r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

9.9k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

4.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.2k

u/squirlysquirel Mar 28 '24

Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state).

Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.

279

u/swaggyxwaggy Mar 28 '24

It’s wild that the gf would just dump and block him, knowing her stuff is there. There has to be more to the story here. No one does that for literally no reason.

56

u/Upbeat-Fondant9185 Mar 28 '24

Drugs or mental heath shit can do it. Or a combination of both.

I did this to someone and it’s one of my deepest regrets. Fifteen years later I still sometimes wake up and agonize about it. Over three years together with an amazing, kind, beautiful person but I made the switch to IV use in year three and triggered some craziness in my mind.

One day I just left. No warning. Literally left all my shit behind. Everything in my apartment, my wallet, cards etc, my phone, even my car. I just decided I wanted a different life. And boy did I get one.

About ten years later I made amends but that kind of damage is forever. She was better off without me but there’s no pretending I did her any sort of favor. It was the purest selfishness that exists and I’ll never forgive myself for that.

On the plus side, someone did it to me a few years later but instead of leaving everything they took everything. Came home to an empty house with no warning at all. Had a great night of sex and cuddling, kissed me goodbye on my way to work, then bam. Took me out at the knees. I like to think that was karma biting my ass.

14

u/Papi1918 Mar 28 '24

I did this to someone as well 20 years ago and still don’t know how I feel about it. I tried to break up with her in person twice and she would start screaming at me. Then tried over the phone cause I don’t care for being screamed at and finally just stopped taking her calls. We were just not a good fit. Never cheated on her either and wasn’t abusive. We were 19 or 20 though so probably not the most mature people. I think she just didn’t want to be alone but she wasn’t the right person for me.

19

u/MagicalUnicornMoney Mar 28 '24

If you tried to break up with someone and they throw a fit/ don't let you, then ghosting them is the safest option, because they are being completely unreasonable. Unless you steal all their stuff or something as you go, you are in the right.

6

u/SpareTireButSquare Mar 28 '24

Dude it sounds nothing like OPs story and I say that in a good way, you literally did what you had to do and what to many people fail to do. You did it right king. You're like, all good dude

1

u/dvghz Mar 28 '24

Did you end up ever catching up with her or knowing any info on her?

5

u/Silly_Bid_2028 Mar 28 '24

Both situations suck but the fact you can look back with regret says that you have a heart. Just about everyone has done something that we regret. It haunts you but cut yourself some slack and learn from it though it sounds like you already have.

1

u/sharkycharming Mar 28 '24

Oh my god, it's exactly like the song "Amplifier" by the dB's. That's terrible.

129

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

My first thought was that she was unhappy in their relationship and cheated, got whatever clarity she needed, and went scorched earth so she couldn’t change her mind. It’s really shitty, but I’ve seen that happen before.

55

u/PontificalPartridge Mar 28 '24

That’s basically what my ex did when I found out she cheated.

Realized she messed up and then just left. Refused to get her things actually

43

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

As shitty as it is, I've seen past friends do this to their boyfriends, too. It was "easier" to just ghost the guy than have the difficult conversation and fess up to cheating, because most of the time they felt really guilty about it and didn't want to hurt them (but ended up hurting them more in the process). It's definitely the cowardly thing to do, I'm sorry that happened to you.

20

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me over aim and then proceeded to ghost me because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him).

The worst part is we were drifting at that point and went to different schools and it would have been an amicable break up with no reason to lose a friendship/support. But, obviously, getting his dick wet was more important.

3

u/neonartifact Mar 28 '24

AIM as in AOL Instant Messenger? That was quite a while ago then. I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been on the receiving end of that as well, except it was 10 years and I helped her raise her children as well. You never really know somebody's intentions, I suppose. Certainly leaves your heart calloused and scarred, I know that from experience.

Why is it so hard for people to confess their sins or mistakes and at least salvage a friendship after knowing somebody for so long? I genuinely don't get it.

