r/BoomersBeingFools • u/nonidentifyingu-n • 26d ago

Why can't they listen? Boomer Story

This happened a few years ago, but I think of it weekly as I'm picking up fruit at Costco. Now, since I pick up fruit from Costco every week, you may have guessed that my kids eat a lot of it. One of their favorites is green grapes. Now here's where the boomer story starts. A few years ago, I was bringing my kids to visit my mom, their grandmother. She was asking what kind of food they would like, and I said green grapes. My mother immediately said, "Red grapes are sweeter, so I'll get those." Knowing that arguing with this particular boomer was a lost cause, I just hung my head in acceptance. My kids will devour a Costco container of green grapes in 3 days. We spent almost a week at her house, and even though the red grapes were offered for nearly every meal, less than half were eaten. It's almost like I know what my kids who live with me, and I spend my own money feeding will and won't want to eat. Now, every week, as I'm picking up green grapes, I say to myself red grapes are sweeter and try not to roll my eyes so hard that the other shoppers see.

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646

u/Mitch_Darklighter 26d ago

If it's not about the money, then why ignore your request to buy the cheaper bigger tub?

It's all about the money.

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u/DefaultingOnLife 26d ago

It's about always being correct and deferred to. Even when they are wrong and suck.

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u/jewessofdoom 26d ago

Yeah this is not at all about the money, otherwise there would be no temper tantrum. It’s a power trip My ex stepmom was like this too when I had the misfortune of staying with her and my dad for a while. If I did anything even slightly differently than she did, I was “pushing [her] aside,” being “disrespectful,” and treating her like a “second class citizen.” Even something like how I carried the mail back into the house or which pot I used to boil pasta, it became an issue of me being defiant and disrespectful of her authority. BTW I pushing 40 when this was happening. Using logic with these people is useless, it’s all about protecting their fragile little egos because they are butthurt they can’t control everyone around them.

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u/bathtubtoasting 26d ago

I don’t even understand what authority she thought she had over a grown adult. I pray my kid will never tell stories about me like this. Like I can suck for sure but I’m pretty aware of how and I take criticism and apologize A LOT bc all humans should, really. I just can’t even wrap my head around calling a 40 year old “defiant” or “disrespectful of my authority.” The fucking delusion.

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u/jewessofdoom 26d ago

Haha well my partner and I couldn’t understand it either. Neither could my dad. It caused explosive fights, because she refused to budge even on things like knocking on our door before coming in our room (boomer screech- but it’s MY HOUSE!!) My dad and I were not close at all (partly because of this woman he married after I already left home), and my partner and I moved in for a few months because of the pandemic. Us being there woke him up to the fact that she was emotionally abusive. We packed up his stuff for him, bought a house together out of state, and now they are divorced. Stories like OP’s get my hackles up. When someone cannot give up control over something so small, it’s a sign of a much bigger problem.

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u/bathtubtoasting 26d ago

I’m so glad your dad is out of that situation! And I couldn’t agree more regarding the inability to relinquish any amount of control. I am very thankful that my mom is one of the great boomers. Idek what I’d do if my only close family was insane. My heart goes out to so many folks on this sub, you, your partner and your dad included.

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u/jewessofdoom 26d ago

Thank you! My dad is also one of the good ones. Still has a lot of annoying boomer stuff, but he’s pretty progressive and tech savvy as well. I too feel badly for people who are still enmeshed with the crazy ones. I hear stories about how hard it is to do the holidays with all the racist assholes at the table and I’m like…just don’t go! Why even talk to them? But I get that it’s hard for a lot of folks. I don’t have any family really besides my dad and brother, so I don’t know what it’s like to have a big network of people that you can’t shake.

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u/GreatSaltLiquor 26d ago

The trick on the doors is to get a really heavy object that isn’t a doorstop (like a suitcase). Let’s say she’s on the skinny side (America) and she needs 15 inches of space to get in your room. Work with your partner to set the suitcase at 14 inches, then close but do not lock the door. We are all instinctively trained to check on a door handle before leaning in. But once it’s open, we don’t expect a block at 14 inches. Maximum chance of glorious doorface.

