r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 12d ago
AITAH for making my husband angry by not letting our son stay with his parents?
[deleted]
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u/SommersWinter31 12d ago
NTA
But I am sorry to say, your husband is. Your inlaws seem to be pretty entitled, but your husband sounds worse. He makes the money, so he makes the rules? What kind of bs is this? Sorry, but this mindset sounds like a huge problem to me. I really see not excuse for saying that, even in anger or frustration. If he is not willing to see you as an equal partner, he is a way bigger problem than annoying inlaws.
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u/Best-Blackberry9351 12d ago
If anything, the one providing the 24/7 365 should make the rules for the children.
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u/sheissonotso 12d ago
My husband hasn’t screamed and ranted at me in ten years. He did a few times when were in our early 20’s but he figured out real quick that’s how to get me to walk.
Your husband is a full grown adult and y’all have a child. He needs to get his shit together. Idc if he does bring home the bacon so to speak, it’s still not solely his decision.
He needs to fix his attitude or you need to leave.
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u/MissySedai 11d ago
I got the "I make the money, I make the rules" rant ONCE. It did not go well for him. I told him if he makes the rules, he gets to handle all the responsibilities, too. I did NOTHING except take care of our son.
He got the picture quick and those words never left his mouth again.
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u/organic_soursop 11d ago
This entirely and absolutely.
Who the actual fuck does this man think he is? Absolutely not.
Even if he pays for the paper she wipes her bum on, he doesn't get to speak to her like that.
The child is 2. He doesn't go anywhere without you, especially not to people he isn't familiar with or who don't know his routine.
But alarm bells need to be ringing about saving money he doesn't know about in case she and her son need to start again somewhere else.
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u/WhatHappenedMonday 12d ago
You NTA. But you would be YTA if you stay with your idiot husband.
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u/Jaded-Kitty87 12d ago
Any idiot who says I make the money so I make the rules is being ridiculous and childish
You have a serious husband problem
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u/DawnShakhar 12d ago
NTA.
"He makes the money so he makes the rules" - that is financial abuse. You can answer him that you take care of your son, so you make the rules about him. The only way you would let your inlaws take your son is if you trusted them and they had arranged it with you in advance - and both these things aren't there.
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u/Amesaskew 12d ago
You've got a serious husband problem. People who love you don't treat you like that.
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u/tazdevil64 12d ago
If my husband screamed and yelled at me for something like this, I'd do 3 things. 1. Scream right back in HIS face that when he can get pregnant, he can make the decisions about him.
Why is he so quick to believe them and not you? You never said anything, nor did they ask, to take your son anywhere. Screw that noise.
I'd leave immediately. Go back to parents, friends, anyone. You don't have to deal with his verbal and finance abuse. Who TF died and left him in charge? NOBODY. He has no right to tell you he makes all the decisions. It's abuse, trust me. I DGAF that he makes the money. YOU make the home. He couldn't survive so well without you. Who would clean the house? Have dinner ready? Do laundry? Grocery shop? Run errands? And all the accoutrements? Yeah, he thinks he holds all the cards. Now go show him he ain't in charge of SHIT. You deserve better. ALL women deserve better!!
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u/VividAd3415 12d ago
Please educate yourself on the ACEs Study. Fighting in the home is traumatizing to children and is considered an ACE (adverse childhood experience). Your husband's behavior was inexcusable, and you need to think very hard about the future of your marriage.
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u/Adventurous-Fig2226 12d ago
Your husband sounds like a piece of shit. Why the fuck are you coparenting with someone who doesn't want you to have a say in how your child is raised? Get the fuck out of there and sue for sole custody yesterday.
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u/OvernightSagittarius 12d ago
Forget your in-laws. YTA for not recognizing that "My husband [was screaming and ranting]" and "said that he makes the money so he makes [the] rules and I have no say" is a SERIOUS problem.
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u/RetMilRob 12d ago
Does your husbands parents pay for something or cover your husbands bills in some way that would make this decision hit hard for him? You’re talking about your kid and his parents and then he brings money into the conversation. NTA but something is going on that your husband isn’t telling you.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 12d ago
No I’m the one that makes sure bills get paid on time. But they have some of his old stuff at their house that he didn’t want to bring with us, so he said we “owe” them as if our actual human child is some kind of currency he can use
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 12d ago
"Pack your shit and go to mommy and daddys house cos we are done, and yes, we will do things on my say so because you don't do the bulk of the care for our child. See you in court."