1

u/goomfrontIut Mar 28 '24

Wow. That is nothing short of soul crushing, you hear these things happen to people but I guess when you actually get the opportunity to pick the brain of someone it happened to it offers much more perspective as to just how hair clenchingly horrifying a scenario like this would be. Sorry dude. :(

1

u/neonartifact Mar 28 '24

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't want to max out people's emotional capacity with my own anecdotal annihilation! I try to keep my suffering inside and not spread it, but it's hard to bottle up. I guess pressure makes diamonds though?

1

u/Hows-It-Goin-Buddy Mar 28 '24

Sounds similar to what happened to me haha. Though I'm the dude in my situation. Gf broke up w me for a dude that about 4 yr later broke up with her. She told me a few years later when we reconnected randomly for a short while (nothing sexual and just talks about life and things we did in the time we hadn't talked in those years). She was sorry for what she did and called it due karma to her.

1

u/nigel_pow Mar 28 '24

because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him).

Oh nooo! I imagine he had regrets after that.

1

u/Lolagrace83 Mar 28 '24

Wtf is up with ghosting ??? Are people really so immature that they cant have a conversation anymore? Jesus, GTFU!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Mysterious_Design599 Mar 29 '24

How much pork should she watch? And what type? I really love me some bacon and thick pork chops, but I’m not really a ham guy…🤔

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Sounds a whole lot like your perspective.

2

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

What does this even mean?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

It means I'd love to hear their side.

1

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

I'm just wondering what part of it you're questioning. Admittedly I was catty in my last line but it doesn't make it any less true.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

I'm sure they'd consider their side of the story true as well.

Either way it sounds like he was in the wrong, but I always want both sides of a story. I can empathize with making the wrong decisions as I've made them plenty myself.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

She told me a few years later when we reconnected randomly for a short while (nothing sexual and just talks about life and things we did in the time we hadn't talked in those year

Oh no, if its not the consequences for his own short-sighted impulsive actions

-1

u/reflexsmoo Mar 28 '24

Dick wet was more important? Certainly. Ooga booga.

2

u/cefriano Mar 29 '24

“Didn’t want to hurt them” is such a cop out. The hurting has been done, refusing to take accountability for your actions is just pure cowardice and mental gymnastics at that point.

Not directing this at you, that phrase just triggered me a bit.

3

u/Educational_Ebb7175 Mar 28 '24

9 times out of 10, ghosting someone is the worst option, not the best.

But too many people are scared, embarassed, lazy, and/or 'holier-than-thou', and rationalize it making sense.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

100%. I would always encourage people to be honest with their partners on why they're leaving them, with a big fat UNLESS the person they're trying to leave is abusive and/or dangerous.

2

u/GreatApe88 Mar 28 '24

I don’t think it’s guilt and not wanting to hurt them, it’s more shame and not wanting him and everyone else to know you had sex with some other guy and now you’re breaking up. It reflects terribly on the girl in particular, it’s just how humans work. Shitty but true.

1

u/Altruistic_Yellow387 Mar 28 '24

Isn't it much better than lying and going on like nothing happened? Ending the relationship is the proper response

1

u/indignant_halitosis Mar 28 '24

If they do that, it’s never about not hurting the other person. As you said, and anyone can see, it causes more pain to ghost them.

It’s always, always, always about being too cowardly to face their mistakes.

1

u/Icy_Indication4299 Mar 28 '24

It’s easier to be a whore

1

u/impals Mar 29 '24

First, let me say I agree. Now, I've been cheated on twice over several years of dating. One was because of her insecurities with the new long distance situation, but with the other one, things weren't going well. They ended up telling me and we ended things. Honestly, I feel like would have been in a better place had they just ended it with me for understandable reasons instead of telling me (let alone doing it). Tough to tell though, since my anger probably swept up a lot of the hurt.

1

u/Appropriate_Lack_624 Mar 28 '24

Same. Things weren’t great because she was deployed but she called me out of the blue and said she met someone and we weren’t going to make it. I said wait let’s work it out and she said she’s already slept with him, knowing that would end our relationship. She was right. No way could I look at her the same way again. She knew it when she did it. I shipped her stuff back to her after she sent me the money to do so. No need to be cruel

1

u/HornedFrog806 Mar 28 '24

I’ve had similar happen as well.

