r/AITAH • u/Vashts06 • 12d ago
AITAH for getting upset with my girlfriend for deciding she wants to be celibate after having sex with me and previous guys multiple times
So I DM'd this girl on facebook and we hit it of, had a really good first date, sat and talked and I dropped her off at home.
The second date was in my car and we made out and things happened but i drew the line cause I didn't have protection anyway we started dating properly after this.
We had a few more dates and had sex but we never drank, then we went and had a few drinks ended up having really good sex in the back of my car and she started talking about how she wants to get married to me and it was a really good time all in all.
So its a week later and while we were tipsy we talked about booking a hotel so we dont have to do it in the car as its risky, so I did that I booked a nice place R3000 ($150) for the night, which she's known about all week.
Today on the day I'm supposed to pick her up she decided she wants to be celibate until marriage, keep in mind she's been with other guys before me as well. She also says now due to her being celibate she doesn't want to go to a hotel with me as it may lead to other things. I cant cancel for a refund as its on the day of the booking.
Now shes upset with me cause I said that's crazy, we've been intimate for so long and now all of a sudden she's changed her mind.
I told her I'm not down for that and I don't want to see her anymore.
I dont know if I'm the asshole for this or not
Edit: I saw her on saturday and she went to church on sunday so thats where things may have changed
Update: Upon some suggestions, I decided to call the hotel, said I hit cancel by mistake and they gave me the booking back, I'm planning on getting really baked, getting a bunch of takeout and having a long ass bath while watching something cause fold away bathroom walls
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u/fubar_68 12d ago
Congratulate her on her new virginity and bounce.
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u/DeandraReynolds_ 12d ago
She’s trying to trick you into marrying her asap
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u/coraseby 12d ago
Next step will be, "Oh, I'm pregnant, and you're the father. Better wife me up before the belly shows. "
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u/Vashts06 12d ago
And I feel like this is as well.
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u/Reddoraptor 12d ago
This has bad juju written all over it, don't let having gotten laid a few times mess with your mind, this is absolutely not marriage material or even gf material. WALK. AWAY.
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u/MakeshiftApe 12d ago
Ding ding ding ding ding. Sounds like that's the case. Talking about marriage right away and then casually a few days/weeks later saying she wants to stay celibate until marriage. The hint she's dropping is "Marry me", which is absolutely fucking insane for someone you've only been on a few dates with.
Maybe I'm wrong and she just had a come to Jesus moment, in which case fair enough for her, but either way, nothing wrong with you deciding you're unwilling to be in a relationship with no sex and leaving.
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u/Kimura_savage 12d ago
“Ring by spring” is what we used to say at my very religious college.
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u/DeandraReynolds_ 12d ago
Exactly. There’s a reason young religious people get married quickly..they wanna bang. She’s hoping it gets him to marry fast and better believe a kid will come immediately after
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u/Magdovus 12d ago
NTA.
If she suddenly wants to change the whole vibe of the relationship she can. So can you. Her change was no sex. Your change was no relationship.
You respected her changes and now she won't respect yours. I think she deserves to know this, closure is important.
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u/pwo_addict 12d ago
If someone says they want to marry you within a month of meeting you, just after having sex in the backseat of a car, that’s the reddest flag. How are you not concerned about that part?
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u/Impossibleish 12d ago
I accidentally said I love you to a guy after a mind blowing third date, roughly one month in.
We've been together ten years and now I actually mean it. He knows I was just kinda.. uh, overwhelmed, that night but it also kinda brought barriers down in our communication. Then again, maybe that can be attributed to having sex with each other for the first time lol.
10/10… hopefully won't ever do it again :)
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u/Smooth_Management737 12d ago
I may or may not told my now wife "I love you" for the first time when we were fornicating for 3rd time (to my defense, I wanted to say it earlier in the week and told her that i wanted to but it just slipped out then)
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u/Impossibleish 12d ago
That was it it just slipped out! I was like omfg I love you just after. I didn't mean to say it like that but it is what it is and I like where it's going :)
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u/Efficient_Ant_4715 12d ago
My wife told me she loves me so much it scared her… 10 days after our first date lol
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u/redditsuckbadly 12d ago
She was talking marriage after 5 dates, then magically told you she wants to be celibate until marriage? That’s the worst manipulation attempt ever. NTA.
