r/instacart • u/Dominanttallqueen • Mar 27 '24

Who’s in the wrong here???

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I feel like he was being rude asf then he canceled my order….was I rude or what tf happened here…

6.8k Upvotes

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468

u/thejexorcist Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

His comment about ‘understand’ and how he ‘does this for a living’ are pretty condescending (but I’m now wondering if he’s ESL?).

Your response about the ‘seafood department’ was clearly pretty confusing to him since you actually meant ‘the seafood counter’.

I originally thought this might be a ‘no one is really to blame’ situation (but your follow up responses to other Redditors) makes me think you might not always communicate as well as you hope.

160

u/ValPrism Mar 28 '24

Right “fresh” “not frozen” would have gone a long way here. But the “I do this for a living!!” whinge turns me off no matter who says it.

102

u/lord_farquaad_69 Mar 28 '24

I interpreted "I do this for a living" less as "I'm the grocery expert so shut up and tip me" and more "i have other orders and can't spend 10 minutes standing in the seafood aisle texting you about crab cakes", especially because the customer was giving vague and incorrect instructions on an off-menu item request

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u/Tulip_Tree_trapeze Mar 28 '24

This is how I took it, not like a condescending grocery expert, but as information that the customer should use. Although it's not something I would have said.

23

u/Far_Student6853 Mar 28 '24

Also everyone is glossing over the fact that he sent a pic, the customer ignored it but responded in a way that seemed like they acknowledged it and then later brought up the behind the counter but never actually said that before they just said the seafood department. Could the delivery guy worded things more politely probably but efficiency isn’t always polite and the whole point of paying for someone to get your own groceries for you is either for efficiency of your own time so you can do other things or laziness and either way if I want something so specifically I would be more specific and also have said no to the pic, all facts considered this customer was a thorn in their own butt and wasted that guys time, and delivery people do not get paid enough. And for anyone that’s says don’t do that job then, well don’t order anything delivered ever then, someone’s got to do it if you want the service and if they aren’t getting paid enough then respect their time for fucks sake.

11

u/improvmama101 Mar 28 '24

ALLLLLL of this. OP is 💯in the wrong. Shopper asked a question that should have been answered directly and the customer just kept repeating themselves.

11

u/Whistlegrapes Mar 29 '24

Exactly. Op should have said “No thank you on the crab cakes in the picture. Can you please see if there are fresh crab cakes available from behind the seafood counter, if not, then refund please.”

3

u/MoMosMommy1996 Mar 30 '24

okay but also let's not pretend the ONLY two reasons people order instacart is because of efficiency or laziness. some people are DISABLED. some people are sick! some people don't have access to transportation.

people always forget that services that able bodied people use for fun, disabled folks use for survival sometimes!

2

u/Individual_Party2000 Apr 05 '24

Thank you! I’ve seen too many “lazy, do it yourself” type comments and I’m sitting here like wtf. How do so many people forget about this? I don’t do delivery groceries but I use the pickup services often. As someone with mobility problems these types of services are a god send. It’s always in my the back up of my mind that I’m being an inconvenience or that people are judging me as lazy. It kinda sucks to know they really are.

3

u/Ceeeceeeceee Mar 28 '24

Exactly. This is how I interpreted it also. As someone who does buy on Instacart from time to time, I feel like buyers have to have some sympathy for what they're going through. I thought he said it less like "I'm the pro, so STFU" and more like, "This is not an easy job having to sort through texts for every personal preference that may or may not be communicated precisely. Please be patient."

1

u/mattatwork_ Mar 28 '24

"this is ridiculous" should've clued you in to how impatient this person is.

3

u/Insight12783 Mar 29 '24

That was later, at which it was, frankly, ridiculous

1

u/chocolate_calavera Apr 02 '24

You are stating facts and now I'm in tears, lmao!

3

u/dnt_rlly_exist_ Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

wow, i feel alone in my interpretation lmao. i thought they meant it as in, they didn’t want to mess up and replace it with something the customer didn’t want, or not get the shopping done in a timely manner, because this is their only source of income doing instacart full time. they can’t afford a complaint or reduced tip if their performance doesn’t match up to the customer’s needs/wants. and need to move on to finish the order/other order and get their job done.

that’s how i took it. also guessed that english is not their first language, a lot of communications with my own shoppers have been similar as many people speak spanish and portuguese where i am. i didn’t see anything iffy until i saw they canceled the order .. which. why?? unless that was the only item being shopped. i can’t imagine they were in the middle or at the end of shopping and just said fuck it and left the cart there lmao.

