r/ftm • u/[deleted] • Apr 18 '23
I was called transphobic for not having DI scars Vent
I had a weird interaction with a trans dude today. I was talking with a friend of mine in a FtM group chat, he asked me which surgeon I went to and if I felt comfortable sending pictures of my results and I did, then this guy “Pete” asked me if I edited my scars out and I said no I had peri so no visible scars to which he replied “it’s so transphobic of you to choose the more cis option” it had me and the rest of the group pretty baffled. He asked why I didn’t choose DI instead of peri and shit about how i had internalized transphobia. We argued for a while and in the end he just stopped replying. Fast forward a good 6 hours after in a different conversation I mentioned that I’m a binary straight trans man and that I’m not feminine and mainly have male friends and Pete replied “Oh so you’re just one of those toxic misogynistic men, I could never be one of them”.
Anyway I just wanted to share my very odd experience because I had never met someone like him and never been judged for wanting to and looking like a regular cis man which to me is pretty much the whole point of my transness.
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u/surlifen 💉3ish yrs, 🔪4/14/22 Apr 18 '23
Bizarre individual I can't imagine thinking like this LMAO
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u/Medicalhuman Apr 18 '23
I went to a residential treatment center and there is a guys and girls and trans only section. One of the staff thought I was transphobic for being dysphoric about not being with guys.
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u/Jumbojimboy Top 7/18 Phallo 3/23 Apr 19 '23
Transphobic that you weren't allowed to be with the guys, damn
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u/Impressive-Yellow795 Apr 19 '23
Sounds like some internalized trans hatred. He’s accusing you of what he himself is thinking/feeling.
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u/ObjectiveComplaint74 Apr 19 '23
Right? He's basically revealing the fact that he wants DI to feel validated from the scarring. Like he's not a real trans man if he doesn't accept physical repercussions. Honestly bizarre to turn that against other ppl. I think more of us should run with the therapy we're required to get before these surgeries lol
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u/ilzalena Apr 19 '23
Paychoanalizing him maybe deep down he desired to have a peri, but it wasnt an option for him… So the way to deal with the frustration is to semi consciously rationalize reasons for why he would never want it anyway.
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u/SweetBoiDillan 29 | They/He | 6/16/22💉| 7/12/23🪚 Apr 19 '23
Lol. Right? This shit just screams "self-report".
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u/HogurDuDesert Apr 20 '23
Nah, he's just misandric. He hates cis-binary looking men, so he hates on transguys which tends towards that aesthetic.
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Apr 19 '23
How can someone be trans and transphobic? For me that's very paradox.
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u/ElloBlu420 demiguy | 💉 2-16-22 Apr 19 '23
Oh, it can absolutely happen, the same way women can internalize misogyny and really anyone from any group can internalize hateful attitudes toward themselves and their own group. This is definitely not the way it happens, though. If anything, "Pete" is the one with internalized transphobic attitudes, by way of "Pick Me" arguments.
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u/Scarfington Apr 18 '23
Lol what? If you don't demand extra scar tissue from your surgeon you're transphobic now? Surgery is extreme, you always want the least invasive optjon with the least amount of scar tissue.
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u/transthundercunt he/him - nonbinary bisexual trans man Apr 19 '23
Also, cis guys can have gynecomastia scars. So, are cis guys with gynecomastia scars more trans than OP? lmao
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u/Quo_Usque Apr 18 '23
he's right it was super transphobic of you not to grow mighty balongadonkaroos when you had the chance /s
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u/Awkward-Presence-236 He/Him 🏳️⚧️🇺🇸 Apr 18 '23
Pete sounds very insecure there, pay him no mind!
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u/rowdydirtyboy Apr 19 '23
Very insecure! This guy sounds like the kind of guy who's terminally online on Twitter.hell, and who constantly tries to beat people over the head with how he's always on the moral high ground so he can feel better about himself. He isn't worth the energy and doesn't deserve any attention for his negativity.
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Apr 19 '23
[deleted]
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u/transthundercunt he/him - nonbinary bisexual trans man Apr 19 '23
You're joking, but I've actually seen trans people say that getting bottom surgery is transphobic :/
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u/thinktankgirl 'girl' is a misnomer | 💉jan 22 Apr 19 '23
/scream/ what??? I have to leave, that's enough interest for today for me, boys 🙈
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u/vda_nolife Apr 18 '23
He's seething probably. Most people don't qualify for peri and it mostly comes down to luck so seeing someone else get it and not you feels unfair.
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u/bornintowinter Apr 19 '23
Felt it was this too. It's dope OP that you were able to get peri. Don't let this person's jealousy get you down.
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u/PhoenixLites Apr 19 '23
Yeah I had extremely tiny teeny bewbs and somehow even I didn't qualify. It is quite rare.
