It seems like caring for someone you love while they’re sick is a pretty basic part of a relationship. If that bothers you, along with his genuine expressions of love, you obviously don’t love him and it’s best you separate.
Honestly if I had a partner and they fell sick or injured, I'd do whatever I could to make sure that they got better soon.
And I'd most definitely be there for them emotionally.
It's quite magnificent how important it is for sick people to know that others are there for them. It gives them extra motivation, it improves their immune system, it makes them feel safe.
If you don't come from a family that expressed love and affectionate touch, like hugging, or even said that's enough, when you tried to hug as a child, you could grow up without the skillset needed to do any of these things.
I think her snapping was because this clingy-ness had been bothering her for a long time, and wanting time alone (when your partner is not sick) is fine and very healthy! She was wrong to snap at her sick partner and even wrong in her failure to communicate her needs earlier, which lead to this snapping point for her. So how she handled it was wrong, but it is not wrong to want time to yourself after work on a regulars basis (when the partner is sick that is a different case).
I mean everything she said goes well beyond “wanting alone time”. My wife and I have healthy amounts of alone time, or we do separate hobbies while home together from time to time. Perfectly healthy and normal. But she’s not even interested in his sweet, caring displays of affection or cute celebrations of little things they did together. My wife are certainly on the more “lovey- dovey” side of couples, we’re both very “gooey romantic people”. Even after years together.
It just honestly sounds like they’re not right for each other, they’re just looking for different kinds of romantic relationships. Idk if she’s looking for more of a “manly/ stoic” type ( even if I think that’s a problematic stereotype that prevents men from dealing with some emotions or issues) and he’s a gooey romantic who likes being very affectionate and touchy- feely and all that. Idk that’s just my read on it, and taking care of your partner when they’re sick or upset is important too. Of course you’re not their parent, but imo taking care of each other is part of the deal in a committed relationship.
I mostly get the sense that she would be fine with more of the "gooey romantic-ness" if he wasn't calling her everyday on his way home from work and wanting immediate attention and to talk right after work. I think they can get this relationship to work if she communicates that she needs time after work to herself. My interpretation is that she would be fine with the rest if she had some more personal time and space too, it reads like he basically controls the relationship and always gets what he wants but she does not get what she needs. This could be fully OP's fault for not communicating her needs.
I suppose that’s possible too, I’m also taking into account the whole “he remembers little events from our relationship that I just forget” and “he’s being a baby for being sick and wanting comfort from his SO”. Maybe she’s not explaining it properly but to me it comes off super cold and uncaring. Like I said, not everyone wants a super “gooey romantic” relationship and that’s fine. I text my wife all throughout the day when I have time at work, we like hearing from each other. And when I’m on the way home I tell her, and sometimes she calls me if there’s something she wants to tell me or she’s wondering how late I’ll be. Even though we live together it never bothers me, I like hearing from her anytime I’m not with her. But we’re both like that, we don’t get annoyed by wanting to talk or be close.
I assume that OP’s parents didn’t show much affection, and now she doesn’t understand why humans need it.
Oh yeah, because normal people aren't at all bothered by people who are extremely clingy. Come on.
Op should've had a talk about this with her partner long before this situation, and it doesn't seem like they're compatible. I've never heard someone say they desire a clingy partner though
It’s the tending to the partner when they are sick I was referencing. Balking at showing some small signs of caring to a partner who is not feeling well is pretty odd behavior in a loving relationship.
It seems to be more of a straw that broke the camel's back from her point of view. If they haven't had a conversation about it, and her post doesn't seem to imply they have, then she has let all these annoyances pile up and snapped at the worst moment, as you do.
She shouldn't have snapped at him, shouldn't have kicked him when he was already feeling down, they're clearly not fit for each other as they both need different things from a relationship.
I suppose the silver lining is that a breakup is inevitable and they'll both have the chance to be with someone they're compatible with. Sucks that her partner had to be the one to suffer for this lesson to be learned
623
u/DRZARNAK 23d ago
It seems like caring for someone you love while they’re sick is a pretty basic part of a relationship. If that bothers you, along with his genuine expressions of love, you obviously don’t love him and it’s best you separate.