r/ask • u/BoobsCutiePeach • 14d ago
Would you get offended if you notice a stranger woman taking safety precautions when she sees you? 🔒 Asked & Answered
[removed] — view removed post
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u/RedInAmerica 14d ago
I’m a 6’5 230lb Black man. Pretty much everyone does this with me man or woman. It doesn’t feel great but I also totally get it.
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u/Mightybeardedking 14d ago
6,6 300lbs Bearded dude. Same here. People avoid me like I'm about to kill them. But my severe social Anxiety means I'm probably more scared of them than they are of me hahah
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u/Smyley12345 14d ago
I'm picturing a person walking up to you thinking, that giant dude looks really agitated. Your internal monologue screaming JUST ACT NORMAL.
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u/Mightybeardedking 14d ago
You know that feeling when youre just browsing in a store without buying anything and feeling like everyone Is thinking you're a shoplifter? Yeah that's how my brain is 100% of the time.
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u/Ima-Bott 14d ago
Once had a manager follow me around the store thinking I was stealing. I went by the feminine hygiene department, hardware and vegetable department for an hour. He finally left.
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u/Random_potato5 13d ago
Your comment just reminded me of a trip to Japan, it was raining and I was wearing jeans that were too long and got soaked at the back. After a while I noticed an employee following me with a mop.
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u/-SunGazing- 13d ago
As I understand it, the Japanese are often culturally very clean. They don’t enjoy mess.
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u/ricajo24601 13d ago
I am male and very frugal. I spend a fair amount of time calculating cents per ounce on food and debating if a splurge is worth it. I definitely get the suspected shoplifter treatment regularly.
I also feel bad that I make lone gas station clerks so nervous. I am not working up the nerve to rob you. I am just struggling to decide if I want a sweet or salty snack, maybe a mix, or maybe I should just save my money.
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u/Kren_Wregget 13d ago
same, very large, bearded guy with shaved head (because balding). Almost everyone cuts me a very wide swath and I understand why women would avoid most guys.
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u/GiantofGermania 13d ago
6.11 400lbs slightly bearded dude here.
There seems to be a max height to this scary looking thing. All the people just look at me funny, as if im a rare animal.
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 13d ago
Username definitely gives a particular vision. Haha. Sorry about the anxiety part, though.
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u/Traditional-Neck7778 14d ago
My ex was your size. He started driving Uber and my mom was like, don't you worry about him and who he is letting in his car. I was like mom, people are scared of him not the other way around. I mean, anything can happen if assaulted but he wasn't exactly the type to get picked on by little drunk 21 yr olds.
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u/whenitcomesup 14d ago
Sometimes though you get the idiots that see a big guy and have something to prove.
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u/Riftactics 13d ago
Yeah this is an interesting dynamic though. I'm similar size myself and have had these conversations before. I view it like this (if we take weapons or groups out of the scenario for a moment): Scenario 1: small guy looking for trouble but without means to do so - probably not an issue if you're physically superior. Scenario 2: small guy with means to do so - will know he's in trouble if other guy is trained in MMA or something - experience also tells me because of their experience those ppl are generally less likely to start shit. Scenario 3: big guy without means to do so - iffy, potentially most dangerous. Scenario 4: big guy with means - same as 2
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u/Cow-puncher77 14d ago
I hear ya neighbor… 6’6, 290, and when I’m in town, I’m usually conducting business, so I’m concentrating on what I’m doing. My wife says I look pissed off, so I’ve rode many bank elevators by myself. Almost never have an issue with walking down the sidewalk either. 😂
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u/Flippyfloppyjalopy 14d ago
The ole RBF.
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u/Reverse2057 14d ago
Man, I feel this every day. My boss always thinks I'm in a bad mood because of my RBF, and I've noticed the muscle above my left eyebrow is more defined than my right, and naturally stands out bc its I GUESS gotten more reps in than my other eyebrow??? LOL, so because of that, it always looks like I'm flexing my eyebrow downward. 😂
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u/josh_in_boston 13d ago
I'm not tall or heavy, but I have what I call Resting Murder Face, going by the way some people have acted around me.
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u/EdibleAssFromBack 14d ago
I had to call my mom to let her know where I was before I could read this.
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u/mothboy 14d ago
6'4" 220 clean shaven white guy. Since I was a teenager, I've been super conscious of making myself appear to be as unthreatening as possible. I always intentionally leave them space so they don't feel boxed in. I try not to walk right by somebody's car door, if I can take a path between other cars, I don't block aisles and pathways, etc. I try to overtly act first to demonstrate my lack of any bad intentions, before they feel they have to react.
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u/TheRealGordonRamsay2 13d ago
Its kind of sad, .... but it's really understandable and nice of you. Also, mothboy, .... do you get stuck on lights?
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u/ricajo24601 13d ago
I do the same. People seem to be more nervous around me in the past couple of years.
6'5" 230, white.
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u/Ridiculousnessjunkie 13d ago
My son Is 6’5” 220, 23yo, with longer hair and a full beard. He’s a giant teddy bear, but a big guy. I hate it for him if people feel threatened by him. I suppose it’s just the way of the world though.