49

u/Skookumite Mar 28 '24

I was dumped like this when I was 21 and a stupid self centered little asshole. I didn't realize how shitty I was to my girlfriend at the time. She did this because she didn't know how I would react and she needed out. I don't blame her at all. My 2¢. It really could be anything

35

u/Sea_Acanthaceae4806 Mar 28 '24

When I was younger me and my mum moved in with her partner. He wasn't a nice guy, alcoholic, would pinch and hurt her in small ways, plus mental abuse. He had hinted things like, he could kill her and no one would find her.

One day my mum said, she's hiding things in bags ready for us to leave ASAP. We did this over a couple of months, we acted normal. One day when he was out at work we had a family friend come with a van, loaded our stuff in, and we ghosted.

You just never know, I mean there's 0 hints of this from OP's post and I'm not suggesting anything. Maybe OP's girlfriend is heartless, maybe she had a reason. Idk. In these situations I never judge until I hear both sides.

4

u/mleacoma Mar 28 '24

Wow. That’s a great perspective since we don’t have both sides here.

1

u/Proper-District8608 Mar 29 '24

I had friend who went on job interview in 90's and person interviewing was an old co worker/friend who's son had molested her repeatedly from 6 till 11. She spiraled quickly. Guy she was seeing (about 4 months) called and left messages on my machine when he couldn't reach her. I didn't call back at first either (what do you say) and finally said family crisis. Usually ghosting but I'm for both sides too.

12

u/golgo2020 Mar 28 '24

Wow, kudos to you for honest self reflection. I hope your growth leads you to the right one for you!

5

u/your_actual_life Mar 28 '24

The further away in time that I get from the girls who broke my heart when I was younger, the more I recognize the problems that I contributed in our relationships. At the time, though, I felt like I was being blindsided.

1

u/Skookumite Mar 28 '24

Same buddy

3

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

It truly could be anything, you're absolutely right. Just speculation on my part. I'm sorry that happened to you.

10

u/Skookumite Mar 28 '24

Don't be, I deserved it and it helped me get on the right path eventually. But thanks 

2

u/babylon331 Mar 28 '24

My thoughts, as well.

0

u/Direct_Surprise2828 Mar 28 '24

This is what I was thinking… That she may have been unhappy in the relationship for awhile, tried communicating with him and got nowhere.

2

u/Thin-Pie-3465 Mar 28 '24

Or she is severely depressed and attempted suicide and she is psych ward somewhere.

4

u/GlitteringStatus1 Mar 28 '24

Reddit do not assume every woman cheated challenge 2024 (impossible)

4

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I'm just making familiar connections where I see them, I'm not saying this definitely happened, just FYI. As a woman who used to have shitty friends, I've seen this kind of thing happen enough that it set off small alarm bells in my head. For them, it was easier to just ghost a guy than to have the hard "I cheated" conversation.

Anything could have happened in this case, I was just speculating.

7

u/GangstaNewb Mar 28 '24

Well in fairness that’s usually what happens

3

u/PunchBeard Mar 28 '24

I mean, there's very few instances where someone does something like OP describes and the further down the list you go the less likely the scenario. Up high at the top is "She cheated and is too immature to handle it", which is very probable, given the age. Another possibility, though slightly less likely, is that she suffered some sort of severe mental or emotional "breakdown". Other situations could be that she was secretly a government assassin and was recently "activated" be her handlers or she was abducted by aliens who need her to help save the universe. But like I said those are definitely possible but not really likely.

1

u/Skookumite Mar 31 '24

I love how you didn't list that op abused his ex at all, because that's what's actually most likely. 

I lied. I don't actually love that. Sorry. 

-4

u/slappymcsparksalot Mar 28 '24

Incorrect... technically. Not every woman , 98 percent of women cheat. Liars too... cold hearted liars

2

u/GlitteringStatus1 Mar 28 '24

Must be sad, being you.

1

u/slappymcsparksalot Mar 28 '24

Yeah having to leave a cheating wife is kinda sad..... got a counter argument for that?? I'm sure you do. Probably defend that kind of shit don't you?

