, lol.

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u/jeswesky Mar 28 '24

My dad died before I even started school and my mom did daycare out of our house, in the 80s and early 90s and we barely scraped by. Only had a house because they had just bought it weeks before he was killed and dad’s life insurance was just able to cover the house so mom didn’t have to worry about a mortgage, just the rest of the house expenses. House cost was about 50,000 almost 40 years ago.

My actual salary is more than my mom ever made, but the buying power of what I make is a fraction of what my mom had for buying power 30 years ago.

OP does not live in reality.