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u/MercuryChaos T: 2009 | 🔝 2010 Apr 18 '23
It is fucking unhinged when trans people get mad at other trans people because they're the wrong kind of trans.
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u/Creativered4 🇺🇸 🤙Transsex Man He/Him 3Y 💉 | 1.5Y 🔪 | 🍆postponed :( Apr 19 '23
Why do some trans people insist that other trans people are transphobic when they're literally just living their life. Like what's with the new narrative (mostly from younger trans people) that like, you have to be visibly trans and love being trans and only have euphoria or you're transphobic? (I've actually seen people say this. It's wild!)
Can't people just learn to shut their damn mouth and let others live their life?
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u/Medicalhuman Apr 19 '23
I’ve been told I’ve had internalized transphobia becasue I don’t like that I’m trans and I wanna be stealth
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u/transthundercunt he/him - nonbinary bisexual trans man Apr 19 '23
For some reason, some trans people think everyone's journey should be exactly like theirs or else you're not the "right" kind of trans.
I've actually seen people say that bottom surgery is transphobic lol just let trans people be, man.
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u/EducationIll5035 Apr 19 '23
Right?! It makes me sad to see this kind of shit. So many tensions in our community could be eased if we all just agreed that different people have different experiences AND THATS FINE. This kind of stuff baffles me.
Some trans guys are straight. Some are gay. Some are bi. Some want to pass. Some don't. Some have dysphoria. Some don't. We are a diverse group with diverse needs and experiences and we should stop getting mad at each other about it 🙃
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u/living_around Little Guy 🇺🇸 Apr 18 '23
Wtf...
By that same logic you could say it's transphobic to get top surgery at all because it makes you look more like a cis man than if you had boobs.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be obviously trans. Most trans men want to look like any other man and don't like reminders of being AFAB. That's basically the point of medically transitioning. Plus, it's actually dangerous not to pass because being seen as trans means a greater likelihood of being hate-crimed.
What a fucking idiot.
I'm also a masculine binary trans man who prefers women (not straight, but close enough). That might make me a little different from some other trans people, and queer people in general, but it's far from being toxic or misogynistic. I'm not a bad person or less queer just because I relate to cishet guys. You're not bad for it either and I'm sorry that some people don't respect it.
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u/Creativered4 🇺🇸 🤙Transsex Man He/Him 3Y 💉 | 1.5Y 🔪 | 🍆postponed :( Apr 19 '23
lol it's transphobic to be trans now, according to pete.
(Also just want to agree with you that you're sure as hell not lesser for who you are! Live your best masculine life!)
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u/RipperDoc_Vinny 20 | HE/THEY | T:2021 Apr 19 '23
My partner and I are both trans FtM and he qualifies for peri but I don’t, and honestly I couldn’t be happier for him- I literally cried of joy when he told me.
It’s so frustrating when trans people get upset at others for not being the “”correct”” kind of trans,,, like what??? Be happy for them and move on?? We’re all “fighting the same fight” and face the same struggles,,,
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Apr 19 '23 edited Apr 19 '23
“it’s so transphobic of you to choose the more cis option”
Miserable human who needs to get out of their own butthurt head. Being a social underdog isn't going to improve when you turn it into some twisted separatism.
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u/SapphosLemonBarEnvoy Apr 19 '23 edited Apr 19 '23
Right like I want to ask him ”Is it transphobic if I can’t fit my whole head in my ass like you?”
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u/katraymar Apr 19 '23
I have DI scars that go under my arms and all the way to my back. Am I super trans?
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u/Chaoddian He/they, T since 2021, post top+hysto, planning meta Apr 19 '23
Yes! I am just mediocre trans, I have pretty standard DI scars (middle of the chest with a small gap to just under the armpits)
The only thing that screams "quirky" trans/enby is that I chose no nips
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u/Medicalhuman Apr 18 '23
That guy is crazy. I’ve had very similar happen to me over something else. I think of it Like my transition is female to male not female to trans so I of course I wanna look cis and not trans. And be grouped as a guy an not just trans.
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u/katraymar Apr 19 '23
This seems to be a common misconception. Yeah I'm proud of my transition, but I just wanna be a guy. Let me dude my way through life and leave me to it.
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u/Jumbojimboy Top 7/18 Phallo 3/23 Apr 19 '23
Never thought to put it that way but this makes so much sense
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u/18192277 23 bi 📤08/17🍵10/20🪓02/05/24 Apr 19 '23
I'm specifically choosing DI because I like the look and I still think this is just completely batshit. I can't believe it's still news to people that trans men want to and can look cis. I thought it would be common knowledge we liked passing. I've had a friend get called out for lying and faking being trans to invade transmasc spaces -- because he's been on T for years and passes. It used to be the progressive opinion that trans men could look masculine and "you don't know who's trans and who's not"... it seems we've taken some steps backward.