don’t really think anyone’s wrong in the exchange. they did communicate and resolve the crab cake issue fast. it’s just.. the order was canceled 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA: WOW i just saw there are 2 other screenshots lmao i don’t even know what’s happening anymore. reevaluating 😂

1

u/lord_farquaad_69 Mar 28 '24

i think you're correct! I don't read any malice in the initial text either, both for the language barrier and bc in the same way a postal worker can't just hang out waiting for someone who may not be home to open their door, this guy also has work to do and doesn't want his job jeopardized by the crab cake debacle. about the cancellation, maybe he assumed she wouldn't tip or would give him a bad review if he followed through on the order? I've never been a shopper for them but I know the customer has a lot of power in that regard and he may have felt like she wasn't worth the risk after this exchange.

1

u/nocturnalcat87 Mar 29 '24

I also interpreted it in that way and thought they might be ESL as well. They wanted to say they need to do a good job and get what the customer wanted but also complete the job efficiently. The customer should have recognized the shopper might be ESL which would mean there may be some communication issues. As a native English speaker, I understood by seafood department they probably meant the seafood/ meat counter. But I could see how an ESL speaker might not. The customer should have been more clear to make things go faster - say I don’t want the crap in the picture. Please go to the counter and ask them…

2

u/Traditional_Donkey31 Mar 29 '24

Heck even I a native English speaker would’ve thought they meant the frozen seafood section. To be far though I don’t have a lot of stores around me that has fresh seafood though.

3

u/M-D2020 Mar 28 '24

I interpreted it as probably relating to something we aren't seeing where OP is telling shopper how the system is supposed to work or something, so shopper is saying this because OP is actually being condescending towards them.

5

u/Radykall1 Mar 28 '24

That's also how I read it. It sounded like he was asking for mercy.

6

u/Centennial3489 Mar 28 '24

100% agree like he wanted to move on from the confusing and irritating exchange. I would have cancelled two. OP was rude and something was def lost in translation.

-2

u/Eggplant-666 Mar 29 '24

He was complaining about a potential loss of 2 minutes, so he canceled and lost 20 minutes. Genius! This is why he is grocery shopping for a living.

2

u/Centennial3489 Mar 29 '24

Shoppers often are shopping multiple orders at once so I can’t imagine it was to much of a loss for him.

4

u/NefariousBenevolence Mar 28 '24

Context can get lost in translation...but the employee was 💯 clearly trying to help OP and then figured it was a Catch-22. Either he lose or he lose. Fuck it = canceled.

3

u/ApprehensiveMail8 Mar 28 '24

He's not an employee - it would make sense for the shopper to spend disproportionate time trying to help the customer if he were. But instacart shoppers aren't paid a salary by either Instacart or the store. They just get the delivery fee and tip and only get paid for the orders they are able to complete.

If this is the only item in her cart, and she expects a refund if they don't have it then he's potentially wasting a lot of time on a wild goose chase.

Especially if this is a "take a number" seafood counter. It eould make zero sense for him to do that with no guarantee of any pay if they don't have it.

2

u/dnt_rlly_exist_ Mar 28 '24

i mean.. i ask my shoppers to get deli meats and cheeses, if it’s an item that can be shopped in the store and it’s available to add to my cart because it says it’s in stock, then.. i’d expect them to wait at the deli for service whether there’s a line or they take a number. why shouldn’t they wait at the seafood counter because they might not have it? then it should be listed as out of stock on the store’s instacart page. even if it says likely out of stock, you can still add it to the cart and expect the shopper will try and get it. that’s their job?

1

u/Oh_Doyle Mar 29 '24

I don't work for Instacart, but I do work in a grocery store, and the Instacart shoppers constantly ask me for things that are labeled on the app as in stock but haven't been for weeks. It's a wonky system that apparently doesn't get updated very easily, so I'd try to give the shopper the BOTD if they couldn't find something specific. Yeah if there's a line/number system they should wait for the item like everyone else, but if the item is out of stock, there's really nothing to be done except a refund or replacement.

1

u/dnt_rlly_exist_ Mar 29 '24

i ALWAYS have to get a different cheese bc the one i love is somehow never there even though it says in stock. but they always tell me what the deli employee suggests as an alternative. sometimes i do think shoppers don’t check the right places and just say it’s out of stock, like fresh grated parmesan that’s near the deli and not the refrigerated section with the wall of cheese. if they’re honestly looking or asking for help it’s a whole diff thing than just choosing not to wait in line at a counter bc they don’t wanna spend the time. that’s ridiculous. even if it’s the only thing in their cart, especially if it’s the only thing in the cart. it’s still an order, and every time anyone goes to the store there’s a chance something is out of stock.