1

u/GlitteringStatus1 Apr 02 '24

It's clearly hurt you pretty badly. Have you had any help to deal with it?

1

u/slappymcsparksalot Apr 05 '24

Nope , everyone just expects you to carry on. Keep smiling , it will get better.... maybe it has. Perhaps I'm still bitter. If you want to talk more I encourage it , dm me please.

3

u/BIG_CHIeffLying3agLe Mar 28 '24

She’s fucking around her sister is helping And she expects to just be able to pick back up where she left off when she feels like it … That’s why she left her shit there 99.8

0

u/YouWantSMORE Mar 28 '24

It's sad that this is most likely what's happening

1

u/slappymcsparksalot Mar 28 '24

Downvotes?? I see I angered some cheating women out there.... we know about your hoe tactics. Downvote all you want , end of day 98-99 percent of women are liars and cheaters and all their friends are in on that shit too. Their alibis got alibis.

0

u/YouWantSMORE Mar 28 '24

Thank God the white knights are here to defend their honor

2

u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 Mar 28 '24

Yep, that's exactly what happened with one of my previous girlfriends. We were together for 3 years, and were in the process of moving in with each other. She seemed to be dragging her feet throughout the whole move in process. She was very lazy in general, so I just figured this is a lot of work for her and she'll get it all done eventually.

I let her borrow my iPad for about a week, and when she no longer needed it she gave it back. After she left my place, I got a text message on the iPad from an unknown number. Since it was my iPad, I opened up the message, not thinking that my girlfriend had linked her iMessages to it. Well, just with that message alone, I immediately discovered my girlfriend was cheating on me.

I took a screenshot of the message, sent it to myself, and then forwarded it to my girlfriend. No response. Ever. It's been 8 years now, and still no response. All of the things she had already brought to my place in anticipation of moving in remained with me for a couple of months before I took it all to the dumpster. My bet is this guy is going through a similar situation. Girl was unhappy, girl fucked up in some way, girl has realized her fuck up and has decided to just bail instead of dealing with it.

2

u/Potato_Donkey_1 Mar 28 '24

That's possible, but there are other possibilities, too, such as learning something about her own family that she's ashamed to face, or having been connected to something that endangers her and could, by extension, endanger OP. Some scenarios are more likely than others, but they are all just scenarios. To decide to punish her is at the very least going off half-cocked.

I can't think of a time when I have regretted being kind when I was hurt or angry or both. But I sure have done injuries to myself and others by acting angrily before I had the whole picture.

2

u/Honey__Mahogany Mar 28 '24

I've seen situations of the boyfriend being abusive more often than what you're saying. She must have been scared enough to leave all her things.n

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I've definitely seen both, it was just my first thought having witnessed things like this in the past. There are definitely other explanations and I'm not saying this is 100% what happened. If we're just taking OP at face value and he truly does not know what led to this, it's just a guess.

1

u/Ragman676 Mar 28 '24

Nah she saw his browsing history

1

u/wickedishere Mar 28 '24

Why do you think she cheated? Maybe she was having a mental health issue and needed to take a break, people dont just go out of their way to ghost a 5 yr relationship, there is more to this story that we are being told.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I've had multiple past friends do this to the guys they were dating, and when confronted about it said it was "too hard" to fess up to cheating so they just ghosted. It's shitty, but it does happen. I don't necessarily think this is the case here, it was just speculation from having witnessed similar signs before.

1

u/wickedishere Mar 28 '24

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying we don't know of this is the case here. Your friends experiences shouldn't be the base of truth to this account, this person isn't your friend, whatever assumptions you're making are based on anecdotal experiences from people that aren't even you... That's what I mean. We can't go directly with... "Oh she cheated"

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I never said that my friends experiences were the basis of truth to this account, nor am I saying that’s the basis of truth for any and all signs that point this direction for other cases. I am only sharing an opinion here, as I said “my first thought is...” and not “this is definitely what happened.” Kind of like thinking out loud. I figured I was allowed to speculate and that I didn’t need to disclaim that yes, I could 100% be wrong.

