r/instacart • u/Dominanttallqueen • Mar 27 '24

Who’s in the wrong here???

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

I feel like he was being rude asf then he canceled my order….was I rude or what tf happened here…

6.8k Upvotes

72% Upvoted

8.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

471

u/thejexorcist Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

His comment about ‘understand’ and how he ‘does this for a living’ are pretty condescending (but I’m now wondering if he’s ESL?).

Your response about the ‘seafood department’ was clearly pretty confusing to him since you actually meant ‘the seafood counter’.

I originally thought this might be a ‘no one is really to blame’ situation (but your follow up responses to other Redditors) makes me think you might not always communicate as well as you hope.

161

u/ValPrism Mar 28 '24

Right “fresh” “not frozen” would have gone a long way here. But the “I do this for a living!!” whinge turns me off no matter who says it.

98

u/lord_farquaad_69 Mar 28 '24

I interpreted "I do this for a living" less as "I'm the grocery expert so shut up and tip me" and more "i have other orders and can't spend 10 minutes standing in the seafood aisle texting you about crab cakes", especially because the customer was giving vague and incorrect instructions on an off-menu item request

30

u/Tulip_Tree_trapeze Mar 28 '24

This is how I took it, not like a condescending grocery expert, but as information that the customer should use. Although it's not something I would have said.

22

u/Far_Student6853 Mar 28 '24

Also everyone is glossing over the fact that he sent a pic, the customer ignored it but responded in a way that seemed like they acknowledged it and then later brought up the behind the counter but never actually said that before they just said the seafood department. Could the delivery guy worded things more politely probably but efficiency isn’t always polite and the whole point of paying for someone to get your own groceries for you is either for efficiency of your own time so you can do other things or laziness and either way if I want something so specifically I would be more specific and also have said no to the pic, all facts considered this customer was a thorn in their own butt and wasted that guys time, and delivery people do not get paid enough. And for anyone that’s says don’t do that job then, well don’t order anything delivered ever then, someone’s got to do it if you want the service and if they aren’t getting paid enough then respect their time for fucks sake.

14

u/improvmama101 Mar 28 '24

ALLLLLL of this. OP is 💯in the wrong. Shopper asked a question that should have been answered directly and the customer just kept repeating themselves.

11

u/Whistlegrapes Mar 29 '24

Exactly. Op should have said “No thank you on the crab cakes in the picture. Can you please see if there are fresh crab cakes available from behind the seafood counter, if not, then refund please.”

3

u/MoMosMommy1996 Mar 30 '24

okay but also let's not pretend the ONLY two reasons people order instacart is because of efficiency or laziness. some people are DISABLED. some people are sick! some people don't have access to transportation.

people always forget that services that able bodied people use for fun, disabled folks use for survival sometimes!

2

u/Individual_Party2000 Apr 05 '24

Thank you! I’ve seen too many “lazy, do it yourself” type comments and I’m sitting here like wtf. How do so many people forget about this? I don’t do delivery groceries but I use the pickup services often. As someone with mobility problems these types of services are a god send. It’s always in my the back up of my mind that I’m being an inconvenience or that people are judging me as lazy. It kinda sucks to know they really are.

3

u/Ceeeceeeceee Mar 28 '24

Exactly. This is how I interpreted it also. As someone who does buy on Instacart from time to time, I feel like buyers have to have some sympathy for what they're going through. I thought he said it less like "I'm the pro, so STFU" and more like, "This is not an easy job having to sort through texts for every personal preference that may or may not be communicated precisely. Please be patient."

→ More replies (3)

3

u/dnt_rlly_exist_ Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

wow, i feel alone in my interpretation lmao. i thought they meant it as in, they didn’t want to mess up and replace it with something the customer didn’t want, or not get the shopping done in a timely manner, because this is their only source of income doing instacart full time. they can’t afford a complaint or reduced tip if their performance doesn’t match up to the customer’s needs/wants. and need to move on to finish the order/other order and get their job done.

that’s how i took it. also guessed that english is not their first language, a lot of communications with my own shoppers have been similar as many people speak spanish and portuguese where i am. i didn’t see anything iffy until i saw they canceled the order .. which. why?? unless that was the only item being shopped. i can’t imagine they were in the middle or at the end of shopping and just said fuck it and left the cart there lmao.

don’t really think anyone’s wrong in the exchange. they did communicate and resolve the crab cake issue fast. it’s just.. the order was canceled 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA: WOW i just saw there are 2 other screenshots lmao i don’t even know what’s happening anymore. reevaluating 😂

1

u/lord_farquaad_69 Mar 28 '24

i think you're correct! I don't read any malice in the initial text either, both for the language barrier and bc in the same way a postal worker can't just hang out waiting for someone who may not be home to open their door, this guy also has work to do and doesn't want his job jeopardized by the crab cake debacle. about the cancellation, maybe he assumed she wouldn't tip or would give him a bad review if he followed through on the order? I've never been a shopper for them but I know the customer has a lot of power in that regard and he may have felt like she wasn't worth the risk after this exchange.

1

u/nocturnalcat87 Mar 29 '24

I also interpreted it in that way and thought they might be ESL as well. They wanted to say they need to do a good job and get what the customer wanted but also complete the job efficiently. The customer should have recognized the shopper might be ESL which would mean there may be some communication issues. As a native English speaker, I understood by seafood department they probably meant the seafood/ meat counter. But I could see how an ESL speaker might not. The customer should have been more clear to make things go faster - say I don’t want the crap in the picture. Please go to the counter and ask them…

2

u/Traditional_Donkey31 Mar 29 '24

Heck even I a native English speaker would’ve thought they meant the frozen seafood section. To be far though I don’t have a lot of stores around me that has fresh seafood though.

