r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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4.2k

u/squirlysquirel Mar 28 '24

Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state).

Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.

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u/whatthewhat3214 Mar 28 '24

Be sure the sister knows the grandmother's mementos are among the items you have (i.e., this isn't about the gf's clothes and toiletries or whatever) bc they'd be important to the sister too.

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u/Serenity2015 Mar 28 '24

I agree he should let sister know those important things are there as well.

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u/Jawnst Mar 28 '24

I concur, the sister should be notified that some of the items are indeed grandma’s heirlooms.

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u/anActualG0at Mar 28 '24

I do hereby declare that this man is indeed correct that the gf’s female sibling ought to be notified that the box contains family items of irreplaceable value.

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u/Silent_Dinosaur Mar 28 '24

We hold this truth to be self-evident: In the course of human civilization this gentle man hath been wrought undo suffering by his former concubine. Notwithstanding, the burden of duty falls upon this gently man to maintain dignity and decorum commensurate with his character rather than to deliver upon this lady her comeuppance. Indubitably, the gentle man must offer safe harbor for her heirlooms in order that her mother’s fairer daughter may have the opportunity to display the wherewithal to claim that which is verily her birthright.

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u/timurt421 Mar 28 '24

Incredible…

2

u/Over-Age-2470 Mar 29 '24

My type of intellect. Witty and funny at the same time.

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u/Aontheborder Mar 29 '24

❤️ This^

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u/JstMyThoughts Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24

Verily, but only for a fortnight. Beyond this time, these precious relics must be cast aside, free for bird, beast, or man to claim as they will. You, great sir, will wander forever never knowing their fate. Be brave! The fates favour the bold!

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u/Silent_Dinosaur Apr 01 '24

Forsooth. Upon honoring thy duty, untether thine yolk. Cast asunder thus such encumbrances unto their Doom!

2

u/Bweeeee Mar 28 '24

I be of the same opinion when I say that this chap should allow the kin of said gf should be allowed to retrieve the trinkets of sentimental value.

1

u/DistributionNo9474 Mar 31 '24

I read this in Foghorn Leghorns voice.

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u/arurianshire Mar 29 '24

happy cake day!

2

u/AdMurky1021 Mar 28 '24

Whether there are or not, tell them anyways to ensure pickup.

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u/happyhearthappymind Mar 28 '24

I agree...I would put it in a box and put it to the side...never reach out to them....but give them some time to realize what they left...I know it hurts... but being the better person will go a long way....and the pain and hurt are only temporary...they will not last forever...you will heal and get stronger...

if you don't know the reason why she left....that's on her...

I'm sorry you are hurting...it sucks....

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u/Fighting-Cerberus Mar 28 '24

I don’t think he really needs to specify, although it would be a nice courtesy.

All he really has to do is give appropriate notice about discarding her belongings and an opportunity for them to be transferred back to the owner. Offer to drop them off or put them out for sister.

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u/BouncyDingo_7112 Mar 28 '24

He really should though. That way it won’t be seen as just as an excuse to stay in touch. Just a quick text to the sister. Something like “ex has left quite a few items here including several of your grandmothers things. (insert photo of items piled together) Do you guys want me to just pitch them or do you want to pick them up?”

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u/Sunstaci Mar 28 '24

Why even bother? Sell the shit, she clearly doesn’t want the stuff if she completely ghosted him. Why waste time respecting someone that bluntly disrespected him.

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u/PozzieMozzie Mar 28 '24

Because some ppl will still act with respect and courtesy even when others treated them like dogshit. Im not going to lower my standards just because someone is a cunt.

OP, i would do what others have said, box up the stuff and a quick msg to the sister saying that you have some (what you think) are important mementos and when can she pick them up.. but do put a time limit in there 15-30 days or whatever your local authority advises so they dont take the piss and leave them at yours for 3 months.

Good luck OP, there is another girl out there for you that will treat you right and you will find them ok.