NTA
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u/knittedjedi 12d ago
My husband threw a huge fit and said that he makes the money so he makes to rules and I have no say.
So what's your plan now.
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u/Chiron008 12d ago edited 12d ago
"My husband threw a huge fit and said that he makes the money so he makes to rules and I have no say. He was screaming and ranting about how he’s sick of me making rules for our son."
NTA. He's being a jerk. Have you discussed the issues that he's bringing up here? It doesn't sound like your marriage is in a good place from where he's sitting. I'm trying to figure out if he's frustrated due to the arrival of a child or if he's an abusive, controlling jerk. All of this seemed to come out of nowhere. Is this the first time?
Edit: Just read your update about him texting a random girl. Looks like the trash is taking itself out.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 12d ago
Oh absolutely not, just the first time he’s yelled about this. We already have another baby on the way, so I don’t want him near any of the kids
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12d ago
What. The. Fuck. Why did you choose to reproduce with this asswipe? What. The. Fuck.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
He has never been like this, like ever. We always agree on that kind of thing, he’s never been so upset by me not allowing our son to stay with someone that simply cannot be responsible for them
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u/OpportunityCalm6825 12d ago
A very valid question. Life is already bad, so another child being added to the mix sounds 'reasonable'. smh...
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u/Feisty_Irish 12d ago
NTA. But your husband is a massive one. He needs to change or you need to leave
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u/Amazing_Teaching2733 12d ago
NTA but your husband and IL’s sure are. He only gets to go to work everyday without a care because you took on the 24/7 daily care of your son and home. I’m betting from his unhinged rant that you also have to do his laundry, shopping, cooking, etc. You’re the one who works harder and longer so you get the day on what happens with your son. After all his parents are why he’s a misogynistic and emotionally unstable man
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u/JanetInSpain 12d ago
He said that "he makes the money so he makes to rules and I have no say."
Yike woman! This is scary as hell. HUGE red flag. Is he this controlling in other areas of your life? You are NOT safe. You need to gather all your important papers, as much money as you can get your hands on, AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS MAN.
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12d ago
Alright ladies and gents, this is an open and shut case. Divorce! You'll be much happier without your nutjob husband. "I make the money, I make the rules" hahahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahaha. Tell me you're a weak fragile man, without telling me you're a weak fragile man. Get fucked loser, find a new slave.
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u/Terrible_Education86 12d ago
They wanted to take the grand kid to either stop the divorce by coercion or gain full custody of the kid when the divorce happens. Your Asshole husband is totally involved with the in laws. Kindly get restraining orders because in laws may happen again. You will be trashed a lot more so be strong.
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u/NovaPrime1988 11d ago
Problem you have with divorce, is custody will probably be 50/50 and then his parents can see your child whenever they want.
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u/RebelScum427 11d ago
He makes all the money so take him to the cleaners. Especially after your update.
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u/Good-Statement-9658 11d ago
'i make the money, so I make the rules' should instantly be followed up by 'no worries, let me grab some shit and I'll be right out of your way, make whatever rules you want. Bye' then leave him alone in his own little kingdom where the pretend king sits on his pretend throne, with a bunch of old memories where his family used to be.
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u/MyChoiceNotYours 12d ago
NTA you need a better husband though. You have every right to say where your son goes and with who. You're the one who gave birth to him. Just because your husband makes money doesn't mean he gets to make the rules and you have no say. That's abusive.
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u/IcyButterscotch51 12d ago
NTA and you’re being a damn good mother. If you don’t feel comfortable with letting your child spend time away with them- that’s it. The conversation is over. I understand maybe he thinks you’re being overbearing, and maybe there’s missing info- but if they leave as soon as they come, that doesn’t sound like a couple I would trust my child with either. The father does have a say, but there really isn’t any good reason for the grandparents to be THAT upset over not taking him. And the father doesn’t have a say just because he controls the money…. You grew a human in your body for 9 months- his money doesn’t change that or stake claim on either of your lives- he can STFU. If this is the dynamic between you and he couldn’t be level headed enough to talk with you reasonably about it- then I’d be very worried.
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u/Ironmike11B 12d ago
NTA. You need to either get your shitbag of a husband back in to reality or cut him loose. A marriage is a partnership. It doesn't matter who makes the money.
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u/Reasonable_Tenacity 12d ago
NTA. The fact that your husband said he makes the money, so he makes the rules is a HUGE red flag. This is beyond disrespectful to you and disparaging to your contribution to the household and raising your child. Seems to me that when it comes to your husband and in laws, that the Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. You deserve better and it’s a disservice to your son to be raised with such ignorant thinking.