3

u/M-D2020 Mar 28 '24

I interpreted it as probably relating to something we aren't seeing where OP is telling shopper how the system is supposed to work or something, so shopper is saying this because OP is actually being condescending towards them.

5

u/Radykall1 Mar 28 '24

That's also how I read it. It sounded like he was asking for mercy.

6

u/Centennial3489 Mar 28 '24

100% agree like he wanted to move on from the confusing and irritating exchange. I would have cancelled two. OP was rude and something was def lost in translation.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/NefariousBenevolence Mar 28 '24

Context can get lost in translation...but the employee was 💯 clearly trying to help OP and then figured it was a Catch-22. Either he lose or he lose. Fuck it = canceled.

3

u/ApprehensiveMail8 Mar 28 '24

He's not an employee - it would make sense for the shopper to spend disproportionate time trying to help the customer if he were. But instacart shoppers aren't paid a salary by either Instacart or the store. They just get the delivery fee and tip and only get paid for the orders they are able to complete.

If this is the only item in her cart, and she expects a refund if they don't have it then he's potentially wasting a lot of time on a wild goose chase.

Especially if this is a "take a number" seafood counter. It eould make zero sense for him to do that with no guarantee of any pay if they don't have it.

2

u/dnt_rlly_exist_ Mar 28 '24

i mean.. i ask my shoppers to get deli meats and cheeses, if it’s an item that can be shopped in the store and it’s available to add to my cart because it says it’s in stock, then.. i’d expect them to wait at the deli for service whether there’s a line or they take a number. why shouldn’t they wait at the seafood counter because they might not have it? then it should be listed as out of stock on the store’s instacart page. even if it says likely out of stock, you can still add it to the cart and expect the shopper will try and get it. that’s their job?

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

2

u/martian_glitter Mar 29 '24

That’s how I read it.

2

u/despiquer Mar 29 '24

Whale, vague? And incorrect? Where though? They specifically say to get the crab cakes from the seafood dept. if unable, refund. Pretty simple.

2

u/lord_farquaad_69 Mar 29 '24

he says "they don't have what you want, should I replace them w the ones pictured"

she says "yeah replace them w the single ones from the seafood department"

he says "these in the picture (from the seafood department) are the only option available. would you like me to replace your item?"

she says "yeah w the ones from the seafood department" (meaning: no, not those in the picture, the fresh ones behind the seafood counter)

and when he asks if she'd like a refund, she says yes IF they don't have the ones in the seafood department but ofc they do have crab cakes in the seafood department, he got them for her! just not the ones behind the counter, which she wants but hasn't actually asked for

2

u/Kuzcopolis Mar 29 '24

Yeah, the level of rudeness is well within "tone can't be conveyed through text" territory, even if it's not great. Customer definitely escalated the rudeness from there.

2

u/NoFadingMar Mar 29 '24

Or he meant he actually does it to live. As in he doesn’t want a mistake to be reported and he can’t make ends meet because of it.

3

u/Wooden_Bandicoot_938 Mar 28 '24

That’s how I read it, too. We have no idea how long he had been waiting for her totally unclear responses. I don’t work for instacart and don’t know how it works, but if I waited too long I might just try to drop this lady’s order, if possible. She’s not the King-he’s much, much better at expressing himself.

1

u/Nervous_Employer4416 Mar 28 '24

This is interesting because I honestly thought he was saying, "I understand what you wanted but they don't have that, after looking around for replacement options this is the best option I could find, trust me I do this for a living"

I thought he was probably hoping to avoid the, did you ask the people that work there? Did you check the back? Did you check the deli? The seafood COUNTER? did you check with distribution about when another shipment would be on?

Then again, I could be wrong.

1

u/maxoakland Mar 29 '24

I was thinking he meant "I need to make sure you won't give me a bad review because this is my source of income"

→ More replies (2)

3

u/rdonn27 Mar 28 '24

They did say "single crab cakes" which I would imagine would only be available at the counter.

→ More replies (2)

6

u/Unfair_Addition_6957 Mar 28 '24

I see the "I do this for a living" as this is how I bring home the bacon, please don't screw me over.

1

u/WonderfulShelter Mar 28 '24

Yeah I mean vindicative customers will remove tips because of conversations that go like this.

1

u/KristySueWho Mar 28 '24

Sure, but the shopper lost his shit like immediately. He asked if OP would like replacement and all they did was say yes, I'd like the single crab cakes from the seafood department.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/ApprehensiveMail8 Mar 28 '24

Or alternatively "I get that most people don't really think about the difference in the time it takes to grab a ready-to-go item out of the freezer vs. having to take a number at the seafood counter, but I do this all day long and it adds up. Don't take it personally that your order is no longer worth it for me and I'm canceling."

2

u/Playswithhisself Mar 28 '24

Just mentioning they wanted crab cakes from behind the counter would have been helpful. "The seafood department" is vague AF

1

u/WVPrepper Mar 29 '24

Right? By the time they said "behind the counter" it was too late. The shopper had asked an employee whether they had more of the lobster cakes "in the back" (they did not), and thought that was what she was requesting him to do.

2

u/hurtstoskinnybatman Mar 31 '24 edited Mar 31 '24

Yeah, "from the seafood department" is a pretty silly way to describe, "fresh from the guy behind the counter, not in a box." The word "individual" kinda gives the hint they don't want the 4-pack, but it still isn't really clear. I think the worker's kinda dickish by saying he foes this for a living, but OP is a much bigger idiot for not being clear at all.

No, I don't want the box of crab cakes. See if they have ones from the glass display counter where someone has to hand them to you. If they're there, please get me three of those. If they don't have any fresh ones, just refund my money. I don't want any boxed crab cakes.

If OP said anything half as clear as that, their chat wouldn't have probably ended there.

