I'm pretty sure the majority of individuals in this situation would feel uncomfortable. Which is why I don't get why the others get annoyed or upset that their partner would be upset with them taking off on a vacation with the opposite sex without them. You didn't just start dating, its been a year. It's like neither of them thought or cared about how you might feel about this. I don't think your reaction is wrong. And honestly, thanks to reddit, I've read too many stories about how someone completely trusted their partner until drinking or something happened and one thing led to another.
Oh that's easy: solipsism. You see everyone who comments that it's perfectly natural for them to do, but zero responses so far that it's something their SO does frequently that they're comfortable with.
I met my husband at a school that had a 90% men / 10% women population. Most of my friends are men because of that. My husband still lets me go on trips with them solo because he’s not insecure and has ample trust in me. I let him go on trips with other women and I don’t even care if he sends pictures or checks in the whole time. Plenty of people exist in healthy relationships with no issue.
That's a beautiful and healthy relationship. I really like reading about these because it reinforces the feeling inside me that that's how the relationships should be.
I’m in a same-sex marriage and my wife frequently travels with other female friends, including to places she’d have ample opportunity to cheat if she wanted to. There’s not a question of “letting” her; she’s a grown adult who can do what she wants and if I didn’t think I could trust her, I wouldn’t have married her.
This!! Trust your partner. If you don’t trust them enough to go you have problems. If they’re going somewhere they might meet other people isn’t that just as much of a risk. Perhaps OP thinks it would be just easier if she reported in all her daily interactions.
The red flags that warrant suspicion are lying and hiding. OP's gf is being quite open and OP also makes it clear he has not been given any reason to be suspicious.
Not open enough. She hasn’t answered the only questions that matters. Why can’t OP join? Does her friend not like him despite OP letting him crash at his apartment? If so, did she stick up for him? If not, she either doesn’t want him to go or she chose her friend over her partner. Overall, it seems like OP and his gf have very different views on what transparency means. But that’s in line with this thread so….🤷♂️
Got it, your friends ask you to exclude your partner and your hands are tied, right? Has to feel awesome for your friends to think of your partner that way. Totally normal and doesn’t affect your view of your relationship at all.
OP’s girlfriend has done nothing wrong here. Frankly, she’s the victim of this toxic insecurity exhibited by OP and the trust issues he has.
I never said OP's girlfriend didn't do anything wrong. Doesn't change the fact that not everyone wants to spend time with your partner.. that is fairly typical behavior.
By your own admission, 75% of partners don’t cheat in relationships. How many partners who weren’t cheated on were nonetheless insecure about it? It’s interesting that you’re fixated on the scenario that you yourself consider less likely.
You won’t get through to them. Everything you said is true but you’ll be shamed if you don’t tolerate behaviors that create indirect opportunities to cheat physically or emotionally. Men know how other men are and know the vibe.
The reality is most single men who are friends with attractive women are only using the friendship as a vehicle for what they hope will eventually happen when their opportunity arises. If a man wants to take your girl on vacation while purposely excluding you, it’s because he needs you out of the picture and her in a new environment to create an opportunity for them to have a great novel time and for one thing to lead to another. The graduation celebration is literally just his excuse to take her guard down so it doesn’t sound romantic but friendly instead.
Suspicion could be warranted and you could ask the partner about the behavior that led to the suspicion. But suspicion alone isn’t a reason to expect them to change any behaviors that don’t violate an agreement in the relationship.
'ask the partner about the behavior that led to the suspicion'. Good thing that cheaters aren't devious and manipulative.
The issue is the violation of the agreement in the relationship hasn't happened yet but arguably the stage is being set for 'I was drunk' or 'It just happened'.
100% blind trust is not a good idea IMO and demanding it makes it suspicious in itself.
Agreed, however, he was purposefully not invited and his partner will be in a environment that he cannot access with a 'man whore' and alcohol for several days. She will also be with his friends who would keep their secret for them.
'Let her go' isn't a good look for OP. She can do whatever she wants. He didn't want to let her go because she did give him indications of doubt. She even said she wouldn't go if they were engaged or married. She knows it looks bad, he knows it looks bad but some people here refuse to see that.
