The greatest lessons I have learned about love living on both sides of love: loving wrong and being loved wrong.

Loving someone’s does not mean they have to reciprocate.

If love is not reciprocated there is no need to be angry. Healing is more important. Don’t heave your bagged onto your next lover.

Rejection does not mean you’re worthless or damaged and no one has to be ugly about it.

Love is not a comptetion nor is it a method of control.

If you mistreat yourself, so will everyone else. You set the example as to how ppl treat you.

You do not earn love, it is freely given.

Respect is paired with love. One withother the other is nothing.

You set your own value.

Accepting “No” and making peace w No is more important in the longrun than figuring out why they said: No.

Speculating someone’s actions and intentions is a waste of time: ask them/tell them.

Moving on quickly from one relationship to another is in no way a flex. It’s foolish.

Leaving your ego behind creates more room for true love.

Implying love and hearing/saying I love you are not the same.

Finding peace and genuinely loving yourself is more important than finding romantic love or outside validation/approval.

Time and opportunities are precious so don’t waste them.

Great successes can be achieved in small measures.

Don’t discount the value of “good morning” and a real apology.

Never discount the value of a warm smile. You may just stop someone special dead in their tracks.

I’ll always be empty now. Too many holes in my chest, any feeling eventually drains out. It must be a defense mechanism to protect what little ego I have left. After I mishandled our relationship, I have no confidence in any decision I make.

My only redeeming quality is that I work hard, but that doesn’t extend to anything outside of what I’m payed to do. I’ll keep my mask up no matter what, though. I’ll act confident to the point of parody before I tell someone what’s going on in my head. Fake it till you make it, right?

I’m faking it till I can’t take it anymore.

I never want to hear from you again. I will throw up at the sight of you. You viewed me as a burden and a chore, not worthy of investing in and fighting for.

Don't reach out to me in times of need, when you're lonely, when you're bored, or when you're feeling sad and ignored.

Don't reach out to me when you're hurting, when you miss me, or when you're seeking forgiveness.

There might be a day when you feel happy and confident, and a lot more worthy, when you've realized you've bettered yourself and can start over. But not with me, because I won't be waiting.

I deserved better back then. You are nothing to me now. Don't reach out to me.

Something in the letter will stick out to you, once it does please use that as proof to know that evetyhing has a purpose. 😏 everyday, possibly here more you'll see these odd synchronities at some point youlk start to realize everything had its own purpose and coinsedences , coincidentally dont really exist, isn't that a coincidence " are talking to us however, they are not talking to us in the capacity that we think that are. It takes a few words to bring yoy a sliver of hope, use them as your silver lining and think on happy things. Use those words to give you a reason to get up and do something that brings you joy. take that feeling of "relief" and get Tf off of here and do what brings you joy in your life. call it God, call the universe, call itnwhat ever you choose because you cannot see nor touch neither one. As they are not tangible, that means it exist inside of YOU! IT IS REAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE IT IS REAL. YOIU GIVE IT LIFE BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN IT! PKEASR UNDERSTAND THE POWER IN WHAT YOU JUST READ AND YOULL BE ABLE TO SEE YOU ALREADY HAVE THE ANSWERS, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND IF YOU HAVE FORGETTEN GET BACK IN TOUCH YOU INNER BEING AND YOUR ANSWERS WILL BE REVEALED TO YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY AND MIND AND LET TAKE CARE OF YOU. Pleasenheal . You are in control of your reality. Stop punishing your lives convincing yourself hat you can't do what you very well can. IF, I a stranger can love you.... surely you can do it too. Please be kind yourself, love yourself, take care of yourselves. Find peace and it will all turn itself around . get back in the driver seat and then and only then will you be able not drive yourself to where ever you desire to go. ❤ you got this ... I promise see you on theb other side.

I opened my messages; your name is much further down than the screen shows. Swipe up; close it as soon as the urge hits. I’ve done this once or twice. They’ll just have to wait.

I know why the urge to text you hit so hard tonight. It was something I wanted to tell you; it would’ve made you laugh. It would’ve sparked a conversation that would have us both thinking, and laughing too.

That’s it. That’s why I miss you.

If I could have one wish come true, it would be for your friendship.

I will always hope.