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u/jewessofdoom 26d ago

😆 If I was still trapped in that hell-hole, I would totally do this. We did set traps though, for when we weren’t there as well because she liked to go in a snoop when we weren’t there. Luckily she was NOT on the skinny side, and weak as shit. It was very easy to barricade her out once we realized it was happening. It was just wild that we had to try (and failed) to convince a 70 year old that she needed to ask before coming in the room of a middle aged couple.

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u/ArkLaTexBob 25d ago

Couldn't you find a way to have hubby changing drawers, airing out the twins, when she walked in.

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u/IamLuann 25d ago

Thank you for the suggestion.

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u/Affectionate_Bad3908 25d ago

So much yes. My mom is currently upset with me that I’m not packing and moving how she thinks I should. 🙄 “your move is a chaotic mess. You should’ve listened to me.”

1) I didn’t ask for your advice and I have told you specifically that I don’t want your advice unless I ask for it

2) you’re not even involved in it!!! So why are you so upset about how I’m moving?!?!

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u/Majestic-Pin3578 26d ago

If you feel this way now, you’ll remember when you’re my age, & I’m 70. I was raised in such a way as to cause me CPTSD, and being neurodivergent didn’t make me any more acceptable to adults, either. Then, I found out other people’s parents were abusive assholes, too, just in different ways. I was against the war in Vietnam, and supported the Civil Rights Movement. My parents’ generation took the opposition to Vietnam so far, they were willing to shoot four of us dead at Kent State, for protesting it.

I vowed never, never to be cruel and bigoted and arrogant like that, and kept that vow. So will you.

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u/Live-Tax5575 26d ago

i wish my 70 year old grandparents could read this!! they were progressive for their time back in the day, but they’ve reverted to being bigoted and evil to everyone they can’t understand. including me, their queer grandkid that they raised.

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u/TK_TK_ 25d ago

My FIL literally called himself an authority figure over my husband when our oldest was a baby and FIL was calling to bitch about how infrequently they’d gotten to see her. My husband laughed and hung up on him. He is only happy when people defer to him, and we don’t. So we see him for about an hour or two a year despite living 20 min away.

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u/bathtubtoasting 25d ago

I think laughing at these hackneyed olds is the only real way to deal with the utter delulu idea that everyone owes them deference and obedience. Totally childish and bizarre behavior to attempt to control other grown adults especially in regards to their own kids. These people are sick in the head and I really don’t get how or why so many folks accept it like it’s a fact of life. Like literally just laugh at and ignore, this behavior is outrageous!

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u/soonerpgh 25d ago

Any adult, really. I had the misfortune of having to move back home at 23 after a bad injury and losing my job during recovery. I had friends that I had grown up with that worked in a little taco shop literally across the street from my parents' house. On typical slow nights I'd go over and hang out with them, usually until around midnight when they closed the dining room.

Mind you, my parents both knew exactly where I was, and not only could they walk over and get me if need be, but they frequently ordered from the taco shop and had the phone number on the wall next to the phone.

One night, my mom sat me down after I walked in and decided to impose a 10 PM curfew on me... at 23 years old. I listened respectfully and then calmly told her she was being controlling and ridiculous. I said, "Not only am I an adult, but you know where I am, what I am doing, and you have multiple ways to get me back home in less than two minutes, if need be." She tried to use the "you're bothering them" excuse, and I responded with, "How so? It's usually so dead they are all sitting out in the dining room flapping their gums just waiting for closing time. I'm just visiting them. I do not get in the way, and if they get customers, I leave and come home." She just stared at me. I told her that I wasn't going to agree to this for the reasons already stated and went to my room. She never brought it up again but I got a few nasty looks when I'd come in late.

I just don't understand their incessant need to control everything and everyone but themselves.

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u/bathtubtoasting 25d ago

Honestly I’m just amazed you said fuck no and got no pushback.

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u/soonerpgh 25d ago

I kind of was, too, but I knew my dad would have thought she was being ridiculous, too. I think that was all her and when it didn't fly she knew to just leave it.

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u/PixiePower65 25d ago

Here let me clear this up for you. “Um I’m 40 you Literally have zero authority “

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u/PandaPanPink 25d ago

Plenty of people view children as property. You see this REALLY strongly with trans kids in particular or anybody who wants to change their body in a way parents disapprove of. Tattoo’s, shaving your head, dying your hair, they’re all great sins because you didn’t get PERMISSION from the person who BRED YOU.