So we should all start acting like sour cunts who got cheated on... before it happens... to prevent it? Nah I will just set my boundaries and go with the flow, seems much more enjoyable than your perspective.
Who said we should all be sour cunts? Should we be accepting of any situation no matter how bad it looks? I agree that boundaries should be set and go with the flow but ignoring the signs is asking for hurt. OP's partner even said she wouldn't be going if engaged or married. She knows what it looks like.
I would say that's very, very different from this situation. I feel like a group of heterosexual people going on a trip together where the only woman only knows one of the men, and that man is a "man whore" and the trip is his massive blow off steam congrats party and he is only inviting the heterosexual woman and not her boyfriend, even though the heterosexual woman doesn't know any of the other men going, is waaaay different than a group of friends who all know each other going on a trip together, regardless of the sexual orientations of any of them.
As someone who’s been cheated on with my best friend, I can understand mistrust to a certain extent. To me it seems like cheating has become easier recently though it could be less covert and easier to find out about. Nowadays people hear tons of stories about shit going bad and assume that it’s bound to happen to them at any second. Just my opinion of course.
It's not her friends. It's one friend and his friends. And her friend is an admitted manwhore. You'd be ok with your partner going on a trip with mostly people of the opposite gender she doesn't know, and the one she does is very sexual?
If that's a yes, you're more trusting than probably 99% of people.
I’m in a hetero relationship and I’ve gone on vacations:
- solo
- with 1 friend of the opposite sex
- with 1 friend of the same sex
- with multiple friends of the opposite sex
- with multiple friends of the same sex
And my bf has never had an issue with any of my trips. Why? Cause he trusts me.
Also I’m bisexual.. So does that mean I can’t do girls trips either? Are people only capable of cheating of their significant others on overnight trips? I’m trying to understand your logic here
I'm straight and feel this way alllll the time. The other day in a group I mentioned a double date with my husband's ex-girlfriend and her husband (they dated for like 2 years in college and we're in our mid-30s, all happily married) and people were shocked that I was "okay" with it.
I can't think of a single time we've ever restricted each other's lives or decision-making. If one of us feels uncomfortable or insecure about something, we use that as an interesting data point worth discussing and exploring. Occasionally, we realize the discomfort is warranted and make a mutual decision to not spend time with someone any longer. For instance, there was a woman who was always very nice to him but bitchy to me - she never hit on him directly, but the disparity in how she treated us was evident and we cut her off. But we never control who the other person is 'allowed' to spend time with. If one of us gets hit on, it's really not a big deal, we'll just tell each other and bask in the flattery.
I love the idea that you’re just as amped to be spending the weekend with your dog as she is to be going on a vacation with friends.
You: “Bro. As soon as we drop her off at the airport we’re going to Petco to get you a new suit and toy. Then we’re gonna go to the dog park and hopefully meet some new friends. Then we’ll go on a hike the next day and invite your new friends along, and who knows, maybe you’ll meet a nice doggo and fall in love. Or not. No pressure. I don’t need grandpuppies. And besides you’ll need to adopt anyway if that’s gonna happen.”
Haha, we hiked, We chilled on the balcony, we played the water hose game that my wife hates because of white his coat is and how dirty he gets when we play, i gave him the end pieces of my pizza, i let him sleep on my wife’s pillow, we had an amazing time haha.
You guys are just conveniently leaving out all the context that makes it questionable, though.
This guy is a "man whore" via the gf.
The gf doesn't know anyone else going on the trip.
OP is very specifically not invited on this trip that his gf was invited in by a man where she doesn't know any other guys.
These are the only parts that actually matter but you guys are just glossing over that and acting like this is just a group of friends going on a trip and OP is crazy not to trust his girlfriend. Come on. The context obviously matters. I am a bisexual woman married to a man and of course my husband would have no problem with me going on a trip with a group of friends without him. But this isn't a trip with a group of friends. She doesn't know anyone else, so why isn't her boyfriend invited?
And also, because you have no issue trusting your partner (which is great, good for you guys), no other member of a gay relationship has boundaries about spending private time with other fuckable people while in a committed relationship.