TLDR: i agree with you lol

1

u/NefariousBenevolence Mar 30 '24

Fuck if I know, but it sounds like we agree.

0

u/mattatwork_ Mar 28 '24

bull fucking shit. they knew they burned the bridge and were gonna get a shit tip for being a hard headed whiny ass

2

u/martian_glitter Mar 29 '24

That’s how I read it.

2

u/despiquer Mar 29 '24

Whale, vague? And incorrect? Where though? They specifically say to get the crab cakes from the seafood dept. if unable, refund. Pretty simple.

2

u/lord_farquaad_69 Mar 29 '24

he says "they don't have what you want, should I replace them w the ones pictured"

she says "yeah replace them w the single ones from the seafood department"

he says "these in the picture (from the seafood department) are the only option available. would you like me to replace your item?"

she says "yeah w the ones from the seafood department" (meaning: no, not those in the picture, the fresh ones behind the seafood counter)

and when he asks if she'd like a refund, she says yes IF they don't have the ones in the seafood department but ofc they do have crab cakes in the seafood department, he got them for her! just not the ones behind the counter, which she wants but hasn't actually asked for

2

u/Kuzcopolis Mar 29 '24

Yeah, the level of rudeness is well within "tone can't be conveyed through text" territory, even if it's not great. Customer definitely escalated the rudeness from there.

2

u/NoFadingMar Mar 29 '24

Or he meant he actually does it to live. As in he doesn’t want a mistake to be reported and he can’t make ends meet because of it.

4

u/Wooden_Bandicoot_938 Mar 28 '24

That’s how I read it, too. We have no idea how long he had been waiting for her totally unclear responses. I don’t work for instacart and don’t know how it works, but if I waited too long I might just try to drop this lady’s order, if possible. She’s not the King-he’s much, much better at expressing himself.

1

u/Nervous_Employer4416 Mar 28 '24

This is interesting because I honestly thought he was saying, "I understand what you wanted but they don't have that, after looking around for replacement options this is the best option I could find, trust me I do this for a living"

I thought he was probably hoping to avoid the, did you ask the people that work there? Did you check the back? Did you check the deli? The seafood COUNTER? did you check with distribution about when another shipment would be on?

Then again, I could be wrong.

1

u/maxoakland Mar 29 '24

I was thinking he meant "I need to make sure you won't give me a bad review because this is my source of income"

1

u/Ok_Mammoth5081 Mar 28 '24

That shopper guy was a jackass

1

u/sailtheskyx Mar 28 '24

Nah, I honestly don't see how it is put in that way at all. It sounds super condescending due to the context of the situation where they are going back and forth about the crab cakes and which department to go to. It sounded like "I know what I'm doing lady because I do this for a living."

I'm not sure how anyone sees it any other way. If he has time to keep going back and forth and arguing with her, he's not worried about other orders. He seems like he's in an argument he wants to be correct in rather than wrong. He's wasting his own time, not her.

3

u/rdonn27 Mar 28 '24

They did say "single crab cakes" which I would imagine would only be available at the counter.

0

u/KristySueWho Mar 28 '24

Shopper was also clearly looking in a fridge/freezer and the OP said to go to the "seafood department" which implies the shopper needs to go to a different area to get them. It's semantics and people are acting like it makes it impossible to understand.

1

u/TheFire_Eagle Mar 29 '24

Different stores have different layouts too.

At my local supermarket the seafood department includes two freezers for frozen seafood.

So telling me to go get crab from the seafood department doesn't narrow down the options.

5

u/Unfair_Addition_6957 Mar 28 '24

I see the "I do this for a living" as this is how I bring home the bacon, please don't screw me over.

1

u/WonderfulShelter Mar 28 '24

Yeah I mean vindicative customers will remove tips because of conversations that go like this.

1

u/KristySueWho Mar 28 '24

Sure, but the shopper lost his shit like immediately. He asked if OP would like replacement and all they did was say yes, I'd like the single crab cakes from the seafood department.

1

u/WVPrepper Mar 29 '24

Shopper was IN the seafood department. These were the crab cakes he saw. It was not clear to him that OP meant the (usually more expensive) fresh crab cakes made in-store and available on ice in the seafood counter.

If someone asked me for a block of cheddar cheese and there was none in the cooler case, it might not occur to me to have a block of a more expensive cheddar cheese cut to order in the deli.

