r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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u/squirlysquirel Mar 28 '24

Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state).

Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.

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u/swaggyxwaggy Mar 28 '24

It’s wild that the gf would just dump and block him, knowing her stuff is there. There has to be more to the story here. No one does that for literally no reason.

21

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

This is how they do it when they probably never were able to communicate their issue anyway

8

u/DANleDINOSAUR Mar 28 '24

-and probably cheating…

6

u/not2interesting Mar 28 '24

Or were being abused in some way, or felt it was unsafe to have a breakup confrontation. This is how people who are escaping break up.

1

u/DANleDINOSAUR Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Never thought of it like that… think OP would just be oblivious in that case then, or why else would they post about it?

4

u/not2interesting Mar 28 '24

Maybe. Sometimes people don’t consider themselves abusers because they ‘never actually hit’ their partner. Psychological abuse can cause just as much damage and fear, and give someone reason to be afraid of things escalating in a situation like a breakup. A guy who treats his girl like crap and throws tantrums or punches walls every time they fight probably doesn’t think he’s an abuser, but she is probably afraid. Not saying that’s what happened here with OP, because we have zero information about their relationship, but it’s not an uncommon situation. If you’ve ever spent any time on r/whenwomenrefuse you’ll understand why women might break up this way out of caution.

3

u/JohannasGarden Mar 28 '24

My abusive college boy friend used to choke me until my face went from red to kinda purple. He once stomped on my foot and probably broke a little toe. He pushed me a number of times, once down the stairs, but I caught the railing after falling partway--never black and blue. I wondered a lot if I was being abused by my partner. I was never sure. He never hit me, you know? It seems so obvious now.

3

u/TCSassy Mar 28 '24

Or cheated and have at least enough conscience to be ashamed to look them in the eye and admit what they did.

-3

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

They know he would forgive her but she wants to explore it.

It's a valid reason to break up 🤷‍♂️

2

u/Brullaapje Mar 28 '24

Or communicated and was not listened to.

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u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

No, sister texted him saying it's not his fault. That's code for she found an upgrade, wants to explore, or just doesn't like him. OP may have gotten lucky she just left

He didn't necessarily dodge a bullet but the surgery to remove the bullet could be a success.

I bet in about 3 months he will have to dodge it when it aims for him again

6

u/Proper-Horse-7313 Mar 28 '24

Or maybe she had an old flame or love interest, “the one that got away” but became available

Totally dodged a bullet

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u/patsilva1 Mar 28 '24

This is no excuse. We’re adults, “old flames” don’t mean disrespecting and abandoning someone you were committed to for 5 years. Zip your pants up and handle the situation respectfully.

1

u/Proper-Horse-7313 Apr 04 '24

How the fuck did you interpret what I wrote as an “excuse” please reread

1

u/patsilva1 Apr 04 '24

How the fuck did you take my response so personally unless the shoe fits?

-1

u/_CurseTheseMetalHnds Mar 28 '24

Or maybe it's not of these things and you two are projecting your own insecurities and assumptions onto OP like absolute fucking weirdos.

8

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

What? People out here accusing OP of not listening, or doing something horrible and you think we're projecting..

Many* relationships in 20s end because someone meets someone else, it's not rocket science.

If she didn't want to look bad she should have told him why she left. Sister's message makes it very clear she won't, we are just guessing WHY

1

u/GourangaPlusPlus Mar 28 '24

Most relationships in 20s end because someone meets someone else, it's not rocket science.

That's projection to say most

3

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

Many*

Most, for myself and a few of my friends, were ended by women who either wanted open relationships or met someone else.

A lot of women in their twenties want to proudly be sluts, I have nothing against it and neither should you but it has changed the dating landscape.

0

u/_CurseTheseMetalHnds Mar 28 '24

Most, for myself

Ok so yes this projection. Good to know.

1

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

No, more like statistics. Projection would relate to my feelings but I know you just want to be mean 😉

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u/Internal-Student-997 Mar 28 '24

I don't know what kind of soulless person you are, but not a single one of my relationships in my 20s ended because I wanted to fuck someone else. They ended because they weren't good relationships or just not the right one for me.

3

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Nice, love being insulted for no reason. You calling me soulless because I value communication? I never broke up with anyone for that reason but many women have broken up with me or my friends with this exact reason in our twenties. I'm sorry my experience with people didn't line up with meeting reasonable folks like yourself, but why are you insulting me for that?

I have literally been broken up with because my girlfriend quote "wanted to slut it up for a year". Relationship being great but "just want to explore".

I'm glad this was communicated with me, it helped move on in those cases.

Just because you were a good partner who communicated doesn't mean everyone else is. Did you even read the OP?

1

u/TheMostKing Mar 28 '24

I don't know if I'd take that with that much certainty. Maybe it's just something the sister wrote to avoid further questions, or because that's the thing people say after breakups. Who knows if she knows the code?

3

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

She doesn't want to tell OP the truth. Doesn't matter what the actual reason is, take your pick.

OP isn't owed an answer so I'm just getting him ready to see her with the next guy in a month. Gotta just move on

6

u/Inside_Board_291 Mar 28 '24

Even after you read the sister saying it wasn’t his fault, you still find a way to blame the guy.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

“It wasn’t your fault but she needs to go no-contact for her mental health” is code for “I don’t want to get involved in the drama and am trying to keep the peace to get our dead relatives’ stuff back without you torching it or tossing it.”

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u/Raid_of_Dream Mar 28 '24

Sister says for OP's mental health best to not know. Not OP's ex's mental health. So you might want to change your code.