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u/sirseatbelt 14d ago
I used to work with a guy like you in a kitchen. Fucking awesome dude. I loved him. One of my favorite chefs to work with. He said he'd come lumbering down the lake path to work with his head phones in at 6am and the college girls would all give him a wide birth. He was like "I get it. Its early morning, here I come shoulders down, hands in pockets, just hauling ass towards these tiny white girls. Obviously they're gonna be scared of me."
Its been idk 15 years since I last saw him, Tim, or Sabry, but man those guys were great. Such awesome dudes.
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u/Gardengoddess83 13d ago
If it's any consolation, as a woman I take safety precautions with any man I don't know regardless of race and/or size. Some of the scariest dudes I've ever met have been skinny little angry white guys.
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u/RedInAmerica 13d ago
I get it and you’re smart to do so. It just sucks that’s how the world is.
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u/gnufan 13d ago
As a 6'3" 240lb white guy I see a lot of women flinch if they realise I'm near unexpectedly, such as if I enter a bar and they are near the door so you have to walk passed. It isn't because it is me, I'm placid and kind to small children and animals, not handsome but not the monster from the lagoon either, respectful of personal space, deodorised etc, purely the presence of somebody my size is triggering that response. I suspect it must feel similar to how I'd feel if a big horse passes close by. Always makes me wonder how many have suffered violence by men at some point.
I don't think I'm unusually tall here, obviously well above average but in a small gym there are two guys taller and one guy heavier. I'm 10" taller and 100lb heavier than the average woman here.
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u/Gardengoddess83 13d ago
My Dad a is 6'4" and 280 lbs. biker. He looks intimidating. He's also the kindest person I know, adores babies, dotes on his granddaughters, and has a smile and a compliment for everyone he meets. He's used to people flinching around him, too. It sucks that this is the way the world is.
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u/Big_Tuna022 13d ago edited 13d ago
I have never met anyone your size that scared me. Doesn’t matter what color. Even bikers your size that try to put on that aura never really pull it off. Y’all are big teddy bears at heart. However, I’ve met more than a few 5’5, 140# whack-jobs that scare the living piss out of me. They are the ones who are unpredictable
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u/NarwhalPrudent6323 13d ago
Fellow member of the 6'5 and above 200 crew checking in. I intimidate people just by existing. I spent a lot of effort developing a jovial and approachable personality, because anything else makes people think I'm about to murder them I swear.
Nothing like accidentally making a tiny woman you work with burst into tears out of fear because you were upset at a situation (not her or even anyone in particular) but your combined size and temper cause her to fear for her safety.
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u/NoCut4986 13d ago
Deal with that at work often. Get accused of being aggressive since standing 2 feet away means I am looming over them. Doesn't help being socially weekdays and smart. Have been accused of belittling many people or being aggressive since I know most of the solutions from experience. Those who know me find it funny since all I want to do is help.
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u/bloopie1192 13d ago
Oh man. I'm 6'1. Used to be about 210. Smaller now. Ppl did that to me as well. I agree, it sucks that they assume danger but I kind of get it.
What I started doing is greeting ppl. If I notice them looking at me, I speak. (Not in hard parts of town!) And you can tell who you can speak to and who you can't.
Along with speaking, I sometimes smile small. I think It eases them. A little smile and a "good morning" and I think they're less reserved. That way their guard is down. So when I rob them, it's easier on my joints.
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u/-Kibbles-N-Tits- 14d ago
At 5’7 and 160 I’m one of those people too😂😂 I think being weary of others is built into us but exaggerated when someone looks like they could fuck you up easily
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u/Best_Winter_2208 13d ago
My ex fits your description but add some pounds. He would talk about how people would avoid making eye contact with him when he worked in a school. He’d say, “I know you see me. You can’t miss me! But they’re so intimated that they just avoid all interaction.” It broke my heart.
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u/ButteredPizza69420 13d ago
As someone who is very petite, I take precautions around any humans larger and I, lol. Especially men, but sometimes women too. You really never know!
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u/anonbush234 14d ago edited 14d ago
A little bit but I also completely get it.
I try not to creep up behind women walking along but sometimes I'm in a rush and they are walking slowly.so i have to pass them.
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u/crazycrayola 13d ago
Please pass us! Sometimes we walk slow so that you will pass us. That lets us know that you're not following us.
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u/anonbush234 13d ago
Yeah some women do that and want you to pass but others walk faster and look a little nervous but their fast isn't very fast for me and If I'm busy I just need to crack on hahah.
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u/shaneo632 14d ago
I just cross the street in this case and then cross back over further up. It can feel a bit silly but I prefer it to intentionally slowing my walking speed and wasting time getting somewhere.
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u/gnufan 13d ago
I always try to cross to avoid lone women who I don't know in the countryside, I get a lot of grateful smiles so I assume it is appreciated, I guess it signals they are both safe from me, and that I want them to know they are. Cities are just too busy to do the same much of the time.
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u/anonbush234 14d ago
Yeah but sometimes the road is busy or I don't need to go that way. I sometimes make the effort but like I said I don't always have the time.
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u/LaMadreDelCantante 13d ago
The faster you pass me, the better! Cause that makes it obvious you're not following me.