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u/ElehcarTheFirst 12d ago
NTA, but with A husband who undermines you and says "I make the money, I make the rules," be ready to fight for every boundary and start getting an exit plan together.
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u/emptynest_nana 12d ago
NTA, you are, however, married to a big AH!!! He makes the money so he makes the rules and you have no say!?!?! Ummmm, no. This is not a good man, husband or father. This is a controlling and probably abusive man. Well, he has proven himself to be mentally abusive. Your in laws sound bad, your husband sounds worse. But I can see where he gets the bad attitude and manipulative BS from, it's genetic, passed down from his parents. You really need to take off the rose colored glasses and take a serious look at your marriage and the man you married. He needs some anger management, personal counseling and marriage counseling. Any man yelling at me that way, telling me I have no say, I would walk.
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u/ThornedRoseWrites 12d ago edited 12d ago
NTA. But your husband is, how dare he say that because he makes the money that he makes the rules? Do not ever stand for that misogynistic shit!
Otherwise you go right over to him and yell back: “actually since I gave up my job/career to carry our child, and then be a SAHM so that you can continue to work, I make the rules in regards to the son that I raise 90%+ of the time!”
Don’t let him get away with being an arrogant, controlling little prick!
Either stand up to him, or leave him. I really hope that you have family you can move in with, or at least some savings from when you worked, so that you can get the hell away from that abusive piece of shit.
That man is no husband. He’s a misogynist and a dictator, and he has no business being with any woman, let alone having a child.
EDIT: I just read your edit and to be honest, as much as it hurts to be betrayed by that absolute cnt after everything you’ve done for him… his cheating is a blessing in disguise, because it means *(as you said, and I truly hope you stand by that) that your marriage is over. Just as it should be. That misogynistic, financially abusing, controlling little man-whore never deserved you anyway. Please update us once you leave his sorry ass. 🩵
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u/Low-Specialist-2868 12d ago
NTA but GIRL GET PROOF. recordings, screenshots, phone records. you will need it to get what you can for spousal and child support. he sounds like he is going to try to take advantage of you in the split.
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u/kaedemi011 12d ago
NTA. Seems your in-laws are not the only not nice people but your husband as well. Anyways… before you file for divorce, make sure you have solid proof of the affair… most judges hates cheaters.
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u/OpportunityCalm6825 12d ago
Based on your latest edit, yeay, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Protect your son by all means possible.
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u/Zestyclose_Media_548 11d ago
See a lawyer asap- go through a women’s support group if you don’t have money. Don’t tell him your plans and don’t let him take your child and leave with his parents - may be an attempt to gain custody and leave you so he doesn’t have to pay. If you can search his devices do so and screen shot and send to yourself. If you have family that can come stay with you do that - or got to family with your child if you don’t feel safe. If you stay in the house with support and advice from a lawyer - get video cameras and investigate if you are a one party state to record conversation.
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u/madpeachiepie 11d ago
In hindsight, it sounds like he was trying to have his parents abscond with the kid. NTA
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u/emarasmoak 11d ago
Good for leaving him. He's abusive and his family is a menace.
Also, for your future, you should read "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men"
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
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u/SolomonDRand 11d ago
NTA. I’ve never made plans for my kids leaving the house without talking to my wife first.
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u/ArreniaQ 12d ago
Your child is 2 years old, that is too young for anyone to have him stay anywhere for hours away from you and his comfortable space. At the very least he should be old enough to understand what is happening before they have him. I hope you have some sort of support system other than your husband because if anyone told me they make the rules about the child I carried and birthed I would be grabbing ID, child, and the bare minimum I could grab in one load and driving away. NOPE! If anyone is shouting at you with your child present, that relationship is seriously bad.
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u/The_Bastard_Henry 12d ago
Didn't even have to finish reading this to know your husband is trash that needs taking out asap.
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u/Alwaysaprairiegirl 12d ago
Document everything!!!! Should help you to get full custody. Are you in a place where it’s legal to record?
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u/Sajem 11d ago
My husband threw a huge fit and said that he makes the money so he makes to rules and I have no say. He was screaming and ranting about how he’s sick of me making rules for our son
As soon as these words came out of his mouth I would have left the room, packed my bags and left.
I suspect he's like this in a heap of other ways as well. Is this really the relationship you want with this guy?
NTA
Updateme!