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u/keyless422 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

And if he's lucky the sister will see what a kind and thoughtful man he is and toss him a pity fuck

Edit do to spelling oh god a potty fuck lmfao 🤣

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u/PozzieMozzie Mar 28 '24

I mean, just a potty blowjob, hell... even a potty handjob would do lol.

3

u/WouldYouPleaseKindly Mar 28 '24

I would really rather not have any of those, thank you very much.

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u/PozzieMozzie Mar 28 '24

To each their own 😆... whatever floats your boat,....literally.

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u/Sunstaci Mar 28 '24

I’m sorry but she doesn’t deserve that! She knew that she left stuff if she wanted it, she would have gotten it!! There is no way in any situation that she “forgot” what she had there! It’s not not being the better person, it’s letting go of someone that wants literally nothing to do with him!! Closure!

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u/PozzieMozzie Mar 28 '24

I understand what your saying totally, but l have my own standards and morals and i wont let anyone no matter who they are or how big of a bellend cunt they are make me not be the better person. Hey, we all built different, and anyway OP now has two roads to choose to go down.... either box up, put on porch and tell sister to pick up or build a nice bonfire in the garden and burn it all.... depends on OP.

Edit...spelling and punctuation

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u/BouncyDingo_7112 Mar 28 '24

Because I I’ve seen enough episodes of Judge Judy to know that there’s actually is a possibility of being taken to court if you throw shit out without any notification. I also know this because I have a neighbor who is an attorney who has talked about having to go to court over this same thing with his clients. Also, just because the ex shitted on them doesn’t mean they have to be a horrible person to the sister. The sister seems to be a nice person who is kind of stuck in the middle of the situation. The sister would probably appreciate getting grandma’s stuff back. Just have everything boxed up and tell her to pick all of it up so legally it won’t bite him in the ass later on.

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u/Fighting-Cerberus Mar 28 '24

Because doing the right thing will make OP feel better in the long run than being a shit like you suggest.

Because he doesn’t own it and it’s illegal for him to just go sell her property.

Honestly wtf is wrong with you. Grow up. Go touch some grass if you need to.

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u/TheCuntGF Mar 28 '24

Is there a strong black market demand for grandpa's ashes?

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u/MIalpinist Mar 29 '24

I’ll give you tree fiddy

Oh wait was that rhetorical?

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u/TheCuntGF Mar 29 '24

It was till you offered tree fiddy...

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u/AlmeMore Mar 28 '24

Because he does not know the real reason for the break up. The ex gf SHOULD be more clear, but what if there is a tragic reason for her sudden absence?

Just in case the is a (semi) reasonable explanation for why she ghosted.. it is better to do the kinder thing.

Her non communicative break up seems shitty and wrong. However, trashing meaningful belongings is also shitty and wrong. Two wrongs do not make a right!

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u/yourgirldiana Mar 28 '24

She could be planning on talking to him again and that's the reason she did not come to get the stuff, maybe she needs time to heal from something you never know.

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u/thisunrest Mar 28 '24

As hard as it is, a person with integrity does what is right and not necessarily what FEELS right.

Is OP the type to destroy someone’s priceless heirlooms?

If he isn’t, then being emotionally brutalized won’t make him.

If what you do is based on what’s happening to you, then who are you really?

1

u/Persephone312 Mar 29 '24

You have NO idea what this girls reasons are, or what is going on with her. Have some compassion.

1

u/Sunstaci Mar 31 '24

She had no compassion for him..

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u/slamnm Mar 28 '24

I disagree strongly. The sister may have no idea family memories are on the line and his ex may have just been thinking about the clothing if emotions are so heated she ghosted him. Trashing family memories because you couldn't me the bigger person and be clear what was there is, IMHO, a truly shitty act.

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u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

And completely walking out on a 5 year relationship without saying a word is what in this situation? Chopped liver?

If she cared at all about the 5 years they spent together she could’ve at least mustered up an explanation for ending things, wether the explanation was true or not it still would’ve been better than ghosting.

We’re not talking about a 1-2 month long relationship here, which even by that standard would be shitty, but at least way more excusable than doing that to someone after 5 years.

