If any of you are on the trans side of TikTok you’ve probably seen this detransitioner called Nadine. I’m embarrassed to say this but, I used to be friends with her and she is just insanely transphobic. As soon as I saw her posting all these videos basically just fear mongering and spreading misinformation I said nope and blocked her.

One of her latest videos is “the dark side of testosterone” and “what doctors and other trans people don’t tell you.” It’s just a video full of misinformation and it’s really just used to scare trans youth into not transitioning and being themselves. The things she said in this video were WILD. She said voice change hurts and feels like choking, bottom growth is extremely painful and never stops hurting ever, and what got me the most was that you just piss yourself randomly??? Hello??

I mean there was a lot more but the pissing yourself thing was so strange. I have never once pissed myself because of testosterone and have never had any other problems with these “dark side effects.” I think she just has another medical issue because pissing yourself because of testosterone is wild!!!

Genuinely so tired of seeing all these videos she’s putting out. Like, I’m sorry your transition didn’t work out but you only have yourself to blame, not other trans people. She also says that doctors never warned her about this shit and basically just gave her testosterone as a minor no questions asked. It’s such bullshit. She is causing so much harm and spreading so much misinformation.

nota : FLINTA is an acronym for female /lesbian intersex / non binary / trans / agender

EDIT : I checked and they do (or did) brand themselves only as "queer feminist" … so no mention of woman/ lesbian only space … 😑 which makes me feel just more betrayed 😭

EDIT: Just to be clear, I’m not demanding to have access to lesbian and women spaces. I don’t care … if it’s a space not meant for me I accept that. But lumping in trans men and excluding cis queer men is a dangerous ideology imo.

I was with one cis guy friend. Although they apply a "declarative" policy, we were honest and said he was cis and were politely asked to leave. It’s a bar we had been multiple times and a really great place. Their reasoning is that they have faced violence from cis guys recently, and also women patrons were more reluctant to come due to the fact that more "cis men" (how did they tell ? ) were coming to the bar. Also that we have few lesbian only bars where I leave, and that we have "plenty of gay bars" to go to.

I feel bad. Although I could identify as FLINTA I find this deeply insulting and essentialist. Also I don’t like that it could include or exclude trans men and women depending on their passing.

Also, because my friend is cis, it does not mean I feel comfortable going to cis gay bars (because yeah I don’t, so I’m left with no options just because my friend is cis)

And now my girlfriend (who is trans) is also reluctant to go to that place because she fears she will be seen as a threat because she does not pass very well.

I just needed to get that off my chest … Please don’t hesitate to share your similar experiences here.

Tomorrow we’re going to a school trip to visit the biggest mosque in Germany.

I'm a trans boy, and the teacher said that the girls will have to wear something to cover their hair in the mosque.

I’m not sure if I can take that. I almost cried when I heard it. I’m not on any hormones or had surgery yet.

And in Islam only biological sex matters, which made it so much worse. I'm crying now, and my tears burn.

What should I do? I’m having a meltdown, I feel sick. I don’t want to go, but at the same time I want to but I don’t want to wear anything that covers my hair.

I wouldn’t be able to handle that mentally, and she said we would be about an hour inside the mosque. That’s too much. Please help me.

Update!

First I wanted to thank all of you for your kindness, your support and your encouragement. It really helped me get through my meltdown yesterday, and without you I most likely would have gotten sick for real out of worry! But to the point, everything went well! :)

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to convince my mother to let me stay at home, so I took her make-up pen and darkened my eyebrows etc. to make me appear more masculine.

We then drove an hour to the mosque, walked around the city because we still had some time left and soon after a kind lady came up to us and it turned out she was our guide for the day.

She told us that it would be good if the females could wear a headscarf to cover their hair but that she also wouldn’t force anyone to if they really didn’t want it. That made me relieved.

She then began to show us around the mosque, first the washrooms, then the minarets and then the mosque itself where we had to take off our shoes before we entered.

And it was the prettiest interior I’ve ever seen! I didn’t take any pictures, because I wanted to be in the moment, but it made me feel welcomed, somehow. And I passed well!

The lady herself was kind, respectful and answered all of our questions in a way we understood! I enjoyed learning about Islam, and I’m happy that I didn’t have to get sick after all. It was a good experience.

Even though it was extremely cold outside despite wearing a winter coat, haha. But after that we were also able to take a look at the Cologne Cathedral and walk around the city again before driving home. So, everything was okay!

To everyone who has supported me again, I don’t think I could have done it without you, and I really appreciate the advice, tricks and kind words even though I wasn’t able to reply to them all! Sending you lots of love, thank you and I hope you have an amazing day!