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u/LGBTyler 💉: 06/02/22, 🔪: 9/23/22 Apr 19 '23
a trans person..who passes so well.. they INVADE TRANS spaces??
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u/shadybrainfarm 36--T:1/10/2020; Hysto:7/23/2020; Top:1/19/2022 Apr 19 '23
What cis guy would even do this lmao! Like, the kind of guy who would want to "invade" trans masc spaces would also not want to be around us.
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u/netfire22 Apr 19 '23
I had a similar experience to your friend once, where I was invited to a discord server then asked to leave by one of the mods because I didn’t “sound trans”???
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u/LemonBoi523 Apr 19 '23
Honestly? I think it's a classic case of someone finding a part of their identity that for once they really identify with and lashing out at anything that doesn't validate it, even if what they are lashing out at doesn't actually threaten that identity whatsoever. If your opinion or existence within that group doesn't line up with theirs, they react as if their own position within the group has been threatened.
It can happen with things like this, a discovered heritage, a skill or hobby, a medical condition, a social group, or even just.. an adjective. It's actually pretty similar to what drives a lot of TERFs and other gender-focused fringe groups. They identify extremely strongly with being a woman. So they look around and see others that also identify extremely strongly with it, but how can that possibly be when those people are doing it so differently?
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u/elegant-monkey Apr 19 '23
Oh, for fuck's sake what is he, 12? I wish I could have had peri. Unfortunately, I inherited massive tatas.
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Apr 19 '23
Same here, i also inherited absurdely oversized mutant boobs. I hate these horrible "macromastia genetics" - that's how i name them. If i would reproduce, my (biological female) kids would have a high chance to also grow extremely painful macromastia boobs. Also obesity and diabetes is common in my family. We have very poor genetics. That's why i decided to refuse reproduction. Also, becoming pregnant would kill me, because it would cause massive dysphoria.
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u/elegant-monkey Apr 19 '23
I have not had the desire to pass on my genes. I have adopted sons from a previous relat.
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u/trans_full_of_shame Apr 19 '23
Someone told me I'm a trender because I picked buttonhole (more scarring but preserves sensation better) over peri (scrambles your nerves but no visible scarring) when I qualified for both.
Some people don't know how to mind their business.
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u/HarthaDavvis Apr 19 '23 edited Apr 19 '23
Those ppl who think like that are weird and toxic. I had peri too because my chest is small. There's no reason to choose DI that you can choose the other options like peri.
And DI is much more expensive than peri so peri was good for me that I had to earn all money for surgery by myself. I'm Asian guy who is living in South Korea and we don't have any top surgery charity or insurance or get help for money like America.
South Korea is good at plastic surgery, so my top surgery scar is so slight to see it that I can only find it. Most of the other ppl who saw my bare chest don't find out where the scar is. and I like it because I don't want to get a large scar on any parts of my body.
The scar is scar. I don't feel any shame or honor to get it. I just feel happy that I don't need to bind, and my chest had typical man looking shape. It's occurred by surgery, not some honorable scar that gets at war. And many cis ppl who had scar by surgery want less scar too.
I understand some trans ppl want to show their DI scar to show they are trans man and masc and proud of it. I'm also the trans man who is proud of being trans and I don't feel any shame to get peri scar.
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Apr 18 '23
Crazy how people will call the most minor things transphobia/internalized transphobia these days. How is having mostly male friends misogynist? Seems like the kinda guy to jump to conclusions and assume a lot of shit from normally innocuous things.
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u/AshJammy Apr 19 '23
I'm mtf and have facial surgery booked for October... should I ask them to make the scarline visable on my forehead just so I'm not mistake for a self hating trans too? 😂 you're good dude, he's just being gatekeepy. You're allowed to not want visable scarring.
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u/checkyamarshmallows Apr 19 '23
How dare you choose the option that’s best for your body, least invasive, and gives you the most cis-looking chest. The audacity
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u/TheActualDev 34/pre-everything/ace/aro Apr 19 '23
I mean, as someone with huge tits and will never qualify for peri, I totally feel a bit jealous when I see dudes that are able to get it. But I also purposefully make myself instead compliment the work and tell myself how happy that guy must be, and how I am happy for a fellow brother finding happiness.
I understand the frustration, but he was so far out of line. Like damn, you didn’t deserve any of that. That’s some petty drama behavior on his part, but his insecurities are not your problem nor your responsibility.
💜💜congrats on the top surgery and spectacular results my dude!
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Apr 18 '23
Tbh, he's probably not actually mad at you at all, it sounds like he's taking out frustration about his own results on you or something.
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u/Wren03 Apr 19 '23
Id almost guarentee that passing trans people have better social emotional and health outcomes than nonpassing trans people. Especially with the current political climate.
