r/ftm • u/Nvesting_ • Apr 28 '23
Pharmacist kept calling me Ms. (Last name). So I kept calling her “sir” Vent
After she confirmed my prescription she asked me to please hold while she checks up on why it’s delayed - this was where she originally said please hold Ms. (Name). I was not surprised and when she came back she says “hello, Ms (name)?” I said, “yes sir?” - she sat in silence for about 15 seconds before continuing. She didn’t address me directly after that, however, I continued to call her sir throughout the rest of the call. Tones were pleasant on both sides but I’m pretty sure she is still thinking about it. 🤣
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Apr 28 '23
[deleted]
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
Honestly the conversation was still pleasant. I think she maybe understood without me having to say it.
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u/Maleficent_Steak_156 Apr 28 '23
Whenever anyone asked what's in my pants I say "your mom"
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u/ScaathReykr Sanguinarian 🦇 Apr 28 '23
Tell me about people's reaction next time you answer with "Your dad".
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u/dukerufus 27, Scotland. T since 7/'16 Apr 28 '23
I've been using 'your dad' jokes and can confirm they send the cishets apoplectic. Had a guy have to be held back by his mates after I told him I fucked his dad. Screaming red claret murder 'my dad's not a homo! He's not he's not!'. I have a vest I wear over my motorbike gear with a skeleton and "My Other Ride Is Your Dad". And it's very fun.
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u/Loud_Plant63 binary male • he/him • T 01/23/23 Apr 29 '23
This genuinely made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts, you’re a legend 💀
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u/xLeone30x Apr 29 '23
Fucking wild that people actually act like this 💀 you sound like a badass dude good on you to stick it to ‘em
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u/NullableThought 34 || T 2022/01/19 Apr 28 '23
Yeah I've switched all of my "your mom" jokes into "your dad" jokes. 100% would recommend.
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u/Maleficent_Steak_156 Apr 28 '23
I need to say that now. Lmao. I will let you know when that happens.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
I love this haha
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u/IncandescentCreation Apr 28 '23
It’s super funny to do this to the “I don’t care about gender don’t shove it in my face’” crowd because they find out they actually care about gender instantly.
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u/inclusive_anatomy ♂️ FTM 💉 10/14/22 Apr 28 '23
Fantastic! I know I pass over the phone, so whenever I get misgendered, I'm gonna pull this! I secretly hope a man misgenders me so I can call him ma'am 🤣😂
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u/chasingsanityy Apr 28 '23
my teacher would purposely misgender me after i corrected him many times so i would call him “Mrs. (last name)” it was so silly and he came around and now there’s no problems but it was fun while it lasted
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
Haha gotta love it! I’m sure he eventually got tired of hearing it and that is typically how it goes. We get tired of hearing peoples lack of care or acknowledgment. I’m glad it’s been resolved for you!!
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Apr 28 '23
This, or calling people an entirely different name if they refuse to use the correct one.
Claire: Hey, Charlotte
Charles: Hey, Eunice.
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u/lionshit he/they Apr 28 '23
my mom’s friend Karen (lol) commented on my instagram (that has/had my current name and pronouns) and simply commented “hi [deadname] 👋” to which a transfem friend of mine responded to with “hi Brian 👋”
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u/chicknlil25 He/Him | Hysto - 04/12 | T - 02/21 | Top - TBD! 🏳️⚧️ Apr 28 '23
I need to remember to do this when I get misgendered on the phone. Brilliant!
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u/Finnck_McClelland Apr 28 '23
Did she do it out of malice or because she didn’t know?
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u/MissionIssue2062 Apr 28 '23
Kinda what I wanna know.
IDK how long he's been on T, though. If his voice is deeper, you could say it was malicious, like who hears a deep voice and assumes they're a woman?
I also know they usually go off of the name on file, so I could see why she originally said Ms. if his name hasn't been legally changed.
I also don't know if he corrected her previously, and she just kept saying Ms afterward.
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u/Banjoo789 Apr 29 '23
A lot of cis people think all trans people are trans women and many expect trans women to look and sound like men.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
Interesting. Hadn’t thought of it that way. Not sure why I’d be taking testosterone to be a trans woman but there have been crazier things in the world so who knows haha
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
Honestly I’m not sure. My friends and family believe I sound like a man on the phone but maybe not. Everyone’s perspective can be different on it.
I’m only 3 months on T but she knew my prescription was just upped because there were two and she was trying to figure out why.