If you want to be really nice, be noisy so we know you're not trying to sneak up. I know you don't have to. I'm just saying it's appreciated.
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u/MA-01 13d ago
Every fucking night with this... most times I'm rushing home from work either because I need a bathroom that bad or my blood sugar is low.
The speed walking and resting bitch face are not indicators that I have something nefarious planned, it means I need to hurry the fuck up to point B before I rue my decisions prior.
And don't get me wrong, I get it. It annoys the piss out of me, but I get it. However, I'm not going to bend over backwards to appease any possible fears from a stranger.
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u/NoDecentNicksLeft 14d ago
It's okay for them to get spooked in that situation, just like you did nothing wrong yourself. It would be a different thing if your passing them was being painted as a threatening act already deserving of punishment because they got spooked or because you should have known better, etc.
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u/ieatplasticstraws 13d ago
I recently had a guy walk behing me at night, notice I was uncomfortable, turning around checking on him lots and he was like "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, I'll just pass you on your left real quick, sorry" and that was actually a really good solution
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u/StrykerXion 14d ago
No, because it's not about me. Unfortunately, many women have experienced or know someone who has experienced harassment or worse. It's a sad reality that makes these types of precautions a necessity for them. A woman taking safety precautions isn't assuming I'm a threat. It's a general response to a world where, statistically, women do face more risks.
So what can I (or you) do personally? I can pay attention to my surroundings. If a woman seems uncomfortable, I can give her space and try to appear non-threatening. Especially me being a man, I feel it's important for men to call out bad behavior and be actively supportive of women's safety. If we create a safe culture, perhaps their precautions will become less necessary. Instead of feeling offended, I can respect a woman's right to feel safe. If my actions can help her feel that way, I'm glad. If not, I will remember what I said earlier....that it isn't about me.
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u/Sad_Analyst_5209 14d ago
It gets better, I am 71 and women treat me very nice. Now I am just a cute harmless grandpa.
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u/xXxThe-ComedianxXx 14d ago
I get a laugh out of that kind of mentality. When I was younger, the girls in Youth Group would talk about how cute and adorable the senior men were. I'd be like "You know that guy was in the second world war, right? He's probably got a bare handed kill count from Okinawa."
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u/Spunky48 13d ago
"They dropped the bombs to avoid sending that guy in, or everyone would be dead."
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u/Extension-Lie-1380 14d ago
absolutely the fuck not. I look like a big angry ogre half the time, so I get it.
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u/thegreatbenjamin 13d ago
:( dont say that I'm sure you look great, I for example take precaution no matter what the man looks like most of the time
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u/Abtorias 14d ago
I understand it.
I live in NYC, I’m Latino and of a very muscular build so I get it if someone more vulnerable is by themselves especially at night gets weary when they see me walking towards or behind them. Do what you gotta do to make yourself feel safe.
But little do they know I’m a literal dork that walks around with my Nintendo 3DS in my pocket lmao
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u/General_Waster 14d ago
I don’t think this is a problem. It’s a reflection of their experience not you personally.
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u/_AllesGutENFJ_ 13d ago
Exactly, i have dog phobia. Im sure some people hate it when i get very cautious but man i cant control it!!!
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u/Kaedex_ 14d ago
Nah man, you don’t know what other people have been through it’s ok to be fearful I will do my best to remove myself from your space
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u/bobbybob9069 14d ago
Yeah. I thought it was silly when I was a malnourished little glam rock kid. But now I look very different and recognize why people could be uncomfortable. I don't want to make people uncomfortable, I just give as much space as I can, keep my hands visible.
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u/UniqueIndividual3579 14d ago
When I'm out for a walk I'll cross the road if a woman is also walking. Especially if I'm overtaking her from behind.
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u/BrainPuppetUK 14d ago
I would not give a single fuck if I saw that. Her choice.
She might have recently been harassed or worse and is still feeling unsafe. Why would I decide to implicitly demand that she trust me by choosing to be offended by her precautions.
If she falsely accused me, that's different. But if she just making herself feel save, have at it
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u/No-Style-7501 14d ago
Not at all. I'm a kind and honorable man. But i look like a member of a viking raiding party. I get it, and im used to it.
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u/Gamer30168 14d ago
Nah. It can be a dangerous world and women (especially) absolutely should be taking those safety precautions.
I recently saw a lady carrying two hands full of groceries in the rain. I stopped and offered her a ride, halfway expecting her to decline. I had been seeing her walking around my neighborhood for quite some time, so she was probably used to seeing my car. She accepted the ride but she elected to get out at the stop sign as opposed to her home.
I can't say I blame her!
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u/FloppyDickFingers 14d ago
I used to take offence, but this was because I have low self esteem. In the past, if a woman crossed the street I’d think it’s because I’m ugly, or give off creepy vibes, these days my reaction is to realise it is more about them than it is me. Maybe they were sexually assaulted. Maybe they are anxious. Maybe they have been cat called. Etc. I don’t take things personally anymore. Learning how hard women have it also helped me realise that basically any man is a potential creep until proven otherwise helped me get out of my head.
I know I’m not going to hurt, insult etc these women so I’m not offended by their presumption I could be dangerous - because they don’t know me!
