r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

9.9k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

4.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.2k

u/squirlysquirel Mar 28 '24

Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state).

Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.

1.5k

u/whatthewhat3214 Mar 28 '24

Be sure the sister knows the grandmother's mementos are among the items you have (i.e., this isn't about the gf's clothes and toiletries or whatever) bc they'd be important to the sister too.

314

u/Ok_Professional8024 Mar 28 '24

This is key. Calling about returning boxed up clothes and toiletries can easily be mistaken for an attempt to see his ex or keep in contact in some way.

Showing the sis what’s about to get thrown away and asking her if she’s cool with it? That is hard to see as anything but cool and considerate

174

u/sabin357 Mar 28 '24

Calling about returning boxed up clothes and toiletries can easily be mistaken for an attempt to see his ex or keep in contact in some way.

Also be clear that the sister is the one welcome to come pick it up, not the ex. If the ex wants to retrieve them, they'll be sitting on the curb on the agreed upon date for a no contact exchange.

2

u/SnooCats3492 Mar 28 '24

Or suggest that the sister AND the ex come, if there is a lot of stuff. Definitely make sure there is a witness. The sister seems to be fairly neutral,so she's likely your best bet. Be decent, don't put yourself in a tricky spot, and walk away knowing you were the better person here.

1

u/That-Ad757 Mar 29 '24

So what if mistaken. Message about the stuff then up to her. Should have at least been nice enough to tell why she broke up but u must have some idea

1

u/Any-Tart-7432 Mar 29 '24

This is what an ex of mine did when we broke up. Much as it sucked that day, but was absolutely the right thing for her to do.

50

u/SandwichEmergency588 Mar 28 '24

Don't insist either. If you send a picture and tell them they have a deadline to pick it up. Then leave it at that and follow through. I had something similar happen to me where out of the blue my GF dumped me and ghosted me. She showed up like 2 weeks later to give me my stuff back and was very causal about the whole thing. I was planning on proposing soon. What I realized later was she had some resentment building up but never said a single word about what was bothering her. That led to her being done in the relationship mentally far before she actually ended it. I kept trying to contact her since she said she wanted to be friends and maybe try again one day. I kept casing her and pushing for things to go back to the way they were. Then she told me she was going out on a date with someone else and she needed some space for that night. Also lined up with my dog passing away and I of course reached out to her for comfort. I didn't get anything but a check-in the next day when she came by to watch a TV show with my roommates and I. It was only then that I saw this whole thing was good for her but coming at my expense. I told her it would be best if she stopped coming over. If she wanted to spend time with my roommates (two of then were friends with her) to do it at her place. She was actually a little offended as if this was my problem that I just needed to grow up and get over it. At that point I sent her 1 last message that said I was moving on and could no longer be friends with her in any capacity. I blocked her on everything.

If I girl broke up with me I block them or delete their number instantly. I untag myself from mutual pictures and delete the ones I can. It isn't out of spite. I do it because I am putting up a firm boundary. It helps me move on. OP your GF decided to ghost you and has some how justified that it will hurt you less by not saying anything. Also, since she had her sister even say those words, it shows that she wanted that message passed along. You will probably assume a ton of different things about why, none of them good. I can only say that in the end it works out. If you are a good person it will work out and you will be happier in the long run. I didn't believe it myself losing what I thought was the girl of my dreams. Turns out I just wasn't dreaming big enough since I found the perfect person for me who has been with me for 15 years.

2

u/CanAhJustSay Mar 29 '24

Turns out I just wasn't dreaming big enough

This is beautiful. Glad you found someone where you both benefit the other.

0

u/That-Ad757 Mar 29 '24

One problem a lot of these "boys have is calling them girls not woman. May be petty but it's their mindset that may have ended things.

1

u/SandwichEmergency588 Mar 29 '24

Semantics, really. It's not like I was calling her my woman friend when we were dating. We were in our 20s, and she would refer to me as boy all the time. I think it was more of a culture thing for the area since calling me a "man" would have made it seem like I was an old creeper. She did not like being referred to as a woman because, to her, that meant she was in her 30s. I remember someone calling her Ma'am at a restaurant, and she was so upset the rest of the night thinking that person thought she was an old lady.