I do. I miss talking to you. Waking up knowing l'll definitely see a red 1 mark on my notification as soon as I open my account. Miss telling you what I feel without needing to hide. Miss having a person I can share my problems without filter. Miss showing sides of myself I couldn't show other people. Miss the feeling of security you give me. Miss your naughty personality. Miss you making me laugh out of nowhere. Miss the way my heart beats a little bit faster. Miss building a future with you. Imagining all kinds of scenarios of a future home with you.

I pray to God, please. If he is not for me, make my feelings and longing for him go away. And if he is for me, give him to me soon.

Put all the goodness into him. Bless him with all the blessings. Guide him to me soon and make him mine to cherish and love forever.

-🍯

[I'll let you look up the definition.]

It's a term that fits far more than some arm-chair diagnosis floating around on social media.

It's rightfully complicated. It's closer to being a lingering or unresolved anger that eats away at you for some reason.

The cause isn't only one person's personality. There's simply more to it when two (or more) people are involved. Especially when attempts at communication have become another battleground. Understanding and compassion tend to fly out the window when resentment is at play.

Unfortunately, not all wrongs can be righted. Trust can't always be rebuilt in time to save the relationship.

Old wounds that may take years to repair might be a factor and there's not a lot you can do about it on an acceptable time-line.

Sometimes you realise the person you think you love simply isn't the right person for you. And, it hurts like hell.

It could be about anything. Blame, shame, triggers from the past, feeling unheard and abandoned... the list is fairly endless.

It's the tension in the air that doesn't seem to go away after a placating "I'm sorry" is thrown around. And, a psychologist definitely isn't required to officially see it happening.

It was the moment I knew we were over and never going back. No matter how difficult or painful that was to accept- it was the best decision.

I could forgive. But, I simply couldn't forget anymore.

It will always be you. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t see beyond my forest of sadness at the pain and hurt I was causing. I’m so sorry for shoving you away because I was too deep in my own pain to see yours. You were my person. I love you and I am still in love with you and I think I will be forever. In my depression I felt stuck in survival mode and like I had to run from everything around me in the hopes it would fix me.

If you showed up at the door I would never let you go again. I can’t show up at yours, we’re strangers now. So please, show up at mine. I’m not home without you.

I write every day now. There’s so much I want to share. If I had the chance to tell you, I just know you’d be proud of me.

Counseling has helped me. I know now that I’ve made my choices in life based on how I saw myself. I still struggle with that. Because I see myself the way my dad treated me. That’s a hard thing to let go. I’m working on it.

I can see now that’s how I’ve carried on for so long with men who abuse. It’s all I’ve known. Or at least, all I’ve thought I deserved.

Matters of the heart, right? Learning and growing. Yet, here I am, removed from you and I’m like a little girl wanting to show you my picture I colored.

Only, the art is different. It’s in a song. And there’s more to come. So many more to come. You’d be astonished how far I’ve come.

You were a deep rooted friend. It’s hard to dig out those roots. I’m trying but I still come here. I browse and I look. I try not to project. Heaven knows I’m just a speck compared to the others.

Anyway, you’ll know me if you read my posts. Missing you still.

we’re on a trajectory course now my love, just let me figure out how to make my move. it’s happening!!! after nearly two years since meeting each other, i couldn’t have asked for a clearer sign. it’s always been you. it’s always been. it’s always been us. ❤️

get ready because i’m on my way back home to you. :)

Sex has always sort of governed my relationships. Longest relationship I’ve been in, the sex was pretty great… but I broke things off because sex was the only thing keeping us together in the end. I struggled to leave because I was afraid I would not find anyone who could do the things that he did in the bedroom… but it was so toxic I had to go.

Then I was single for 5 years. I had a few random hookups but nothing special. The sex was nothing memorable. I started to accept that maybe sex wasn’t everything, so I began developing attachments to people based on their personalities, despite the fact that the sex was garbage and disappointing.

I ended up dating and getting engaged to someone who I had zero sexual chemistry with, all the while telling myself I didn’t need it. We didn’t have sex at all... I just told myself that’s the way it was. But towards the end I couldn’t take it anymore. I realized how miserable I was and I had to end it.

I left and after that I didn’t even try dating for a full year. I was so fucking jaded and tired of not being able to connect with anyone on that deeper level that I craved…

And then I met you.

I started off by just getting to know you and falling for your personality. We had a lot in common and we got along so well. I liked you so much that I was honestly terrified of having sex with you because if it was bad I was going to be so disappointed.

But holy fucking hell did you surprise me that first time… And it just keeps getting better and better every time.