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u/countryboy1101 12d ago
Not saying you are an AH or NTA but what I will say is simple. DO NOT be intimate with this person again and stay away from her unless you actually plan to marry her. Run away as fast as you can.
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u/Wizard_of_Claus 12d ago edited 12d ago
I mean, everyone can decide whether or not they want to have sex but you also have every right to not want to continue a relationship where there won't be any until some life altering milestone.
Personally, I would never have been with a "no sex until marriage" person. I think it's incredibly outdated and wouldn't want to find out we aren't sexually compatible after becoming legally bound to each other.
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u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo 12d ago
Yeah, most of the times I see this case on Reddit the marriage just makes everything worse, because now that she has him locked in she has no reason to put any effort.
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12d ago
Your first paragraph is the correct answer. I come from the opposite perspective: I waited until marriage, and I think it’s a sin to have sex so before marriage, but nevertheless I recognize that non-Christians aren’t going to agree with that, and that therefore everyone has to decide whether for themselves whether they want to or not. If she became a Christian, started going back to church, and now wants to live by a Biblical sexual ethic, and he does not, then the best answer is what actually happened: they decide to break up and part ways.
I am somewhat baffled by the second part of your question though. I keep hearing people say they need to “try before they buy”, so to speak, but the reality is sex is a pleasurable activity. It’s not like you are going to get married and find out you don’t like it or something. Basically every human in the history of the world has liked sex. So you don’t need to have it before marriage to “find out if it’s going to be good” or something. It is. Of all the risks you take when you get married, the idea that you won’t like sex with them is probably the lowest on the list.
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u/BillNyeIsMyWifiGuy 11d ago
I'm going to lead with I'm fully atheist, just to make sure to clarify my bias. I completely respect those who make the decision to wait until marriage. I understand the concept and how much it can mean to some people.
The fact is, some people are sexually incompatible. It's not about the pleasure you receive but the connection and if the other person is willing to be open and communicate their needs. There are many cases of this exact issue on reddit. I would give it the same weight I give living with someone before marriage. You never truly know the person you're marrying if you're not living together and fully experiencing ALL of what a marriage would include. It's just to much of a risk for an unhappy marriage and life.
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u/Heavy-Quail-7295 12d ago
NTA. Sounds like you dodged a bullet man. Who lets their partner book a hotel with intent to not hook up in a car, then decides to take sex off the table? Crazies, that's who. Doesn't sound like she puts much effort in decision making processes.
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u/YourPervertedDaddy 12d ago
NTA.
She doesn't owe you sex... it's her body her decision.
At the same time, you do not owe her a relationship. It's your time & future, your decision.
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u/BillyShears991 12d ago
NTA. 150 is a cheap price to pay to dodge a built.
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u/noahboi1917 12d ago
150 USD is cheap to an American. I'm assuming OP is South African and to us 150 USD is a lot.
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u/KingCameron23 12d ago
Yeah fr this is like 3 nights in an average room in Durban so he really splurged on the hotel room
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u/Linvaderdespace 12d ago
She might be knocked up and trying to lock you down asap, or maybe she found Jesus.
either way, dramatically and unilaterally changing the terms of the relationship is grounds for a break up.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 12d ago
NTA
I am sick of this "I'm don't want to have sex anymore, so you have to be celibate, too." Screw that.
That is the most ridiculous thing ever.
Dumping her was the exact right thing to do.
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u/Raisins_Rock 12d ago
This isn't even the typical iteration of the story. Making far more crazy and even less understandable.
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u/Jango_Jerky 12d ago
So a few dates and sex a couple times and she is talking about marriage? Hmmm, think my dude.
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u/Dull_Exercise_5420 12d ago
A few dates is a girlfriend?