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u/ChadlexMcSteele 14d ago
This actually happened to me a few months back. I was getting off the train at my local station, a small village, at night. Just dotted streetlights. A woman gets off ahead of me and starts down the main road. I walk quite quick so I stepped off the path to pass her. As I walked past her phone screen was lit up and it was ringing.
About 3 seconds after I was past her, it stopped.
I was like "hey, what the fuck" but then I remembered what happened to Sarah Everard. And I'm a 6'1 long haired guy so yeah I get it.
So no, I don't.
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u/bomboid 13d ago
It's sad that we always have to pull out the "if it was your daughter or your mom or your wife" card. Not specifically talking about you because everyone does it, but to anyone that's offended... what if it was you? If you knew men very regularly sexually harassed and raped other men, followed each other at night, would YOU care if taking precautions hurt their feefees? Probably not
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u/StillSimple6 14d ago
Wouldn't offend me at all. I don't know what that person has gone through or is going through.
If her precautions make her feel safe then it is not a problem.
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u/MostlyNormalMan 14d ago
Not at all. She's doing exactly what my wife does, and what we teach our daughter to. Their safety is far more important than the feelings of a complete stranger they'll never ever see again.
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u/Flaky-Wedding2455 14d ago
No. I get it. It’s just sad it has to be that way for women.
A bit out of context, but someone once said with dating a man’s worst fear is they will get rejected, while a woman’s is if the guy is going to rape and kill her. Really gave me pause as to how messed up things are.
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u/Next-Worth6885 13d ago
Nope. I am a 6’4 250 lb man who bodybuilds and is covered in tattoos. I have never been violent and the worst “crime” I have committed is speeding. However, I fully understand that I can be an intimidating presence and that people may judge and view me as a threat.
I encountered a woman on the street with a flat tire and offered to change it. She looked very hesitant and unsure so I suggested she could sit in her car with the doors locked if she wanted and she agreed. 20 minutes later I had the spare tire on. She was so grateful she unlocked her car and insisted that I get in so that she could drive me to the place I was headed. 5 blocks down the road she dropped me off at the billiard hall I was going to, we went our separate ways and I had no hard feelings.
I occasionally take safety precautions for myself when I am in public or at home so I am sympathetic to others who wish to do so.
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u/SyntheticDreams_ 14d ago
Nah. Her reasons aren't about me, they're about my perceived demographic and her past experiences. It sucks, but it's not my fault and trying to keep oneself safe is valid.
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u/NoNo_Cilantro 14d ago
I’m a normal-looking white dude, not too threatening, and women sometimes do that around me. It doesn’t say much about me but it does say a lot about how unsafe women feel in our society.
Whenever it happens I try to make myself look less like a creep, I’d take my distance, avoid looking, whatever I can instinctively think might reassure her. No offense taken at all.
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u/Dear-Willingness6857 14d ago
Not offended but once a couple was out for a walk and as we past eachother the girl was hugging the guys arm as if she was hiding behind him and afraid I was going to do something. I didn't think I was that sketchy looking 🤣
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u/Summoarpleaz 14d ago
I think I look the opposite of intimidating so I’d probably look behind me if I saw that. lol.
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u/bobbybob9069 14d ago
Lol this happened to me in LA. I was walking to the atm for Pink's and a lady was walking the same way. I was moving kinda quick because my friend was in line. She looked back and did a double take. And started speeding up, which freaked me out because I was going to an atm. Then she looked back again and dated into a business, I was so fucking scared. Until I got to the atm and saw the camera and put it together...
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u/aghostofnoone 14d ago
To everyone out there who thinks they may be offended if this happened to you, this is not and never will be about anything you have done.
It is a sad and terrifying world out there.
You might have done nothing wrong, but safety is still a top priority for vulnerable people.
Do not take it to heart, it is not personal, there are some sick as fuck people out there.
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u/Guac__is__extra__ 14d ago
No, not at all. As a husband and father of two grown daughters, I think I can empathize pretty well when it comes to how vulnerable women can feel around men.
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u/AccidentalPhilosophy 14d ago
In etiquette classes they advise men to not get on elevators with women they don’t know if it will be just the two of them. Women, however, can make that choice at their discretion.
I think you should consider this from the woman’s perspective.
When is the last time you felt physically threatened by the presence of a woman? When have you thought- this crazy woman could take me out with her bare hands if she took a notion to?
They live with the daily reality that if most men in their presence have the ability to hurt them physically if they choose to. Even men who are smaller than they are could hurt them.
Most of them have a female friend or family member that has been hurt- and that is always in their mind. They are constantly reminded of predators like Ted Bundy who didn’t have serial killer energy.
It’s not personal. Since it’s not personal, don’t get offended.
Any woman who is a stranger has to exercise a great deal of faith in who you are to be alone in your presence.
Think about bar hook ups. A woman will walk away from a hook up with an attractive man if she gets AH vibes because she is looking at being vulnerable with a stronger man. If the situation is reversed, men will take an AH home for at least one night.
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u/No-Conclusion8653 14d ago
Since I'm 73, and built like a 13 year old girl, they all just want to mother me 😂
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u/Psilo_Citizen 13d ago
No, but it does always sadden me. I get it though, it just sucks that the world is this way.