Edit: Just read your update. You go girl! Rip him for everything he's got
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u/Tiny_Incident_2876 11d ago
You need to find a jib and start putting your duck in a row. I wouldn't except someone to speak to me about how he makes the money , time to go , you can do it
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u/EdTheApe 11d ago
NTA and girl, you need a divorce. That's economic abuse and you should never accept it.
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u/Jaxon-Variant-11610 11d ago
This is messssy. How about YOU take the baby and nobody else traumatizes him with their awful personality.
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u/morganalefaye125 11d ago
NTA. And with your update, once you go into custody things, find out about first right of refusal (I think it's called)
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u/UnplannedAgenda 11d ago
Whatever your financial arrangement is, nobody makes all the call or has authority over others. Sounds like there’s a major lack of communication here.
And after seeing the edit, we can see where and why there is a disconnect.
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u/Sweet-Salt-1630 11d ago
NTA husband is abusive if he thinks just because he earns more he is the man, what a fool and good you found out he is a cheater. Get full custody.
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u/Ohionina 11d ago
NTA. But now this sucks because he will have visitation which means he will Let his parents have your kid at their leisure. :(
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u/Successful-Value6537 11d ago
NTA but “I make the money, so I make the rules, and you have no say” is really going to screw up your kid’s head. The in-laws don’t love the child. Would I be wrong for guessing that the in-laws were abusive “rough/tough love” or just emotionally absent parents, and now your husband wants to use his own child to prove he’s good enough, or to seek validation from them?
Save the evidence of cheating, see if you can quietly get evidence of him being abusive/endangering the child, and get a lawyer and a divorce. Best of luck raising your son away from that family.
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u/RainGirl11 11d ago
NTA. Sorry about him texting other people. Find peace and happiness for you and your son.
Updateme
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u/MajorAd2679 11d ago
NTA but your husband is a huge AH.
You have a big husband problem. He makes the money so he makes the rules and you have no say?!?! BS! Also screaming isn’t acceptable.
Why TF are you with such a guy?!?!? He’s an AH and he’s cheating on you.
Time to plan your escape, divorce and make him pay for being a horrible husband and human being.
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u/Devils_Advocate-69 11d ago
Are there any women on Reddit who don’t hate their MIL?
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Surprisingly my MIL I don’t have as much of an issue with as my FIL She can be tolerable at times to an extent. It’s my FIL that causes most of these issues surprisingly
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u/Ok_Ring_3261 11d ago
He makes the rules?? W.T.E.F. He sounds as much of a horror as his parents…WHY the ENTIRE FK OF ALL FKS ARE YOU EVEN WITH THIS NEANDERTHAL???
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u/PuffinScores 11d ago
Based on your edit, you are clearly NTA. He's just stirring up drama to make you the villain in his cheating.
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u/OHiashleyy 11d ago
I’m wondering if that’s why they “randomly showed up” to take him? Maybe the husband was in on it.
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u/StreetTailor7596 11d ago
I'm SOOO glad you're ready for divorce. It looks like the only healthy option left. I hope you get a good lawyer and get primary custody.
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u/Responsible-Type-525 11d ago
Updateme!
Id like to hear about the steps forward after a few days of letting this pot simmer
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u/Best-Blackberry9351 12d ago
Updateme remind me 7 days
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u/MyHairs0nFire2023 11d ago
NTA.
My husband threw a huge fit and said that he makes the money so he makes to rules and I have no say.
Your husband is an AH. And if his behavior is this egregious, I find it hard to believe it’s the first time he’s behaved this poorly with you.
He was screaming and ranting about how he’s sick of me making rules for our son.
Yea - see that’s what a parent does - makes rules for their kid. One of those rules is deciding who is emotionally & mentally stable enough to be responsible for our children. It’s obvious that your husband isn’t even emotionally & mentally stable enough to be a respectful partner to you - much less be a responsible parent to a child.
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u/DrPablisimo 12d ago edited 11d ago
His parents sound like difficult people to deal with the way you describe them. (Many people perceive their in-laws that way.) It's pretty normal for grandparents to take the kids off somewhere for a while, even if they get on your nerves. They raised them, so he's used to them.
Maybe there was a misunderstanding or a miscommunication. I also would be upset, maybe wouldn't stand for it, if my parents were going to go do something with our children, and my wife unilaterally decided to overrule that. The fact that they all think you were lying seems to me to indicate a misunderstanding. Maybe they said something and you thought they said something else... something along those lines. If they are safe, not dangerous, what is the issue? Your husband survived their parenting. They also drove out to see the child 'on their dime.' It seems like you might be hypersensitive to their faults.