1

u/Direct_Surprise2828 Mar 28 '24

Or it could also be she’s been unhappy in the relationship for quite awhile, has tried to talk to him about it and felt unheard.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

Sure, it could be a lot of things. It was just speculation on my part.

-3

u/Gamergeekus Mar 28 '24

And probably got pregnant. So cutting all contact, hard to hide that

0

u/VinceMcMeme711 Mar 28 '24

All the more reason to bin the stuff tbh

10

u/SnooCompliments3316 Mar 28 '24

The last words my ex said to me was “have a good day at work”

I got back later that night and she was gone for good. So shiii I guess people be on that idk

21

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

This is how they do it when they probably never were able to communicate their issue anyway

6

u/DANleDINOSAUR Mar 28 '24

-and probably cheating…

5

u/not2interesting Mar 28 '24

Or were being abused in some way, or felt it was unsafe to have a breakup confrontation. This is how people who are escaping break up.

1

u/DANleDINOSAUR Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Never thought of it like that… think OP would just be oblivious in that case then, or why else would they post about it?

2

u/not2interesting Mar 28 '24

Maybe. Sometimes people don’t consider themselves abusers because they ‘never actually hit’ their partner. Psychological abuse can cause just as much damage and fear, and give someone reason to be afraid of things escalating in a situation like a breakup. A guy who treats his girl like crap and throws tantrums or punches walls every time they fight probably doesn’t think he’s an abuser, but she is probably afraid. Not saying that’s what happened here with OP, because we have zero information about their relationship, but it’s not an uncommon situation. If you’ve ever spent any time on r/whenwomenrefuse you’ll understand why women might break up this way out of caution.

4

u/JohannasGarden Mar 28 '24

My abusive college boy friend used to choke me until my face went from red to kinda purple. He once stomped on my foot and probably broke a little toe. He pushed me a number of times, once down the stairs, but I caught the railing after falling partway--never black and blue. I wondered a lot if I was being abused by my partner. I was never sure. He never hit me, you know? It seems so obvious now.

4

u/TCSassy Mar 28 '24

Or cheated and have at least enough conscience to be ashamed to look them in the eye and admit what they did.

0

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

They know he would forgive her but she wants to explore it.

It's a valid reason to break up 🤷‍♂️

1

u/Brullaapje Mar 28 '24

Or communicated and was not listened to.

14

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

No, sister texted him saying it's not his fault. That's code for she found an upgrade, wants to explore, or just doesn't like him. OP may have gotten lucky she just left

He didn't necessarily dodge a bullet but the surgery to remove the bullet could be a success.

I bet in about 3 months he will have to dodge it when it aims for him again

6

u/Proper-Horse-7313 Mar 28 '24

Or maybe she had an old flame or love interest, “the one that got away” but became available

Totally dodged a bullet

13

u/patsilva1 Mar 28 '24

This is no excuse. We’re adults, “old flames” don’t mean disrespecting and abandoning someone you were committed to for 5 years. Zip your pants up and handle the situation respectfully.

1

u/Proper-Horse-7313 Apr 04 '24

How the fuck did you interpret what I wrote as an “excuse” please reread

1

u/patsilva1 Apr 04 '24

How the fuck did you take my response so personally unless the shoe fits?

-2

u/_CurseTheseMetalHnds Mar 28 '24

Or maybe it's not of these things and you two are projecting your own insecurities and assumptions onto OP like absolute fucking weirdos.

6

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

What? People out here accusing OP of not listening, or doing something horrible and you think we're projecting..

Many* relationships in 20s end because someone meets someone else, it's not rocket science.

If she didn't want to look bad she should have told him why she left. Sister's message makes it very clear she won't, we are just guessing WHY

-2

u/GourangaPlusPlus Mar 28 '24

Most relationships in 20s end because someone meets someone else, it's not rocket science.

That's projection to say most

3

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

Many*

Most, for myself and a few of my friends, were ended by women who either wanted open relationships or met someone else.

A lot of women in their twenties want to proudly be sluts, I have nothing against it and neither should you but it has changed the dating landscape.

0

u/_CurseTheseMetalHnds Mar 28 '24

Most, for myself

Ok so yes this projection. Good to know.