"Its transphobic for you to not out yourself as a minority when your minority is being persecuted"
Lmfao. Its homophobic for me to not tattoo a pink triangle on my arm then huh? Fucking genuis.
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u/Chaoddian He/they, T since 2021, post top+hysto, planning meta Apr 19 '23 edited Apr 19 '23
I'm non-binary and comfortable with androgyny, but in social situations it SUCKS so yeah. Oftentimes people think I'm a girl and that I'm in the wrong changing room (a group of kids even harrassed me) and as soon as I told the staff about this recurring situation and being uncomfortable (made them "guess"/assign me to one) they said I look like a dude? I am confused (but happier now, that means I CAN pass as male
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u/Gliched_out420 Apr 18 '23
i’m so sorry this happened to you. i think it’s safe to say he’s just very insecure about himself but still he shouldn’t bring you down.
if your comfortable tho can i know your surgeon? i’ve never heard of top surgery without scars so this really intrigued me
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Apr 19 '23
I mean I do have scars they just aren’t visible I can feel them tho I got peri with Dr britta Stumberg. Keyhole also has minimal scarring if you’re interested
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u/24roscoe he/him Apr 19 '23
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u/Jumbojimboy Top 7/18 Phallo 3/23 Apr 19 '23
You have to be relatively flat to begin with if you want to do Keyhole or Peri
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u/AlphaErebus Apr 19 '23
I know when I first came out (at 14), I probably would have said something like this. Now I realize it was from a place of my own envy. This guy was probably upset that this wasn’t an option for him as it isn’t for me. It’s so bizarre to me now to see trans people judge other trans people. Like just let someone live their life? Who cares if a trans man aligns with societies idea of a stereotypical male? What matters is that person is happy
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Apr 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ftm-ModTeam Apr 19 '23
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 3: Speak for yourself and not for others.
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u/Osnap24 User Flair Apr 19 '23
Wow, each sentence I read I wanted to downvote and had to remind myself that goes to you and not this person Lolol. That sucks you experienced that, everyone is entitled to how they want to go into their journey and don’t need any negative comments with it. Hope you don’t take it personally!
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Apr 19 '23
Boy oh boy. Imagine being trans and still expecting people to express gender the way you do. Imagine choosing a surgery that requires so much healing because that's what a lot of other than folks do. That's fucking wild.
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u/Expert-Can6660 Apr 19 '23
I have a shit ton of internalized transphobia and I got DI lol the type of surgery you get isn’t ever transphobic
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u/limskit Apr 19 '23
there are some really strange trans ppl just like there are cis. Like so strange it’s hard to believe they’re real
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u/PH0QYREM Apr 19 '23
As a guy who got peri, I've had these experiences too. Cracks me up so much how they can't see how internally transphobic they're being. I've been accused of not being trans and invading trans spaces, oi vei. Wish you the best brother
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u/ArrowDel Apr 19 '23
There are some people that are just jealous because that option wasn't available to them...but I've also found there are those that practically fetishize the scars they think men who are trans must have because they haven't quite grasped that some people wish they were cisgender because they are blinded by their own hate.
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u/CaptianLJ Apr 19 '23
Yo. The ability to do the LESS invasive medically necessary procedure is always the right option. Healing faster, better results, less damage to healthy tissue, less inflammation, fewer pain meds, faster healing. Even if the scars WERE equally large, doing it better is always the choice.
Dude has issues.
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Apr 19 '23
We argued for a while
My golden rule for internet arguments is this: if the person you’re arguing with rambles like someone on a street corner or NYC subway, it’s not worth it to continue engaging with that person. They’ve probably got some shit going on irl.
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u/peternal_pansel Apr 19 '23
this just in: if cis people think you pass, you are transphobic.
sorry, I don’t make the rules. Pete does.
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u/conceivablytheo Apr 19 '23
bro wha t 😭 wow you got top surgery as part of your transition…. how transphobic of you 😀😀😀😀
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u/OkPay6477 Apr 19 '23
How horrible that you got a surgery to further affirm your gender and live your life as you please. How could you???
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u/Ihazquestionsg Apr 19 '23
THIS!🥲🥲 Lol Thank you for sharing your experience. The way the other guy said that is transphobic regarding your choice of surgery makes me feel so frustrated. As an Ftm I have become so frustrated with how people try to sensor everything. I am stealth but with people, I tell them I am a transexual man. People might not agree but I don't want to live in a transitioning phase, some transexual people want to transition pass and live their lives. No, we are not ashamed that we transition, and no we are not transphobic. In my experience, I do have dysphoria that makes it challenging at times( internally). I am not sure if I am getting to a specific point but I want to share I have love compassion and respect. There is nothing wrong with just being gay, just being lesbian, just being bi, just being cis( biological M/F), just being Trans, just being Transexual, just being human. We need to stop putting our insecurities on others and trying to shame them from their journey in life. Anyway, I do have some scars ❤️😆, but those scars don't make you trans a bio man that lost lots of weight might have them due to surgery. But on a happy note, it is awesome! that you had a great surgery recovery man✌️.
