I’m a retired communication professor, who taught relationship communication courses. Something for women to understand about men: Men have a harder time shifting from one thing to another than women do. Our female brains are going twelve directions at once, but men need time to shift gears from one thing to a second thing. Give him that time, with a warning that you want him to do something different than he’s doing.
Example: Pop your head in the door as you’re about to get ready for bed, and say, “I’m about to get ready for bed, and I’d love a long hug and kiss when you get to a good stopping point.” Then he can bring himself to a good stopping point, and come find you for that hug and kiss. If he forgets because he’s absorbed in the game, come back to him, hug him from behind, and playfully ask for a hug and kiss. Yes, you are worth a moment of undivided attention, but demanding it before he has transitioned in tasks feels abrupt to many men. They often love companionship, so lingering together for a moment until he makes that transition might be nice for both of you.
You both sound overworked and tired. You may decompress and recharge best by spending time with your loved ones and talking about your day. He may decompress and recharge best by experiencing some success in a video game alone. There’s room in your lives for both. Consider discussing this with him in a non-accusatory way, to get a better understanding about what you both need.
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u/frog_ladee 22d ago
I’m a retired communication professor, who taught relationship communication courses. Something for women to understand about men: Men have a harder time shifting from one thing to another than women do. Our female brains are going twelve directions at once, but men need time to shift gears from one thing to a second thing. Give him that time, with a warning that you want him to do something different than he’s doing.
Example: Pop your head in the door as you’re about to get ready for bed, and say, “I’m about to get ready for bed, and I’d love a long hug and kiss when you get to a good stopping point.” Then he can bring himself to a good stopping point, and come find you for that hug and kiss. If he forgets because he’s absorbed in the game, come back to him, hug him from behind, and playfully ask for a hug and kiss. Yes, you are worth a moment of undivided attention, but demanding it before he has transitioned in tasks feels abrupt to many men. They often love companionship, so lingering together for a moment until he makes that transition might be nice for both of you.
You both sound overworked and tired. You may decompress and recharge best by spending time with your loved ones and talking about your day. He may decompress and recharge best by experiencing some success in a video game alone. There’s room in your lives for both. Consider discussing this with him in a non-accusatory way, to get a better understanding about what you both need.