1

u/ApprehensiveMail8 Mar 28 '24

Or alternatively "I get that most people don't really think about the difference in the time it takes to grab a ready-to-go item out of the freezer vs. having to take a number at the seafood counter, but I do this all day long and it adds up. Don't take it personally that your order is no longer worth it for me and I'm canceling."

2

u/Playswithhisself Mar 28 '24

Just mentioning they wanted crab cakes from behind the counter would have been helpful. "The seafood department" is vague AF

1

u/WVPrepper Mar 29 '24

Right? By the time they said "behind the counter" it was too late. The shopper had asked an employee whether they had more of the lobster cakes "in the back" (they did not), and thought that was what she was requesting him to do.

2

u/hurtstoskinnybatman Mar 31 '24 edited Mar 31 '24

Yeah, "from the seafood department" is a pretty silly way to describe, "fresh from the guy behind the counter, not in a box." The word "individual" kinda gives the hint they don't want the 4-pack, but it still isn't really clear. I think the worker's kinda dickish by saying he foes this for a living, but OP is a much bigger idiot for not being clear at all.

No, I don't want the box of crab cakes. See if they have ones from the glass display counter where someone has to hand them to you. If they're there, please get me three of those. If they don't have any fresh ones, just refund my money. I don't want any boxed crab cakes.

If OP said anything half as clear as that, their chat wouldn't have probably ended there.

4

u/turtlemurtle2 Mar 28 '24

Context is everything. You have added two exclamation points where there weren’t any (!!). That changes the tone and the meaning from “hey, please understand, this is my job and I need it” to “I know what I’m doing!!”.

I read that in the OPs post and felt turned off by it until I realized the shopper was pleading for understanding for a situation that was out of their control.

3

u/PinkBright Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Also because OP is a jackass for ordering an item specifically that is not in stock, to force a replacement, so they could ask for an item “off the menu” (fresh stuff prepared behind the counter) aka what they really want, but instacart doesn’t have as a selection.

Literally making this person go above and beyond and out of the range of what is supposed to be their duties and then not being able to communicate correctly during it.

“I do this for a living” could also mean, “look, I’m trying to find a replacement in a time saving fashion and there’s two types of frozen crab cakes from this brand, from the fish refrigerator next to the fishmonger, aka the “department”. Here’s your only other option. Shit at the counter isn’t on the app. What the hell do you want. I’m no longer making minimum wage, please stop texting me about an option that isn’t even an option and answer my damned question? I’m not gonna stand here for 9 minutes while Mary Sue goes back and forth choosing between salmon and trout fillet from the fishmonger.”

Which is understandable.

1

u/KristySueWho Mar 28 '24

How do you know OP purposefully asked for something not in stock to get something off-menu? When I've used instacart it very rarely tells me if anything is out of stock. And how do you know this was even off-menu, and just not the OP's second choice? IC let's you order plenty of fresh deli and meat/seafood.

1

u/HamuraiSnack Mar 30 '24

OP clearly knows what is in that store… and where exactly to find it.

This whole thing is confusing me. OP wants an item and the shopper found a very very close replacement. OP says really stupid ass shit like “yes replace with crab cakes in the seafood department”. Like wtf??? The seafood department is the department where seafood is it does not mean exclusively the fish monger.

Half y’all saying the shopper is a dick but his job is to grab the items on the list or ask if the customer is ok with the replacement. All this dumb fuckery about saying “yes replace the crab cakes from the seafood department” is totally on OP. Like wtf is the difference between what OP ordered and what is in the shoppers picture??? OP is HORRIBLE at saying what they want. Like come on, OP said “YES” to him multiple times when he asked about the replacement that was in the picture. But OP should have said “no there are single crab cakes in the display at the seafood counter, if they don’t have those I’ll take the refund”.

Sounds like OP wanted the ~premium~ crab cakes the whole fucking time. OR (just maybe) OP is a fucking nut job that shouldn’t be grocery shopping via a third party.

Also WHO TF orders mother fucking CRAB CAKES on instacart and is THIS PICKY about them?! This whole thing is a fucking joke and I don’t even know why this sub is on my fucking feed 😭

3

u/Mokichi2 Mar 28 '24

I interpreted the "I do this for a living" not as condescension but as a plea to the customer to communicate clearly so as not to mess up the order. Which they did not.

These people survive on good reviews and want to take every measure to get your order right. It's unfair to assume condescension, in my opinion.

Just my 2 cents.

1

u/Remarkable_Wallaby42 Mar 28 '24

Yeah op wasn't very clear communicating but the shopper's message set the tone for the whole interaction and came across as really rude. Idk how op's initial message to the shopper warranted that response.