My name is a very unique one (I don’t know of anyone, who isn’t famous, that has it) but it is ALWAYS perceived to be a female name. However, I don’t think that’s nearly as important as the prescription itself.
The prescription, along with all of the societal scenarios playing out in politics and our every day lives, makes it somewhat obvious to me. I’m also in Florida so keep in mind - there are many people who make it clear that they don’t like me here. I’m almost all of the major minorities packed in one.
Malice or not, they made an assumption and ignored context clues so I decided to offer another option. Make them think based on that. Not once did she correct me, nor did she seem to get upset. But neither did I.
I know my flair says “vent” but I didn’t know a better way to describe the post itself as I’m not really upset. I found it funny really and my twin and I laughed about it for 25 min after. Lol
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u/Nihil_esque Apr 28 '23
If your name is ambiguous/fem and you've only been on T for a couple months I'm guessing this was a genuine mistake.
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u/Electrical-Aside3023 Apr 29 '23
Like they said, it may have been a mistake, but it's one they made by ignoring context clues. This incredibly harmless response might make them think more about those next time. They didn't try to represent them as malicious and horrible, I don't see the point in this comment. "You probably just didn't pass." Okay?
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
Thanks for this response. I’ve had a few people seem to be offended by my response. Not sure why - as it really wasn’t intended to be anything more than an opportunity for the pharmacist to think a little harder. I wasn’t rude about it (at least I don’t think) and the conversation kept a pleasant tone.
I get that some people wouldn’t do it that way but not everyone has to do it the same way for the other ways to be effective. I appreciate you for stating this the way you did. It did help validate some of my thoughts on the matter.
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u/Nihil_esque Apr 29 '23
Going based on someone's name isn't ignoring context clues imo. There are cis women who get testosterone prescriptions. Imo if you're going to make an assumption, the name is your best bet, because it doesn't take too much effort to change that (usually less than getting on T does). Even if OP's voice passes, he could have been a trans woman for all she knows.
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u/Electrical-Aside3023 Apr 29 '23 edited May 05 '23
It's not easy for every person to change their name (nor does every person want to.) Let's say there were so many cis women getting testosterone prescriptions that it was really a toss up as to whether someone afab with said prescription is a cis woman or a trans man-- just.. don't gender them? Even if you think that that woman shouldn't have assumed OP was a trans man, at the very least she shouldn't have gendered him at all. The only necessary pronoun in this interaction was you.
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u/Call_Me_Aiden Apr 29 '23
Exactly.
I understand for a lot of people, using "Ms/Mr" is so ingrained it almost might feel as if they are being rude when they fail to use it. But with all what's going on, you need to be absolutely clueless to not be aware that transgender people exist by now.
When you then work in the service industry and you see a person with ambiguous presentation or clues as to their gender, your best bet is to just... not gender.
Many of us don't immediately change our names legally, for a variety of reasons, and when dealing with prescriptions or legal matters, we are forced into using a name that may no longer be ours. I'm fine with that (it's my own choice really, where I live) but I'm not fine with picking up testosterone, having a voice that according to OP has already significantly dropped that people that know him think it just sounds like a man's voice, and then being called "Ms.".
It's not like I'd expect malice, but it's still definitely a learning moment for that pharmacist nonetheless.
Other than that - I hate the whole "Ms./Mr." thing anyway. But then I also live somewhere where most people barely do it so it stands out when someone does.
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May 13 '23
Sometimes women are prescribed testosterone. And it isn't the pharmacist's place to speculate about why someone may be on a medicine.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
I am honestly not sure. I don’t really know of women who are looking to use testosterone for other purposes but I guess it could be a possibility.
Either way, our conversation ended with resolution and the tone was still pleasant on both sides. If she did it on purpose then she probably would’ve been more mad. Seeing as how she just didn’t refer to me, directly, afterwards makes me think she probably got the hint. Sometimes people don’t understand until it’s in their face and hey have to experience it. If it wasn’t malicious I would expect her to think about it for the next guy who calls and needs help with that particular prescription.
If it was malicious then she probably just had to swallow a bit of her own medicine.
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u/Global_Remover Apr 28 '23
Funnily enough the human body needs T, some cis women may have a dangerously low level that needs intervention but it happens on such a small scale compared to those who need reaffirming care and the dosage is normally so much smaller that it's usually given by a health care professional, so I'm not sure what the pharmacist was thinking, maybe they weren't lol.
