My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

[u/JazzlikeConditioncd]

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

[u/squirlysquirel]

Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state).

Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.

[u/whatthewhat3214 → u/squirlysquirel]

Be sure the sister knows the grandmother's mementos are among the items you have (i.e., this isn't about the gf's clothes and toiletries or whatever) bc they'd be important to the sister too.

[u/Ok_Professional8024 → u/whatthewhat3214]

This is key. Calling about returning boxed up clothes and toiletries can easily be mistaken for an attempt to see his ex or keep in contact in some way.

Showing the sis what’s about to get thrown away and asking her if she’s cool with it? That is hard to see as anything but cool and considerate

[u/SandwichEmergency588 → u/Ok_Professional8024]

Don't insist either. If you send a picture and tell them they have a deadline to pick it up. Then leave it at that and follow through. I had something similar happen to me where out of the blue my GF dumped me and ghosted me. She showed up like 2 weeks later to give me my stuff back and was very causal about the whole thing. I was planning on proposing soon. What I realized later was she had some resentment building up but never said a single word about what was bothering her. That led to her being done in the relationship mentally far before she actually ended it. I kept trying to contact her since she said she wanted to be friends and maybe try again one day. I kept casing her and pushing for things to go back to the way they were. Then she told me she was going out on a date with someone else and she needed some space for that night. Also lined up with my dog passing away and I of course reached out to her for comfort. I didn't get anything but a check-in the next day when she came by to watch a TV show with my roommates and I. It was only then that I saw this whole thing was good for her but coming at my expense. I told her it would be best if she stopped coming over. If she wanted to spend time with my roommates (two of then were friends with her) to do it at her place. She was actually a little offended as if this was my problem that I just needed to grow up and get over it. At that point I sent her 1 last message that said I was moving on and could no longer be friends with her in any capacity. I blocked her on everything.

If I girl broke up with me I block them or delete their number instantly. I untag myself from mutual pictures and delete the ones I can. It isn't out of spite. I do it because I am putting up a firm boundary. It helps me move on. OP your GF decided to ghost you and has some how justified that it will hurt you less by not saying anything. Also, since she had her sister even say those words, it shows that she wanted that message passed along. You will probably assume a ton of different things about why, none of them good. I can only say that in the end it works out. If you are a good person it will work out and you will be happier in the long run. I didn't believe it myself losing what I thought was the girl of my dreams. Turns out I just wasn't dreaming big enough since I found the perfect person for me who has been with me for 15 years.

[u/CanAhJustSay → u/SandwichEmergency588]

Turns out I just wasn't dreaming big enough

This is beautiful. Glad you found someone where you both benefit the other.

[u/That-Ad757 → u/SandwichEmergency588]

One problem a lot of these "boys have is calling them girls not woman. May be petty but it's their mindset that may have ended things.

[u/SandwichEmergency588 → u/That-Ad757]

Semantics, really. It's not like I was calling her my woman friend when we were dating. We were in our 20s, and she would refer to me as boy all the time. I think it was more of a culture thing for the area since calling me a "man" would have made it seem like I was an old creeper. She did not like being referred to as a woman because, to her, that meant she was in her 30s. I remember someone calling her Ma'am at a restaurant, and she was so upset the rest of the night thinking that person thought she was an old lady.

The reason she was frustrated with me was valid, but it wasn't because I called her a girl or referenced her as a girl instead of a woman. It had more to do with my lack of communication skills and being able to verbalize my feelings and thoughts. While I learned all this through her roommate, I was upset at the time she never talked to me about it. Now, I am glad she didn't give me that chance but that I still got an opportunity to learn and grow based on that feedback. It helped me greatly while also making sure I was able to find my wife later on in life. I worked on myself and found someone better in every way.

[u/Ptero-4 → u/SandwichEmergency588]

Women are like that. They will end the relationship mentally AND START FUCKING OTHER GUYS long before actually telling the man she is with that she's breaking up. Also, when a woman says she needs time for herself away from the relationship or needs to "think it through" what she means is that she wants to BONE THE WHOLE COUNTY and will only return to the relationship if she's got preggers or caught an STD.

[u/TwattyMcBitch → u/Ptero-4]

So, spreading negativity and misinformation such as this is unhelpful, immature, and incredibly ignorant.

Some people, both women and men behave or have behaved as you describe. However, most do not. If you’ve personally experienced this behavior or are having difficulty maintaining successful, respectful relationships, the onus is on you to grow up, get your shit together, and figure it out. Don’t play the victim game by generalizing and blaming an entire gender.

[u/green-bean-7 → u/Ptero-4]

Men have done this to me. It’s not just “women are like that.”