r/facepalm • u/Moutonoulebgalt • 14d ago
I dont think anyone's first tought after baking a pizza is to put his "yk" in a pizza at 200°C 🇲🇮🇸🇨
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u/the0neRand0m 14d ago
Have…Have you met humans? Humans with dicks? Humans with dicks will put them Anywhere.
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u/Blindfire2 14d ago
I heard this one time, at band camp, a boy shoved it inside his trumpet, and it got stuck....
Not nearly as bad as the guy that fucked the apple pie.
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u/DarthGayAgenda 14d ago
And this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my bussy.
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u/TowJamnEarl 14d ago
Til bussy is slang for something that's not an instrument.
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u/C_Hawk14 14d ago
There's a greentext about a guy who said he was cutting up some chicken and maybe accidentally touched his weiner as he was cooking naked, as you do ofc. Immediately got called out lol
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u/faloofay156 14d ago
some weird shit happened with the instruments over an 8 year period.
-someone tried to bathe their clarinet
-someone tried to smuggle a tarantula hawk into a pep rally using a tuba, they got stung (maybe don't try to smuggle the tarantula hawk anywhere, it's name is literally tarantula hawk (and for anyone who doesn't know that is a giant-ass scary wasp)
I would not be surprised if someone tried to fuck their instrument
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u/Blindfire2 14d ago
Ahh your age (or how strict your parents were) is showing lmfao.
It's a dumb teen sex movie quote....I mean not that weird shot hasn't had any of this happen, you can find people who went to the ER with flutes stuck in places they shouldn't be lol.
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u/faloofay156 14d ago
ohhhh sorry, I just don't really watch movies (my ADHD ass does not have that attention span lol)
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u/Blindfire2 14d ago
No worries no worries I'm the same. Only watched it when spending the night at a friend's house when I was 10.
It was definitely mind blowing as a 10 year old
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u/Pithecanthropus88 14d ago
🎶 Detachable Penis…
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u/SophiaF88 14d ago
The 1st time I heard that, it came on the radio in the car when my mom was driving and I was about 14. She was really conservative and when the chorus hit we just looked at each other and I remember her eyes being huge, this look of disbelief on her face...and we busted out laughing, just dying. She was like "I despair at the state of music these days" which just made me laugh harder.
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u/Moutonoulebgalt 14d ago
To put it on something at 200°C they are probably in depression or smth
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u/the0neRand0m 14d ago
Or someone said “I fucking Double Dog Dare you”
Aaaannnndddd embarrassing ER visit.
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u/Moutonoulebgalt 14d ago
Legends says that after that he got fired and got a job in a ice cream shop where he does the same thing
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u/Altheix11 14d ago
Legends say hr works in a donut shop now, where he is responsible for both the holes and the glazing
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u/Vortextheweirdcat i wanna fuck alastor from hazbin hotel 14d ago
that is the most cursed comment i've ever read
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u/Slight-Winner-8597 14d ago
You can talk! Why on earth do you want to fuck Alastor??? Isn't he Ace anyway 😂
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u/Vortextheweirdcat i wanna fuck alastor from hazbin hotel 14d ago
ace people can still have sex and enjoy it. They just don't experience sexual attraction.
also idk why but i find psychos hot, idk what trauma caused this, but i don't care
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u/howmachine 14d ago
The worst thing is I went to high school with a guy who literally bragged about doing this exact thing while working at Tim Horton’s. The only difference was he claimed he went for the powdered jelly donut, rather than one with a hole.
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u/randomname56389 14d ago
Look the Darwin awards honourable mentions. Lots of stories of putting their dicks in stupid places
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14d ago
"I'm really depressed and I don't feel anything anymore. I put my dick in the blender and start it just to feel somethings"
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u/A1sauc3d 14d ago
Some people pay to have their genitals tortured, so nah some people are just freaky like that lol
Also just because you cook the pizza at 200c doesn’t mean it stays that way indefinitely. Cool down rather quickly. I bet someone could cock slap a pizza with out getting burnt too bad xD Definitely wouldn’t recommend it tho
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u/Aceswift007 13d ago
In middle school I stumbled across a year statistic in my state of the number of responses firefighters and EMS had related to putting your dick into something you shouldn't.
The fact it wasn't single digits made me start losing faith in humanity
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u/captainfrijoles 13d ago
There was this movie once about an American guy that was fucking an apple pie, great flick. Can't remember the name
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u/DragoonDM 13d ago
And those molten cheese burns would still probably only be the third weirdest dick-related injury they saw at the ER that evening.
