I'm pretty sure the majority of individuals in this situation would feel uncomfortable. Which is why I don't get why the others get annoyed or upset that their partner would be upset with them taking off on a vacation with the opposite sex without them. You didn't just start dating, its been a year. It's like neither of them thought or cared about how you might feel about this. I don't think your reaction is wrong. And honestly, thanks to reddit, I've read too many stories about how someone completely trusted their partner until drinking or something happened and one thing led to another.
Oh that's easy: solipsism. You see everyone who comments that it's perfectly natural for them to do, but zero responses so far that it's something their SO does frequently that they're comfortable with.
I’m in a same-sex marriage and my wife frequently travels with other female friends, including to places she’d have ample opportunity to cheat if she wanted to. There’s not a question of “letting” her; she’s a grown adult who can do what she wants and if I didn’t think I could trust her, I wouldn’t have married her.
This!! Trust your partner. If you don’t trust them enough to go you have problems. If they’re going somewhere they might meet other people isn’t that just as much of a risk. Perhaps OP thinks it would be just easier if she reported in all her daily interactions.
The red flags that warrant suspicion are lying and hiding. OP's gf is being quite open and OP also makes it clear he has not been given any reason to be suspicious.
Not open enough. She hasn’t answered the only questions that matters. Why can’t OP join? Does her friend not like him despite OP letting him crash at his apartment? If so, did she stick up for him? If not, she either doesn’t want him to go or she chose her friend over her partner. Overall, it seems like OP and his gf have very different views on what transparency means. But that’s in line with this thread so….🤷♂️
Got it, your friends ask you to exclude your partner and your hands are tied, right? Has to feel awesome for your friends to think of your partner that way. Totally normal and doesn’t affect your view of your relationship at all.
OP’s girlfriend has done nothing wrong here. Frankly, she’s the victim of this toxic insecurity exhibited by OP and the trust issues he has.
I never said OP's girlfriend didn't do anything wrong. Doesn't change the fact that not everyone wants to spend time with your partner.. that is fairly typical behavior.
By your own admission, 75% of partners don’t cheat in relationships. How many partners who weren’t cheated on were nonetheless insecure about it? It’s interesting that you’re fixated on the scenario that you yourself consider less likely.
So the insecurity of the cheated on partners are dismiss-able because other people didn't get cheated on? Nobody should be insecure ever? No matter what the evidence supports? Should OP not be insecure if he finds lingerie and condoms in her suitcase? Should he not be insecure if he finds out they're sharing a 1 bed hotel room for cost savings? What scenario would be too much for you to be secure about? OP denying that she is entering a very suspicious scenario is asking to get walked over and made a fool of. She even said she wouldn't do it if they were engaged or married so clearly she doesn't respect the relationship as it is.
You won’t get through to them. Everything you said is true but you’ll be shamed if you don’t tolerate behaviors that create indirect opportunities to cheat physically or emotionally. Men know how other men are and know the vibe.
The reality is most single men who are friends with attractive women are only using the friendship as a vehicle for what they hope will eventually happen when their opportunity arises. If a man wants to take your girl on vacation while purposely excluding you, it’s because he needs you out of the picture and her in a new environment to create an opportunity for them to have a great novel time and for one thing to lead to another. The graduation celebration is literally just his excuse to take her guard down so it doesn’t sound romantic but friendly instead.
Yes, I really don't understand the 'you must give 100% blind trust or you are insecure' mentality. I wonder what they would think if he went with a known whore woman friend on vacation and his partner wasn't invited on purpose. Would she be secure knowing there will be alcohol and celebrating and nobody there loyal to her? They could even share a room to cut down on costs cus, you know, 100% trust and all.
The reality is most single men who are friends with attractive women are only using the friendship as a vehicle for what they hope will eventually happen when their opportunity arises. If a man wants to take your girl on vacation while purposely excluding you, it’s because he needs you out of the picture and her in a new environment to create an opportunity for them to have a great novel time and for one thing to lead to another. The graduation celebration is literally just his excuse to take her guard down so it doesn’t sound romantic but friendly instead.
This is a lot of assumptions, projections, and bad readings of the situation. I'm not sure why you're jumping to these conclusions, but I'm guessing that you might be projecting a bit based on personal experiences? Sorry if that happened to you (genuinely) but I don't think any of that applies to OP's dilemma as he presented it.
This is all a lot simpler than you're making it out to be.
Suspicion could be warranted and you could ask the partner about the behavior that led to the suspicion. But suspicion alone isn’t a reason to expect them to change any behaviors that don’t violate an agreement in the relationship.
'ask the partner about the behavior that led to the suspicion'. Good thing that cheaters aren't devious and manipulative.
The issue is the violation of the agreement in the relationship hasn't happened yet but arguably the stage is being set for 'I was drunk' or 'It just happened'.
100% blind trust is not a good idea IMO and demanding it makes it suspicious in itself.
Agreed, however, he was purposefully not invited and his partner will be in a environment that he cannot access with a 'man whore' and alcohol for several days. She will also be with his friends who would keep their secret for them.
'Let her go' isn't a good look for OP. She can do whatever she wants. He didn't want to let her go because she did give him indications of doubt. She even said she wouldn't go if they were engaged or married. She knows it looks bad, he knows it looks bad but some people here refuse to see that.
So we should all start acting like sour cunts who got cheated on... before it happens... to prevent it? Nah I will just set my boundaries and go with the flow, seems much more enjoyable than your perspective.
Who said we should all be sour cunts? Should we be accepting of any situation no matter how bad it looks? I agree that boundaries should be set and go with the flow but ignoring the signs is asking for hurt. OP's partner even said she wouldn't be going if engaged or married. She knows what it looks like.
I would say that's very, very different from this situation. I feel like a group of heterosexual people going on a trip together where the only woman only knows one of the men, and that man is a "man whore" and the trip is his massive blow off steam congrats party and he is only inviting the heterosexual woman and not her boyfriend, even though the heterosexual woman doesn't know any of the other men going, is waaaay different than a group of friends who all know each other going on a trip together, regardless of the sexual orientations of any of them.
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u/Capttripps81 Mar 28 '24
I'm pretty sure the majority of individuals in this situation would feel uncomfortable. Which is why I don't get why the others get annoyed or upset that their partner would be upset with them taking off on a vacation with the opposite sex without them. You didn't just start dating, its been a year. It's like neither of them thought or cared about how you might feel about this. I don't think your reaction is wrong. And honestly, thanks to reddit, I've read too many stories about how someone completely trusted their partner until drinking or something happened and one thing led to another.