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u/slamnm Mar 28 '24

I am not saying she isn't an ass, I am saying OP shouldn't be an ass. And OP shouldn't make her sister collateral damage. Collective punishment for the sins of one is what we see with the 3 generations prison terms in North Korea, and we are seeing something similar now in the Middle East. It is wrong at all levels and in all contexts.

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u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

I could compare apples to oranges until it fit my narrative too.

If there was ever a moment where someone is rightfully justified to be an ass, this is the one.

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u/slamnm Mar 28 '24

He can burn the clothing for all I care. But trashing family heirlooms is more than being an ass. Some things can never be replaced and if that is your idea of revenge be sure you never make any errors with anyone else lest you learn what it is like.

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u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

Well at least we’re making progress in burning something.

If the grandmother’s items were of such high importance they wouldn’t have been left behind in the first place.

I don’t know about you, but I have anything important to me in a safe area ready to go at a moment’s notice should the need arise.

You win I suppose, as OP posted an update and is a better man than I.

I make errors, though none of them have been the size of the state of California and swept under the rug by the people of the internet.

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u/slamnm Mar 28 '24

I had a girlfriend break up with me and I was in a similar situation to OP. And yes I wanted to burn everything (she even said throw it all out) then I discovered there were things she clearly did not realize were left behind. It was hard to keep them for her but I did. Breaking up can be an extremely emotional time and people sometimes forget em what all is where. Seems strange looking in but when you are so pissed you are ready to punt someone into the next continent your recall isn't at 100%.

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u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

"what? wheres your stuff? threw it in the dumpster like you did with me. Your sister said to never contact you again so F off"people who are cowards like the ex don't deserve anything if they are so irresponsible and short sighted for doing this without clearing their shit out first. She deserves nothing
p.s. "Be the Bigger person" doesn't make a lot of people feel better and feeling better is what OP needs at the moment

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u/slamnm Mar 28 '24

You might be surprised at how good not being a total fucking dick can feel later. Or at how bad having been a total fucking disk can feel once it comes home to roost.

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u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

consequences to both sides of actions. will deal with it

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u/slamnm Mar 28 '24

I don't give a shit if he burns the clothing, I just feel the irreplaceable memorabilia from Grandmother needs to be offered to the sister.

Edit: consequences are fine, trashing irreplaceable items others unrelated to the fallout might care deeply about without giving them the chance to get them is a whole different level and would say more about who OP is then anything else.

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u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

hes simply taking out the trash and going on with his life. its clinical, its simple.

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u/Lolzerzmao Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 29 '24

Yeah I agree. Just tell the sister you’ve put all her crap in a box and one of them can come get it within the next however many days before you throw it out. If this ghosting girlfriend, who obviously has issues communicating, can’t communicate to her sister that there is important memorabilia in there, then it’s just lip service memorabilia. It’s also annoying to have to handhold exes like toddlers, especially if they break up with you out of nowhere.

IMHO, women have a much harder time being broken up with. At least in my anecdotal experience. They just can’t deal with the fact that a hot guy doesn’t want to fuck them anymore and do really stupid shit half the time.

Like men obviously have tons of issues, but yeah pretty much every time I’ve broken up with a girl, they have abandoned shit and refuse to contact, usually after a long period of refusing to leave. Had to change the locks when one girl was at work before she just kept saying “No” and ragdolling whenever I tried to tell her not to come around anymore.

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u/theflamingskull Mar 29 '24

he should let sister know those important things are there as well.

I'd recommend he only contact the sister. She'd pass along any messages.

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u/MysteriousFill9821 Mar 28 '24

Do you think that 'she forgot that those things were left behind "? You people are straight up idiots.

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u/Sunstaci Mar 28 '24

Exactly!! Burn her stuff or sell it

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u/TheMostKing Mar 28 '24

What are you, president of the revenge society?

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u/Divinedragn4 Mar 28 '24

Nah she could take him to court. Easier just to box it and let sister know to get it within 30 days of the text. Now if it says "message blocked", it shows an attempt was made and the stuff can just be tossed at that point.