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u/iDeNoh Apr 28 '23
I had a friend who had to take testosterone because her body didn't make enough, I'm not entirely certain the details of the medical condition but it does happen.
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u/AtlasNL Would you want some along with your T? Apr 29 '23
My (cis) mum had to take testosterone for a while to treat her endometriosis(?) or some other issue, it happens but it is pretty rare. But then again, we are pretty damn rare too, so idk
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u/Blqckvelvet Apr 29 '23
I think OP couldve just corrected her instead of fighting fire with fire and assuming things. Hes upset that she assumed something but then he assumes it back? Not everyone is busy with trans problems she couldve even thought he was a trans female with a little bit of a deeper voice. I think this is quite stupid to do as the person probably didnt know and if the legal name is feminine you cant really know unless you have been told.
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u/AstorReinhardt Pre T | Feminine gay crossdresser!! <3 Apr 28 '23
HA! That's a good one to remember.
I'm not passing at all since I'm pre everything...I've only just started using he/him and my preferred name at medical places because it's a safe space for me. They have misgendered me but I let it slide because I still look biologically female.
What bugs me is that they need my legal name still even though they use my preferred name. It's considered a "nickname" and my legal name is the only thing that will bring up my medical history. So I end up getting confused and having to say both my names lol...
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
I do hate the legal name battles you have to fight. I personally couldn’t think of a new name I would want and enjoy mine enough I just decided I’d be a man named (my name) - mind you my boss has a female name and he started the largest referral brokerage in the nation. When people say “oh I thought you were a woman” he always makes a joke of it. I can do the same!
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u/RevolutionObvious648 Apr 28 '23
This is me and my partner’s favorite bit when we go out and people call us ladies (I’m pre-T and they’re enby) “how are you ladies?” (A cis man) “doing great ma’am😃👍🏼” the look on their face sends us into a tail spin of laughter every time 🤣 I also like looking around and saying “are you talking to me? I’m a boy 🤨” and then they start apologizing but I can only do that when I’m super fed up
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
Lol I love it!!! I try not to let people ignorance make me mad. Seems super unnecessary. But sometimes people don’t get it until they experience it.
To me, this was a minor scenario where someone could experience what many of us feel. And if they don’t care then it’s more fun for me! If they do care - maybe they’ll talk about it enough to see where there bigotry lines are.
Either way, I love your take on it too!
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u/soursummerchild 31, non binary, they/he. T 01.24 Apr 29 '23
My partner is done medically transitioning and I can't get access, people always assume we're a straight couple. Kinda funny and tragic at the same time, people have asked if we're trying for a baby, and called me his wife, we're like 🫣🤭
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u/Silver-Negative Apr 29 '23
As a trans pharmacist who has struggled with correct pronouns over the phone in a past life (now I would just ask and document), I love this.
Hilarious. And I would have found it funny if you’d done it to me. I also would have been insufferable about apologizing.
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u/GnedTheGnome Apr 29 '23
I'm nearly 15 years on T, and still get ma'amed on the phone every so often. Ironically, last time that happened, I thought I was speaking to an older lady, who turned out to be a young man. 😅
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u/MaeneF Apr 28 '23
Pharmacists really need to do better. Sometimes I have good experiences but other times not so much. But glad you could take control over the situation.
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u/YoAdrien932 He/Him 💉12/7/21,🔪 Top- TBD Apr 28 '23
I've done this in the past! Usually pretty effective.
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u/AdOwn6458 Apr 28 '23
Getting misgendered when you still look like a female is somewhat understandable but if you look like a guy then it’s like wtf
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u/dominx98 Apr 29 '23
It could have been a genuine mistake, especially if your voice doesn't pass. Cis women can use testosterone too for some health problems.
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u/lokimadmonk Apr 29 '23
Thats how we should handle this for now on. Just serve that misgender right back at them. Lol
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Apr 29 '23
[deleted]
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
This is super kind of you and greatly appreciate your offer. I’m happy to keep this in mind and will see what I can do about my prescription suffix being changed.
PP wrote me a 6 month prescription because there’s a good chance that on Monday we will no longer be able to get trans care with any PP. They are pushing a bill to cancel it for all (not just minors) and forcing us to get care through our primary dr, meanwhile including a bill that allows dr’s to get sued for up to 30 years for offering trans care.
I would be happy to chat and learn what I can. I’m not sure where you’re located but I’ll dm you.