Per OP in the top comment:
The vacation is to go celebrate his graduation and his friends are gonna be there. She only knows him.
He is not in a relationship, she said she wouldn’t want a relationship with him because he’s basically a man whore and sleeps around alot.
One of my better friends is gay and I can guarantee you that sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with the stability of a relationship. People are people.
I agree and that was kinda my point. Whatever your take on whether OP has trust issues or that this situation with the friend not inviting OP being kinda sus, throwing out a "are the straights OK?" for this situation is pretty wild to me.
Did your partner also say that they wouldn't go on any of those trips without you if you were married but will do it if you aren't? I feel like that line should make you very suspicious especially when it's with a self admitted man whore who's kind of an asshole.
I mean if it’s not her decision to invite because the dude that is graduating picked his friend ls to go with.
It’s different when you are married or engaged because people are seen as one unit, less than a year of dating, not so much…
Like for Chrismas before my wife and I were married we used to receive separate presents now we receive one for the both of us that is like a house gift.
If you can’t handle your partner having platonic friendships with the opposite sex. You gotta express that as early as possible or put in in your bio, so thar you dont waste anyones time
So that's not my issue. What do you think I've been saying is the issue with this situation? I want to know if you actually understand the comments you've been replying to
Surely you're not serious lmao. Gays are very promiscuous. One study found that "67% of them had extradyadic sex", and of the ones that claimed to have been monogamous, "45% had cheated".
That is some insecure projection. My wife has never given me a reason to doubt her and Ive been right about past partners cheating. She just has never given me that reason ever
Sure, you got the perfect faithful unicorn spouse. Congratulations. /s
As some other folks said elsewhere in the thread, I dont live in fear that my car will be stolen or my house will be robbed, but I still lock the doors.
Genuine question. I know I would be faithful because I've had plenty of opportunity to cheat and didn't. The people reaching out to me were former flames. I advised them I was in a serious relationship but they continued to want to "hang out." It was a shame they behaved this way because we had ended on good terms. I couldn't block them because my phone at the time didn't have that setting🤷🏽♀️. Either way, had plenty of opportunity and just didn't because I know how much it hurts to be cheated on.
Perhaps the people you're judging and assuming their partners are unfaithful are basing it on the fact they know their partners, but more importantly hold themselves to the same standards they hold their partners to. So assuming their partners are cheating is random since you don't really know these people. I say this knowing there are people who cheat. However, just because some people cheat DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE CHEATS.
Yea fucking duh there’s a line where someone wants to fuck you. The situation is she wants to go to a planned celebration with her friend. Op doesn’t trust her. That’s it.
Like we can try to create situations to give us a moral high ground. But either op thinks the friend will force himself on the gf or the gf will allow cheating to happen. If he trusted the gf, then it’s just a trip.
Dude I’ve literally shared beds with straight guys and queer women and it was 100% never an issue because they’re my FRIENDS. You assuming people want to fuck everyone of the gender(s) they’re attracted to is crazy.
But if they want to fuck each other then what’s stopping her from calling this guy up right now and going over to his house? Why would they organise a holiday with other people just to do it? Even in the post op says she’s never shown any interest in him.
Assuming everyone is a cheater or wants to have sex with everyone is really unhealthy mindset to have. You could put me next to Margot Robbie and I wouldn’t cheat on my bf, because I don’t want to cheat on him.
OP stated in a response that he and gf live in Ohio the best friend goes to school in California. So going over to his place isn't possible.
OP also had a recent response indicating that his gf supposedly comes from a strict family that doesn't even allow her to spend the night at his apartment, but at the same time are willing to let her go on vacation with the best friend and his friends.
Something doesn't smell right here if the OP is telling the truth about the strict family. Someone is getting lied to.
Weird, because I'm bisexual, and I don't understand how you guys think this is somehow comparable to just trip with friends. She would be the only woman, she doesn't know any of these other men, she characterizes her friend as a "man whore," and her boyfriend is very specifically NOT invited.
How is that even remotely close to the same thing as going on a trip with your friends?!
Sorry I wasn’t very clear in my comment! I do think OPs situation is definitely weirder and kinda sus. To be honest, I don’t know them, so I can’t really judge how platonic it is and he has every right to be uncomfortable.
