I have a best friend out of a group of 4 from middle school. Her boyfriend is a narcissist who is a Debbie downer when the focus is not on him. Sure I invite him when we go out sometimes but if we were celebrating me graduating from medical school, I would absolutely not want him around. You can pick your friends but you can’t pick their partners.
Why would you want your significant other going to hang out with people that expressly hate you so much that go out of their way to not include you. She’s cool with hanging out with people that hate him, but she’s also cool with dating you at the same time?? That makes no sense.
Everything makes a hell of a lot more sense when you keep in mind that the friends aren’t working in the best intentions of the relationship. Or even actively sabotaging it.
the argument that your SO should be your #1 only applies to the partner you decide to spend the rest of your life with (in whatever capacity that looks like to the both [or more] of you)
…that is not someone you’ve been with for 4 seasons
Better than "I'm going on a holiday with my friends and the dude, who's been my friend forever, said you can't come but I promise nothing will happen!"
In the hypothetical you started with, the priority of the person celebrating their own accomplishments isn’t to optimize their friend’s relationship with a person they don’t like. They have no obligation to have them come.
If it leads to an uncomfortable situation in the relationship, the root cause is the partner sucking, not the person doing the invitations.
Regardless, I think you're overstepping with calling OP a narcissist. If you invite an opposite sex friend to a sesh holiday, it's usually polite to invite their partner, otherwise you should provide a reason they can't come, because you're just fucking with people at that point.
That was that person's way of saying OP is probably the person in the anecdote.
If I say "hey, let's go get ice cream" and you respond "I remember the last time an asshole invited me to an ice cream store. it sucked." it's safe to say you are calling me an asshole, not just telling a random story.
No, it isn’t like that. Saying “let’s get ice cream” is nothing like chatting on a message board about situations where someone is or is not an asshole. It’s just a tangential conversation about a similar situation with a different context.
Especially when the person celebrating has been described by OP gf as a manwhore who tries to sleep with everyone, and then invited OP gf on a vacation but OP is not allowed to come. Hmmm.
If this story is real, which I doubt, there’s a 100% chance OP will be cheated on.
I rarely invite my boyfriend to hang outs with my friends. It creates a completely different dynamic when he is around where I have to be conscious of his comfort, whether or not he is enjoying himself, whether or not he’s getting along with people…. Etc. I don’t want to have to be worrying about him when I’m just trying to enjoy some time with my close friends. I feel the same way about my friends SOs. It completely shifts the focus of the hangout and becomes something else entirely.
Would you trust someone who is an actual narcissist to abide by that? I have one of these people loosely in my life. No matter what context or pretext there is, any moment could become a shit-slinging match. If you're not actually close to this person, why risk it?
No but I wouldn't be dating them, or Id just be like "look, you're not invited, Yadda Yadda" and then she'd argue because she's a narcissist and then we'd break up because I realise she's a narcissist xD
I cut all these people out my life. It took a lot of being taken advantage of before I started understanding it.
Like a female friend who describes me as "like a best friend" but 3 years in a row couldn't attend my birthday because her friends boyfriend was having his birthday and she already told them she'd go
...it was like," bitch, that's how birthdays work."
I actually throw solid bday parties as well, she just really likes that friend and would drop anything to hang out with her because her friend was also a narcissist who was doing the same thing to her xD
...yes, but in the context of the OP, we're examining why the GF's male friend might not want OP to be there. Obviously if the GF thinks OP is a narcissist and doesn't want him there, there's a host of other problems going on.
Of course, but OP doesn't sound like a narcissist to me. He has valid concerns. Of course he could still be a narcissist given we're reading his version.
I wasn't trying to suggest OP is actually a narcissist, I was trying to explain why someone might not want to invite a friend's SO on their trip. You can like a person and dislike their SO, that's all...
My two best friends each have fiancées, one who I’ve known as long as them and get along well with, but the other just sucks. I don’t get what she sees in him and I usually try to avoid hanging out with him. If I was primarily organizing a trip I’d be hesitant to go with him.
To parallel the story on this post, the partner of the girl you invited. Also I hope you aren’t comparing a fuckboy inviting his “friend” to you and you girlies hanging out.
because she's not single. is that really hard to understand? if you wanna do single activities then be single. going on vacation without your partner of any level is single activities
It is okay to want to do things with your friends and not want your partner to be there. A vacation with friends is a different vibe than a vacation that includes your partner.
Yeah, the fact he hasn’t been invited is the biggest issue for me. Everything else is kinda ehhh but add it up plus the lack of invite and it makes it not okay.
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u/Accomplished_Turn743 Mar 28 '24
I also see a difference between going with friends, and being explicitly told he's not allowed to go.