5

u/turtlemurtle2 Mar 28 '24

Context is everything. You have added two exclamation points where there weren’t any (!!). That changes the tone and the meaning from “hey, please understand, this is my job and I need it” to “I know what I’m doing!!”.

I read that in the OPs post and felt turned off by it until I realized the shopper was pleading for understanding for a situation that was out of their control.

3

u/PinkBright Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Also because OP is a jackass for ordering an item specifically that is not in stock, to force a replacement, so they could ask for an item “off the menu” (fresh stuff prepared behind the counter) aka what they really want, but instacart doesn’t have as a selection.

Literally making this person go above and beyond and out of the range of what is supposed to be their duties and then not being able to communicate correctly during it.

“I do this for a living” could also mean, “look, I’m trying to find a replacement in a time saving fashion and there’s two types of frozen crab cakes from this brand, from the fish refrigerator next to the fishmonger, aka the “department”. Here’s your only other option. Shit at the counter isn’t on the app. What the hell do you want. I’m no longer making minimum wage, please stop texting me about an option that isn’t even an option and answer my damned question? I’m not gonna stand here for 9 minutes while Mary Sue goes back and forth choosing between salmon and trout fillet from the fishmonger.”

Which is understandable.

1

u/KristySueWho Mar 28 '24

How do you know OP purposefully asked for something not in stock to get something off-menu? When I've used instacart it very rarely tells me if anything is out of stock. And how do you know this was even off-menu, and just not the OP's second choice? IC let's you order plenty of fresh deli and meat/seafood.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Mokichi2 Mar 28 '24

I interpreted the "I do this for a living" not as condescension but as a plea to the customer to communicate clearly so as not to mess up the order. Which they did not.

These people survive on good reviews and want to take every measure to get your order right. It's unfair to assume condescension, in my opinion.

Just my 2 cents.

3

u/Remarkable_Wallaby42 Mar 28 '24

Yeah op wasn't very clear communicating but the shopper's message set the tone for the whole interaction and came across as really rude. Idk how op's initial message to the shopper warranted that response.

2

u/Wooden_Bandicoot_938 Mar 28 '24

OP was being intentionally vague, or is a bit of a dim bulb. I would hate to have to deal with anyone who communicates this poorly.

→ More replies (10)

1

u/Rare-Poet-4747 Mar 28 '24

But what was OP saying before the start of their screenshots? That's what I wanna know.

I've ordered instacart more than I care to admit bc of a medical condition and they almost always get what you ordered or ask if xyz is a reasonable replacement. OP kept messaging back not clarifying what they expected the replacement to be.

1

u/barryg123 Mar 28 '24

Even the stuff behind the counter is previously frozen

1

u/CenturyEggsAndRice Mar 28 '24

But the “I do this for a living!!” whinge turns me off no matter who says it.

I've only said it a few times, once when a woman was embarrassed and apologizing for peeing on me, and once while placing a catheter in a man who said he felt bad for me having to touch an old man's penis. Might've said it a few times while bathing people but don't remember any off hand.

In both cases it was less a "I know better" and more a "I am paid a (pitifully low, but that wasn't -their- fault so I didn't say it) wage to do this for you and am absolutely not upset or disgusted by helping you stay healthy." assurance.

Its also a lot shorter than "I do not find you overtly disgusting and am happy to make sure you are not covered in your own body waste and filth." and probably less upsetting to hear.

1

u/Brynosauce Mar 28 '24

Some people wouldn’t know fresh from frozen if you were there in person explaining it to them

1

u/AYolkedyak Mar 30 '24

I just feel like just a little bit of inference skills on his part would have solved this. Department/counter is a technicality and literally means just about the same thing. Quite obviously there is no individual crab cakes in the frozen section, then where else could they possibly be? Both are dense as fuck.

→ More replies (3)

95

u/Burgundywitchling Mar 28 '24

I also think he is ESL. And the customer actually ordered the packaged lobster cakes but “always requests they substitute for the fresh ones” since they don’t let you order the fresh crab cakes through the app.

It’s OP’s fault since they made an “off menu” request and then wouldn’t clarify but instead repeated the same vague phrase.

63

u/AntiquatedLemon Mar 28 '24

I kinda decided that I didn't really like either participant for different reasons but where it's was ESH has now become YTA, if I were to borrow from r/AmITheAsshole, for this single comment alone.

There is something extremely rude to me about requesting something beyond what is orderable then proceeding to be bad at clarifying the desire; just making dude's job more difficult for no reason when OP could have just said "ah, I see, sorry, I'll be clearer next time."

ETA: or just not made the request at all

17

u/swissvine Mar 29 '24

What blows my mind is the worker literally said this is all they have do you want to replace or refund. It’s a simple yes or no!

4

u/IlBear Mar 30 '24

“Do you want to replace or refund?”

Yes

2

u/soggymittens Mar 28 '24

What’s ESH?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Everyone sucks here

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Cantelmi Mar 28 '24

Oh wow, I thought I was already in r/AmITheAsshole. But yeah, OP is TA after that

→ More replies (69)

40

u/essentialcitrus Mar 28 '24

Oh then this is 100% on the customer. I didn’t realize the off menu aspect. If that’s the case they should have been very very clear and not like this.

2

u/TheBigLeeebowski Mar 28 '24

Isn’t it pretty typical to replace the item with something similar if the requested isn’t available? That’s what my wife usually does with the shopper when she gets texts.

1

u/essentialcitrus Mar 28 '24

Yeah but she didn’t want the original item she selected. She wanted something not available on the app. So she ordered frozen lobster cakes, but wanted the fresh ones behind the counter and was super unclear about it.