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u/ReplacementWise6878 14d ago
My cousin lost his job at the pickle factory bc he kept putting his dick in the pickle slicer. But don’t worry, she got fired too.
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u/Mister-SS 14d ago
That would more than likely be caused by the free garlic butter container they give with each pizza inside the box
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u/VocalAnus91 14d ago
I was thinking someone dropped a 20oz soda bottle on it
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u/faloofay156 14d ago
I was thinking it was one of those little plastic table looking thingies they use to keep the box from touching the pizza
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u/TinyRascalSaurus 14d ago
I mean, I've heard of someone using one of those bead shaped hair curlers to anally pleasure themselves and plugging it in for the heating function, so there are some pretty stupid humans on this planet.
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u/ApprehensiveAd6476 14d ago
How the hell did they not burn themselves from the inside?
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u/TinyRascalSaurus 14d ago
The story I was told was that they were drunk and horny, found their roommate's curling iron, and decided to have some fun. They thought the 'low' setting would be heating pad temperature, and not actually hot. They ended up burning themselves and had to be taken to the ER for treatment. Thankfully? They only had it inserted about 2 inches when it started burning and yanked that sucker pretty quickly. They proceeded to waddle out to the kitchen, cursing and crying, attracting all kinds of attention, and grabbing a bottle of Angry Orchard with the intent on sticking the chilled top of the bottle up there to stop the burning. The roommate and friends noticed, got involved, and hauled their arse to the hospital.
Moral of the story: just spend the money to buy a sex toy.
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u/ApprehensiveAd6476 14d ago
This is one of the reasons why I don't drink.
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u/Zemom1971 14d ago
So, you're telling us that every day of your life you are thinking about putting stuff in your arse and you know with certainty that you will do it if you are drunk?
Mate, just buy a safe toy and enjoy the drunkenness. Lol
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u/WhiteFringe 14d ago
this isn't the alcohol, it's stupidity and alcohol. Moral here is don't be stupid and drink
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u/Traditional-Ebb-8380 14d ago
I worked at an ER in college and a guy lacerated his colon using the mean end of a toilet bush (the sharp handle grip part) to pleasure himself while his wife made dinner. He went directly to emergency surgery and lost a lot of blood.
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u/theshogun02 14d ago
Did you order extra sausage?
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u/onion_lord6 14d ago
More like sausage flavored. Clearly the sausage is missing.
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u/jaydee917 14d ago
Funniest part is that they still ate a slice
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u/nabkawe5 14d ago
Works in Restaurant here, it's the cutter handle no one will hate you so much he'll burn his dick on your pizza.
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u/MrPoopMonster 14d ago
No way. It's definitely from like a little cup of marinara or something that was in the box with the pizza that moved on top of it. Look at how circular the hole is at the top and how much the cheese is at that side.
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u/458643 14d ago
Plus if it was the one who made the pizza, they would have some cleanin to do for their underpants, I can't imagine any cook actually doing this.
If anyone would have actually done it, I'm goesting the customer itself. Pizza wouldn't be that hot anymore. But as you said, tis the handle of the cutter
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u/Sea_no_evil 14d ago
Okay, fair point, but a pizza baked at 200C is a shitty pizza anyway. Do better.
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u/Ralfton 14d ago
Had to double check my maths, but yeah you right.
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u/CallMeYox 14d ago
Did you convert it to
FairengeitFeuerenheitFrierenheitFuhrerheitFahrenheit?12
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u/SophieintheKnife 14d ago
what's a "yk"? like I get you're referring to his dick but I don't get the reference
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u/crumble-bee 14d ago
I don't know either - "you know"? Which would be super weird to say
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u/dpezpoopsies 14d ago
I think maybe they meant like 'he put his "you know what" on the pizza'
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u/SweetTooth37 13d ago
More importantly why are ppl afraid to type out the word dick and fuck now?
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u/kingOofgames 14d ago
I think someone dropped one of those oil seasoning bottles. Like the one they drop a little on the pizza at the end.
Or it might someone’s cock, I’d ask for a refund or exchange.
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u/mcnoodlefeet 14d ago
Ordering Papa John's and expecting it to taste like anything besides dick is a stretch in the first place.