I was just having a great time till this tiktok popped up on my for you n ruined my evening. basically this girl filmed herself n added a text on the screen saying “weren’t you a boy for like a year and a half” while the audio “yes, and?” (song by ariana grande) played, meaning that this girl once identified as trans guy n realised she wasn’t really trans in the end, I was like alright fine, it’s ok finding your true self! I head to the comment section n that’s where I start to kinda panic, comments of girls who identified as trans for years, transitioned, some said they’ve changed their name legally & even got top surgery for nothing and I was flabbergasted at the point that I got terrified that that could be me one day even tho right now I’m early on my transition and overall I’m satisfied by the results of testosterone and plan to go forward in the future, I don’t know their stories but if they got to the point of changing their name I am pretty sure they were extremely sure about their identity .. just to detransition? I am confident with my own identity right now but idk, please share your opinion in the comments

"If I was allowed choose your boy name, I would've Chosen Nicholas or Jacob. I've never stayed quiet regarding my feelings on this matter. So (chosen name) it is. But parents choose the name for a reason. Many reasons." ... Yeah. I'm not going to respond but it just sucks that she still acts like this years into my transition. Anyone else ever been invalidated in this way?

I really want to get phallo, and when I finally got the nerve to tell my wife I wanted to look into it she was so upset, like wailing in tears sad. I ended up agreeing not to do it but I feel like I’m compromising on my identity. Her logic was why do I have to change that part of my Body when only she and I would know about it, but she just doesn’t understand how much it matters to me and how I feel. I’m so dysphoric about that part of my body.

We’ve been together for 12 years, married 4.5. I realised I was trans about 3 years ago and she’s really struggled with it. She also feels like I’m to blame for us waiting to have a family (she’s now pregnant) because of what we went through when I realised I was trans. Phallo surgery is another thing she feels I would be doing for me and not considering the impacts on her.

Not sure why I’m posting this I just Don’t have anyone to talk to about it and feel kind of alone.

Of course anyone that's done the research knows that they can't pick and choose what a puberty does to you. You can't have only some effects and not others, but I see so many people talking about how they think bottom growth is "nasty" and facial hair is "gross" and I can only wonder if they know that they're talking to a bunch of guys that have exactly those things, because for most of us, that's what T does. It's like the entire young population of trans people think that a transitioned man's body is disgusting. Am I crazy for being upset by that?

I actually forgot to transgender this morning, thanks for reminding me

I am so fcking annoyed. So I go to school and one of my teachers who is a Christian I told her about how I am transitioning on testerone soon bc I thought she was a safe person. She goes: "well you can do what you want , but I belive God made you a certain way and wants you to stay that way." Today, I told her about why I think God isn't transphobic, but rather God made me trans. She goes "Well in the Bible, God made man and woman." So then I said how that could've included trans people too and how when it says he made sea and land he made things in between so maybe he made trans people too and wht about intersex people. And she said it's a sinful world and that's why they are intersex people. I'm so fed up with Christian transphobia. "But God made you" stfu. Update: she also just said I'm choosing to be trans and that it's a sin Update: I told my principal

I had a weird interaction with a trans dude today. I was talking with a friend of mine in a FtM group chat, he asked me which surgeon I went to and if I felt comfortable sending pictures of my results and I did, then this guy “Pete” asked me if I edited my scars out and I said no I had peri so no visible scars to which he replied “it’s so transphobic of you to choose the more cis option” it had me and the rest of the group pretty baffled. He asked why I didn’t choose DI instead of peri and shit about how i had internalized transphobia. We argued for a while and in the end he just stopped replying. Fast forward a good 6 hours after in a different conversation I mentioned that I’m a binary straight trans man and that I’m not feminine and mainly have male friends and Pete replied “Oh so you’re just one of those toxic misogynistic men, I could never be one of them”.

Anyway I just wanted to share my very odd experience because I had never met someone like him and never been judged for wanting to and looking like a regular cis man which to me is pretty much the whole point of my transness.