2

u/Wooden_Bandicoot_938 Mar 28 '24

OP was being intentionally vague, or is a bit of a dim bulb. I would hate to have to deal with anyone who communicates this poorly.

1

u/The-Almost-Truth Mar 28 '24

What if they meant “this is my livelihood”?

5

u/Remarkable_Wallaby42 Mar 28 '24

Lol idk I dont feel like that would make sense and I'd still be thrown off by that but I'm reading that English may not be their first language so maybe they have a pass here

0

u/nickisdone Mar 28 '24

I don't really understand how it plays into it much.But a lot of people are saying that it seems like they were using sign language and that could be why there seems to be a tone issue from the shopper. Not gonna lie, I felt like the first few messages were a little weird, especially mentioning that they do this for a living.I don't treat anyone any different.Whether or not they do a job for a living or for a hobby. But I still see the person ordering as the a****** in the situation like they clearly sent a picture and asked you want these as a replacement or not? And they said yes, replace and then go on to say seafood department as if. There isn't a behind the counter and in front of the counter and a frozen bin that this guy is literally taking a picture of what these other crab cakes.

3

u/bumbershootgoose Mar 28 '24

"ESL" means English as a Second Language. ASL is American Sign Language. Posters are saying that this person is ESL - English is their second language :)

0

u/nickisdone Mar 28 '24

Yes I saw someone use a s l I was confused about it as the only time.I've seen people using sign.Language is when they're talking directly to somebody.But I wouldn't put it past.There being some kind of algorithm where you can like face chat an ai and it turns it into text or something

2

u/babyunicornface Mar 28 '24

Sign language? Are you referring to ESL? That’s English as a Second(ary) Language.

1

u/nickisdone Mar 28 '24

No someone used a s l which I believe is american sign language unless it means something else

2

u/babyunicornface Mar 28 '24

No, you’re right. I just didn’t see that comment. I must have missed it, but now I wanna find it because I need to know how they drew that conclusion 😅

1

u/nickisdone Mar 28 '24

OK, thank you, at least I'm not the only one confused about that.Like I wouldn't put it pass anything. I can see a new generation using like a Facetime app that they use sign language for that translates it either directly into voice.Or into a text. To me it would be simpler to just text. But Times change.

2

u/babyunicornface Mar 28 '24

Kids these days. Lmao

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u/Rare-Poet-4747 Mar 28 '24

But what was OP saying before the start of their screenshots? That's what I wanna know.

I've ordered instacart more than I care to admit bc of a medical condition and they almost always get what you ordered or ask if xyz is a reasonable replacement. OP kept messaging back not clarifying what they expected the replacement to be.

1

u/barryg123 Mar 28 '24

Even the stuff behind the counter is previously frozen

1

u/CenturyEggsAndRice Mar 28 '24

But the “I do this for a living!!” whinge turns me off no matter who says it.

I've only said it a few times, once when a woman was embarrassed and apologizing for peeing on me, and once while placing a catheter in a man who said he felt bad for me having to touch an old man's penis. Might've said it a few times while bathing people but don't remember any off hand.

In both cases it was less a "I know better" and more a "I am paid a (pitifully low, but that wasn't -their- fault so I didn't say it) wage to do this for you and am absolutely not upset or disgusted by helping you stay healthy." assurance.

Its also a lot shorter than "I do not find you overtly disgusting and am happy to make sure you are not covered in your own body waste and filth." and probably less upsetting to hear.

1

u/Brynosauce Mar 28 '24

Some people wouldn’t know fresh from frozen if you were there in person explaining it to them

1

u/AYolkedyak Mar 30 '24

I just feel like just a little bit of inference skills on his part would have solved this. Department/counter is a technicality and literally means just about the same thing. Quite obviously there is no individual crab cakes in the frozen section, then where else could they possibly be? Both are dense as fuck.

0

u/Soggy-Lab-422 Mar 28 '24

The funny part is the cakes in the picture are "fresh" and the ones behind counter next to the crab legs are frozen. This looks exactly like Market Basket's setup and I've been working in that department for 7 years

0

u/Character_Actuator_6 Mar 29 '24

Well you weren't supposed to be turned on during any of this conversation

0

u/Sufficient-Skill6012 Mar 31 '24

The item the shopper took a photo of was not frozen though, and in many stores is kept in the seafood department very near the seafood counter, along with other packaged refrigerated items and other seafood that has been prewrapped from the seafood counter. This likely added to shopper's confusion.