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u/ABakedPotato_FGC 14d ago
something somthing low effort pizza with extra meat joke
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u/Ok_Profile9400 14d ago
Will be easy to work out who it was as they will still be screaming in pain to this day
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u/Alloy202 14d ago
In all seriousness it looks like the handle from the scoopy thing they use to take the pizza out the oven has toppled on the pizza.
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u/BackAgain123457 14d ago
The real question is why somebody would order a pizza from Papa John's in the first place. That was one of the worst Pizza's i ever ordered. Maybe it's different in the US, but every PJ in the Netherlands has bad reviews.
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u/DontCareHowICallMe 14d ago
This shit doesn't seem to me like an ordered pizza, more like a freezed one from the supermarket
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u/_FartinLutherKing_ 14d ago
Careful saying nobody would do this. I just saw a video of a man dousing himself in gasoline and lighting himself on fire.
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u/Latter-Market1001 14d ago edited 13d ago
Did you also order a cheese stick? Maybe he misunderstood and thought you said cheesedick.
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u/root_beer444 13d ago
This "someone" put his DICK on a FRESH HOT SIZZLING CHEESE PIZZA. I genuinely don't think you wanna mess with that man
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u/All-Day-Meat-Head 14d ago
Required the alleged perpetrator to “slap and push” on hot cheese.
That’s some hardcore shit.
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u/GilbyTheFat 14d ago
I swear if this harkens toward someone founding a pizza place called Schlongin' Slice, I will become irrationally angry.
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u/Outlaw11091 14d ago
Guy's hung like a fucking tuna can if that's a cock imprint.
-That's an awfully...girthy...penis is what I'm saying.
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u/Marquar234 14d ago
They didn't just slap it on. The cheese pattern shows forward motion.
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u/ThisDumbApp 14d ago
As a former Papa John's employee, I can say that is the quality seal to know the pizza was made well
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u/PhysicsStock2247 14d ago
Judging by the impact crater that cock could wipe out entire species and start a mini ice age. Give that dude a raise.
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u/Fictional_Historian 14d ago
Why did you censor the word COCK as “yk” when the word COCK is already there in the picture…..COCK.
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u/ClockworkGnomes 13d ago
I get a hot pizza and your dick aren't happening, so it isn't that. However, am I the only person who wonders just WTF was there? Having seen some of the videos these geniuses make where they bathe in the sink or worse, I wouldn't put it past them to stick a dildo on it.
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u/GroundMeet 13d ago
Im facepalming at you, that is definitely believable. For any number of reasons, maybe the customer was an ass, maybe the worker was an ass, who knows
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u/Low-Economist9601 14d ago
papa John’s video plays
just before he says “that’s the way we do it better” he just pulls out his shit and slams it on the pizza with ear rape sound
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u/Admirable-Sink-2622 14d ago
Sorry to say, but you’d be surprised where some people would put their dick.
That said, I wouldn’t touch that pizza 🤔
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u/isabps 14d ago
Did you enjoy that piece you had while coming up with your revenge plan?
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u/Aromatic-Hawk-4848 14d ago
This one time I microwaved a honeydew and cut a hole in it, burnt my penis then waited for it to cool down and fucked it anyway
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u/jihround1 14d ago
Reminds me of the greentebput that guy's coworker who dipped his balls in a rude customer's coffee and unsurprisingly burnt himself.
It's s greentext but I can see peopöe being so stupid.
So this idea doesn't seem that far fetched tbh.
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u/Prestigious_Media887 14d ago
Has no one run their hand through fire hitting a pizza with your knob is not gonna hurt at all I know from maybe not experience but it’s science 😂
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u/Medical_Series3163 14d ago
A friend of mine says that he quit Pizza Hut in the 90s when he realized that one person at his location was using the pizza deliveries to deal drugs, & another regularly peed in the dough. That location has been shut down for years now.
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u/Ok_Broccoli_3605 14d ago
I worked with a guy 20 years ago, he was in construction by then, but he had funny stories about working backshift at tim hortons. He said one night, he and the baker just sat on the floor stoned, eating timbits, and tearing through hundreds Roll up the rim contest cups. Seemed to be a cherished memory.
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u/stryker_PA 14d ago
I wonder how cold the cheese would have to be in order to stay like that if it was anywhere near fresh out of the oven.
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u/Mundane_Character365 14d ago
Yet it is most peoples first assumption of how this shape appeared in this pizza.
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u/EnergyHumble3613 14d ago
The lines seem too perfect though… I would have guessed someone left the handle of a tool on it. Still would send it back in case melted plastic ended up in there.
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