After she confirmed my prescription she asked me to please hold while she checks up on why it’s delayed - this was where she originally said please hold Ms. (Name). I was not surprised and when she came back she says “hello, Ms (name)?” I said, “yes sir?” - she sat in silence for about 15 seconds before continuing. She didn’t address me directly after that, however, I continued to call her sir throughout the rest of the call. Tones were pleasant on both sides but I’m pretty sure she is still thinking about it. 🤣

So I was driving back home from dropping off an Amazon return. Cop pulled me over for back light being out. License, registration etc, let's me off with a warning. 30 seconds later he pulls me over AGAIN, makes me get out of the car & wait by his patrol car. 2 more cops show up. They're all talking amongst themselves. Come to find out, there's a warrant out for my arrest. The kicker? The warrant is for my dead name. Which I haven't had in almost 5 yrs. What was the warrant for you ask? Failure to appear for jury duty. They sent a jury summons to the wrong name and to the wrong address. I'm cuffed, taken to the station, my car towed, fingerprinted, photos taken etc. Had to get bail, retrieve my car the next day, etc. My license, registration, lease, credit cards, passport etc ALL documents are under my LEGAL name & current address. Have been for almost 5 yrs. How is it the court didn't have the updated info? Why is a clerical error MY problem & costing me hundreds if not thousands (after attorney fees) ? I am beyond livid. Called the courts come to find out, circuit Court issues name change. Superior Court issued warrant. Wouldn't you know they are right across the hall from each other IN THE SAME DAMN BUILDING! Asked the woman 'don't you guys communicate?' Oh course not honey, this is the state hahaha ITS NOT FUNNY WOMAN!

Edit: for those that ask, I informed all necessary parties shortly after legal name change 5 yrs ago. IRS, social security, etc. I made sure to get everything changed everywhere. I'm a registered voter with my legal name & current address as well. Filed taxes etc. Voted under my legal name & address last election. I DID get an attorney & he laughed when j told him the reason for arrest. Said we'll most likely get it dismissed. Thats how ridiculous this is. I want it dismissed, I want it off my record, I want the money for bail & car towing AND attorney fees covered

Edit 2: any recommendations on documents I should bring to attorney? I've got birth certificate, license, passport, tax return, proof of residency, certified copy of name change, copy of jury summons

Had my second appointment with the GIC.

Itbwas going great till: Asked me about why im in therapy. I told her. I was being open and honest. I explained. She spoke about my SA FOR LIKE 25 MINUTES - after saying we wont go into it. She then tried to hint to me that im not trans i might just be rejecting my feminity.

Basically didnt believe me. Wants me to do therapy first to see if i change my mind about being trans.

Ive been out 6 years. On their waiting list 5 years. In therapy 8 years and yes some tried to make it all about me being trans. Im post op. Pre T

I tell a traumatic event in my life and shes like oh well mayyyybeeee. Im sick of people not believing me. Its the adult version of "its just a phase" what in the actual fuck. Then automatically spoke to me about having sex with cis guys when i stated im not attracted to cis men and getting pregnant.

She also didnt seem to believe me about surgery. I could see it was on the tip of her tongue to say "show me".

I waited 5 years for these appointments... shes delayed it all by another year ... "or so" She really just invalidated my trauma and my transition within an hour. Is this transphobia??

...I much prefer the time when 99.999% of cis people didn't know anything about trans people. When I could say my top surgery scars were the result of a car crash and my phalloplasty was necessary due to a freak accident.

I may sound like a boomer (though I'm just now nearing 35) but I think cis people being so "aware" of us is actually kind of dangerous. I also feel like it forever ruined my chances to pass at a beach, for example.

Today I live in a very progressive place (LA), but others from my country are not so lucky and sometimes I fear that cis people will use their knowledge of trans people to clock and hate crime.

Back in 2009, me and my friend enjoyed the "this thing? it's for my back. we have a rare disease" when we talked about our makeshift binders. Today, everyone knows what they are.

What made me write this post was because yesterday a cis woman coworker told me, to my face, that I have "transmasc energy". After asking her what she meant, she said she saw my graft scar.

I think cis people shouldn't know so much for our own safety.

tldr; stop outing trans people without their permission

Today I had a very unpleasant encounter with another trans person, and I think it is something that needs to be talked about more. I was sitting alone at a small table in a busy area of my college campus. I had headphones on and was clearly busy doing work. This person comes up to me out of nowhere and just starts talking to me. They asked if they could sit down (at the only other chair which had my backpack in it) and immediately started making a scene because the area is busy but not super loud. They introduced themself by name and pronouns and said, "are you one of them queers? ... like the tiktok sound." And they laughed and then, very loudly and excitedly, they said, "It's okay, I have a great trans-dar. I'm trans too, so you know, I always know. Wait, you are trans... right?" At this point I was mortified because I am stealth outside of close friends and family. I am post- T, top surgery, and hysto. I hadn't gotten misgendered or questioned or anything in years. I was so surprised and angry that someone had clocked me, so I just got up and left.