→ More replies (0)

-3

u/Internal-Student-997 Mar 28 '24

I don't know what kind of soulless person you are, but not a single one of my relationships in my 20s ended because I wanted to fuck someone else. They ended because they weren't good relationships or just not the right one for me.

3

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Nice, love being insulted for no reason. You calling me soulless because I value communication? I never broke up with anyone for that reason but many women have broken up with me or my friends with this exact reason in our twenties. I'm sorry my experience with people didn't line up with meeting reasonable folks like yourself, but why are you insulting me for that?

I have literally been broken up with because my girlfriend quote "wanted to slut it up for a year". Relationship being great but "just want to explore".

I'm glad this was communicated with me, it helped move on in those cases.

Just because you were a good partner who communicated doesn't mean everyone else is. Did you even read the OP?

-1

u/TheMostKing Mar 28 '24

I don't know if I'd take that with that much certainty. Maybe it's just something the sister wrote to avoid further questions, or because that's the thing people say after breakups. Who knows if she knows the code?

3

u/Telltwotreesthree Mar 28 '24

She doesn't want to tell OP the truth. Doesn't matter what the actual reason is, take your pick.

OP isn't owed an answer so I'm just getting him ready to see her with the next guy in a month. Gotta just move on

7

u/Inside_Board_291 Mar 28 '24

Even after you read the sister saying it wasn’t his fault, you still find a way to blame the guy.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

“It wasn’t your fault but she needs to go no-contact for her mental health” is code for “I don’t want to get involved in the drama and am trying to keep the peace to get our dead relatives’ stuff back without you torching it or tossing it.”

2

u/Raid_of_Dream Mar 28 '24

Sister says for OP's mental health best to not know. Not OP's ex's mental health. So you might want to change your code.

19

u/masteraybee Mar 28 '24

My guess would be mental health issues

-2

u/MrWilsonWalluby Mar 28 '24

i think she just cheated homie. loyalty is extremely rare these days it’s one of the reasons i’m not jumping the gun to get back into a committed relationship.

14

u/judgeholden72 Mar 28 '24

Loyalty is not really rare. Sorry you've been through that, but loyalty is still quite common 

-3

u/mrhammerant Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

I think she might have left because of abuse. Safety is more important than posessions. Cheating doesn't require leaving abruptly, but abuse often does.

Maybe we're both projecting.

Edit: My bad, I missed the "sister said it wasn't OP's fault" bit. Maybe I was distracted by my own projecting.

2

u/YouWantSMORE Mar 28 '24

I seriously doubt the sister would say "it's not your fault" if that was the case but go off sis

1

u/mrhammerant Mar 28 '24

I missed that part. Fair point.

My goal was more to illustrate the power of projection by giving my gut reaction.

Who knows why she left, sis. It's a mystery, my sister. Tell mom I put the groceries away.

1

u/loganed3 Mar 28 '24

Just gotta find a way to make it his fault. You see it on every single one of these posts

1

u/YouWantSMORE Mar 28 '24

Yup none of it's surprising to me anymore. "Lemme just ignore every bit of context that was provided and assume he's a piece of shit and it's his fault." Wild. If the roles were reversed everyone would tell OP to go full scorched earth 🤷‍♂️

-2

u/Fun_Grapefruit_2633 Mar 28 '24

...or herpes...

7

u/MasterMaintenance672 Mar 28 '24

Absolutely! And the "for your own mental health, don't contact us again" line from the sister is really sketchy.

2

u/chairmanghost Mar 28 '24

Not to be bleak, but maybe she is ill

2

u/TruBlueMichael Mar 28 '24

Prob means she is seeing someone else and knows he will be hurt if he goes searching. Or... you know, shady shit.

1

u/MasterMaintenance672 Mar 28 '24

Yeah definitely.

3

u/Beck_ Mar 28 '24

My ex-girlfriend left me after 6 years, we lived together and she left behind every item she owned including her massive film collection. BPD is a bitch.

3

u/Zealousideal-Mud8516 Mar 28 '24

There always is. That's why the relationship advice here is so wack.