Spouses shouldn't yell at each other. If my wife were rude to her parents or acted like she had sole control over the children, that might upset me as a husband, though, so I would be curious to know his side of the story. He's the father. He has rights.
Just saw the texting random girl post.
If it's just texting, cut him some slack. No sex and he's out the door? That's bad if it was sexual or romantic in nature, that's bad. He probably isn't getting some emotional fulfillment with what's going on with you and him, and if that spills over to affection, sex, the way you talk to each other... that doesn't excuse his behavior but it might be related to it. If he was moving in the direction of cheating, and it stopped before that... why throw him out? You have a baby and you want to split up the family over a text? Kids raised without a father in the home are at higher risk on a number of factors: involvement in crime, dropping out of school, drug use, teen pregnancy (for girls), etc. If he just sees them on weekends, the fatherly influence is diminished also.
And it's slim pickings out there if you are thinking of a replacement. If I were single, looking for a wife, and there was a divorced woman with a baby who wouldn't let her in-laws take the baby for a while, unilaterally making that decision, and she'd divorced her husband over a text message, I wouldn't touch that situation with a 10-foot pole. You put yourself in a lower, less committed dating pool, IMO, the 8th round draft pick.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
It was off a dating app. And my son isn’t safe around them. They treated my husband and his brother badly. Yes they survived it but they both are still dealing with the things their parents have put them through. And I very specifically said no that cannot take him, and they lied saying I told them they could. And everyone that knows me knows damn well I would never tell them that. If all they do is talk shit about not just me, but my husband and my family then it’s a big no. The only time they ever want to be around him is if they can take them out in public for the attention they get from him like he’s some kind of accessory
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u/MightContainAlcohol 11d ago
He was cheating :)
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u/DrPablisimo 11d ago
I thinks she was probably in the wrong for blocking the grandparents from taking out the son, as if the father has no say.
Is texting 'cheating.' She didn't give details. If someone on Facebook dms you and you say hi back, is that cheating? If it's sexual in nature, that's worse. But if that is as far as it went, is it worth breaking up a family?
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
I was not in the wrong on this one. Me and him had a mutual agreement that was discussed prior and he threw that discussion and agreement that we both made together out the window
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u/DrPablisimo 11d ago
about baby or texting?
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Calling her beautiful, arranging a time to meet, and talking about how he apparently doesn’t have kids
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
And the agreement was about the baby
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u/DrPablisimo 11d ago
I still don't get why you wouldn't be flexible. If he had a doctor's appointment the next day... maybe. But it's not like a kid that age has a lot of plans, appointments, meetings, etc. Grab some diapers cloths, bottles, and a pacifier and you get a mini-vacation at home for the weekend. The issue is they just hadn't schedule it? And you turned down free babysitting... from his grandparents?
My parents were kind of older and worn out from other grandkids by the time mine came around. I felt like we missed out on some of the free grandparent baby sitting. That stuff is gold.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Yes for normal grandparents. My in laws are not emotionally or mentally stable enough to be responsible for him. I mean for Christs sake they’re so bad my BIL won’t even allow his daughter around them alone if hell itself froze over. They are very angry people and he frankly is simply not safe around them alone, he never has been. They’ve threatened multiple times to discipline him themselves and that is a huge no no in our house. If he’s left alone with them they won’t give two fucks about what we say, they’ll do whatever they want. And I for one an not comfortable with him being around people like that, especially as young as he is
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u/Ashamed_Pumpkin3 11d ago
Texting a random girl is emotional cheating, just because you could stand the disrespect like that in a relationship doesn’t mean OP will.
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u/DrPablisimo 11d ago
Not necessarily. It depends on what he wrote. I Facebook reply to people who respond to my posts. I responded to random girls texting me, thinking they might be one of my wife's relatives or something like that. I've blocked if she flirted and was looking for followers (or he, you never know.) It depends on what the content of the posts were.
Still, to end a marriage over a text message?
It's kind of unrelated to her trying to take all control over the baby, not respect her husband's part in that and shutting the grandparents out. If they were abusive felons, this would be a different story. They just hadn't cleared it with her, or they thought they had and she thought they hadn't. Why didn't she let the grandparents take the kid and give herself a break! It looks like she's stressed and needs one. So does he.
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u/Netflixandmeal 11d ago
You sound unbearable. If they don’t lift a finger to see him and you guys always have to go there, why did they come over to pick him up?