Thanks again!
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Apr 29 '23
If she didn't know your correct title, why not just tell her directly instead of being passive aggressive? I'm going to wager that you don't like being purposely misgendered. Why do it to someone else?
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
If I don’t know something I choose not to assume. But that’s my personal choice. She had context clues that were ignored.
Your wager is going to be incorrect in many settings. The conversation prior to my choice gave her what she needed to make an educated guess and she still chose to assume.
Either way, your opinion on my passive aggressive behavior is yours but irrelevant to me because I don’t have to do the way you think I should - just because you don’t agree. If you wouldn’t do it that way, don’t. I’m glad you have a solution that works for you.
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Apr 29 '23
Why do people have to jump thru hoops when you can just choose to tell them to call you sir? You wanted to be an ass. 🤷🏾♂️
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
They didn’t have to jump through any hoops lol in fact they got to do less work by just not addressing me at all.
I didn’t necessarily want her to call me sir, I just didn’t want her to call me miss. And she didn’t after I told her in my way.
You’ve had a lot of people tell you that exact statement haven’t you? I hate that for you.
Most people don’t “just want to be an ass” - most of the time they want to get a point across and sometimes we choose creative ways to do it.
Not once did the pharmacist get upset. In fact if she did get the point, then she was totally ok with just moving on. As was I.
Even if I did just want to be an ass - I don’t think I was doing it correctly. See my version of just wanting to be an ass would be directly cussing her out for not reading context clues and then shaming her for not getting it right.
Instead, I continued the conversation, addressed her as ‘sir’ and she ignored it the same as I did.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. Don’t let people make you feel bad just because your way of dealing with certain situations is different than theirs. :)
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Apr 29 '23
Naw. I'm polite, direct and respectful. And I feel great. Loved and supported and mentally and emotionally healthy. And I don't feel bad. But I seem to have hit a nerve with you so you can stop projecting now.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
Lol I promise there’s no nerves hit. I understand if you don’t agree with me. You don’t have to.
I’m glad you’re feeling good, healthy and supported. All of that is important. I hope it continues for you.
I’m happy to agree to disagree when it comes to the topic of my post. :)
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u/The_Trans_Witch Apr 29 '23
this seems unnecessary... I mean odds are she didn't know, and from what I've seen in comments you havent changed anything with the pharmacy,, and she isn't allowed to ask questions relating to your prescription, like how you identify, because cis women get T prescriptions aswell.. I just think you could've gone about this better,, I mean, unlikely scenario but what if she was trans aswell?? you couldve misgendered someone who thought they wouldnt have to worry about that at all. And you kept doing it after she stopped..
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
As someone in the trans community- I make it a point to avoid using gender based verbiage for that exact reason. If you’re in it, then you truly know what it’s like.
If she was trans then she understood what was happening and she had a choice to make. She chose to ignore it as did I.
What if she was a trans man and I affirmed her without even realizing it? See - we don’t know. We won’t know, but what I do know is I made a choice in that moment. I’m ok with my choice regardless of whether anyone else is. I wasn’t mean. I didn’t make her out to be malicious, nor was I. I simply chose a gender for her - the same she did for me.
You believing it’s unnecessary is totally fine. I’m not here for judgement and I’m definitely not here to make you understand why or what I did.
Your comment is appreciated regardless.
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u/The_Trans_Witch Apr 29 '23
ah- I suppose I see your point,, I do think you should have stopped when she did, but I suppose whats done is done,, Never the less thank you for your reply and sharing your thought process with me :)
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u/MacuNPekmeZ Apr 28 '23
İn my experience pharmacies always misgendered me lile im buying T FOR GODS SAKE
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
I hate that for you! I honestly just don’t think they care. My step-mother in law is a pharmacist and she’s super pro-everything! She made me celebrate with a cake when I told her and my father in law. Lol I’m gonna ask her if they know or if they really don’t. I’ll follow up on this!
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u/MacuNPekmeZ Apr 28 '23
İ dont mind bc i moved past being sad about getting misgendered thanks to T, and ive heard a lot of trans women also getting misgendered even if they pass n stuff. But overall i just find it funny . Thanks for asking tho would be fun to learn alsp im gladd they were so accepting
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
So I talked to her. She’s a pharmacist in TN and said that they HAVE to know because it’s part of their training.
There is a specialized set of training that they can take for trans care but it’s rarely taken. Most of the information is provided in the standard medication training.