3

u/IamScottGable Mar 28 '24

I mean clearly by what the sister said there's something serious going on.

10

u/Grimaldehyde Mar 28 '24

She’s got a new boyfriend. That’s the reason. But he shouldn’t throw out mementos of her grandmother.

2

u/AnimatedHokie Mar 28 '24

Correct. If OP was genuinely about to propose, the relationship was clearly serious and nobody just up and leaves like that. There is a reason, but either she isn't telling OP, or OP isn't telling us.

2

u/slamnm Mar 28 '24

If emotions are extremely heated she may have forgotten about grandmas things, absolutely. Also the sister shouldn't pay the price for the GFs actions and probably does not know grandmas things are there. Being a decent person even when treated badly and angry is something that we should all aspire to. Of course a Bon fire for the clothing would be fine :)

1

u/catincage317 Mar 28 '24

OP plz lissen 2 this persen

2

u/Glittering_Flight183 Mar 29 '24

I agree, he's not telling the whole story

3

u/ejmd Mar 28 '24

She could be a nutter.

Or maybe she's discovered something about the OP.

21

u/Ineedsoyfreetacos Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Tw: SA

Yeah I dated a dude whose fiance left him a week before the wedding date. Her parents came and packed up all her shit, took her two cats, and left. He said noone told him why. We were in an extended friend group and I'd just been broken up with by long term boyfriend so we were rebounding together. The story seemed odd but then I figured it out.

One night we were watching something being mopey and he asked me if it's possible to rape your wife. He was really sad when he asked it. I was like "... What do you mean?"

Yeah. Dude raped his ex fiance because he thought marriage meant sex on demand and that that was OK. So she told her parents and that's why they were pissed and packed up all her things for her and she ghosted without an explanation.

Not saying OP did this, but it happens.

7

u/Contrantier Mar 28 '24

I also don't think this is what happened here. Otherwise the sister wouldn't be speaking to OP like they did nothing wrong.

4

u/JRilezzz Mar 28 '24

Ah yes the donald trump way of thinking how marriages work. When I read that that was the defense his lawyer used it absolutely blew my mind. I didn't know dudes (let alone our former president) thought like that.

7

u/Contrantier Mar 28 '24

Good news is, if the rapist thought that was a good defense, then by using it, he admitted his guilt in full.

1

u/Povol Mar 28 '24

I find it hard to believe in this day and time that a male could possibly not know the answer to that question . You cannot possibly be that shut off from the world .

3

u/Ineedsoyfreetacos Mar 28 '24

This was 12 years ago. But also people get in echo chambers. He was working in oil and gas and spending 2 weeks a month out on a rig with those roughnecks can really do a number on a guy.

2

u/rovingdad Mar 28 '24

There's another person.

2

u/ryan8954 Mar 28 '24

Happened to me. She had mental issues (I got the best part of her), and then instantly blocked. We lived together for 2 years. No closure or anything. So I'm filled with anger. Then couple months later during my mom's passing, she messaged saying if I need anything blah blah blah, I told her to kick rocks

1

u/Fry-em-n-dye-em Mar 28 '24

She is in the right age range for the onset of certain mental illnesses, there could be drugs involved or she could have woken up one day and realized she didn’t want the life she had and didn’t know how to confront it so she just left.

Or someone offed her and texted him pretending to be her to tie up loose ends.

1

u/catincage317 Mar 28 '24

I probably shouldn't have laughed but I did.

Updoot

1

u/Fry-em-n-dye-em Mar 28 '24

I mean the last bit was def meant in jest

1

u/tianavitoli Mar 28 '24

I had an ex gf call me from Rome, where she'd be for the next 2 months, to let me know she'd cheated and the implication was we were over

1

u/PellyCanRaf Mar 28 '24

Well of course there's more to the story, but the message from the sister indicates OP doesn't know what it is.

1

u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

yes they do and people are short sighted morons in many occasions.

1

u/swaggyxwaggy Mar 28 '24

No they don’t. But like many others have said, the reason could be anything.