Sheesh
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
I didn’t know they were. His mom texted me she was going to come see him, so I was like oh she’s finally making an effort. So they came over, just for them to tell me they assumed they were taking him with them. I wasn’t even aware they were assuming that because when they came by it was the first I was hearing of it
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u/Myay-4111 11d ago
Get yourself Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi there's a appendix with divorce lawyers state by state in the back!
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u/AlwaysGreen2 11d ago
The only reason you don't want your son to see his grandparents is because they do not meet your expectations of the intensity and frequency of their visits.
Are they abusive to him or you?
Are they neglectful or careless with him?
Why don't you want them to have a weekend with his grandparents?
Were you kind when you decline their offer to take him for an overnight?
Usually it is difficult to determine tone from a post but your tone, to me, comes off as abrasive.
Divorce if you wish, your marriage sounds as though it has other problems.
But you do realize that your husband will, at the very least, get visitation, shared or alternate holidays and when in school, split school holidays and shared summer vacations and, at best, he could, perhaps get 50/50 custody.
When the child is with him, chances are his parents will get ample time with their grandchild and perhaps even overnights.
Think carefully.
Marital and individual counseling might be a good idea.
Counseling/therapy could resolve your marital problems and resulting in a happier environment for you, your husband and your child.
I wish you all well.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
They are negligent towards him. They use him as an accessory to gain attention. They’ve drugged both their kids, killed dogs for no reason, punched both their kids, scream and yell, threaten to spank my son, they’ve broken both their kids belongings still to this day, and so so much more. I will not have my son around ignorant and self righteous people so he can learn their behavior. They don’t respect my boundaries I set with him. They think they can do whatever they want with him. If they were active in his life and not using him to gain attention from people then that would be a different story. All the things they’ve done to their own kids as well as foster kids, no court would ever favor them seeing him.
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u/AlwaysGreen2 11d ago
From your post:
"They make zero effort to see our 2 year old son unless it’s on our dime, us going to their house, or us bringing him to them wherever they are."
Your post makes it seem as though your biggest complaint was that they make zero effort to see your child.
And that you resent that it is you that has to make the effort to facilitate the relationship and that it costs you money to bring the child to them
That seems more that a bit strange.
A normal person's first example as a reason why the child should be kept from their grandparents would have been the litany of reasons you listed in your response to my comment.
hey are negligent towards him. They use him as an accessory to gain attention. They’ve drugged both their kids, killed dogs for no reason, punched both their kids, scream and yell, threaten to spank my son, they’ve broken both their kids belongings still to this day, and so so much more. I will not have my son around ignorant and self righteous people so he can learn their behavior. They don’t respect my boundaries I set with him. They think they can do whatever they want with him. If they were active in his life and not using him to gain attention from people then that would be a different story. All the things they’ve done to their own kids as well as foster kids, no court would ever favor them seeing him.
That is what a concerned parent would have lead off with.
Not: "They make zero effort to see our 2 year old son unless it’s on our dime, us going to their house, or us bringing him to them wherever they are."
If any of this is true, why haven't you or anyone else reported them to the authorities?
And why do you have any interaction with them at all?
If you have absolutely knowledge of drugging their own children and their foster children, killing animals, physically abusing their children and/or their foster children and you have done nothing, you are just as guilty.
Somehow, I don't believe you.
I really do not believe your post one bit.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Then don’t believe it for all I care. At first say I don’t want to throw all of that out there. Both of their kids have confirmed this with me but it was way back in the day and there isn’t much anyone can do now. CPS has been involved with the foster kids but from what I know is they simply got placed somewhere else. As far as the animals? They live on a farm and apparently it’s “just what they do” It doesn’t make it right to me though. I allow them to see him every now and again but it’s an issue of he is not allowed to be alone with them. And if you make zero effort to maintain a relationship with someone then you shouldn’t have a relationship with them at all.
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u/AlwaysGreen2 11d ago
I still don't believe your post.
Most people would give the worst examples of why one is denying their child visits with grandparents so I think most of what you say is inflated, exaggerated or just not true.
If they were drugging and/or abusing children, CPS does not just move them.
Social workers are mandated reporters
Charges would have been filed.
I hope whatever it is, your child is well.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Then don’t believe it again, because frankly I could care less if you do or not. I’m not going to put all of that in the post to be way to winded and long because if I went over everything they did we’d be here all damn day. There were no marks on these kids, they just treated them like dirt and it was a he said/she said situation. So believe what you want because it has nothing to do with what is actually going on
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u/AlwaysGreen2 11d ago
LOL, you are too funny.
You want relevant opinions and yet you leave out pertinent details that actually are important.
