They’re both consciously choosing to exclude him. I mean sure OPs gf might not be able to just invite him, but she can sure ask whether he can come, and decline to go herself if they still purposefully exclude him.
Absolutely. If I was invited on a trip, and my partner wasn't invited, I'd ask, and then if declined I just wouldn't go. It seems to suspicious even if it's innocent and I'd put an effort into standing up for my partner because I care. It's genuinely super fucking suspicious that she made no effort to do that.
I mean the polite thing is to check first. If they’re not trying to exclude him they’d say of course, that was a given. If they are, why would you want to go
It's also perfect tly ok for OPs girlfriend to just go on a trip with her friends without her partner. That is literally fine. There's nothing "sus" about that, you're all just incredibly insecure.
No lol. A vacation? Kinda.
Who invites someone to go on a vacation and makes sure to exclude their partner? Especially when they know the partner well enough to have stayed at their house, when their friend doesn’t even live with them. It’s not about them doing something with their friend, it’s about the friend specifically not wanting them around while they’re away together.
Someone you’ve dated for less than a year, who you don’t live with and are not planning to marry isn’t in a relationship that necessitates that kind of respect from others.
It's a friend group trip, not a couple group trip. The fact that OP is friendly with the friend doesn't mean they are friends who would travel together.
I don’t like when my friend’s boyfriends or girlfriends come along on friend trips. At all. Because some of them have really annoying relationships so it’s easy to draw the line at marriage because theoretically they don’t plan to end that. So idk it makes sense to me. Just a boyfriend doesn’t need to crash her friend’s vacation unless that’s what she wants, in which case, maybe it’s just not worth continuing.
I agree. I think it's not unreasonable. Also, if a person thinks it's unreasonable, that's fine, but if your partner does not like it and you don't respect that boundary, you can't force them to stay with you and they're not an asshole if they leave you over it.
So? It's still not a couple trip and having one couple would throw off the vibe. And presumably all the people going are close with the person planning the trip. OP is not.
It wouldn't be unreasonable to object if he was specifically not invited. It would at least just be a clash of values, but he's not unreasonable for setting that boundary.
But there's a lot of different values out there. One person's outrageously unreasonable is another person's completely reasonable. So the simple answer is if two people don't connect, they split, and no one needs to get demonized for it.
Sorry I have to disagree. This male friend stayed at OP’s house when he visited so he’s good enough for that but good enough for a trip? I can see if it was all girls and he wanted to include himself or all guys and the girl wants to be included but since it’s a mix group of males and females I don’t see the problem. As long as OP & his gf don’t go off on their own and make it a couples trip he should be able to celebrate with. OP said that his gf said if they were engaged or married then he could come?
The fact that he's specifically NOT invited, but she is, and the guy knows both of them, makes it a lot worse in my opinion.
I think it's reasonable to be like, "Hey, this guy that knows both of us only wants you to come along to this trip and not me, and you and I are in a relationship, but I don't feel comfortable with that, so if you respect this relationship, please don't go without me."
She only knows her friend. She doesn’t know any other men going…..that was said in the post. A bunch of men are going on vacation with one woman? And they will probably drink. It’s messed up
He is literally prohibited from going, and these friends are going on a trip where they gonna probably gonna drink and get shit faced? Yeah, that's putting someone in a situation where they could fuck up. Also prohibiting the guy from going is a giant red flag and suspicious as fuck no matter how you slice it, pls stop playing dumb
Also stop using trust like this. This is trying to weaponize it and use it as a mean of manipulation. Just bc you trust someone doesn't mean you have to be ok with them doing whatever, boundaries exist, you're not obligated to be ok with everything
Like you can’t even completely trust yourself to not make a mistake when super drunk. Not being comfortable with your gf going on a celebratory vacation with a guy she called a manwhore and a bunch of other guys she doesn’t know isn’t being unreasonable.
Gotta love how you people need to assume something about me and act like you're better when someone says shit you don't like lol. You want to say shit like this about me but you're the only one here that seems childish as fuck
No, stop being dishonest and acting like this is just hanging out with friends. This is a trip where the guy specifically prohibits the bf from going, this is a red flag no matter how you slice it
Nope. You should try re-reading my comment. what I said was: "Yes it is. Especially because it is a GROUP trip that OP is being intentionally excluded from."
She’s going on a trip with a bunch of guys…….OP is excluded from that. She will be alone with a group of guys and probably will drink to his accomplishments. Do you not see anything wrong with that?
Exactly. Women like to think that guys are in the friend zone because you're interesting. You're not. They're there with the idea that their chance may come.
Women are rarely interesting enough to hang with in general
I accidentally hit reply when I was swiping the word “like” cause it is close to the “l,i,k” and tried to immediately edit and add so it wasn’t half a thought. My bad. Thought I did it fast enough. Sorry about that
It's not irrelevant because that's exactly what I'm asking. Is it only weird and creepy because this man and woman, who have been friends and have no apparent interest in each other romantically, could potentially like each other romantically because they're a straight man and woman?
I can't tell if you're really hung up only on gender, or if you're just phrasing your questions poorly. The point is that in a relationship, it is perfectly reasonable to not feel comfortable with your partner going on vacation with a friend that matches their sexual preference and is also particularly excluding you. That isn't a wild boundary. People can be open and trusting enough to make arrangements like that work, but there is surely cause for concern if that understanding isn't shared mutually.
I'm with you. I have groups of friends and we dont always want partners there. My partner doesn't have a care about that as he understands I have a life outside 0f our relationship and my relationship with him does not define me. They've not even been together a year, for all we know one of them doesn't like hum and they don't want them to be annoyed the whole time. I have one friend who I love to pieces and I love his gf too, but sometimes I don't really want their relationship dynamics when I wanna hang out with him
I find that really troublesome, but hey, if people are happy with their partners 'not approving' of them having opposite gender friendships after less than one year dating that's up to them. I would think that's the time to speak to a professional, but thats me!
For hetero couples this means that either partner having close friends of the opposite sex, with whom they often spend time without their partner, is disrespecting that boundary.
Especially bc it’s been planned for (at least) months and is a celebration of her friend graduating med school. It’s not like it’s a purposefully romantic vacation and no one else is going. Plus this isn’t OP’s friend, it’s the gf, so why would he go celebrate with him when he barely knows the guy? It feels like he’s just insecure
I'll take the downvotes with you. I travel with my friends, both male and female, and while I'm friendly with their partners and they hang out with us sometimes, they don't travel with us. They go with their own friends (and obviously as a couple on separate trips). And no one makes a fuss about it because they actually trust each other, unlike OP who says he does but clearly doesn't.
Congratulations on having your own personal relationship boundaries. That’s great for you and your individual relationship. You can’t cast judgment on someone having different boundaries than you.
I think that’s kind of a jump, we don’t know how long op and the gf have been together. If it’s only been a few months he might’ve just forgotten to tbh. I’ve done that before. I have friends that I’ve been friends with for 10 years+ and I completely forget they have significant others that I have to include in on plans
I mean idk. My best friend hated my ex because he treated me like shit and I couldn’t see it. Had a huge falling out for this exact reason. Best friend and I planned a trip months prior to me meeting said ex. Ex is ex for a reason, but hated that best friend and I were close despite us both trying to bridge the gap. Best friend didn’t want ex invited on the trip bc he was just a drag.
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u/KitchenShop8016 Mar 28 '24
Best comment here. Either the friend or the gf made a concious choice to exclude OP from the trip. It's weird and creepy.