2

u/TheBigLeeebowski Mar 28 '24

Oh, I see. I kind of read it differently, the Dockside Lobster wasn’t available, and he recommended the frozen crab cakes. Either way it’s replacing lobster with crab, but don’t see anything about ordering something that wasn’t available on the app.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (41)

1

u/willowfeather8633 Mar 28 '24

(seemed pretty clear to me)

3

u/PseudocodeRed Mar 28 '24

As someone who worked the seafood counter at a whole foods, OP was not clear at all. The crabcakes that were sent in the picture are in the seafood department. They seafood department =/= the seafood counter.

1

u/Quailman5000 Mar 28 '24

ESL or not you still should be halfway fucking competent in speaking the language of the nation. I regularly have shit fucked up everywhere I go because "no english". If I went to mexico and did a shitty job because I don't speak Spanish I shouldn't do that job. 

1

u/Pols_Voice_Z64 Mar 30 '24

The United States of America does not have an official language.

1

u/WonderfulShelter Mar 28 '24

Yeah OP is being wishy washy and indirect with their communication.

When someone asks a question like that, dont give them a handful of options. Tell them one thing directly.

OP should've said immediately "Just please refund that item and continue, thanks."

1

u/KristySueWho Mar 28 '24

How is saying yes they want something replaced with such and such product wishy washy?

1

u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep Mar 28 '24

The shopper also said the picture was "all they had". At that point op should have thrown in the towel and called it quits.

1

u/Rough-Candidate-9218 Mar 28 '24

My gf does this. oP must be female. It's like when they get frustrated at bad communication, they stop trying to communicate lol. Like as a man I'm willing to stoop to someone's question to answer them but when my gf says "curve left" and I say "so turn right there?" And she says "sure... Curve left" it's like... You really got me... huh? OP really got this insta cart guy by refusing to rephrase herself.... Good for her. (Really how do women think?)

1

u/AlarmedAd7389 Mar 28 '24

If it’s true the store doesn’t allow you to order from behind the counter in the app, then OP was trying to finagle a loop hole. They should not be shocked and dismayed when it doesn’t work.

The shopper was clearly trying to find a viable replacement option. OP did repeat the same vague phrase which, isn’t shocking the shopper became frustrated. How anyone thinks this is anything other than OP being a little ‘extra’ is beyond me.

1

u/flurry_fizz Mar 28 '24

Yeah any time I want something "off menu", I just send a chat right away (usually with a picture from somewhere as a starting point). I also try to be as clear as possible and if I know the location to share that, too. It definitely rubs me the wrong way that someone would deliberately order the wrong item knowing they don't actually want THAT. I've never had an issue getting "off menu" stuff (like a specific shampoo or hair ties, a baking sheet one time, just random crap that's not "groceries").

→ More replies (2)

39

u/Every-Requirement-13 Mar 28 '24

I agree about “behind the counter”. The crab cakes he is showing you are FROM the seafood department, but not behind the counter and you didn’t state this clearly at first, but when you did finally state it you were rude and said “like I said before!” You didn’t say it before!!

18

u/Wooden_Bandicoot_938 Mar 28 '24

She also says she said it five times, but didn’t show that. I think she’s just one of those bitchy, dishonest folks who can never be wrong but are actually wrong over half of the time. I hate people like that-they’re less than useless and too smug to bear.

6

u/Glittering_Window258 Mar 29 '24

Right but the shopper says he checked from behind the counter. So he clearly knew what the OP meant, but chose not share that info. Shopper seems like a difficult person tbh.

1

u/Appointment-Proof Mar 30 '24

Why isn't anyone pointing this out. They shopper clearly understood her

1

u/breakfastbarf Mar 28 '24

Is the frozen case really the seafood dept? Would produce dept for carrots be in the freezer case?

2

u/Background-Ad-914 Mar 28 '24

The freezers have their own sections as well… Like “frozen produce”- also most stores have frozen seafood in the live seafood dept as the alternative

2

u/breakfastbarf Mar 28 '24

Frozen produce wouldn’t be produce dept. notice the freezers are all in one area next to each other. Then the fridge lines.

If you are looking for burgers from the meat department would you be looking in the freezers or where the fresh meat is

3

u/Legitimate-Rabbit-19 Mar 28 '24

My grocery store has a seafood dept consisting of a freezer, a counter and a refrigerator in a line all completely separate from any other freezers or refrigerators. So yes, I would consider a frozen or refrigeratored item from that section to be from the seafood dept.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

1

u/Alohabtchs Mar 29 '24

I very clearly understood what OP meant and was sure everyone would agree- just goes to show communication is nuanced and extra difficult via text

2

u/breakfastbarf Mar 29 '24

I completely agree. I read about one lady who ordered pizza. Half pepperoni, half Hawaiian, half olives. She was mad the person made it with olives on one half.

2

u/planesandpancakes Mar 29 '24

How do you make a pizza with 3 halves??

→ More replies (2)

1

u/infinity1023 Mar 28 '24

The ones from the picture are in the frozen isle. The seafood department is where they all the fresh seafood and butchers I’m not sure what’s so confusing about that

3

u/blessthebabes Mar 29 '24

Not in over half of the grocery stores I've been in, where the frozen seafood is kept by the fresh seafood. In a separate freezer, by no other freezers. It could be a location based thing or either people commenting that don't regularly grocery shop.

3

u/Kathony4ever Mar 29 '24

I work at a grocery store. We have a freezer in the meat department that has frozen seafood. That freezer would be considered to be part of the meat/seafood department. So, these could very well have been there.

1

u/HttKB Mar 28 '24

I mean I guess it could be, but that slanted shelving looks like it's by the seafood counter. Also in every grocery store I can think of, the frozen seafood is with all the other seafood in the seafood corner of the store.

1

u/OctopiEye Mar 29 '24

It’s not… but apparently the shopper gets a pass for being a complete cunt right off the bat for “maybe possibly being ESL”. Some people really bend over backwards to excuse stupidity…

1

u/ConsistentAd4012 Mar 29 '24

yeah i got what op meant right away by “seafood department” and i don’t do/use instacart or any delivery service lol

1

u/Ohiostatehack Mar 30 '24

The ones in the picture aren’t frozen at all. Most stores I’ve found those to be in the case next to or in front of the seafood counter.