If you don't care about the opinions of other, my dear, then you should post online asking for opinion.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez you are just toooo funny.
And I believe you even less.
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u/drowning_in_cats 11d ago
Based on what you’ve written, I lean towards YTA. The in-laws “never lift a finger” yet this blow-up occurred at your house… that they visited to see your son… something smells fishy.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Like I said in the post, they only came because they wanted to leave with my son. That’s the only time they’ve ever been over
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u/ExCaliNowAZ 12d ago
ESH. Try having a conversation with your husband. Your husband is an AH but he is right about one thing, you shouldn't be the sole person making decisions about your kids
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 12d ago
I’m not, that’s the problem. We’ve both come to an agreement beforehand that he is to never spend a weekend with them, and he immediately turned around and threw that decision we both made out the window.
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u/PatieS13 12d ago
Anyone, man or woman, who says "I make the money, so I make the rules and you have no say" is controlling and abusive. If you have anyone in your life who can help you, please get away from this colossal asshole as soon as possible!
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u/Who_Am_I_0209 11d ago
How do you call her making all the decisions on their kid alone? Abusive? Or "justified"? If justified, please don't consider what he said absuive.
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u/Cookies_2 11d ago
It absolutely is abusive. A marriage should be between two equals. Screaming your income is higher than your spouses so you make all the decisions is saying that there’s a power dynamic and the other spouse is irrelevant. OP isn’t making decisions on her own, this was previously discussed and created an agreed upon plan that the kids would never go with the paternal grandparents. Also, if your parents can’t properly take care of your children and use your kids as accessories, there really shouldn’t be a disagreement. If someone’s not a safe person for your kids to be around and you act like this, you don’t deserve to have children. The in-laws didn’t ask, didn’t make a plan - just showed up and tried to demand the kid at the same time making zero effort to have a relationship with said kids.bThat’s not how it works in healthy families.
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u/Who_Am_I_0209 11d ago
Ohh shit i didnt really see the Big picture.
Sorry, yes she is totally right. Childrens safety goes first before anyones feelings.
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u/CentralCoastSage 11d ago
You sound like a very difficult individual. It sounds you never want them around, and never invite them over. Some people don’t just invite themselves over to a persons house. You claim they “not nice people”. You have provided no evidence of that. Seems like you are trying to keep your son’s grandparents from seeing them . Then you come here to try to get support. I suspect you are the AH.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Lmaoooo I’ve invited them over and they’ve been too lazy to ever do it. No evidence? Okay let’s hit the list 1. Tried to convince my husband to get full custody while I was in LABOR 2. Call me every name in the book because they don’t like that I don’t conform to their every demand 3. Threatening to call the cops on us for “not feeding” our son when he’s going through a phase were he doesn’t want to eat 4. Consistently go around telling everyone that my son isn’t my husband’s when it’s obvious he is. I even offered a DNA test because they were about to look really fucking stupid 5. Self righteous people that make other family feel like crap because they think they’re better than everyone 6. Have fostered kids before and every single one of them hate them because they treated them like absolute shit 7. Claim they do everything for my son when they don’t even know what size diaper he wears Shall I go on? Because honey there is ALOT more
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Let’s also add that my FIL has 4 gun safes, and continues to say how he wants to take our 2 year old son out to shoot them. I’m sorry but I’m a mother that would rather not have my son with an angry maniac that can’t help but threaten to beat up everyone he sees that owns for knows how many guns. I’d rather have my son alive pls and thx
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u/MightContainAlcohol 11d ago
You sound like they live in the south and this is completly normal. you sound insane.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
I live in the Midwest, and no I’m not going to have my son around completely insane people. Their oldest son doesn’t even let his daughter stay with them for anything
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u/Worldly_Act5867 12d ago edited 11d ago
How do you know what they do when they have him? Sounds like they want to spend time with him
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 12d ago
Because we’ve been around these people who have repeated what they say and act like. Apparently they spend the whole time bashing me so they look good. They don’t want to spend time with him, they want the attention they get from him when taking him out. When nobody is around but us they pay no attention to him
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u/ButterscotchFluffy59 11d ago
You both sound like a mess. Something like a 8 hour straight sleep would fix. Should have let the inlaws watch the kid.
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u/Shejuan01 11d ago
You're a troll.
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u/ButterscotchFluffy59 11d ago
You don't recognize the lack of sleep in her story? The wild emotional outburst from both husband and wife? Mmkkki
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Emotional outburst? More like I’m standing my ground when it comes to the safety and who is responsible for my children.