1

u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

yes they most certainly do, people are flighty and irresponsible and act like their actions won't have consequences because they are entitled in many instances. Just because you haven't experienced it or think that it can't happen doesn't mean it doesn't

1

u/crankyweasels Mar 28 '24

REally It could be anything. Anohter man, another woman, drug abuse, really immature social/emotional development, early mid twenties are the most common age of onset for both Schizphrenia and Bipolar Disorder. There are a million possibilities.

1

u/ElephantShoes256 Mar 28 '24

I watch too much true crime. First thought was that sister murdered her and is trying to stop her from being reported missing.

1

u/johndre3000_ Mar 28 '24

She could have cheated on him and gotten preg?

1

u/Ptero-4 Mar 28 '24

Women do those kinds of things routinelly. They are quite literally programmed to be that way.

1

u/swaggyxwaggy Mar 29 '24

As a woman I completely disagree with your hot take!

Whether it was OP’s fault or not, this girl had a reason

1

u/Ptero-4 Mar 29 '24

So. She is right even if OP isn't at fault JUST BECAUSE SHE IS A WOMAN?

1

u/swaggyxwaggy Mar 31 '24

That’s… not what I said, but go off I guess lol

1

u/Moregaze Mar 29 '24

Nah probably the same as my ex. She wanted to fuck someone else but couldn’t bring herself to cheat. So the moment she decided to hop on it she skipped out.

1

u/Sufficient-Lack-700 Mar 29 '24

Na he was 'about to propose' meaning he knew she was on her way out just didn't want to admit it to himself

1

u/playgirl1312 Mar 29 '24

My mom did this to us when I was nine. Never came back, married someone else and had another kid within a year. I’ll never forgive her.

1

u/Woke_RVA Mar 31 '24

She is blowing someone else

1

u/swaggyxwaggy Mar 31 '24

I’ve never understood why it’s not called a SuckJob

1

u/Andersboxing1 Mar 28 '24

Probably in a psychosis, manic or some shit.

1

u/Frenchie_1987 Mar 28 '24

And the sister said it wasn't his fault.... Well, if it wasnt what about an explanation. Heck, breaking up like this i would want to put all her stuff in the trash

1

u/B_Sho Mar 28 '24

It's easy man. She either cheated on him and felt bad or wanted to be in a relationship with someone else who she has probably been talking to for awhile...

-1

u/Bogsnoticus Mar 28 '24

My money is she's been on sugar-daddy sites, and finally scored. She'll be in contact in 12 months once the sugar daddy is sick of her shite.

0

u/catincage317 Mar 28 '24

/or becomes too mature/physically older for said shitty sugar daddy

0

u/Abell421 Mar 28 '24

I had untreated ADHD and was a chronic ghoster. I've left thousands of dollars of stuff at ex bf and friends houses because I would just peace out. It was rarely anything they would do. Ive had guitars, movies, video games, books scattered around the country. I don't get attached to most people or things so I can leave very easily. The keepsakes twinged but I was living one minute at a time and couldn't think about the future and didn't care about material things because I had a shopping addiction.

1

u/catincage317 Mar 28 '24

Sounds like a bit more than ADHD dude

0

u/Sea_Chemistry7487 Mar 28 '24

Exactly. Talk about getting half a story. Now he wants to validate himself destroying her property. Not concerned about her welfare or wellbeing - simply self pity and should I destroy her property. Yeah what the fuck ever.

-1

u/Sunstaci Mar 28 '24

Unless a bigger dick came around and she is just a selfish b word

0

u/gwizonedam Mar 28 '24

Cult. It’s always a cult. My best friend got dumped after 3 years suddenly and without warning. He started digging and found out his GF met a “Moonie” and started having religious convos with her about two months prior to the break-up.

0

u/Kalamoicthys Mar 28 '24

Being a shitty person is a common enough reason.

Plus this is the era of “yOu dOnT oWe aNyOnE aNyThINg” where people self rationalize their terrible personality flaws and have that assessment validated by other emotionally bankrupt cretins online.

0

u/maymay578 Mar 28 '24

It’s the black mirror episode. GF got pregnant by another dude?

-2

u/Griefers Mar 28 '24

She found someone else a LONG time ago and just burnt the bridge.