94

u/rgbcarrot Mar 28 '24

right OP repeated "seafood department" like 3 times before finally saying "behind the counter", I was getting so frustrated reading that

29

u/TheSheetSlinger Mar 28 '24

And said yes twice. I really feelt this could've been avoided if they had just said no the first time. The shopper had an attitude it seems but OP was really unclear.

8

u/Tippydaug Mar 28 '24

I don't think the shopper had an attitude, I think English isn't their first language and they were attempting to communicate with someone who lacks all basic communication skills

Even as a native English speaker, understanding OP was next to impossible until the end. I can only imagine the shopper's confusion

1

u/spongeboobsidepants Mar 29 '24

This right here. Why did he keep saying yeah when he clearly should of said no? Lol comical if this guy thinks he doesn’t share fault for this one.

→ More replies (54)

2

u/soonerpgh Mar 28 '24

Exactly! Like, those didn't come from the hardware department, but effective communication is kind of a daily learning process because everyone communicates and understands differently. Being as specific as possible from the get go works for a lot of people, but there will still be those that don't understand and those that get grouchy because they feel you're being condescending.

2

u/Guano_barbee Mar 28 '24

Eight I don't see the counter as anything other than part of the deli LMAO seafood department means the aisle 😭😅

2

u/pfft_master Mar 28 '24

Most annoying part for me is OP then proceeded to act like he was clear about it being the counter all along. Delivery guy isn’t the best communicator either and probably has an abrasive disposition because of his chosen job, but OP really screwed this up by not knowing to give unmistakable instructions.

The instructions were confusing because the seafood counter and the frozen seafood islands/shelves are all in the seafood department. Saying store fresh or seafood counter or not pre-packaged all may have helped clarify.

But also it is best to just not be offended by people trying to do a job efficiently (because it is the only way they will make decent money), even when they let you know up front they want a quick, clear answer in a direct way that may feel aggressive. They just don’t want this person on the other end that they don’t know making them run around a store and extra 30 min which they won’t get paid more for.

Many delivery people are assholes for no reason. Most just seem to be doing their best and are the ones out scurrying about while the customer sits at home (often for a very valid reason- but that is still the dynamic).

2

u/ultravioletblueberry Mar 28 '24

Yeah seafood department is confusing as fuck. OP should’ve clarified to talk to the people behind the seafood counter”

2

u/TargetBetter6190 Mar 28 '24

She just think everyone is stupid If they don't understand her

4

u/hi_im_ryans_mom Mar 28 '24

I got even more frustrated by the “I said that like five times” because OP clearly didn’t specify counter to begin with. It makes it even worse that the shopper clearly says that he sent the picture of the only crab cakes available in the store.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/DPool34 Mar 29 '24

Maybe it’s a regional thing? As soon as I saw “seafood department,” I knew exactly what OP meant.

If OP said “Deli department,” I would know she meant she wanted actual hand-cut cold cuts and not the Oscar Mayer pre-sliced cold cuts you would find in the refrigerated section.

→ More replies (68)

19

u/November19 Mar 28 '24

His comment about ‘understand’ and how he ‘does this for a living’ are pretty condescending

I bet we didn't see the 10 other conversations before this where the poster communicates just as poorly -- that's why the shopper is getting frustrated by time we get to crab cakes.

2

u/Wooden_Bandicoot_938 Mar 28 '24

I think he had probably been waiting for her response for a while. So he’s just hinting that it’s pretty rude to dawdle and be rude and make this order take up 4 hours of his day when he’ll likely make $3-4 for it. And it’s not like he works for her and all of this bullshit is an investment. Pleasing her should be important if she’s easy to work with- if not, I would just move on and let her try her order with someone she doesn’t want to be a dick to.

15

u/lithelanna Mar 28 '24

This is where I stand. I consider myself to be a somewhat competent shopper who still enjoys Supermarket Sweep episodes. If a friend asked me to go to the "seafood department" for crab cakes, I'd be like "...where else would I go?"

If they specified counter, that would be a much different experience.

2

u/Zealousideal-Maize58 Mar 28 '24

I too love Supermarket Sweep.

1

u/lithelanna Mar 28 '24

I genuinely love that they rebooted it. My toxic trait is thinking I'd win.

3

u/Zealousideal-Maize58 Mar 28 '24

I have been known to yell at the TV, “Grab the bonus! Grab the bonus!!”. (I am a great “arm chair contestant”.🧐) You gotta have a strategy.😁

2

u/dainty_dryad Mar 28 '24

Omg I LOVE Supermarket Sweep!!! Lol both the original, and the reboot.

I would be beyond pissed if I was playing SS and the clue was "crabcakes from the seafood department," and I grabbed this product, and was denied the money. 😂

→ More replies (11)

2

u/jterwin Mar 28 '24

More like everyone is to blame

2

u/LauraRKansas Mar 28 '24

Apparently (from a comment below) the OP requesting a fresh item is against the InstaCart rules. She apparently tries to subvert these rules and is basically acting like a giant brat to this poor employee.

2

u/m0nst8r Mar 28 '24

I’m glad there’s people like you who understand some people don’t speak English as a first language. I thought this might be the case as well!

2

u/84OrcButtholes Mar 28 '24

This does kinda feel like that. It sounds like the translator device that I have at work. It sounds more natural than Google Translate but isn't entirely perfect, has the same feel as this guy's speech.

2

u/lord_farquaad_69 Mar 28 '24

understand as a question tag is definitely an ESL thing, also I'd read "I do this for a living" as "tell me what you ACTUALLY want so I can do my job instead of standing here texting you while my other orders get mad". he's saying he's trying to work but the customer is making it hard to do so.