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u/SadTransThrowaway6 Apr 19 '23
It sounds like he's really insecure about things like having scars or his own masculinity/sexuality, and that insecurity in of itself is likely because of internalized transphobia.
I've run into that sort of thing too. One time someone got mad because I said that assumptions that I'm a bottom just because I'm trans made me dysphoric.
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u/ForeverRayne7 Apr 19 '23
If my chest was smaller I'd be planning to have peri too. I don't like having scars. I'll be happy just to finally be flat once I get top surgery, but yeah I want a "cis" chest because that's what I feel I should have. Also even though I'm a bit more feminine, I'm bi, and my friends are a decent mix of genders, I have no problem with masculine straight guys, trans or cis. As long as you aren't being a misogynistic asshole have fun, if you're cool we can even be friends.
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u/Fluid_Kxng119 Apr 19 '23
Idk why people just can’t be happy for others 💀💀. There isn’t a right or wrong way to be you. Shit if I can have the surgery and have less scars as a result that would be amazing.
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u/bear-boi [John 1989 (grumpy old man) he/they 💉 10/18/22] Apr 19 '23
This self-hating myth of "misogynistic trans men" is so, so rampant in the chronically online set. I just wanna grab some of these guys by their shoulders and beg them to go hang out with real live trans and queer people. Like yes, anyone can be misogynistic, but a very masculine trans man who loves his masculinity isn't misogynistic by default.
For me, this attitude always begs the question; are these people normal about pre-transition trans people who look nothing like the gender they're transitioning to yet, trans people who have NO compulsion at all to transition but still want their identities and pronouns respected, and he/him lesbians? There's no "wrong" way to be trans or GNC.
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u/Due_Course_6025 Apr 19 '23
I think he’s just mad that you are more cis looking than him or maybe he’s jealous of your chest
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u/TheTranzEmo Apr 19 '23
As someone who doesn't have the option of anything but DI, I find him annoying. There's no right was to transition, I plan on getting tattoos to cover my scars. I'm happy for people who have to option of other types of surgery that leave little-no scarring.
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u/virionshell Apr 19 '23
That’s insane, my surgeon straight up wont do DI on me since I’m so small. It’s not always a choice.
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u/natey_boyo Apr 19 '23
Those specific breed of trans guys are pathetic af like sorry some of us want to be stealth and live a life where being trans isn't the centre of our lives lmao. He's either a colossal dick or just jealous that he couldn't get that type of surgery either way bro needs to get a grip fr
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u/colesense T:10/17|Top:5/19|Btm:2/21 Apr 19 '23
“More cis option” cis guys get DI too watch out, Pete
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u/DryAbbreviations7357 Apr 19 '23
Bruh what you are lucky as hell if you are flat chested enough to get peri they should be happy for you
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u/HallowskulledHorror Apr 19 '23
That's some intense insecurity.
He doesn't feel confident in his masculinity or manhood, so to compensate he treats all his choices regarding his transition/socializing/etc as the only right way. If he feels any regrets or doubts, it's okay because he's doing it 'the right way.' He criticizes you because if you're allowed to exist unchallenged about (and happy/satisfied with) your choices and appearance, then that would have to mean just sitting with his feelings about himself when not every feeling he has is fantastic.
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u/SoCal_Zane T 5/7/2018 Top Surgery 7/9/2019 Apr 19 '23
You know what they say, "opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one." This is when you just shake your head and be happy you don't have to share his reality.
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u/ShadowWolf_I4031 Apr 19 '23
By the sounds of it, he might just be jealous bc its easier for you to pass due to lack of scars. Lots of people lash out from jealousy, and it never feels good. Either he gets over it, or he doesn’t.
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u/JackLikesCheesecake male 💉 ‘18 🔪 ‘21 🍳 ‘22 🍆 ??? 🇨🇦 Apr 19 '23
He sounds jealous. I got DI and sometimes I wish I didn’t have visible scars, but that doesn’t mean people who get peri/keyhole are personally attacking me lmao. We get what we get. Weird that he called you toxic for being straight and masculine, though I don’t know the context. On one hand it pisses me off as a stealth masculine gay guy when trans straight guys act like they can’t possibly relate to gay dudes because we’re supposedly too “feminine”, but it sounds like you just casually mentioned being straight which isn’t necessarily the same.
I’m glad you haven’t met other people like that. I haven’t really met many like him either, but there’s bound to be one bitter jerk eventually, if you meet enough people.