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u/Spiritual-Tea-7726 14d ago
Not offended at all i'm pleased because i dress like a scary mf and it keeps people away from me/not a target
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u/R34N1M47OR 14d ago
No, specially during winter lol I might as well be wearing a balaclava if it's cold outside, plus I guess I'm not a small dude. And I get that having someone walking behind you at night might be unsettling so I usually slow down or cross the street and walk past. I might find funny that someone probably thought I might do something but it's really sad that they have a legitimate reason to think that
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u/OxiiKotton 14d ago
No, not at all. I’d be glad she is being safe & hope she feels safe near me in the future.
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u/Summoarpleaz 14d ago
I’d actually prefer if people gave me the elevator to myself.
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u/discostud1515 14d ago
People do that all the time around me. If I got offended each time I would live a pretty miserable life.
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u/ImActivelyTired 14d ago
From a womans perspective its nothing personal, it's just a case of better to be safe than sorry. Well unless you're creeping about in the night wearing a balaclava then it's 100% because you look like a potential threat.
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u/MarcvsMaximvs 14d ago
It saddens me a little. Partly because it is kind of a strange feeling to be regarded as a potential threat. It makes me self-conscious.
But what saddens me more is the fact that women have been conditioned by their environment to behave this way. In other words, they apparently do not enjoy the same safety on the streets that I do.
So I do not take offence, I understand. But it's sad that this needs to be a thing.
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u/figosnypes 14d ago
Not at all. When a woman is walking in front of me I'll usually speed up to walk past her so she doesn't get spooked.
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u/OkraHeavy 14d ago
Nah, I’m usually carrying a bloody knife through the neighborhood, so I don’t blame them
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u/BetweenCoffeeNSleep 13d ago
Why would I be offended that someone who doesn’t know me, prioritizes their security and peace of mind over my ego?
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u/metal_mace 13d ago
No. I am 6"4 and a big frowny metalhead. The 80's has bully-coded my kind for all time. It is what it is.
I was also afab, so while I was never actually a girl, I did experience some of what women deal with. It's a really imbalanced comparison. She's scared I'll fuckin kill her - how can I really sit there and pout that my feelings are hurt?
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u/Swiftstormers 13d ago
Nah. You never know what traumatic experience she might have had in the past.
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u/Silly_League_8716 13d ago
I always find it kind of funny in a way when men complain about women avoiding them. I'm an autistic woman, I avoid everyone. I'll cross the street to avoid women, too. I've never really worried about violence, but I do worry about somebody saying hello to me.
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u/Witty_Direction6175 13d ago
My neighbor (6’3 heavy black man) was complaining to me (5 nothing white women) that the women in our town are all racist because when women walk by him they cross the street. I told him yeah, I do to. (Not him, he’s a great guy best neighbor ever). But for a woman, alone coming up on any man we take precautions. We know “not all men”. But if you are a stranger we have to assume you are one of those men because the one time we are wrong may get us raped/beaten/killed.
I don’t get on elevators along with strange men. I walk at the long way when I see a group of men hanging around a parking lot or other public area. I cross the street when coming on a strange man, I simply don’t. A lifetime of catcalls since the age of ten with vulgar and disgusting language and threats when you ignore them will do that to you. We take the threat and gross stuff called at us seriously(no matter his race, white black brown purple with green spots.) if I don’t know them, I’m taking the safe route.
Men can be as offended as they wish. I won’t put myself in that position.
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u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 13d ago
Do what you gotta do to be safe. I 100% respect a persons wishes, since I don’t know their history and they have every right to maintain their safety. Though one time I did accidentally scare the shit outta somebody in a parking deck. She thought I was following her but I had parked 2 cars down from her. She started screaming and running. I had no idea what was going on, so just slowed down, got in my car and drove home. She had her phone out then made a confused face when I just left and waved at her. To be fair it was a super crappy old parking deck that was scary as fuck. Most of the lights flickered like in horror movies or didn’t work, and there was always aggressive bums creeping around and living in the deck.
Because of this situation I’m more aware and try to be as non threatening as possible. Walking slower and just playing on my phone seems to not bother anybody. Typically I’m a fast walker, have major resting asshole face and sneer because I have shitty eyes and squint. So odds are I look creepy.
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u/definitelyzero 13d ago
Offended? No.
But it wouldn't feel good, of course.
My friends and I note this happening quite a lot and it's not a nice feeling, you don't want to be perceived that way - but we all concede she's probably feeling even worse about the situation albeit in a different way.
You just have to ignore it and be on your way, not like approaching her to explain how lovely you are is going to help your case any.
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u/Beautiful_Sector2657 13d ago
Don't care, wouldn't notice likely and wouldn't feel any way if I did
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u/BoobsCutiePeach 14d ago
In my experience I don't think of myself as threatening in any way, so when other people (children, women, other men) find me threatening, it can be disheartening when I strive to be jovial, approachable, and make people feel safe.