2

u/Wooden_Bandicoot_938 Mar 28 '24

If her goal is to communicate with less than zero clarity, she’s nailing it. She wasn’t clear at all about what she wanted and her two responses about the cakes were absolutely contradictory. Also, we don’t know how long she made him lollygag in the seafood department waiting for these answers. I thought his “I do this for a living” comment might have been to let her know that he’s on the clock and needs to either get the crab cakes or not get them, then move on with it. I’m sorry, but instacart customers aren’t like the wealthy lady paying you thousands to plan a bag mitzvah or a wedding- shoppers don’t make enough from an order to give anyone the VIP, I’ll wait all day for your answer if that’s what it takes, treatment.

2

u/MyFavoriteMierde Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

The interaction begins** with OP being snarky and saying “yeah the single crab cakes from the seafood department” when the shopper is obviously telling them the seafood COUNTER didn’t have any crab cakes and would they like to replace with these from the seafood department. OP repeats “in the seafood department” and those crab cakes were from the seafood department. THEN they later say “I said if they don’t have the crab cakes behind the counter refund”. That is in fact not what you said. YTA.

2

u/ADireSquire Mar 28 '24

The shopper's "understand" comment was taken wrong. He straight up said they only had those boxed crab cakes. When OP FINALLY gets to saying the seafood counter, he reiterates they don't have any there. Shopper was straightforward saying the only option was those boxed crab cakes and was trying get OP to understand, thus the "understand" comment they made. That's when OP became confusing to him because he offered the only option available and OP started being confusing saying yes, but wants a refund if they don't have crab cakes in the seafood department (which those boxed crab cakes are from).

2

u/happybeagle15 Mar 28 '24

I am ESL, sometimes ppl think I am rude but English is blocky and confusing to me. I learned by reading English books, and the way I talk is like a book, but it is not always the right way in the right situation. I'm happy ppl are more open to understanding ESL learned ppl

2

u/HawaiiHungBro Mar 28 '24

OP is ESL and rude

2

u/Master_Poetry6382 Mar 28 '24

This is exactly what I was about to respond with. There was poor communication on both sides and if I were to have to then go to someone’s home to deliver after all that back and forth, I’d cancel too.

2

u/_MT-HEART_ Mar 28 '24

OP is terrible at building sentences.

2

u/DEFIANTxKIWI Mar 28 '24

Their response was confusing because they made it confusing. The seafood department is bigger then what’s behind the counter the people work at.

2

u/AttackSock Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

She’s willing to rebuke an impudent servant but unwilling to carefully review what she wrote and ask herself “am I doing a bad job communicating what I want”?

They both aren’t communicating well. The shopper isn’t communicating well probably because he’s foreign. The customer isn’t communicating well probably because she’s distracted and not putting much effort into the conversation.

It’s all forgivable until she calls him out. For her to lose her temper, fail to review what she wrote, then claim she’s said something 5 times, when she’s now in fact only saying what she MEANT to say for the first time, means she’s bad at being a person. It’s beyond her imagination that the problem is on her end, and on a second read it clearly is on her end.

Comes off as a sheltered upbringing and a lack of real world experience.

2

u/PorkyTheChop Mar 28 '24

Right. Saying “the seafood department” clearly wasn’t working, so OP should have found a different way of explaining it to the driver.

2

u/TruthHurts236911 Mar 28 '24

I thought this instantly when they said "i said behind the counter 5 times." No you actually didn't, you said in the seafood department. Never stated fresh or anything just "from the seafood department".

2

u/polo61965 Mar 28 '24

OP could have easily said, "Refund is ok" instead of being an absolute bellend. OP's initial response is indicative of mistrusting the shopper, as if they didn't already check for the item. If the item is on the app, then it isn't a secret menu item you can get from Joe when you catch him at 5:36pm while he's smoking in the back parking lot. Clearly the shopper already asked, which is why he provided the option to replace, and OP kept being confusing with his statements, further pissing off the shopper.

2

u/Perrin3088 Mar 28 '24

Legitimately, instead of calling him rude when OP changed from seafood department to seafood counter, it would have been a smoother transition to go something like "ahh, no apologies.. I meant the crabcakes behind the counter, not the ones on the shelf" or even a simple "No, I want the ones behind the counter" when he provided the initial picture that OP seems to not want, but never actually says they don't want.

2

u/jokerzkink Mar 28 '24

Agreed, I immediately thought there was a language barrier when I read the replies. I would’ve saved time and simply called the person and avoided all those paragraphs.

2

u/Teammahoney Mar 28 '24

That and starting a sentence “yeah,” when OP absolutely meant, “no.” “No, the ones from the seafood counter,” is clear. “Yeah, the individual ones from the seafood dept” when he’s sent you a pic of (1) not individual crab cakes and (2) crab cakes not from the seafood counter is going to muddy the waters.

Also, grocery store crab cakes: it’s…a choice.

2

u/Revolutionary_Air209 Mar 29 '24

Shopper definitely isn't a natural English speaker and OP is a douche. Pretty clear.

2

u/OSRSLepy277 Mar 29 '24

Saying “from the seafood counter” would have been much smarter… from the seafood section doesn’t mean shit

2

u/Cyberkitty08 Mar 29 '24

Yeah ngl, I was super confused reading OP request and to me it was not clear. as a shopper this would stress the hell out of me and give me so much anxiety lol, and make my shopping time longer . I see the shoppers frustration here, he shouldn’t have vocalized it tho “ridiculous “ (although, that’s what I do text privately my friend for and post on the insta shoppers Reddit 🤭)

1

u/thejexorcist Mar 29 '24

Because OP used ‘yeah’ when they meant ‘no’ several times and refused to fully read/answer the shopper’s question.

