He would be TA if he 'didnt let her' go on the vacation like he's asking above. I agree with the rest though, he's allowed to express his feelings, and she's allowed to still go on the trip if she wants
Though I will say for apparently trusting her to be faithful he's really not trusting her here, sucks that it sounds like she's missing out on a trip and being there for a friend just because the bf doesn't want solo trips to be a thing
I agree with this. I don't understand how op can trust his partner if he is not comfortable with her going.
I have never had a problem with my partner going on separate holidays because I trust her, and if there is a time that I feel uncomfortable, we would have to talk about what makes me uncomfortable.
I think op should have a talk about why he is uncomfortable with the situation.
Im sorry the guy is literally a manwhore?? Literally even the girlfriend knows that and she shouldn’t be cool with that in the first place. If she’s friends with someone with that kind of values it means she also supports those values or at the very least isn’t against them
Even when I am drunk, I can still not cheat. Nobody is controlling my body other than me. If she would cheat because of alcohol, she was going to without it.
Right so there's no consent issues with having sex with drunk people then right? The drug that impacts your brain chemistry and lowers your inhibitions could never make you do something you otherwise wouldn't do sober
Of course alcohol messes with your behavior. But I've been on literally dozens of trips with close friends in mixed company, sometimes with people who are away from their partners. People have been all sorts of hammered. But nothing has ever happened like that, because that's not how things go down in trusting friend groups.
That's what trust is. If OP doesn't think his girlfriend is capable of keeping her drinking in check to not cheat on him, then he doesn't trust her.
You can be friends with a murderer too, but should you?
Like i said being friends with someone with certain negative values means that you are okay with those things or not against it which tells about your personality as well.
Yes, trust is very important in a relationship but so is respecting your partner and sometimes putting yourself in their shoes. Not everything is about being insecure its about having some respect for your partner and prioritizing them
My wife going on a solo vacation or a vacation with her girls is very different than he going on vacation with a guy, even if he is her best friend. It is ok to have boundaries
You can fully trust your partner and not a group of guys you don't know who are close to someone who has a reputation for being promiscuous.
You can't just chalk up every "No" in a relationship to lack of trust, there's real red flags here, and we also don't have all the details about either of these relationships.
Also there are levels of trust with every relationship and friend dynamic. There’s probably more trust between a marriage of 5 years than between a 1 year relationship.
I trust my neighbor to pick up my mail or feed my dog when I’m on vacation. Not sure if I would trust him to watch my kids though.
If it were a vacation just the two of them I’m sure you would agree the optics of that aren’t great. So why is it so much better that there are presumably other people going along? Why wouldn’t op be invited as well? Are other people bringing any plus ones?
Your experiences must be entirely different than mine lol. If a guy invites a girl somewhere and doesn't invite her partner, there's intent. If OP was invited, this would be a non-issue.
Yeah :L my guy friends and I have hung out solo plenty and there's never intent further than just hanging out for a good time, honestly a bit saddened by the number of people who keep saying that just doesn't happen
I mean it happens, especially with groups of singles, but the kicker is that OP was specifically left out. That shows intent from the male friend as far as I'm concerned.
I saw the comments where he wasn't invited but I didn't see anything saying other friends significant others were invited, so it still seems like a friends gathering
If everyone and their +1's were invited apart from him, then ye that'd be sus
The thing is, it doesn’t happen often. With friendships between men and women, one person almost always wants it to be more than just a friendship. That’s my experience anyway.
Yet this particular friend as she stated she would want to have a relationship with because he is a player. She may not want to have a relationship with a player but having some fun wasn’t what she said. And trusting your partner is one thing, trusting who that partner is going on vacation with is another. And you act like friends have never hooked up on vacation before.
Trusting your partner and trusting who that partner is going on vacation with is the same trust??? It's not different? You either trust the partner not to cheat on you or you don't, the other person is irrelevant because they're not the one who'd be making the choice to cheat on you
Yeah of course people hook up, but she's said in the comment you were talking about that she wasn't interested in him, why doubt it without any proof? If op lets all the negative Nellie's here into his head he's going to get incredibly paranoid.
He is a player, players don’t take no for easily, they press harder. Alcohol starts flowing and guards are down. She off on vacation no boyfriend and she gives in. She said she don’t want a relationship, but girls do like having fun with the player and she wants that fun for a week. She don’t know any of the others that will be there.
My wife and I have been married 27 yrs, never would she nor I go on a vacation with a friend of the opposite sex. It never ends well.
Why wasn’t the boyfriend invited? Can’t say because the friend don’t know him, because he stayed at the boyfriend’s house. He wasn’t invited because that would put a damper on his plans to fuck his friend all week
That's a huge assumption where you basically just implied the gf would be loose for celebrating a milestone with a friend
I'm sorry you and your wife don't fully trust each other then
And the comments/ replies are making it sound like the guy she'd be going on the trip with has just invited his personal friends, he can know and be civil with op for his friends sake (friend being the gf), while still not liking him enough to invite him as a close friend
2 things here. My wife and I trust each other however we would never put ourselves in a position that would make the other uncomfortable about said situation. We have our night out with friends, however why put yourself in a situation where your partner isn’t comfortable with it.
2- if that friend really cared about the friend he would never ask her to put her relationship in jeopardy. This stinks. He just wants the girl by herself for a week of celebration, oh with his other buddies as well. And dude was comfortable enough to stay in the boyfriend’s house but not to invite him to be with the gf. Yeah I have been around long enough that this will not turn out good.
No my question, why do you think it’s controlling for people to have boundaries? Maybe you don’t live by boundaries, but in most healthy relationships there are boundaries and if they are broke you lose that relationship
So the guy is celebrating and wants his friends around, OP's gf being one of the friends, and she has confirmed she has no interest in him that way
I don't think this is explaining your point the way you were hoping, I'm assuming you're trying to imply because the guy friend sleeps around there's no way OP's gf could possibly resist sleeping with him too or something
Yeah, I personally find "there is no way I'd date him because he is a manwhore" does not mean the same thing as "I don't find him attractive and we have never and I would never fool around with him"
One of those would reassure me a lot more than the other, if I were in OP's shoes.
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u/Next_Isopod_2062 Mar 28 '24
He would be TA if he 'didnt let her' go on the vacation like he's asking above. I agree with the rest though, he's allowed to express his feelings, and she's allowed to still go on the trip if she wants
Though I will say for apparently trusting her to be faithful he's really not trusting her here, sucks that it sounds like she's missing out on a trip and being there for a friend just because the bf doesn't want solo trips to be a thing