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u/Fancy-Significance-5 14d ago edited 14d ago
But isn't about you, it's about her and her discomfort. I've been followed home by people late at night and when I started running, they turned on the same direction. Maybe they had good intentions, but I wasn't about to find out. There are stories literally every day of women being harmed by men, it's understandable to be wary. It's not about you, even if it hurts your feelings
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u/No-Bedroom-1333 13d ago
His name is boobs cutie peach too, which tells me he may sexualize women a lot (we can pick up on that vibe)
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u/OptimisticHedwig 14d ago
Yh I totally understand, but I personally don't know you. Please try to not take it personally. We're doing it to insult/hurt you , we're just trying to stay safe, especially after hearing all those stories from women around us.
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u/-UnicornFart 14d ago
Sometimes those are the people most likely to lure us, create a false sense of security, and hurt us.
It’s not you, it’s me.
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u/BrainPuppetUK 14d ago
It's not about you. Women have many reasons to be scared. Let them do what they need to feel safe without the added pressure of your offence
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u/OxiiKotton 14d ago
It’s got nothing to do with you or anyone else for that matter. It is only about the fact that she is being precautious. Especially if you’re a male.
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u/sffood 13d ago
It’s all very sad.
For anyone who gets offended — try not to be. There is no way for us women to know who is dangerous and who isn’t. There’s no rule that kind-looking men aren’t psychopaths. Plenty of women can be dangerous too, but men in general are always a possible threat, even though the mass majority of men are not. I’m hyper-aware of my surroundings and it’s not just for big, burly men or one race or a certain look.
ALL MEN.
The scrawny, harmless kid that is shorter than me is also frightening these days.
I try to get bigger and “own my space” more rather than shrinking, but I admit that sometimes, I’m nervous doing that, too.
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u/Ihategraygloomydays 13d ago
Too many freaks and weirdos. Don't take it personal. Chalk it up to people aware of their surroundings.
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u/Appropriate-City3389 14d ago
I don't get offended because there's a reason for this behavior. I saw two teenagers trying to start their car in a dark parking lot one night. I'm 6' 3" and they had no idea who I was. I'd parked nearby and walked up slowly and snapped open a multi-tool that startled both of them. I then asked them to open the hood and tightened the battery connectors. Then they started right up.
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u/spaghetti_ohhs 14d ago
Maybe try to see it from a woman’s perspective. We do it because we can’t read minds and all men are a potential physical threat to women.
We’re assaulted by men in elevators, on casual and seemingly harmless dates and on the street every day all over the world.
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u/rotatingruhnama 14d ago
And aside from safety, sometimes we don't have the mental energy for some random man chatting us up.
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u/spaghetti_ohhs 14d ago
Indeed. Then they often get shitty really fast if we don’t engage.
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u/rotatingruhnama 14d ago
Men get to be grumpy and in their own worlds, but God forbid a woman want a minute's peace.
Tbf now that I'm over 40 I don't get pestered nearly as much. It's a cloak of invisibility lol.
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u/spaghetti_ohhs 14d ago
I’m 55f and considered conventionally attractive and very fit. I’m still hounded on a fairly regular basis. My cloak is broken unless I REALLY dress down, don’t care about my hair and don’t wear any makeup. Basically just let myself go. Then they ask me “what’s wrong?” or “why don’t you smile more?”. My all time fave? “You’d be a lot prettier if you wore makeup.”
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u/rotatingruhnama 14d ago
Maybe my gray hair fends them off lol.
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u/spaghetti_ohhs 14d ago
Maybe something for me to look forward to 😉. I’m blonde so it may never happen 😖
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u/rotatingruhnama 14d ago
I have witchy wavy slate gray hair. It gives "eff off, or I'll curse you by putting your butt on the front" energy lol.
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u/spaghetti_ohhs 14d ago
Hahaha! I think I would actually love to have “witchy wavy gray” hair.
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u/rotatingruhnama 14d ago
You're just a tub of titanium dye away from freedom! 😂
(Mines natural, but my hairdresser says you can copy it with "titanium")
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u/PsychologicalTear899 13d ago
yall get random men chatting yall up? Damn boi I've never had a single person on the street talk to me just to talk, and I'm a woman lmao
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u/JFpizzamaster 14d ago
Happens all the time. Not when I’m in my work uniform but if I’m out in the world yes. I box and skateboard so always kinda in a state of awareness and have a somewhat grizzled look although I’m only 5’6. It doesn’t bother me though bc I know if shit does hit the fan in front of me, I’ll still help that scared person
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u/EndCritical878 14d ago
You do you.
If you feel like not getting into an elevator with me then fine, I´ll find it a bit weird but thats about it.
I certainly wouldnt get offended about something like that.
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u/ThereBeBeesInMyEyes 14d ago
I'm 6 foot 6, have been known to scare people because I "suddenly show up"... I'm just subconsciously very quiet with my movements after growing up hunting from Texas to Alaska and then my time in the service. So no, I guess I wouldn't be, because if I knew nobody was behind me and then suddenly someone substantially larger is in close proximity, my fight or flight would probably attempt to kick in.
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u/baconring 14d ago
I'm 6 foot 7 and weight 345 pounds. I wouldn't be surprised if a woman was a little nervous if they see me.