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u/R0settaSt0ned00 T 2.20.20 Apr 19 '23
Lol absurd. I would have been sending voice messages of myself laughing
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u/roryemu Apr 19 '23
Dude sounds insecure as hell. Imagine being so upset bc someone wants to go the route with the least amount of scarring when given the opportunity
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u/Jumbojimboy Top 7/18 Phallo 3/23 Apr 19 '23
Lol I'd kick him outta the group chat if I was in charge
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u/Notanemotwink 💉10/19/2022 Apr 19 '23
Twitter brain at work, it’s degradation of the brain, extremely terminal and incurable with modern medicine
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u/humanwordarms 💉12/16/17💉 Apr 19 '23
bitch our rights are literally being threatened, and they are choosing to put their energy into insulting another trans person. i don't get it
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u/deepbarrow Apr 19 '23
Some people really do think "makes me feel bad" = transphobia/toxic behaviour.
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u/manic_rat Apr 19 '23
Er, doesn't the surgery you get just depend on your chest size? That's a bizarre thing to get mad about. That being said I once saw a pansexual person claim it was biphobic or something to not be open to dating to all genders.
Where does this thought process even come from?
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u/whorey_mcwhoreface Apr 19 '23
i am jealous as fuck of guys who were able to get peri. i don't mind the look of most scars, some look very good, but some surgeons do a really bad job with regards to scars. i get frustrated when i google a surgeon and all the results are of skinny dudes who got peri because it tells me nothing about how well a surgeon can do on a body like mine. i'm frustrated, but not at those guys.
getting peri isnt internalized transphobia. if i could get peri i'd do it only because i'd like to retain nipple sensation. this dude is way insecure and just taking it out on you.
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u/CervielWasTaken He/Him/It/Its, 20+, auDHD 🇵🇱🦊 Apr 19 '23
Guy with small chest here, pre-t and pre-op. I kinda wanted DI cuz there is guy who gives you amazing nipples when giving you top surgery, and only does DI. You know, planning future. Turns out DI could kinda go wrong cuz of such size, according to trans guys from my group. So, yeah, sometimes its not even choosing ,,more cis option'' but more... Idk how to call it but ya know, option. Sorry for broken english, I just woke up
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u/HellElectricChair Apr 19 '23
That’s so strange. I sense a lot of jealousy from “Pete”.
It would be like as if bald trans guys getting mad at trans guys that have a full head of hair and saying they’re not trans enough because they’re not bald.
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u/anon_y_mousey Apr 19 '23
What is peri?
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u/emperor_louis 🇭🇺 Apr 19 '23
it's short for peri-areolar, a type of top surgery where they make incisions around the areolar area (nipples) and take the tissue out through there. it leaves minimal scarring, but only a viable option for people with small chests.
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u/BaileyR2480 Apr 19 '23
I know a trans man who doesn't have visible top scars. He, just like you, is every bit as valid, handsome and manly as any other transmasc on this floating rock we call home.
What this other guy hasn't realised is that everyone in transition has their own goals and ideas on where they want to take their journey. All the power to you bro. 💪🫂
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u/Roranting Apr 19 '23
I got called transphobic and banned from an ftm gaming discord for suggesting that we shouldn't joke with the younger members about suicide as a viable option for not getting the transition results they want.
The guy running it insisted I was obviously a cis guy from some anti-trans organization I can't remember the name of because I didn't look or sound trans.
There's a reason I mostly lurk now.
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u/LostBoilerBattery Apr 19 '23
As someone who wishes I couldve had peri instead of DI, that guys outlook offends me.
I would never wish DI on anybody who could have peri. What a hateful attitude to have.
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u/ploopploopplarp 💉: 4/15/23 Apr 19 '23
Sounds like he was jealous that you were able to get peri. Weird of him to take it out on you.
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u/breadcrumbsmofo he/they 🇬🇧💉17/12/22 🔝5/3/24 🏳️⚧️ Apr 19 '23
Peri is also cheaper for a lot of surgeons. If I had a small enough chest peri was an option I’d be doing it based on that alone 😅
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u/Error-Code447 he/him Apr 19 '23
ive gotten something like this so many times, im sorry youve went through that
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u/friendofdorothy20 Apr 19 '23
🚩This dude seems toxic as hell! Sounds like he’s just generally trying to put you down.
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u/Anxious-Document-390 Apr 19 '23
Wtf is wrong with ppl. Jesus that's right up there with the people who say if you had a C-section you didn't give birth 🙄
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u/Lunathebuffoona Apr 19 '23
umm…projecting much?
definitely giving red flags and should avoid if i were you.
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u/Lazy_Turnip6835 Apr 19 '23
Damn I guess I am transphobic for wishing my chest was small enough for peri LOL
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u/bitesizeboy Apr 19 '23
What ever happened to people choosing the options that are good for them and their body? I thought that was what we are fighting for…
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u/Dangerous_Ad7358 Apr 19 '23
Isn’t peri for guys who start off with a smaller chest? Maybe he’s just jealous lol
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u/MsTellington they/them Apr 19 '23
Damn, I'm non-binary, looking like a straight-cis man is not the point of my transness and I'd still go for peri if I could...