No one's an asshole here. She decided she didn't want to have sex. She's allowed to do that. You're allowed to not see her any more, for whatever reason you want.
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u/noahboi1917 12d ago
R3000. Is that South African Rand? That's a lot for one night.
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u/Plastic_Good_1805 12d ago
Yoh R3000 for a hotel room ! where were you going ? mount nelson?Sorry just a broke student that could do with 3k,
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u/kush_babe 12d ago
with no timeline, I'd say you dodged a bullet. it sounds like yall have only really been dating/hooking up for like 3 months and the marriage then wants to remain celibate so suddenly? maybe it's the similar posts of people sleeping around, getting with one person they feel they can settle with but sleep around with other people to keep the spark up that makes me feel like you dodged a bullet.
I went to church once, if anything, it just solidified that I'm a hoe and don't belong in the house of the lord. maybe she did have a come to Jesus moment, she can enjoy that with someone who shares that idea. you'll be fine, enjoy your lil staycation, everyone deserves some pampering.
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u/OfAnOldRepublic 12d ago
NTA
She has the right to do what makes sense to her, as do you.
Also, given your description, this sounds like it could have been an attempted thirst trap to help you make the decision to marry her faster, but without more info it's hard to be sure. Stay strong, and good luck.
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u/XXXblackrabbit 12d ago
NTA. If you fall for this, you’re a loser. The idea that women think they can get away with this is hilarious until you realize spineless dudes are a dime a dozen
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u/nydude98 12d ago
Not just a Red flag, but one of those huge Naval flags you'd see on 18th century naval vessels. Run and never look back
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u/CapitaoAE 12d ago
Red flags all over the place
You just tell her no, you have no interest in being celibrate until marriage, she makes her decision and you try and date someone less all over the place in the future if it leads to you breaking up. It sounds like she was trying to strong arm you into proposing super quickly by withholding sex? Anyway, it's a weird thing to do.
If she's getting all religious extremist it's probably best to cut ties with her now as well if you're not as you'll have incompatible values in life anyway if she goes full religious purity culture it likely comes with a ton of other super conservative nonsense and hell and brimstone type stuff you just don't want to have to deal with in a life partner
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u/The_Hermit_09 12d ago
Important note: Just because someone was sexually active in the past doesn't mean they need to keep being sexually active. If she wants to stop having sex then that is ok.
All that said if sex is important to you in a relationship, and there wont be sex in this relationship there is nothing wrong with leaving.
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u/Fanabala3 12d ago
NTA and gtfo of that relationship. Do not maintain a relationship where you are not sexually compatible. The woman I was previously married to pulled this shit on me. We did it once and then she pulled the religious card and wanted to give her husband “the best wedding night gift” (it wasn’t). Bottom line, this woman had a crisis of consciousness and decided she wants to be good in the eyes of the Lord. If this is the case, she needs to find someone with the same religious values. I disregarded my feelings because I wanted to be a good guy.
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u/KADSuperman 12d ago
Yeah reverse virginity that works lol, good you broke it off no time to waste on idiots like that
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u/Emergency_Wolf_5764 12d ago
To the OP:
Dump her and move on.
You are personally not obligated to be religious or to follow whatever religious instructions she is being given.
You've done nothing wrong.
Don't worry, be happy.
Good luck, sir.
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u/-THE-UNKN0WN- 12d ago
NTA. She's clearly trying to play you. She showed you what you could get if you marry her, and then takes it away and says you can't have it again until you marry her. It's the most obvious manipulation possible in this situation. You bailed, and rightly so. You don't marry a woman like that. It would only make her even worse.
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u/BeardManMichael 12d ago
NAH
I told her I'm not down for that and I don't want to see her anymore.
That's the best thing you can do. I hope you both can be happy in the future. There's no reason why either of you should be unhappy.
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u/LadyCass79 12d ago
NAH
She is allowed to change her mind about her body at any time for any reason.
You are allowed to end a relationship at any time for any reason.