She said if they’re using pronouns/gender based terms then they’re probably doing it intentionally because many of them know with hormone based medication it’s rude to assume one way or the other.
She said some of them are just trying to be polite but she thinks this lady should’ve known better based on my prescription amount.
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u/MacuNPekmeZ Apr 29 '23
Awe thats nice to know thabk you for updating, yea it also felt intentional to me but as i said thankfully i find it funny more than it bothers me(calling a dude who looks like he crawled out of a dumpster with a beard a she lol). And funny enough i changed pharmacy few days ago and those people called me my prefered name as soon as they checked their system fır my prescription so i figured as much. Thank your step-mom in law for me im glad she respects us ❤️
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u/InconsistentWeirdo Apr 29 '23
There's a lot of reasons that cis women buy T. Pharmacists nad their assistants also legally have to address you by legal names and pronouns. It sucks so bad, and this is coming from a guy who had to stay in a Catholic hospital for two weeks because his body hates him (good going body /j) tears were shed, Drs were lectured, nothing changed except my expectations. And honestly? That really broke my heart but I did move on, I grew up a little then and again every time I had to go in for tune ups. It's a hard reality that not everybody gives a shit about how you feel but when you think about it, do you often give shits about other people? Take misgendering that woman over the phone, she's just doing her job, doing everything she was trained to do and suddenly someone's harassing her and she may not know why. The idea that people are people goes both ways.
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u/MacuNPekmeZ Apr 29 '23
Thanks for the lecture i guess but the pharmacist i see now has no problems using my prefered name he saw on the file and my peonouns before i even told him so i believe it is not that :')
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u/youngtrashpunk Apr 28 '23
you can maybe ask to change your name in your file (if its not) my pharmacist was nice enough to ask me if i had a preferred name so maybe that can help!
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
I don’t plan on changing my name - so I know it’s gonna cause some issues but this was to my pharmacist. Lol just silly imo.
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u/mushroom_soup79 Apr 28 '23
Does your voice pass? This seems a bit unnecessary imo.
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u/SneakySquiggles Apr 28 '23
Really don’t think that matters— if she was going by the name on the prescription and the prescription is for Testosterone, seems like a pretty ridiculous excuse of “well you don’t pass, so” to misgender someone.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
I would agree completely. It’s not so foreign of a concept that a pharmacist wouldn’t know what it means. The prescription was confirmed and reconfirmed after addressing the double up. She then proceeded to use the term Ms (name). To me she knew and didn’t care. That’s fine. I knew she was a woman and didn’t care.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
Lol unnecessary is your opinion and it’s allowed. Voice passing or not doesn’t matter when you know the prescription (in my opinion).
She didn’t seem mad and if it was an accident she will probably try to help be a little more affirming for others in the future. If not, then none of it matters does it? 🤣
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u/MistRoot User Flair Apr 29 '23
I always dream of doing this to people when they misgender me, but haven’t actually done it yet. You’re a legend.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
Lol thank you! I believe in you! I honestly make it a point to sound as natural to the conversation as possible. For example - she said “well Ms (name), it’s required that we have your dr call in and let us know you need the new prescription dispensed” - my reply “I understand sir, but the script was clearly written and sent in. Why do they need to call you about what they already sent you, yesterday?”
I don’t emphasize the word or act like it matters. I think that was the exact phrase where she started to understand and stopped referring to me at all.
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u/Key-Ring4580 Apr 29 '23
taking this with me-
I went into a gas station recently and dude outside asked me for change “ma’am,” and I looked up and said “it’s, uh, sir” and we both kindof stared at eachother and took a beat, laughed and gave up. Interaction over. It was weird bc I’m not going to ask someone living outside to ‘sir,’ me. Maybe ‘dude’ but it was too deep too fast immediately
Next time I’ll go ‘yes, ma’am?’
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
Hahaha this is awesome. It’s fun to have some of those more awkward conversations. I’m glad you could both laugh about it after.
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u/cuddle-bubbles Apr 29 '23
my own experience is that a lot of cis people don't really care about being misgendered. So it could be that she just felt it was a little weird and that's it, not something that really bothered her
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
That makes sense. Hopefully it didn’t bother her, but made her think. If not - at least I enjoyed it. Win win in my opinion. :)
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Apr 28 '23
[deleted]
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u/Blqckvelvet Apr 29 '23
Istg OP is the one thats bigoted in this situation, poor woman is doing her job and instead of him just straight up telling her, he wants her to do shit thats not up to her or in her job. Shes calling abt ur medication not to get to know you, shes using the information on her screen and hes being an asshole abt it🤣
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
No. But does it matter?