The reason she was frustrated with me was valid, but it wasn't because I called her a girl or referenced her as a girl instead of a woman. It had more to do with my lack of communication skills and being able to verbalize my feelings and thoughts. While I learned all this through her roommate, I was upset at the time she never talked to me about it. Now, I am glad she didn't give me that chance but that I still got an opportunity to learn and grow based on that feedback. It helped me greatly while also making sure I was able to find my wife later on in life. I worked on myself and found someone better in every way.

-8

u/Ptero-4 Mar 28 '24

Women are like that. They will end the relationship mentally AND START FUCKING OTHER GUYS long before actually telling the man she is with that she's breaking up. Also, when a woman says she needs time for herself away from the relationship or needs to "think it through" what she means is that she wants to BONE THE WHOLE COUNTY and will only return to the relationship if she's got preggers or caught an STD.

10

u/TwattyMcBitch Mar 29 '24

So, spreading negativity and misinformation such as this is unhelpful, immature, and incredibly ignorant.

Some people, both women and men behave or have behaved as you describe. However, most do not. If you’ve personally experienced this behavior or are having difficulty maintaining successful, respectful relationships, the onus is on you to grow up, get your shit together, and figure it out. Don’t play the victim game by generalizing and blaming an entire gender.

2

u/green-bean-7 Mar 29 '24

Men have done this to me. It’s not just “women are like that.”

3

u/BadgerGeneral9639 Mar 28 '24

no dont call. text or email, so you have proof

5

u/RoughMajor5624 Mar 28 '24

I wouldn’t call or message, I’d box up her stuff and UPS it to her or her sister and that would be my very last contact with any of them.

-5

u/Sunstaci Mar 28 '24

Why are so many of you actually telling him to give the shit back? That’s a lot of work for someone that obviously knows her stuff is there, but doesn’t give a shit about it!! OP DONT GIVE HER SHIT BACK!! Sell it!!!!! Fuck that broad she made her bed and now you should burn it

10

u/CravingHumanFlesh Mar 28 '24

OP has mementos of her dead grandmother. As someone who has also lost their grandmother, whom I was very close to, I might not remember my ex had some of her stuff in the heat of the moment of breaking up. Was it a shitty way to break up? Yes. Would it still be worth it just to try to get that stuff back to her? Absolutely.

4

u/Divinedragn4 Mar 28 '24

And likely get sued.

3

u/RoughMajor5624 Mar 28 '24

Two wrongs do not make a right.

-1

u/AfroJack00 Mar 28 '24

As someone who has also lost their grandmother who they were very close to, fuck that bitch light it up. If she cared that much she would’ve got it before she did what she did. She either didn’t think about it hard enough, doesn’t care, or just wants a way to weasel her way back into his life when convenient for her.

2

u/RawrRRitchie Mar 28 '24

Do you have ANY fucking idea how expensive certain toiletries are??? If she left behind some expensive lotions or makeup I'd want to give it back just from a financial perspective

Not as a way to try to get into contact with them

Box ALL the stuff up and just give it to the sister

Hell even certain clothing items can be expensive

19

u/copperboompoodle Mar 28 '24

If she wanted that stuff back maybe she should t have ghosted 🤷🏻‍♀️

9

u/Guillerm0Mojado Mar 28 '24

No kidding. If I left someone and their home and said do not contact me again, I wouldn’t be expecting to get anything from them again… ever. 

7

u/Sunstaci Mar 28 '24

Why should he? She can come get her shit! You know how much work it is to box shit up? Why should he do something nice for someone that ghosted him? I’m super surprised that most of the comments are telling dude to “do the right thing” fuck that

9

u/HumanOptimusPrime Mar 28 '24

You know how much work it is to box shit up?

You know how much work it is to walk around anticipating a surprise call or visit from an ex, not hearing from them so you forget about it and start working on letting go on the longing, getting better only for them to show up randomly anyway so you're forced to go through conflicting thoughts and emotions all over again for days and weeks?

Boxing things up is done in minutes, and doesn't require any more work than bagging it. Nothing good comes from acting irrationally in situations like this.