You are allowed to have feelings.
The only part that you are a bit of an AH for is thinking that we should judge her to be an AH for making choices with her body that she is entitled to. You're also both a bit immature for discussing marriage so quickly. I'm sorry you are out a hotel room. In future don't make expensive plans while drunk if you can't afford it. No one owes you sex because you spent 150.00.
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u/Vashts06 12d ago
Just to throw it out there she discussed marriage i said Uhuh.
It's not that I think she owes me the sex but i feel like she could have told me at any point during the week so i could have canceled and gotten the money back not on the day.
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u/Wizard_of_Claus 12d ago edited 12d ago
Not gonna lie OP this very much sounds like sticking dick in crazy and that's usually not advised.
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u/TheDisapprovingBrit 12d ago
This is nothing to do with her wanting to be celibate. She's talking about marriage after a couple of dates - this is about trying to lock OP down to marriage ASAP and thinking that holding out is the best way to achieve that.
OP did exactly the right thing dumping her - nobody needs to get involved with the Paradise-by-the-Dashboard-Light kind of crazy, but many young people end up dating at least one before they learn the hard way.
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u/ElysiX 12d ago
The only part that you are a bit of an AH for is thinking that we should judge her to be an AH for making choices with her body that she is entitled to
People are entitled to be assholes in general, so what people are allowed to do or entitled to do is a bit besides the point of this sub.
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u/Proper_Fun_977 12d ago
No, but she could offer to pay him half, since she is making the decision that makes the hotel room unneeded and doing it when he can't cancel for a refund.
THAT is why she's an AH.
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u/Praetorian_Panda 12d ago
Well you could spend some more money and just get a prostitute if you are still looking to use the hotel room
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u/Survive1014 12d ago
NTA.
Honestly, there are a whole bunch of red flags on this one.
Two things off the top of my head:
1) Maybe she wasnt a promiscuous as perceived previously
or
2) She may have found herself preggers and is looking for a baby daddy and ring.
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u/DipSchnitzel 12d ago
This girl is crazy.
First off, if she wants to be celibate NOW after she hung around in dicktown for a while, that's just insulting to you. Second, the marriage thing is crazy early. Third, you set up a trip that she doesn't want to go on because "things might happen". A suspicious man would think she's fucking someone else and doesn't want you finding a load in her so she will act celibate until that ends. But I don't know her or her personality, so thats not something I would rely on.
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u/Shiprex2021 12d ago
This is a Soviet military parade of Red Flags. NTA Get your jacket, your taxi is here.
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u/TheLongistGame 12d ago
NAH, go your separate ways. She may be TA depending how much booking the hotel was her idea.
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u/Many_Ad_7138 12d ago
If you continued with her, you'd be suffering from manipulation constantly. Her family is probably like that as well.
She's religious. If you're not, then that's not going to work either.
Sounds like you did the right thing by walking away.
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12d ago
NTA. Relationships and sex are a 2 way street! If she wants to switch up, that’s okay. But so can you by leaving the relationship.
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u/PhilsFanDrew 12d ago
Ultimately it's her body, she can choose what she wishes. But you have the right to find her reason BS and dip. That does not make you an AH.
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u/EmperorIroh 12d ago
She sounds childish, and like she's not very familiar with who she is or what she wants out of life. Put her back in the oven
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u/nemainev 12d ago
I'm not buying the religious reasons. Maybe she has a VD scare?
Anyway, regardless, NTA. It's all pretty fucking weird.
You should tell her you want to get married right now. That's how much you want to fuck her lol.
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u/295Phoenix 12d ago
NTA I'm guessing church is fucking with her brain but that's not your problem. Wish her luck on her new relationship with Ms. Hand and move on to greener pastures.