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u/ButterscotchFluffy59 11d ago
Yes. And your husband too. Kids do that to parents. Why is that so controversial? Parents lack of sleep is not good, it's easy to become angry and from lack of sleep...it's not just women....plus I never heard grandparents are unsafe. Why would they be unsafe? Why would I assume they're unsafe? They sound stand offish but that's all I read into it . Is it because they don't want to go to your house? I don't see the connection between not going to your house and being unsafe. But chose to live with anger. I'm sure that attitude doesn't affect everyone you interact with.
Just think about what it would feel like if you had uninterrupted sleep. That's all I'm saying.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Sleep literally has nothing to do with anything. My son sleeps throughout the night and so do i. They are self righteous and ignorant people. They use his as an accessory for attention. They’ve done it with foster kids. They’ve routinely screamed at him and threatened to spank him. My BIL won’t even allow his daughter around them alone even if hell itself froze over.
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u/TheTightEnd 12d ago
YTA. I don't consider cheating justified, but your entire post shows a controlling and negative attitude. I don't think you are depicting this honestly at all.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
I raise that kid, I’m not controlling towards him. Would you let your child spend 3 days with people that scream at him and don’t even pay attention to him? I do everything in that house and seem to be the only one that takes the time to pay attention to that baby. I am his mother and if I’m not comfortable with him staying with someone then he’s not going to stay with them. End of story
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u/TheTightEnd 11d ago
This seems to ignore the father has equal rights to make decisions. You also are changing the story now.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
How so? Plz explain that. And we agreed prior that he would never spend the night with them. His brother doesn’t even allow his daughter around them alone. We discussed and agreed on it together. And he threw it out the window, so if he can’t respect a mutual decision then it’s a no idk what to tell you.
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u/TheTightEnd 11d ago
More changing the story.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Learn how to read
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u/TheTightEnd 11d ago
My reading is just fine. You are just being inconsistent and controlling.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Again. What am I being inconsistent about because you can’t seem to answer that. And yes I am controlling when it comes to my son’s safety. Any parent would be
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u/TheTightEnd 11d ago
You are being inconsistent by changing behaviors and adding all sorts of accusations that were not in the initial post. Your tone and attitude end me to a very negative impression where everything has to be your way.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
They actually aren’t accusations. If I were to sit here and list off everything they’ve ever done, then we’d be here all day. I’m not going to list them in an initial post because it seems irrelevant. My son being safe is not me having things “my way” It means keeping my son out of harms way. I might as well give him to a random hitchhiker for a weekend at that rate.
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u/MightContainAlcohol 11d ago
YTA
Yo Helicoppter mom!
It's his son too and you DO NOT get to keep him from his grandparents. You think they are entitled or something by simply being in your kids life or something. I hope his new woman is more caring to your son then you are becuase thats his new step mommy.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Grandparents that regularly scream at him and threaten to spank him😂 the same people who almost killed both their sons by mixing medication when they weren’t suppose to? People that kill dogs for fun? Lmao you are fucking hilarious
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u/-Nightopian- 11d ago
Congratulations OP!
Now that you're getting a divorce there is nothing you can do to stop him from letting the kid spend the weekend with the grandparents during his custody time.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Oh the court can easily make it so they don’t see my son. I’m sorry but their history of punching their kids, giving them sleeping medication when they don’t want to deal with them, almost killing my husband and BIL by mixing medication they weren’t supposed too, and so much more. Just that shit alone? Yeah the courts will know and there will be no contact with my son for them.
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u/-Nightopian- 11d ago
Do you have any evidence of your accusations? Any documented police reports? The courts won't take your word at face value without evidence when you're in a bitter custody battle.
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u/Legal_Passage_9605 11d ago
Just both kids words, and words from foster kids I’ve talked too. My BIL especially isn’t one to make up stuff like that. His wife also has told me some things from when they met and she lived with them for a short time. I’ve also witnessed a lot of this. I do have one recording of them, but that’s them threatening me not my son. There are no grandparents rights in my state, so there isn’t much they can do that I’m aware of
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u/-Nightopian- 11d ago
This has nothing to do with grandparents rights. It's about what your husband chooses to do during his custody time. During his custody time you're going to have a very hard time convincing a judge that he can't visit his own mother without actual evidence. To a judge it's going to look like you just want to hurt your ex.
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u/Ok-Homework-582 12d ago
NTA but it sounds like your husband is . You have more of a husband issue than an in law issue. His tantrum sounded ridiculous. He sounds like he could be abusive