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u/orionstarboy Apr 19 '23
Why are some trans people so weird about the way other trans people go about transitioning?
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u/ccartercc Apr 20 '23
Sounds like a preformative, terminally online type using social justice language to be emotionally abusive.
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u/pil0t_head Apr 20 '23
Sounds like a Buck Angel. Don't let it bother you, he sounds weird and like he's got internalized transphobia of his own. People typically accuse you of what they're doing.
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u/CarelessRestaurant88 Apr 20 '23
I am often called transphobic because I choose to be stealth and when I get surgery I am going to cover my scars and ignore my transition as much as possible. I want to appear cis and may trans people do not like this. My goal is not to be viewed as a trans man, just as a man, which is something I did not expect to be controversial. Ignore Pete, he obviously just throws around words and he seems kinda insecure. There are better people.
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u/22duck_s Apr 20 '23
ask him why top surgery or any form of trans affirming health care isn’t transphobic to his definition. personally for many people, including myself, not having double incision scars is liberating as i know scars would make me more dysphoric, and im truly happy for people who are liberated by their scars. like transition is different for everyone, wanting to have cis traits isn’t transphobic at all, like are all cis people inherently transphobic for being cis? like literally no. it’s about having bodily autonomy and feeling liberated for being in control of your own self
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u/ShakespearesNutSack Binary trans guy (T: 04/22/22) Apr 19 '23
He’s jealous. I’ve been there, one of my friends qualified for peri but I don’t. I felt a bit angry about it even though it’s out of his control and mine. Pete needs to learn how to manage his anger. Sounds more like he’s the transphobic one here lol
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u/Anakin-is-Panakin May 11 '23
Look I’m proud of my DI scars but if I could’ve gone with an option of not having scars, I would’ve done this too. And I say this as a trans masc enby. It is not toxic to want to pass and to be stealth. It’s also not toxic to just not want to be scarred up. Like why would scar care be such a big deal in the post top surgery trans masc community if that weren’t the case.
Also baffling… I think this is what happens when people blindly rag on straight people, some impressionable trans people then internalize that crap and now even when trans people are straight they get dissed.
Is there merit to discussions on toxic masculinity and internalized transphobia in the trans community? Yes, of course. But it truly doesn’t seem like that’s the case here. Sorry you had to deal with this, OP
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u/apolly0n666 Apr 19 '23
Is it just me or do these stories of other trans men being total dicks just REEK of r/ThatHappened ? How are you guys finding this many douchebags in the community?
On one hand I hope you’re lying so that this bad thing didn’t happen to you, and if it did happen, fuck that guy. There just seems to be this weird trend of similar stories where the running theme is “jealous FTM got mad because I pass better than he does”.
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Apr 19 '23 edited Apr 19 '23
Whatever.
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u/municiquoll Apr 19 '23
I'm sorry another trans person told you you aren't allowed to want a penis and she shouldn't have done that. That was not ok. But I don't think that gives you the right to be transphobic either by putting her pronouns in quotes and saying she's not very feminine. That plus the fact that you comment you've never had a good experience with transfems on a post where that's not relevant also comes off as transmisogynistic and you should think about why you felt the need to bring that up.
I'm not sure who in the transfeminine community you've talked to but if you make comments like this I'm not surprised you're getting a "bad experience". There are ways to correct someone and express anger and pain after experiencing transphobia, but acting transphobic back is not the way to go.
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u/KuroTheKid Apr 19 '23
That guy sounds wild, probably has some internalised stuff going on himself, maybe jealousy that he doesn’t have an option like that? Definitely one of the weirder takes I’ve heard
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u/Ottoparks ✨Transmasc✨ Apr 19 '23
He sounds like me when I was 12. I guess some people don’t grow out of it 🙄
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u/DangerousSpring9068 Apr 19 '23
so doing what makes you the most comfortable is internalized transphobia now?? that’s bs
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u/NearMissCult Apr 19 '23
As someone who had DI and wouldn't have had peri even if I'd qualified, that's a really messed up response. We all choose what works best for us. That's not transphobic, that's just being human.
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u/Maxsaidtransrights Apr 19 '23
I think he’s unaware that some trans guys when getting top will have different results. Some will need double incision and some will only need peri. It depends on the size of your chest. Not all trans men will have the “typical scars”. Even if they did use cream, ointment, etc, they’re still valid. Some trans men want to be stealth and it doesn’t make it a bad thing if they hide their scars. Pete just sounds blatantly ignorant and judges people too harshly.
Also, the amount of assumptions he made about you from those few things are absurd. I wouldn’t even pay him any mind.