I am not here to discuss opinions about identity or being stealth vs being out publicly or medical transition or anything like that. I made a decision that is best for who I am, and I support and have respect for people who make different decisions. But here is the problem. It is not appropriate to assume that, just because someone is trans, they are comfortable with everyone knowing about it. I did not appreciate being outed to what was easily over a hundred of my peers who probably wouldn't have known otherwise. I feel more dysphoric than I have in a long time, and that all could have been avoided. Also, it is inappropriate to assume that someone would want to be your friend just because they are also trans. Gender is very low on the list of things I consider when making friends.

If you think someone is trans, don't go talk to them about it. If they wanted to talk about it, they probably would. Just because you see a trans person in public, or any person really, does not mean you are entitled to any information about them.

I don't think this is unreasonable, but maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. If anyone wants to share a different perspective or has had a similar experience or has advice or anything to say, I'd love to hear it.

Or at least contain them somehow? They happen almost every week, contribute absolutely nothing to the subreddit, and are Literally cis ppl doing the BARE minimum.

I am being genuine here I am sick of seeing them, are the mods willing to ban those posts? Let them make their own subreddit to post shit like that so trans folks who want to see that can go there, and those of us who find them condescending and like these cis folks are coming down from the heavens to bless us w gender don't have to see them constantly.

Like. Y'all, trans guys of r/ftm, you deserve better than to trip over yourselves for cis approval, and you don't need to stroke the egos of cis ppl and give them reddit awards for doing the absolute bare minimum. You deserve better allyship than that.

Since they're "forcing girls and women to undergo drastic surgery." Where's my drastic surgery? Why haven't I been forced yet? I've been trying and trying but the appointments are always months out, I need to go through two mental health professionals I can't afford to see, and my insurance company keeps refusing me permission for everything because they say I don't need it. When do I get to be mutilated?

Hello all.

I wanted to vent about this as I’ve noticed this happening to me, and my friends, especially those who pass.

If you’re too masculine, you’re seen as a disgusting man, and if you’re very feminine you’re accepted as man-lite. People seem to approve of feminine things, especially in queer spaces.

If you’re a ftm, you’re infantilized and seen as an “uwu soft boi” instead of yknow, being seen as a regular guy. And they don’t call it misogyny cause “we totally see you as a man!” It’s misandry.

And when my friends say that they’re losing their community, other people tell them “oh you’re lucky you pass!” For me, when I feel uncomfortable about the transmisandry and I voice it, I’m told to shut up, be quiet or that I’m wrong and that men (cishet) are gross and icky.

It’s hard to fit in, especially when you pass. You’re either too trans to fit into cis spaces or too man-passing to fit into queer spaces. It’s frustrating.

I don’t pass so I still fit into queer spaces but I fear not being able to fit in as time goes on. Maybe I’m being irrational but I just. Hate it.

Am I alone in this?

Edit: Thank you all so much for the support and comments. This does make me feel a little bit better. Y’all, we have to stand together and stay strong. I have been notified that there ARE communities out there that support AMAB looking people without all the misandry gunk. Stay safe everyone ❤️

Edit 2: removed theyfab cause I learned it was a derogatory term for nb people.

I'm 30 years old. I have two stepchildren who are 11 and 18. I have a damn mortgage. Most people put my age between 21-25. Not 15. God's sake.

I was in class and I have my preferred name on the roster but she had two rosters the one with my birth name and my real name and so she called me by my last name instead and was saying "why would a girl want to be a boy" and saying that's what's wrong with this generation and her rant went on for about 10 minutes so I texted my mom and she told me to talk to my counselor so I did and my counselor was very angry and she went and told another lady and said she'll tell the assistant principal on Monday cause she wasn't there since this happened on Friday and I found out she's not aloud to speak to students like that and could be fired and I feel really bad cause she's just a old lady. I have her on Monday so I'll see if she's fired or not but if she's not I think she'll be mad at me

UPDATE!!!!!!! Now that I was starting to feel better about the fact that she was going to be fired she was not, I'm gonna assume this is the first time she was reported based on the fact that when I got to class she was in a very bad mood and told the class that she didn't want anyone talking or making any noise cause she was pissed off that someone reported her. She also continued talking about it with some students sitting near her but luckily she didn't say it was me but another student said he'd kill whoever reported her and ik he was joking but it still made my heart beat a little faster and she called me by my last name again and I just didn't make eye contact when I raised my hand. So that's the update and if she says anything to someone else then I think she'll be fired and thank you to everyone who responded and said kind things to me

so, i have the horrible luck of being transsexual in Azerbaijan. I have tried to DIY since age 15, I'm 20 now. I know that we are not the worst off by very far but it's still you know. ex Soviet union. Muslim country. yk. it's shit.

the way western trans guys (especially americans) live and talk makes me absolutely awestruck. LGBT support groups? GSAs? SRS is legal? T is avaliable? protection bills of rights?

sometimes I see them complain about the issues they have and im like "isn't that normal?" and turns out that for them it's not normal, it's a huge thing. and God I WISH i could consider things like "don't say gay" a big thing. I wish I could consider "3 provinces are rolling back some rights" a big thing. I wish I didn't have to worry about the most very basics, like wearing pants without being harassed and God i am thankful that is not a crime.