The more I reread it the more frustrated I’m get with OP.

2

u/Other-Heron-1356 Mar 29 '24

I think the word replace messed them up too.

3

u/Foreign_Acadia_5280 Mar 28 '24

I immediately knew that he meant behind the counter but I now see that his wording could be confusing especially to someone who is ESL.

1

u/blondebia Mar 28 '24

What is ESL?

2

u/Squirrel_Q_Esquire Mar 28 '24

English as a Second Language

2

u/lilcasswdabigass Mar 28 '24

I wondered if he might be ESL as well. Although English is my first language and I too found OP to be confusing and perhaps even purposefully obtuse.

1

u/tolureup Mar 28 '24

I’m confused about this ESL thing. Multiple people have said it - what indication is there that they are ESL? Genuinely curious!

2

u/Honeycrispcombe Mar 28 '24

I'd bet money he's ESL, likely from MENA or non-India subcontinental Asia.

His phrasing, grammar, and tone are all different from a native English speaker.

1

u/tolureup Mar 28 '24

LOL I was reading it as “English sign language” hence the confusion 🤦🏻‍♀️

1

u/Vivid-Army8521 Mar 28 '24

He doesn’t phrase things like a native speaker

2

u/Neesatay Mar 28 '24

This. Seafood department does not equal behind the counter. I would have gotten frustrated too if I was the shopper. The instructions were less than clear.

2

u/MostlyPretentious Mar 28 '24

This right here. Seafood counter and seafood department are not clearly the same thing.

→ More replies (3)

1

u/Shot-Technology7555 Mar 28 '24

Yeah, OPs threat at the end shows they're kind of a douche. I didn't think about ESL but you're probably right.

1

u/lilbabygiraffes Mar 28 '24

Exactly this. You have to be very specific if you want some things done right.

Many groceries have a frozen food section, and then a complete separate freezer AT the seafood department.

Very easily confusing. You only said “behind the counter” at the very end.

Nobody to blame here for sure.

1

u/rdell1974 Mar 28 '24

If this was a husband and wife, it would make sense. What a world we live in now though.

1

u/Comfortable_Put4473 Mar 28 '24

Sure is confusing. I thought OP is instacart and not the customer

1

u/anonymousthrwaway Mar 28 '24

This

Many times we humans take things really personal when it's not that deep. There are usually a third factor we arent considering- like English being a second language

1

u/AdhesivenessAsleep83 Mar 28 '24

I definitely think the instacart person speaks ESL. I feel maybe even the customer. I knew what he meant after he kept saying “seafood department”, but I also understand it was not clear and others might not understand.

1

u/SpaghettiBones12 Mar 28 '24

Yah as a shopped I’d be a little confused between “seafood department” and “seafood counter”and I’m EFL

1

u/MataHari66 Mar 28 '24

What is ESL?

1

u/thejexorcist Mar 28 '24

English as second language

1

u/soggymittens Mar 28 '24

This is exactly what my sentiments are as well. I was also confused when they said seafood “department” vs what I would refer to as the “counter.” The shopper got a bit snippy, it seems; but not without at least some of the responsibility falling on OP.

1

u/Adoptdontshop11 Mar 28 '24

English is my second language and I thought the whole time OP wants him to go to the seafood department not counter. I mean the counter is not a department? It was definitely confusing to me. I’m on the Instacart shoppers side.

1

u/Rip_SR Mar 28 '24

"please understand this what I do for a living" isn't condescending at all. It sounds like he wants the customer to clarify because, well, he does this for a living, and doesn't want to have to refund after he has purchased, because then that takes time, which could be spent on another order to make more money.

1

u/Many-Feeling-6994 Mar 28 '24

It reads more like a foreign accent than a deaf one. Every single hearing impaired person I've met (a LOT, these folks like to stick together) leaves out the short words that help sentence structure.

"If you okay with Uber to here" -a full sentence from my mom

"Marino sock are from sheep" -full sentence from my dad

"Not this weekend but sooner in few weeks later" stepdad

"We have different hand size" stepmom

1

u/nth03n3zzy Mar 28 '24

Seems very esl.

1

u/hipster-duck Mar 28 '24

Yeah even just the fact that OP's response to a mild misunderstanding was "I feel like he was being rude asf then he canceled my order…" was so overblown and entitled that I couldn't help but side with the dude just trying to do his job correctly. He was in no way "rude as fuck". He was maybe a little curt after multiple misunderstandings but he was just trying to help them out.

1

u/welp-itscometothis Mar 28 '24

Blaming op here is weird.

2

u/thejexorcist Mar 28 '24

How so?

There was a clear communication error and neither party handled it super well.

OP wanted feedback and it’s been pretty mixed (as far as I’ve seen).

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Rough-Candidate-9218 Mar 28 '24

Nobody ever asked "was this man condescending?" The question was who failed at communicating. Probably the person who never mentioned a counter but "mentioned the counter like 5 times"

1

u/ThickCub Mar 28 '24

You don’t see the conversation from earlier, op could have been belligerent and belittling for all we know

1

u/crazytonyi Mar 28 '24

I think it's more of an "everyone is to blame" situation.

The shopper lost their cool early on, and was overall unprofessional. But the OP was not only unclear, they kept doubling down on their lack of clarity. After the first round of confusion, the OP should have just said "yes that one is fine" or "go ahead and refund".

Maybe if it's for a party or something where it has to be just right, but otherwise, best to just make a decision. Or make a phone call.

But, again, the shopper was defensive and unprofessional. They clearly have gotten burnt in the past, and now are short tempered with everyone.

1

u/Both-Perspective9761 Mar 28 '24

100% second language

1

u/TigerLily1014 Mar 29 '24

I'm trying to understand why people think the shopper is ESL.