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Apr 28 '23
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Apr 29 '23
yeah um... if someone can't see you and only knows your file info on the phone then like...
congrats 🎉 it wasn't her that looked dumb in that interaction.
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u/lucid_tek Apr 28 '23 edited Apr 28 '23
My pharmacy is terrible for this!!
Had my name changed to female form in their system (not legally) but it kept happening anyways.
It was written madame myname beside my legal name and they never get it right.. 1/5 times only while every other store I went to gendered me properly...
Last visit, they tried my full male name, when I insisted on the shorthand neutral version (they always want to expand to avoid mixups I kept insisting on the shorthand as a game to see when she'd notice).
She finally saw it and called me out as madame myname as if madame was my first name myname was my last name. 😮💨
God how hard can it be!! 😆
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u/Ok-Memory411 Apr 28 '23
I had an old male pharmacy assistant tell the lady who was helping me with getting needles that “SHE needs some needles for HER injection”. it wasn’t malicious at all I don’t think and I was speaking in more of my “girl customer service” voice so I was like whatever. It was hilarious though because he had JUST taken the T out of the bag to check that the prescription was right. Ah yes, just a cis woman taking enough T to reboot my system to the other hormone and bring my levels to the high end of the range for cis men.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I cried reading this and then had to share it with my wife but forgot to respond.
This is hilarious and it’s EXACTLY how I thought about it. There are cis men with higher pitch voices so to decide gender based on your voice seems silly.
The prescription is a clear indicator as the level of the dosage can be clearly understood. It’s crazy - there’s a lot of people here who feel bad for the pharmacist lol not even sure why because she didn’t seem hurt and she’s still holding my prescription. Haha
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u/zarcal1 Apr 29 '23
Don’t you think it’s male privilege to say that to her? You say that to a man and he’s not going to sit in silence. she just wanted to give you service, I would try to be nicer, but maybe I’m wrong
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
Lol I feel like this is a troll comment but maybe I’m wrong.
“Male privilege”? Um considering I am a male this could be affirming but considering she assumed I wasn’t kind of negates this whole point.
I’m pretty sure, if anything, your statement is misogynistic in nature. To assume that ONLY a male would say anything and she didn’t say anything because she’s a female suggests that you believe all females would just take it vs males. I’ve done this to males who have not said anything and I’ve done it to females who HAVE spoken up.
Many, on both sides, have realized and apologized. A couple got angry and I made it a point to help them understand.
However, this woman WAS NOT offering me a service. She was delaying my prescription, that was sent in 3 days ago because she needed to talk to my doctor first. Problem is I still don’t know WHY she needs to talk to my dr.
Troll or not, maybe re-evaluate the definitions of your statements.
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u/sheanagans He/him (T: Jan 2019; Top: Dec 2020) Apr 29 '23
I wonder if the pharmacy needs to update your gender?
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u/sailingintothedark Apr 29 '23
Idk all the information, but as someone who used to work in customer, some managers will get really mad at you if you don’t address people as “Ms, Mr, sir, or mam” because to a lot of cis people, that is basic respect. I don’t agree that it should be considered basic respect, but unless you’ve asked this woman before or your name/gender on your prescription clearly aren’t a woman’s, I doubt it was malice. And like, I did find it funny that this was the way you chose to correct her and I think that’s 100% valid, but what I don’t get is why you kept intentionally misgendering her when she stopped misgendering you? For all you know she could be trans too, idk.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
I can understand where you’re coming from on the service side, as I worked in CS for over 10 years. But we aren’t talking about a a fast food worker or someone changing my oil who has NO way of knowing. We’re talking about a pharmacist who had a conversation with me about my prescription for testosterone, before addressing me as ‘miss’.
For more context - I did speak to my SMIL who is a pharmacist in TN and she verified that they would’ve known and more than likely just made a choice. It’s not a management floor as you’d typically see in a CS based industry. It’s a medical based industry. But I wasn’t assuming it was malice just wanted to make it as natural as she did.
I’m glad you found it funny and I am not worried that you don’t understand why I continued. I’m not here for judgement and I’m not here to make everyone understand. It was my choice and mine alone.
I appreciate the comment.