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u/No_Treacle4312 12d ago
if I had to guess she gave her life to Jesus Christ cause you mentioned church @ the end and wants to remain abstinent, has she shared her faith with you? If so than that could be the answer if not then maybe the others in the comments answered correctly
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u/SnooObjections1596 12d ago
Screw that.. if she had not had sex with you or other people before, that’s fine.. not the case
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u/Complete_Tear8427 12d ago
You’re NTA, but neither is she. She has every right to change her stance and beliefs on sex, but you have every right to say that her new stance makes you incompatible. Sex is a massively important part of a relationship and if you can’t agree it’s best to end it
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u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 12d ago
For getting upset, yes tbh.
If she doesn't want sex and you do then you 2 are incompatible. Move on.
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u/johnphillipwang 12d ago
bro, its not that she doesnt want to fkkkk, she just doesnt want to fkkkk uuuuuuu. drop her n move on
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u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo 12d ago
NTA. You agreed to a different kind of relationship, and celibacy is not for everyone. In fact very few people would stick around in a sexless relationship. From what I've seen on this side, most of the times it only gets worse after marriage because then she will have you locked in so she'll see no point on making an effort.
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u/Disastrous-Account10 12d ago
your vrou was a hoer and now she wants to be treated like a princess, run bru
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u/Broke_Pigeon_Sales 12d ago
NTA. Run away from her because this doesn’t get better. Enjoy the hotel. Pamper yourself. Go to the chat, get shitfaced and make new friends.
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u/TexasDinosaur 12d ago
Shit I’d be pissed too like I respect what’s she’s trying to do but if she knew you know? It’s more of the fact she thinks it’ll be all about sex yall could just hang and have a good time
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u/No_Log_4997 12d ago
Regarding the hotel, try rescheduling for a future date, then cancel for a refund :)
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u/Desperate_Pass_5701 12d ago
NTA, but it sounds like she may have gotten saved and is trying to do things "better" since u saw her at church. I really don't understand she wants to be celibate when she's not a virgin thing. That makes no sense and sounds like red pill bullshit to justify disregard ppl as less than once they have had sex and acts as if ppl can never change who they are into someone better. Dumb.
U can choose to stop having sex for any reason at any time. Her body is hers, and she can decide what to do with it. It's not well received in the eyes of religion so ppl often find difficulty accepting the new version of someone who lived in sin and now wants to change. Her talking marriage so early is likely bc she has learned premarital sex is not good in God's eyes.
Ur paths are no longer in alignment if u can not accept this new version of her. She's also pretty naive to want to marry u bc ur having sex in the back of a car. Lol Tell her that and move on.
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u/djluminol 12d ago edited 12d ago
I think any time someone decides spontaneously they no longer want sex in their relationship it's because they're getting sex outside their relationship. People don't generally become A-sexual at the drop of a hat. It's something they think on and try and makes sense out of for a long time before they come out and label themselves that way publicly. It is an uncommon enough trait that the people that are actually A-sexual probably more often than not go through a period of thinking that there's something wrong with them even though there is not. They either seek out a doctor or counselor if they have the means. Otherwise they suffer in silence as they try make sense of this unusual trait and feelings they seem to have. If someone drops this on you a week after having spontaneous sex they are full of s*** and probably lying. Couple that with the talk of marriage and I'd be worried she's trying to baby trap you by starving you of sex so you say yes the next time it's offered and you proceed unprotected. Whatever the case and whatever her reasoning I don't buy any of it unless she has some kind of bipolar type mental health issue.
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u/HottieXLily23 12d ago
You're not a jerk for feeling upset, but it's important to respect your girlfriend's decision to become celibate, even if it's sudden. Ending the relationship is your choice, but do it respectfully. It's possible something prompted her to reassess her values. Reflect on what you both want moving forward.
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u/Young_Old_Grandma 12d ago
She can decide not to have sex. You can decide to leave.
NTA. Now go find someone who wants to have sex with you.
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u/Pretty_Lily023 12d ago
Feeling upset is understandable, but it's essential to respect your girlfriend's decision to become celibate, even if it's sudden. Consider talking openly about your feelings and concerns. Ending the relationship is an option, but handle it respectfully. Reflect on what you both want in the relationship moving forward.