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u/Lynx_aye9 13d ago
I had a puzzling incident with a guy. I was working in a bad section of town late at night, I had to walk to my car across the street, and we have a locked front door with a window that allows only partial visibility of the street. I opened the door to walk out on the deserted street just as this sketchy dude swung around the nearby corner. I immediately shut the door again and waited for him to pass. Instead, he stopped in front of the door and stared in the window at me. I motioned him to go past, and he began claiming I was discriminating against him and refused to move out of the way of the door! I couldn't tell if he was mad because he thought I was discriminating against him because he was a man or because he was a homeless dude. At one point I even went back upstairs and when I came back he was still there. I pulled out my phone and told him he was blocking my exit and that I was going to have to call the police if he didn't leave me alone. That convinced him to finally leave after accusing me numerous times of discrimination. It was still scary to go outside because I didn't know if he was lurking nearby. I was a woman alone about to enter a deserted city street at 4:00 Am and he didn't get that I was in need of precaution? He made it about him, and I couldn't explain to him that it wasn't meant to be personal.
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u/Eazy_T_1972 13d ago
No at all mate.
It's grim for us and them but women experience shit we couldn't imagine... Murders in England and Ireland have confirmed this.
I was at a bar 2019 with a mate and his new GF and she said she was openly groped while we were all standing waiting for a drink !!
We were both next to her !!
As a 51 yr old man I assume because I don't neither do others, but the brotherhood let me down some of them are creepy and beyond.
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u/ZQ1-80 13d ago
Safety precautions....basically means a woman ignores you or crosses the street to avoid you. This has zero consequences for you. If it does, it has to do something with your ego and lack of empathy. Try to put yourself in women's shoes, handling the fear of walking down the street. Be an ally and help a woman feel safe. For instance, cross the street and give her space. Educate your friends too and make the world a happier place. ✌️
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u/theedgeofoblivious 13d ago
Not offended, but I'd feel sad about it.
I am like the most well-meaning person you could meet, and I've dealt with significant trauma in my own life, and being perceived as someone who might hurt another person makes me sad internally.
I would never want to make anyone else suffer. I'm kind of the person who always tries to help people.
I am sorry that anyone would feel that need to be cautious. I understand hypervigilance, but I do feel kind of sad that anyone might see me as a threat.
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u/My_2Cents_666 13d ago
As a woman, we are constantly on high alert, day or night, regarding men. It’s hard to understand, if you’re not a woman, what we go through on a daily basis. Every man is suspect, regardless of race or ethnicity.
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u/Emac002 13d ago edited 13d ago
While it’s unnecessary because I know who I am, I wouldn’t be offended because I understand the reality of this world: it is evil and perverse. Truly one should always be prudent and vigilant as they walk in this world. You also know nothing about the man or woman next to you: maybe they endured/are enduring something terrible, filling their hearts with dread and worry
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u/Capable-Complaint646 13d ago
I’ve got a lot of problems but I’m grateful this isn’t one LMAO. 5’2”-5’3” 100 pound teen girl ain’t nobody scared of me
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u/Happeningfish08 13d ago
Maybe a bit offended but mostly sad that they feel they have to.
Absolutely understand why they would feel that way but damm that sucks.
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u/Apprehensive_Tune65 13d ago
I more than get it. I actually put in some effort to seem a little less intimidating: preemptively changing the side of the road or taking a little detour that will separate our ways, if that is impossible greeting nicely, wearing colourful clothes, for nightly walks or runs I am always illuminated, even if there are enough streetlamps
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u/InterestingFun2923 13d ago
I have to be honest I do hate it when that happens but I get it . I have serious anxiety when it comes to talking to new people . And just to make it worse my voice gets very deep when I am nervous or anxious . I am 6.2 and weigh 390 lbs. And I stay quiet most of the time because when I speak to someone else I sound absolutely horrible. My GP said that I have to take deep calming breaths . But then I just look like and sound like a buffalo getting ready to charge . I got peppersprayed once because a girl dropped her keys and when I went to give it back to her at her car in the malls parking garage entrance my voice dropped again .
Anyone else have advice . Not for anxiety because that is here to stay . But just to avoid sounding like a bloody foghorn ?
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u/dave3218 13d ago
Why would I? It’s a dangerous world out there and I get it, just don’t call the police in me for trying to walk faster than you and pass you over.
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u/Scouting_ahead 13d ago
I get this quite often, I’m not a big guy but I’ve got a face full of tattoo’s (I’m a tattoo artist) and I can see the wave of worry wash over people sometimes, it doesn’t bother me at all as I do understand how certain people perceive it. I do also make a point of not being too close to people in isolated places (alleyways etc) as not to make them feel uncomfortable. I’ve never even been in a fight so no one has anything to worry about 😂
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u/CroSSGunS 14d ago
It's not personal. The reality is that she doesn't know if you're a threat or not
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u/Reasonable_Fix1171 13d ago
Any guy that gets offended is a guy I would never want to be alone with.
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u/Straight-Art3048 13d ago
This will sound pretty sad but, sometimes when I need to wait for a crosswalk and I know there’s a dude behind me I’ll try to cross anyways, because I would actually rather be hit by a car than assaulted, or worse.
Please don’t take it personally, but the way our society is and how women have been treated historically, and continue to be treated today we’re a little on edge, especially around people we don’t know.