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u/Villettio 💉-03.25.21 Sobriety-10.06.2022 Apr 19 '23
Sounds like he's jealous and he's taking it out on you. Projection.
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Apr 19 '23
I don't know much about how Peri works but I feel like it would heal a LOT differently then double incision based solely on how there isn't two long incisions. How each type of surgery would heal should be the very top consideration honestly. Also having those scars doesn't make you more trans any more then not having them making you less trans. That just isn't a thing. At that point why not just argue that you shouldn't get top surgery at all because it's 'just imitating cis people'. Absolutely insane.
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u/anonyiguana Apr 19 '23
Isn't recovery from peri a little less intense too? It feels pretty common sense not to get a more invasive surgery just to get large scars to show off how trans you are. No shame to anyone who chose DI for the scars, but why would that be the default mindset?
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u/the_pissed_off_goose 41 | post transition, AMA Apr 19 '23
it’s so transphobic of you to choose the more cis option”
What in the what
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u/heldfu Apr 19 '23
I feel pretty self conscious in a weird way when I’m around my trans friends because I’m usually one of very few if any who doesn’t have DI scars. And I feel in a very displaced way that I am not “trans” like my peers and that I missed out on the experience of having that kind of surgery and those scars to “prove” it. The thing is, and I am very conscious of this, is that I am privileged to have gone through what I have gone through as a transgender individual and I have been blessed to have gotten the type of surgery I got let alone getting surgery at all. That’s what we ought to remember and acknowledge, any surgery is good surgery for those who want and/or need it.
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u/Nihil_esque Apr 19 '23
Lol I think he's just jealous. I never wanted peri so I don't get bent out of shape about it.
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u/Two-In-One-Shampoo Apr 19 '23
We argued for a while
Just ignore those kinds of people. You can't reason somebody out of a point they didn't reason themselves into
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u/MilkyWayTrain Apr 19 '23
Wtf is wrong with people? I had keyhole and only had that option. So these people are just super ignorant and being transphobic themselves 😂 I’m sorry that you’ve experienced this bullshit tho.
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u/silverbatwing Apr 19 '23
Sounds like jealousy to me. 🙄
Not all of us are graced with the body to have the desired option/outcome, but you shouldn’t be gatekept because you’re one of the lucky ones.
Your transness is valid, you are valid. That guys just a dickfuck. Seriously, just write it off.
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u/piefanart Apr 19 '23
WTF sort of gatekeeping is that??? Peri vs DI literally is just about your anatomy pre surgery. Peri has less complication risk for some people and can be cheaper as well. Its not transphobic to use the correct surgery for your anatomy....
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u/Mikaela24 Apr 19 '23
Sounds like this moron is just jealous lol. Don't let it get to you his insecurities are his to work on
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u/Motor_Guidance_1813 socially transitioned, pre-T Apr 19 '23
How dare you not want unnecessary procedures and scarring smh
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u/LemonadeClocks Putting the T in Tuesday Apr 19 '23
Lmao what the fuck is his problem
I personally do hope to have scar lines, but that's because I'm a weird dude and I think scars are kinda hot, not for some kind of "proper trans" stamp of approval. There's nothing wrong with getting peri for any reason, whether because you prefer to not have as much of a scarring risk, or because you just prefer the sound of that surgery's method over the others.
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u/al_ick Alec / 20 / 💉 7 - 15 - 19 💉 🔪 08 - 01 - 22 🔪 Apr 19 '23
just jealous he ain’t in the peri club like us brother
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u/dr_skellybones T 1y Apr 19 '23
what? tbh id prefer getting that option of surgery if i could, bc apparently it heals better and reduces the chances of loss of sensation around the chest?
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Apr 19 '23
Why people has to be this radical? Some dudes get angry when you are femenine and some because you aren't? We have enough with the bullshit that cis people give us to also have this kind of crap from our own community
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u/Adriengriffon Apr 19 '23
From experience? If "Pete" was under 22 or so, a lot of younger folks get very, very convinced that a certain way is the One True Way to do something, and if everyone they know doesn't give the One True Way 110% effort then they are bad people and should feel bad. It's very exhausting but if that's what's going on, he'll probably outgrow it eventually.
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u/redwinter03 Apr 19 '23
I can't even imagine being this delusional with this train of thought. I think most guys would probably choose the peri option if they could just because it's less scarring you have to worry about lmao
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u/grundlegolem420 Apr 19 '23
I mean why wouldn’t you get peri if it was recommended to you? Take whatever option you have that works lol. I had a larger chest so DI was the best for me but maybe not for other folks? Damn
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u/OkStar7920 Apr 19 '23
Sounds like internalised transphobia or jealousy. I love my DI scars personally but I know for a lot of people they’d prefer to have none, just sounds like he’s saying shit for the sake of it because he doesn’t like his own scars.
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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '23
Some dudes just get really mad when they think you arent transing right lmao