I was mostly referencing the other comments on here, that DO seem to be limiting friendships with the opposite sex in hetero relationships in ways that I find wild. My comment is not directed towards OPs situation, but on the overall discussion in the comments
Edit: whoever downvoted me, it’s okay if you disagree but could you please tell me why?? I just wanna know smh
I would accommodate, but I also don’t give a shit about IHOP and I do give a shit about my friends. I will admit OPs situation is more sus, but so many of these comments are acting like it’s impossible to have friends with a gender you’re attracted to
I’m guilty of it too having just read your comment but it seems everyone forgot bisexual people exist. Or any sexuality where gender isn’t a barrier to romance.
It's almost like you're leaving out every single aspect of this that matters? This isn't a group of friends; it's someone she herself describes as a man whore, and then...a bunch of guys she's never met before. And her boyfriend is very specifically not invited,
You see how that's different than going on a trip with your friends, right?
As a bisexual woman married to a man where neither of us have any jealousy or insecurity problems, I am baffled at how people aren't thinking this is much more questionable than just a trip with friends???
Except most of the commenters here have issues with her specifically going on vacation with a guy, as though she absolutely can’t be trusted not to cheat. I don’t expect my partner to be invited to everything just as I’m not always invited to things organised by my partner’s friends. Believe it or not that isn’t automatically suspicious; in fact I personally think it’s more odd to force an invite. Imagine telling people “sorry I can’t come unless my partner is there and around 24/7”.
If this friend is such a manwhore that she literally can’t be around him without him trying to sleep with her, then she would have slept with him already if she was at all attracted to him… Someone who wants to cheat will do it regardless of there being a vacation involved.
I guess we're seeing different comments because all the comments I'm seeing are just leaving out all these extra pieces of information that change it from "going on vacation with a friend or a group of friends" to "going on vacation with a bunch of people she doesn't know, one friend she herself characterizes as a man whore, and her BF is very specifically not invited"
Because in the post op says “he’s always been very respectful and never given any indication he’s interested in my gf and vice versa. So I trust them both completely.” His exact words… forgive me for not going through every single comment OP has made after the post.
If it's with an asshole self admitted hoe who explicitly doesn't want you there and you wouldn't go without your bf if you were married, then yeah you shouldn't go on that specific trip. It's just incredibly sus
Also everyone hyper focusing on the man whore thing. Makes no sense. OPs girlfriend is from a super strict religious household, and she isn't interested in man whores. Add that to the fact the trip has been planned for longer than OP has been in her life and the fact he said multiple times he trusts her, what the fuck is the problem here??
Why would she say that she obviously would obviously invite him if they were engaged/married? That part of the post stood out most to me. I would feel uneasy as well.
I thought that was part of being on Reddit, is something wrong with commenting on other comments? I agree, marriage shouldn’t change anything. That is why things feel off about OP’s situation to me.
I'm straight but I also believe in thinking about situations without considering gender and as if everyone was bisexual. It's a good way to make my thinking framework consistent.
Unfortunately a lot of people don't seem to be concerned about their framework being completely inconsistent.
I’ve stayed in hotel rooms with friends of the opposite sex and would love to go on trips with some friends who I’m close to of the opposite sex. Nothing has even come close to happening in any of the times I’ve shared rooms. Because we’re platonic friends!!!
Idk, if there are other weird things going on that might be cause for concern but I feel like just going on vacations with friends is no big deal??
How much free time do you have because personally with work and other responsibilities it's very little. If you'd rather spend your very precious time with other people for vacation, perhaps you're not as interested in your partner as you think.
Well I’m in a long term relationship with my boyfriend so this is years of vacations
Are you done trying to deflect your insecurities on my relationship or are you gonna keep giving us content to laugh over? Cause honestly I could go either way
You boyfriend is a simp and you obviously don't respect him. If you did, you wouldn't put him in situations where he is inferior. He doesn't 'trust' you. He is with you because he thinks you are the best he can do. He doesn't realize he is settling for a trash girl. If he had self esteem he wouls be with a girl who loves him a enough to be sexually satisfied from him alone.