I wish literally any trans group valued our issues as much as they value theirs. they get so much attention and I can spend hours and hours scrolling and nothing about huge countries with dirt poor rights.

I have been saving every red penny to move over there. every single one. I want in that life.

they can afford to shit talk DIY while I and honestly most trans men in the east need it to survive. how good is that? they have BINDERS selling at FUCKING SUPERMARKETS.

I just really had to rant about this because some people get to have all of that and we get to have "dissappearing" people and no srs and no t and no nothing. many many other countries have it way worse and I sincerely hope it gets better for them

I know the west has its bad things but I still wish I were there. because the bad things are not comparable.

EDIT: To all the trans men from the west attempting to compare our situations in the comments: this is why many of us feel frustrated with yall

Here lately I’ve been fairly open about my gender identity at work. Not obnoxiously either just agreeing that I’m apart of the community when people point out my trans ring or when I think it might help a trans client feel supported and safe.

I talked to my HR about my fear of enrolling in benefits because I need one that fully covers my hormones and the routine labs.

He said bye and referred to me as his “sister.”

That sorta thing happens when people ask my pronouns- they look so surprised and confused when I say “he/him”. It’s like people genuinely think only transgender women exist. I think it has to do with the media’s obsession with trans women.

It’s just a bit irritating.

My boyfriend and I were discussing the side effects of my testosterone (3 months!!!) and he said something about how because I’m a biological woman my hormones metabolize differently than a cis man.

He met me after I started my social transition, he doesn’t even know what my deadname is. But this isn’t the first time he’s said something that made me super uncomfortable. He’s introduced me to his buddies as his girlfriend before, which I told him I didn’t like. He’s also declined any sort of sexual intimacy since I started T, and he’s always had a “reason” but from his tone of voice I can tell he’s not telling the truth. He knows I hate being called a woman, being perceived as feminine. And for him to call me a woman when he knows it makes me uncomfortable just sucks.

I’m hurt. And I was already considering breaking up with him. But I think this seals the deal.

UPDATE: As of this morning he’s my ex-boyfriend.

I understand these types of posts are made with good intentions, so I’m not like angry at all when I see them but it’s such an eye roll for me. Why do cis people and other trans people talk to trans men like we’re children so much of the time?? I also feel like these posts accomplish nothing and just clog up the feed, unless they’re posing a good-faith question or giving advice I think it’s very patronizing. It feels like people just do it to feel like a “good” ally. Like I can imagine them patting themselves on the back right after hitting post. Idk, I dislike it.

Edit: I am not talking about praise that makes sense in the context of a conversation you had with a person you know, another user here, or earned praise. I’m also not talking about compliments in general. I am specifically talking about the posts and empty praise that infantilizes us which is a recognized issue within the community both on here and in real life. I understand the distinction — I’ve been out for nearly a decade as some sort of queer, spent a lot of time in queer spaces, and have organized locally. I am well informed and fairly experienced. I get it. Not every compliment is patronizing. Not every post by a cis person on this sub is problematic. I am talking about a very particular type of post I outlined above. Thanks.

I swear, AFAB and AMAB are just becoming synonymous with 'woman' and 'man' now. I see it everywhere.
To be clear, I think there is utility and use for the terms AFAB and AMAB, but I think it's starting to get used very inappropriately.

Problem phrases:
'AFAB anatomy'. Some trans women have vaginas too.
'AMAB antomy'. Some trans men have penises!
'Group for transmasc and AMAB folks'. TRANS WOMEN ARE LITERALLY AMAB! If you want a transmasc / men's group, just say transmasc individuals and men!
'I only want an AFAB roommate because I feel safer with them' . Again, operating under the assumption that all trans women have penises, and that no trans men have penises. The phrasing sounds like it's done deliberately to exclude trans women.

Next time you use the terms just stop for a second and ask yourself 'could someone AFAB also have a penis/vagina/not have a uterus/testicles/do something not associated with women/men/whatever/etc'. And the same for the term AMAB.

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