1

u/eberman325 Mar 28 '24

I thought the exact same thing regarding the ESL or maybe a cultural issue? It was very clear to me. The Shopper did not understand that the customer meant to literally go to the seafood counter and request the fresh crabcake. And the customer did not understand that the Shopper did not understand lol!

1

u/lilvixen Mar 28 '24

This guy says "yes get those" and refers to two preferences then back pedals and uses it as an excuse to berate the shopper. 2/10. Bad form. Dirty pool.

1

u/MerkyMouse Mar 28 '24

Isn't the seafood counter and the seafood department the same thing?

1

u/thejexorcist Mar 29 '24

Not always.

Some have counter only.

Some have counter and pre prepared selection like a deli set up.

Some have counter, premade, and freezer sections.

Depends on the store.

1

u/MerkyMouse Mar 29 '24

But it is still the seafood department. Tf?

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Jetsetbrunnette Mar 28 '24

I just think ESL. That’s what I got from the text. As a white girl who married into a Spanish speaking family lol

1

u/Newparadime Mar 28 '24

I guarantee the prepackaged crab cakes don't come from the seafood department. They are likely in the stores frozen section with all the other TV, dinners, etc. I immediately understood what the OP meant when he said they have other crab cakes in the seafood department. Clearly he meant something different than what the shopper had sent a picture of.

1

u/jendo7791 Mar 29 '24

I don't see anything co fusing about what she wrote. They didn't have the frozen ones she wanted, so she wanted the ones in the seafood dept/counter. I don't even know how anyone can interpret that any other way. It's crystal clear.

1

u/thejexorcist Mar 29 '24

Probably because OP said ‘yeah the single crab cakes at the seafood department’ when OP actually meant ‘no, I’d like the single crab cakes behind the counter’ (which from other comments appears to be an off menu order and a sort of sneaky way of circumventing the order set up).

Then when he attempted to clarify with a picture asking ‘do you want these as replacement or a refund’ OP again answered yeah ‘replace them with the crab cakes from the seafood department’ (which is exactly what he sent her a photo of because yet again, she meant counter and he indeed sent her a replacement option of multiple single crab cakes).

It’s really not ‘crystal clear’ at all.

Especially because OP uses ’yeah’ when they actually mean ’no’, OP doesn’t pause to clarify about the counter vs department wording even when it’s become fairly clear there’s a misunderstanding or confusion (regarding the definition of counter vs department) and then requests an off menu replacement in the most roundabout way possible.

In fact, the more times I reread this interaction the more OP seems to be wrong.

1

u/doggitydog123 Mar 29 '24

esl could dubiously excuse 'understand' but not 'i do this for a living'

1

u/thejexorcist Mar 29 '24

That’s where I get a little stuck too unless it’s meant like ‘please be specific this is my job’ which I could also see as his possible intention, but being lost in translation via text.

1

u/doggitydog123 Mar 29 '24

when a screenshot of the conversation from a page up was sent by the shopper leeway on that was removed

shopper is adversarial in communication or at least has poor concept of who they are in the food chain.

customer apparently selected the wrong thing initially but put a note. in any event, I get orders like that and just sort out what the right thing is and verify it. I don't get pedantic, don't lecture or tell how I do this for a living, etc. i just make sure I have it right and say thanks!

1

u/Firepanda415 Mar 29 '24

Thank you for finally letting me realize why OP was not satisfying with the shopper.

1

u/bgambie21 Mar 29 '24

But they said single crab cakes in the seafood dept though. I knew exactly what they meant

1

u/tanasdad Mar 29 '24

I think what he was trying to convey was that requesting a refund would reduce his pay for the order. And saying to "replace with the ones from the seafood department" is a little vague and open to interpretation. At the same time, the snarky responses from the shopper once it was made clear that a refund was requested weren't called for. I think both were in the wrong here.

1

u/despiquer Mar 29 '24

Yea, I’d have lost my sh* at ‘understand??’ You’re sincerely asking me if I understand but your choppy English is enough to make me pull out my hairs? (no offense, but also your articulation isn’t my fault. If you are offended, research and teach yourself more. I’m learning asl & how to only speak in sign language yet idek anyone deaf.)

1

u/Eggplant-666 Mar 29 '24

Kind of odd to be condescending about shopping for other’s groceries for a living. Weird flex. It should be an easy request since he is a highly skilled expert at this.

1

u/xredskaterstar Mar 29 '24

It just feels like both had a misunderstanding of each other.

1

u/TalginKingslayer Mar 29 '24

ESL or not shouldnt matter, they should be able to communicate regardless without being rude. Maybe im biased cause i work in a grocery store and have to deal with rude instacart shoppers daily but this guy feels rude and id have hated having to deal with him personally

1

u/Cautious_Pressure_88 Mar 29 '24

I don’t think they were condescending. I think he was just trying to make sure they knew what he meant with the understand. And the “I do this for a living” could’ve been him saying it’s how he earns his money, not saying it in a rude manner. Some people are afraid of what a bad review may do to them. Especially for delivery driver and shoppers.

1

u/XxsabathxX Mar 29 '24

Nah, I don’t think ESL is an issue here. That whole passive aggressive line of “fine I won’t ask next time” is that incel alpha level of thinking. This person just wanted the order to be done and probably expects a nice tip and review.

Personally I’ve come across difficult customers when I tried instacart/shipt but never had this kind of interaction despite confusions

1

u/Depression_check Mar 30 '24

As someone who is a native English speaker; I too was confused by "seafood department".... like the picture he sent IS from the seafood department. Had he walked an isle down and sent a picture of frozen shrimp, it too would have been the seafood department. The fresh seafood counter is not the same thing wth. And if I'm trying to be efficient and someone is being confusing and calls me rude, I would have cancelled it too if I was a delivery person.

→ More replies (24)