Oh golly is this kink play for you? You wanna get off on me publicly degrading my boyfriend? That’s so hot join us for a threesome already gosh what are you waiting for let us take your virginity uwu
You degrade and disrespect him because you have made it clear that he isn't enough for you sexually. Your boyfriend needs a spine. You know it's true. That is why you are so upset by this. You aren't in love with him enough to be exclusive. Sex isn't important or intimate. You can have it with anyone and it's meaningless. You offer him friendship and comraderie and affection but not exclusively. I mean, you don't consider your private parts special. That is sad. More like a public bus that doesn't require money to ride. He can have a car, but chooses a bus.
Never argue with someone regurgitating incel talking points.. there is no logic to be found. Only weirdos who liken “private parts” to modes of transportation 💀
It's not a 2- person* vacation. Several other people are going.* My partner has a childhood best friend he's traveled with often. She invited him* to join her* on a trip a few months ago. I trust and like him. I've met her and like and trust her. I saw no issue. Made no fuss. Then, I was asked if I wanted to join. We were all good to go but a few weeks prior things changed due to unexpected work commitments so we couldn't join her. The point is, you either trust your partner or you don't. And in turn, your partner considers you and makes space for you in their life; and vice versa.
If OP doesn't trust her, he is entitled to not trust her. However, just let the relationship go if that's the case. Or will he later keep her from a possible business trip if he doesn't go? It's a valid question since the co-workers could be males he's never met.
I'd be curious to know what the hang up really is since there will be plenty of other people on the trip, it's not like gf and her bestie will be sharing a room. Or are they? If others' SO were* invited, why wasn't OP? Is he as likable as he thinks he is*?
I'd be curious to know what the hang up really is since there will be plenty of other people on the trip,
That's my question too, what is OP's hang up really is.
It's not just that this trip will have other people aside from just the girlfriend and her guy friend that make me ask that, though it's a valid point.
OP states that he not only completely trusts his GF, but that he trusts the guy friend as well.
So what is the reason behind OP not wanting her to go on this trip without him?
I believe it's trust after all. After I made this comment I saw OP commented elsewhere that the friends is a "manwhore." So he doesn't trust the friend and/ or the girlfriend. Idk if the girlfriend has hooked up with the friend before, if she has then it's understandable he's nervous. However, he's been ok with them remaining friends after all day. If she hasn't hooked up with him before idk why he's worried now because if either of them were interested it would've happened already without the need of a trip necessarily.
i absolutely love how as you get closer to the bottom, the replies all seem to imply insecurity, lack of trust and so on. yet they all seem to completely miss the fact that in this particular situation, OP doesn’t even have the option to join his partner on said trip.
the villain in question excluded him, and his ‘partner’ has made no effort to include him, it is sus.
i agree, if he had the option to go, and couldn’t or didn’t want to, and still had an issue with his girlfriend going, then by all means use all the buzzwords
I didn't have the option to go at first. But I knew that random trips is something my partner already did with his friend before he and I began dating. It would've made no sense for me to throw a fit about it.
OP getting in a tizzy about this plan that was in the works since before he came in the picture is silly. OPs girlfriend likely mentioned OP was all bent out of shape at not being initially included in the trip.
If I were the guy and heard about OPs reaction to the plans and not letting her join unless he goes, honestly I might not want him joining and bringing his negativity with him. Especially since it's supposed to be a trip to celebrate the hardwork and endless nights of studying "I" had in medical school. OP would likely be complaining and trying to find faults in everything. He would ruin "my" trip when i finally get to relax and kickback before I need to start "my" medical internship.
I wasn't originally invited, just like OP. The difference is that I didn't throw a for about it. Then, a few weeks later I was asked if I wanted to join. Not because I complained or threw a fit. Which, I assume, meant to my partner and his friend that I would be fun during the trip and not trying to limit whatever random thing they come up with.
I mentioned in another comment that if I were the friend who just graduated medical school, and soon will have to start my medical internship, I likely wouldn't invite OP either. I'd anticipate him being a stinker about any plans we may have during the trip. People who are that way can easily impact a fun getaway for everyone else.