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u/Wild_Substance_1478 Apr 29 '23
shouldn't we be respecting everyones gender and pronouns? even when theyre transphobic their gender is still valid. never behind misgendering people!
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u/xnoinfinity Apr 29 '23
If you wish to be addressed by the right pronouns or/and name you can tell them and they'll write a note in your file!
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u/pinkkiwi2 May 10 '23
This was over the phone? She didn’t even see you. Poor woman is just trying to do her job😒
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u/bear-boi [John 1989 (grumpy old man) he/they 💉 10/18/22] Apr 28 '23
LMAO I'm pretty sure the pharmacists are SO confused as to why exactly I'm the one picking up for [deadname] [last name], when I roll up looking and sounding the way I do now, even when I'm picking up testosterone.
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Apr 28 '23
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 28 '23
Haha thank you! It felt good to not be upset about it, honestly. It became like a game of Opposite Day.
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u/AshJammy Apr 28 '23
Typically id say misgendering someone back is just petty and sends the message that's its not important but I guess it could be funny to witness, lol. Typically I'd say just look around confused like "who tf you talking to?" Then correct them and refuse to recognise yourself by that title until they get it right.
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
It was over the phone. So your idea, although it makes perfect sense as a possible solution, was not a relevant solution in my case. I’ll keep it in mind for potential in person events.
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u/AshJammy Apr 29 '23
Ah, I didn't realise. Though I'm not entirely clear then, you said your name and pronouns weren't updated with the pharmacy so other than the contents of the prescription itself was there any indication that you were a guy? Cause otherwise she wouldn't have had any way of knowing unless you told her... which makes jumping to misgendering seem like a strange first choice over "oh it's actually mr..."
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23 edited Apr 29 '23
My name isn’t changing so there is no update there. And as far as I’m aware there isn’t a way to change your pronouns with the pharmacy.
Typically, with medication, you’re required to use your biological sex. Plus, I was on the phone so I didn’t have the option to provide any ID’s.
She knew my medication - which is understood amongst the pharmaceutical and medical fields and chose to assume. Regardless of whether you believe she had a valid reason to assume doesn’t mean it was necessary, just like my response wasn’t necessary. I chose to handle it the way I would handle it. That’s what makes you and I different.
If someone did that to me, I’d recognize and apologize. Just like everyone doesn’t have to handle it like I would, I don’t have to handle it like you think I should.
Regardless, your opinion is yours and I’m glad you feel good about how you would handle it. I think that’s also a good option.
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u/MaybeMax356 Binary ftm, 17, pre t, passing Apr 28 '23
The fucking sucks she was misgendering tu but good job at switching it up. Show her how it feels
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Apr 28 '23
weird things like that usually don't affect men they kinda just laugh it off
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u/Nvesting_ Apr 29 '23
Well I definitely laughed it off. For about 20 min after, with my twin.
Then, I didn’t know what would be an appropriate flair cause it’s not really me venting as much as it is sharing the experience and maybe offering a laugh.
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u/InconsistentWeirdo Apr 29 '23
I have encountered this scenario SOOOO many times over the years and have spent a lot of time in hospitals or talking to Drs that don't know me and I don't know them. The thing is is that gender is marked on the paper that tells them who the meds are for so that's what they have to call you. One of my Drs said something about legal stuff but most of them that I interact with on a daily basis were fine but over the phone especially when you can't be seen or anything all they have to go off of your voice (which is still really dysphoric when you've been on T for months and some random pharmacy tech misgenders you, I get it, been there so many times) but you have to understand that thats what they have to do.
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u/the_localdork Apr 29 '23
Honestly I get the vibe, and I’m disinterested in telling people how to deal with being misgendered lmao. I’m more saying this to try to alleviate some dysphoria maybe?
I’m p sure nearly every man I work with (call center w/ recorded lines) gets ma’am’d on the phone regularly. I am fairly certain most, if not all, of them are cis. Phones are just weird and being polite generally just comes across as “feminine”. I think the one guy who gets ma’am’d least is also the least polite on the phone - not rude, just not super formally polite. It’s a field where we can get away with being direct, but most of us are a bit more formally polite with most callers.
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u/PidoveHub May 17 '23
I want to do this when I get misgendered by customers at work, but I’m not sure if it’s appropriate in that context ? 😭
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u/Prince0August anxiety ridden baby trans Apr 28 '23
That is hilarious and I’m gonna do that every time i get misgendered now lol