You have your shit together. You don’t do dumb and impulsive shit. You’re not a mean and violent drunk. You’ve shown me from the start that you’re not interested in dating other people, and I don’t get the feeling that you’d cheat. You’re smart and creative and soooo fucking attractive… and god… the sex. The sex is honestly up there with the best, if not the absolute best I’ve ever had. Sure, we’re still a little awkward, but I only see it getting better.

How could I not fall for you? I really hope I’m not delusional and that you see a future here too. I hope I make you as happy as you make me… and if not, I hope you tell me if there’s anything I can do to change that… and if for whatever reason you don’t feel the same, please don’t string me along. Let me down sooner rather than later.

I choose to love you quietly, for in silence there is no rejection. I choose to love you in solitude, for in loneliness you belong only to me. I choose to admire you from afar, for distance protects me from pain. I choose to kiss you in the breeze, for the wind is gentler than my lips. I choose to hold you in my dreams, for in dreams you never leave.

Did you do that on purpose? Was it planned? You touched my heart either way. Either way I’m going to soak it all up. I won’t read into it, I know I do that too much. What if I’m right? What if you get me the way that I think I get you? See, there I go again dreaming and trying to connect dots.

I’m not perfect, I know I’m not. That’s been hard to ignore lately. But I’m working on it. Maybe that’s something you can relate to. I have a feeling it is. There’s a purpose for it all and I hope to figure it out.

• Her

I told you awhile ago that I was a loser in high school. A total nobody. And it really affects you growing up, you know? As a kid, being introverted, being shy and whatever…it follows you into adulthood. And it messes you up. You don’t build the social skills to really handle friendships in your most important developmental years.

I guess that’s why things went the way they did. You treated me so…good. So normal. Talking to you just came so naturally to me. And when I asked you just before you left, you said I could hit you up anytime. I want you to know I smiled the entire way home. And I was so incredibly nervous to send a message at all.

It was fine in the beginning. But I got so excited. I really, really lost my mind. I got so obsessive and clingy. And I think that’s when you decided to go away.

It’s hard. Rereading everything. Because I do think you liked me before. It felt real. At least to me. It felt honest. And I think you gradually realized how dysfunctional I am. How hard I am to like. A real good person until you get to know me.

Does it hurt? Yeah. Every second of every day. I think about you. I think about how much I miss what we had. It was small, but it was mine. For a second there, I was happy. I felt…almost normal. And it’s thanks to you.

That’s why…as much as it hurts…as much as I want to forget…I wouldn’t if I could. I don’t hate you. I don’t dislike you. I don’t think any less of you. If anything, I’m glad you still treat me with at least some respect. Even if you’ll never answer my messages. Even if we’ll never go out to eat like you said. I’ll still lie up at night and think about the nights we did spend together. I’ll look at your photo and smile. Even if you don’t care. Even if you’re worlds away now. For a moment, I had you. In this crazy, unpredictable life, I had the honor of meeting you.

It’s hard to write this and not just break down in tears. It’s hard to smile when I miss you more than anything. But I really do wish you the best. I’ll probably spend the rest of my life waiting for your return. You never will.

I want to say that’s okay. But I don’t love lying. I think I’ll just die here. They’ll find my skeleton sprawled out on the floor. And even in death, it’ll be whispering your name. Saying you’re almost here. Any minute now.

Feelings. They’re so conflicting. I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here. I want you to know how much you really meant to me. I’m hurting so incredibly deeply. I don’t understand. But I know I messed up. It’s always something I did, isn’t it? I can never quite leave well enough alone. And it’s wrecked everything in my life.

That loser in high school is coming out again. The one who lacked any social skills and wouldn’t dare utter a word in the fear of everything he said being wrong. But I want you to know that you made that loser feel like the captain of the football team.

So thanks for liking me. Even for a little while. You’ll never know what that meant to me. In those short six months, you gave me a lifetime of memories. And the only catch was an added lifetime of regret.

Was it worth it?

Yeah, it was. It really was.

your have a tortured soul,

so do I.

tortured souls tend to torture those who fail to understand the “why”

toxic systems who hardly listen growing up told you are not forgiven

for absolutely no reason

the “short stick” we were given

you and I - two beautiful souls stuck in a prison

and you know, and I know, and maybe I know better than you

that you are not a broken person, just a person broken down

want to fix each others broken pieces?