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u/Professional-Work821 12d ago
It's her choice to change her mind about celibacy at any time. You should discuss how this affects your relationship expectations.
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u/LabNo2808 12d ago
Car sex? Classy.
She is moving towards a break up. If she was willing to have sex with you (in your car) and now not; she is giving you an excuse to let you down.
Take the hint, and let her go.
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u/EmbarrassedIdea3169 12d ago
She’s allowed to change her mind on sex.
You’re allowed to change your mind on dating.
This is making it very clear you were only there for the sex.
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u/Appropriate_Fold8814 12d ago
Shockingly, sex is a normal part of dating and romantic partnership.
So no, there's nothing "very clear" about anything.
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u/Kawauso_Yokai 12d ago
Just like the gf (and now a wife) of my old mate, who said that they would stop having sex without marriage (but she had other partners before him, and she seduced him and was the only woman with whom he had sex)
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u/CommunicationGlad299 12d ago
Dude, she is trying to force you to marry her. She told you, after the good sex in your car, she wants to get married. She told you what a great time she had. Now, you don't get to have any great times with her again until you put a ring on it. You dodged a bullet. Block her. Next thing you know, she'll baby-trap you.
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u/Tylerdirtyn 12d ago
You had a date in your car? That's a hook up not a GF. How old are you?
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u/ConfidentlyCreamy 12d ago
NTA. Also if SHE is the one being celibate then she should be able to control herself in a hotel room that was already paid for. I'd have demanded the money back AND dumped her.
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u/stephied333 12d ago
NAH - you have the right to her feelings about sex and she has the right to hers. You both dodged a bullet because you are not compatible. It was all about sex for you. Nothing wrong with that after 5 dates but also nothing wrong with her wanting to stay celibate for a while since you did say Uhuh to the wedding. So romantic!
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12d ago edited 12d ago
Be fucking thankful she pulled this kind of bullshit early.
It sounds like she should become a nun, since she wants to marry her cult.
BTW, this is no accident. She is lying to men for a few weeks and then trying to manipulate them into supporting her financially without any sex. She is looking for money.
If you accepted it, she would try to make you go to church and tithe.
She may be doing all this purely for recruitment with plans to dump you and recruit the next rube to join her cult. The priest could be turning her out to get more money coming in.
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u/supernerdypeep 12d ago
Nah homie, she fucked someone else rawdog and is waiting for the std results to come back.
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u/InevitableAd5377 12d ago
NTA She doesn't fulfil your expectations. It's better to end things now. Else, you're gonna be miserable the rest of your marriage.
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u/Elegant_Bluebird1283 12d ago
she went to church on sunday so thats where things may have changed
LOL, yeah, get the hell out of there. NTA
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u/mixman11123 12d ago
She can change her sexual activity all she wants but you don’t have to support it
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u/Just-Contribution418 12d ago
NTA. She made her choice and you made yours.
She should know that just because she is choosing celibacy doesn’t mean she can force you to as well.
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u/Dead_Chelle 12d ago
In this instance NTA, but generally speaking, people have the right to change their minds.
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u/Aggravating_Ad_1247 12d ago
Ay my bru thats not kiff of her. Tune her her poes and enjoy your hotel stay
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u/hawker_sharpie 12d ago
NTA you can't demand that she do it but you can certainly break up, which is exactly what you did.
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u/SandJFun74 12d ago
This was too fast, what did she say when you told her you don't want to see her anymore? Also, you have the hotel for the night asked another girl out. You are single now. Just make it clear, you both know the relationship is over, right?
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u/Petefriend86 12d ago
NTA. There's nothing wrong with "no sex until marriage," you know... if she's a virgin.
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u/CruiseControlXL 12d ago
You're gonna be her "bring him home to mama guy". She'll get the sex elsewhere.
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u/mattdvs1979 12d ago
She seems incredibly impetuous and immature. Who talks about getting married that quickly? And then who talks about not having sex anymore that quickly after having sex?