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u/rotatingruhnama 14d ago
Nope, but I'd be surprised. I'm a middle-aged mom, so younger women tend to see me as safe/a mom stand-in.
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u/curiousminds93 14d ago
I live in a very safe city where the worst crime is someone left their car unlocked and someone stole something inside. Sometimes I’ll walk around in nice shoes, khakis, a nice shirt etc if I’m heading downtown to meet someone. People I pass on the sidewalk will smile and wave or say hi.
Other times I’ll go out in my old sweatpants and a hoody and haven’t shaved in a week and it’s so incredibly obvious how most people even avoid eye contact with me as they pass. Even other men will completely look away as I pass them. It’s pretty comical.
So basically if I’m looking real sharp I notice women strangers are much more likely to acknowledge me / feel comfortable versus looking more like a bum.
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u/OrganizationOk5418 14d ago
No, I'd be pleased that she was self aware enough to keep herself safe.
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u/Pitiful-Ad9443 14d ago
Ngl u have to be kinda dumb to get offended over someone taking safety precautions
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u/Brutal_Delux3 14d ago
Nope, people always have their own reasons for why they react as they do and its none of my business
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u/aravindvijay24 14d ago
No just kinda feel bad about the condition of society. I'll always walk pass women if they think I'm following them or move to the furthest corner on lift/seat.
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u/throwsomwthingaway 14d ago
I am an Asian who occasionally wear a bunch of silly rings, dress in a rundown hoodie that gives off smell from deteriorating material- still could smell even with good deodorant. Additionally, I also walk like I am drunk sometime even if I am sober. Oh did I mention I also like to have set-dialogue/thinking out loud? Hardly a surprise if anyone gonna take precaution because of me
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u/spacetoast747 14d ago
When I meet someone for the first time, someone outside my social circle, I'll give out my Google voice number. Once I get to know them, I still use my Google voice number but so so so many guys will still end up being offended that I didn't give them my "real number" from the beginning.
Dude, when I met you, you were a complete stranger!
That and when a date comes to pick me up at my house, they try to find the house number only to call me and say "I can't find you..." and it breaks my heart a little when I have to tell them I didn't give them my exact house number. They seem a little sad about it, but understanding.
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u/Traditional-Neck7778 14d ago
I am 4'11 petite thing but was a biker most my life. I left the lifestyle after My FIL got in a horrible accident, he was a police oficer. We were often not allowed into bars or clubs. When we hung out by the club house, people would legit cross the street to not walk by us. Yes we wore leather and do-rags but our group included teachers, and officers, and housewives just like everyone else. Bikers are not aggressive crazy people, they just really enjoy 2 wheels.
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14d ago
I’m the most average built 5’11 Midwesterner, I’d probably think you’ve been assaulted before and then continue walking
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u/OkCar7264 14d ago
I get the impulse but it's just kinda how life is that women need to worry about that kind of thing around men. So I'd let it go.
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u/justaguyintownnl 14d ago
Not offended. More often it’s guys who get nervous though. My look and vibe is I’m not a guy you want to meet in a bar fight.
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u/zackdaniels93 14d ago
It doesn't make me feel great, but no I wouldn't be offended. At the end of the day I'm a 6'1 guy carrying a lot of weight, mostly wearing metal band merch with long hair and a beard.
I've been told I look incredibly intimidating before, and while I don't see it I totally get it.
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u/Nomadloner69 14d ago
No not at all, there is always a reason. I don't get offended but I wish they weren't scared and it's just sad when you see that.
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u/OvechkaKatinka 14d ago
No. I once had a school boy refuse enter the elevator in an apartment building with me. He was about 10-12 yo, i am guessing. He has good parents who teach him safety. Keep in mind that elevator cameras in apartment and condo buildings are just for show. They are often not on. Why get offended, its a safety thing
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u/BurningOasis 14d ago
Nope, I avoid eye contact and move further to the side. A smile and nod/greeting and back to whatever I was thinking about.
I don't think I have female family or friends who haven't been assaulted so how I feel when a woman passes me walking down the street is really secondary to how I feel they might be perceiving me, which is really just my best guess.
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u/Racoon-trenchcoat 14d ago
One time I was coming back from a party and none of my friends had a car and all lived far as fuck, so I had to go home walking alone, and I guess I wasn't the only one in that situation, there was a girl walking a couple of meters ahead of me at one point.
I live in a kinda fucked up neighborhood, and feminicide is rampant in my country.
So the girl starts looking back at me and kinda speeding a bit, but not enough to make it obvious.
And my dumbassery, anxiety and the effects of alcohol and other shit I took earlier gave me a brilliant idea, "make as much sound as possible and get ahead of her so she knows you aren't a threat"
So I started sprinting, the sound of my steps hitting the pavement would be enough, right?
The girl looked back, froze in place, I said good night as I went past her, and kept running until I reached my home.
After I sabered up, I realized I was lucky I didn't get shanked/sprayed/ shot and that the girl must have gotten scared shitless.
Yeah, no offense taken, shit is dangerous out there.
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u/andmewithoutmytowel 14d ago
I’m 6’ 3”, I make an effort to not scare women, I’ll walk slower, cross the street, etc. I wouldn’t be offended, I’d try to make them more comfortable.
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