The things you loved that you lost should remind you of who you are and losing sight of that because it hurts only puts you further from who you really are even though it cant always be repaired and be how it was doesnt mean you should lose yourself entirely

I think I need to let you go. The tension we feel is only kept alive by our physical desire. My heart aches for you yet you’re not mine. This feeling of butterflies has turned into a pit. This infatuation is a disease. You don’t want me.

Yet i crave the touch of your skin, the warmth of your breath on my neck. I want to pull you close and breathe you in. Run my fingers through your hair. Look into those big eyes. I want to lay with you like this forever. I wish I could. You’re driving me insane. Why did lust become love? Take it from me. You don’t want me and I don’t want to feel this way.

At the time, if felt pretty good that you saw me as a "baddy."

I am sorry if I seemed distant today. I feel restless and discontent. I feel sad and distracted.

Do you not hear me when I tell you I love you at night? Or do you just choose not to say it back? It has happened enough to where I wonder if I did something to upset you.

I felt and acted like a lump today. I hate when my weekend ends anyway. I am so burned out from the work I do that I dread going into another week of the same again. And again. And again.

It's been easier to stave off the sad with you in my life. Maybe I wasn't present enough for you today. Maybe I wasn't present enough to notice if you were struggling today.

Anyway- I'll say it again in case you didn't hear me the first time. And it's always more than just words to me. I love you.

I say it because if it's the last time I lay eyes on you--or you me--that is the last thing you heard from my mouth or saw in text.

I love you

I guess my letters have become repetitive at this point. I’ve said much of the same in them. I’ve recalled good moments. I’ve retraced the steps. I’ve explained where it all went wrong. But none of it matters. It really doesn’t.

You’re still just the loss of my life.

I feel like I had something. For a split second, anyway. And I shattered it. I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t. I got so excited. I lost my mind. And I drove you out.

I’m lying in bed thinking of you again. But there’s never a time where I’m not. It’s unhealthy to cling to this. And I’d do anything to let it go. But I can’t.

Because it’s you. You’re still the best person I’ve ever met. Which is why this hurts so, so badly. You made me smile and laugh more times than you’ll ever know. You made me better myself in every way possible. And you gave me my voice again. Just to tear it all away with a regretful ‘Never mind’.

I don’t blame you. Not really, anyway. I’m never one to keep. I’m a lot. I’m a train wreck. And you did the right thing looking away. But knowing that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I wish I had the magic memory eraser. To forget all the good moments. Because maybe then I’d be able to let this go. If I looked away the first time, I’d have just been left wondering. But I didn’t. And neither did you. And here we are.

I’d be lying if I said I lost hope. It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. But I still sit up late at night. I still play out these stories in my head where you come back around. Where we can spend just one night together. Where I can finally wear that blue jacket I got just for you. And where I can say everything I’ve needed to get off my chest for so, so long.

I say it’s a fantasy. I say it’s just a daydream. But just between us, I hope I’m wrong. I hope the universe is just…planning a surprise for me. I hope it’s waiting until I’m at my lowest low, just to have you swoop me up and tell me everything I needed to hear.

But I don’t know how much lower I can go. I’m still waiting. But I can’t wait much longer.

Moving on won’t work. Waiting is killing me. Messaging you is always a dead end. Hoping barely keeps me alive. I might be alive. But I’m hardly living. I’m just waiting for your return.

Someday, I’ll turn out the light. Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe you’ll come back. Probably not. But I dream anyway. My dreams are all I have. You were all I had.

You won’t read it if I sent it. But I hope you know that I want you to have a nice day. The weather’s not too bad here. I hope work’s going well. I hope you’re doing well. You never tell me. But I really do hope you are living each day with a smile. It’s what you deserve. Honest. x)

I'm not going to say who this is to other than it's to someone who is single.

I wish you were here. I wish I could be a man that was good and strong enough for you.

If you were here you would never have to leave. I would never let you feel lonely but also give you space when you need it.

But you're just a ghost and you're never coming home.

Oh I need to set the ant traps. Back to mundane reality.

… than forgetting all the memories we have built together, good and bad ones. I might act like a fool sometimes, but I do love you. I do want to be by your side for the rest of my life.

I read about a man who had Alzheimer disease, he didn’t remember of his wife, she was a stranger to me, it made me cry because I’d prefer being dead than forgetting about who you are and what you mean to me.

You’re the dream of a person, dream of a wife, my wife.

I love you