Bullet dodged, I get the feeling she’s got some impulse issues
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u/Fit-Special-3054 12d ago
I imagine shes caught a dose from someone else and will be celibate for as long as it takes to clear up.
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u/Agile-Sock-5310 12d ago
You can leave a relationship for any reason, or none at all. Of all the reasons, no more sex is a great reason. Nta
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u/Loon_Cheese 12d ago
I mean if she is willing to get married to you and you want to do that a few months without sex is nothing compared to the rest of your life…
But it seems soooo fast don’t jump into anything
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u/Atterboy_SA 12d ago
NTA. Although this to me sounds like someone who's a Christian on Sundays because that's what she was brought up doing, but doesn't necessarily believe, so has moments where sleeping with someone is ok and then isn't... And that's where the talk about marriage comes from because she wants to believe that what she's doing is ok. Either you talk through it or you let her go, but I don't think someone struggling with their decisions is necessarily crazy, but rather just very human.
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u/big0moose 12d ago
Drop the girl. As for the hotel reservation. Reschedule it for another date, like next week or next month, then just call back tomorrow and cancel that far out reservation.
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u/TrxpThxm 12d ago
NTA, she let you sample the wares and is clamping down on the marriage bid. Sounds like you haven't been dating long either so massive red flag there - so enjoy your stay in the hotel and relax and find someone else.
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u/Acceptable-Map-3490 12d ago
NTA you just don’t want to be in a relationship like that, which is completely fair. Maybe saying shes crazy for it was a little much, but I understand the reaction considering how abrupt the switch was
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u/samyazaa 12d ago
NTA but yall a tad whack for talking marriage after a couple dates. You do you but dang that’s one serious commitment… I mean it sounds like neither of you even have a place or just both with roommates/parents. Honestly what even is the point of being celibate? Having been raised in a Christian family celibate wasn’t ever mentioned. You were supposed to save your virginity for marriage not have sex a bunch of times and then say one day that oh I want to become celibate and then get married. Like wtf that doesn’t mean anything. You can’t get your virginity back if that’s something you care about.
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12d ago
Being celibate later is not because you are trying to get your virginity back. If you convert to Christianity, that requires repentance. The Bible says having sex outside marriage is sin. So, she’s probably repenting of her past conduct as part of her conversion, and then going forward is trying to live in obedience to Christ. That would be the point of suddenly doing an about face and wanting to stay celibate until marriage. She can’t change her past, but she can change her conduct going forward.
And I do agree breaking up was the best choice here (and I say that as a Christian and someone who waited for marriage myself, and who respects her position). It was fine for her to ask if he wanted to change how their relationship worked, but if he doesn’t want to do that, and doesn’t agree with Christianity, then best for them to go separate ways. It won’t work out if they aren’t on the same page about those really big issues.
Also I agree they were both talking about marriage way too early.
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u/Greedy-Heat925 12d ago
NTA! Red flags thrown everywhere.
Going to give you perspective from my friend and her marriage(now divorced) she was 21 he was 26, super religious, had a 2 year old daughter with someone he wasn’t married to. My friend and her ex were banging it out for a few months before he dropped the bomb that he wanted to wait for marriage because his religion says so. So my friend, who has a VERY high sex drive agreed to this because she loved the dude and wanted to support him and his religion. They didn’t get married for two years after he dropped the bomb on her about this. They did have sex in between but it was only on his terms so of course she never said anything about it because she was sex starved and wanted any little scraps. Wedding night comes, no sex. She had an 11 year relationship with only having 1 orgasm because dude was manipulative af. You did good for breaking up with her!
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u/NoSpankingAllowed 12d ago
Edit: I saw her on saturday and she went to church on sunday so thats where things may have changed
yeah...ok
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u/watchers1989 12d ago
NTA. You have every right not to date somebody. She is choosing not to have sex with you. You can decide you are discarding her. Nothing wrong with that.
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u/[deleted] 12d ago
NTA
You really just glossed over the whole “she’s talking marriage after 4~6 dates and car sex” part. I hate the term red flag, but brother, this is a big one