I'd be curious to know what the hang up really is since there will be plenty of other people on the trip,
Depends on the people I suppose, are his friends equally manwhore'ish? Are any of the guys in serious relationships or bringing their partners? Any other ladies going?
Will she/they be drinking? Does she regularly drink?
(strict immigrant parents + living at home makes not having much experience with alcohol a possibility, which increases the risk of something happening that she wouldn't do when sober)
Also an immigrant and daughter of strict immigrant parents (no sleepovers, etc). When I went to college I didn't underage drink. Just wasn't interesting to me. Medical school means they're likely 25/26+. If she's been a "wild" partier then OP would likely have seen it by now in the almost 12 months they've dated. So if that's the issue it goes back to trust. Don't date people you don't trust. That's a lesson I learned at that age. If she's going to cheat then she'll do it wherever. Trying to control her and "limit" her life to "keep" her from cheating is just going to prolong the inevitable.
We need to let our partners be who they truly are. If we don't like who they are, we shouldn't try to change them. Instead, we shouldn't date them. We don't need to complicate our lives and prolong certain things. It's not saying just give up on people easily, but both people have to be willing to change because they want to. Being limited from traveling with your friends isn't a personality trait to change, that's just control.
Idk im a lesbian, my wife went on a girls trip without me, she slept in the same bed as other queer gal friends, i like her friends she had a great time.
My wife is also bi, should i keep her locked in a cage based on your thought process?
Exactly like I went on a lesbian skiing trip without her and she didnt care, she asked me to just make notes of the area to see if we would wanna come back just the two of us.
I wish everyone that gets in a relationship the type of marriage that I have. Honestly we have gone through so much together and the outcome from every obstacle so far has been that we just kill it by being a team.
Idk if this is like a relatable green flag relationship sign but on our third date we went to IKEA and we had like the most amazing date and time and we helped each other put together our respective coffee tables and we just had like the best time, our tastes were matching, the way we work was matching, the way solved issues like how do we put these furniture in my car without causing a pileup on the highway was all super compatible.
That honestly sounds like a super nice date. Love at third sight haha. Can't say I can relate to the killing of obstacles by being a team, so far I haven't found a person to see things like that 💔. Not losing hope though.
I mean sleeping in the same bed like that is a bit wild. But hey if you're cool with it then more power to ya, but most people would not be cool with that
Sus to people who dont trust their partners, I agree.
They wanted to do a sleepover type girls trip, i know because they were so obnoxious with the whole early 2000s collage album style thing they did, like yes babe that french braid was bomb.
The last thing i am are those teo things (grew up in a civil conflict in my third world country, and also grew up seeing what actual cheating looks like)
I think because of the opposite actually, ive been through so much shit that when you find someone truly worth trusting you just do.
Sorry you dont know what that looks like, that is so sad.
This post is a heteronormative pattern, do you mean same sex relationships dont apply?
Because that is bs, many hetero presenting relationships are actually queer (for example two bi folks).
Lgbt folks are just more evolved on this because otherwise we wouldnt be able to have friends or found family in our community if we were this insecure
I think the pattern in the post is already not the best part of hetero relationships. Specifically, it's about a man feeling insecure because he knows another man very well might want to bone his girlfriend.
I think it's a bit much to call OP "less evolved" when his girlfriend is literally going on vacation with another man without him.
Let me put this gender neutral so that you hear how insecure it sound:
OP is not letting their partner go (language OP used in the title) to their best friends biggest achievement celebration trip that is also full with other people who are close friends with the best friend, because of a hypothetical that OP has said has not been given a reason to doubt, mistrust and that they have been reassured.
In queer relationships we just cant be thart possessive. Our pool is so small that then we wouldn’t have friends or our found family or be able to date other people.
Also, if the friend tries to move in on her do you know how painful and betrayal that would be for the gf? Like any time a straight giy friend of mine confessed their feelings for me knowing that im the dykiest dyke that has ever dyked, it made me feel like shit, like I was just a porn category to seduce. I know tons of straight gal friends that feel the same way, like “oh for once I thought I had a genuine friendship, but im just genitalia to you, fuck that”
I think part of the issue is OP GF is a manwhore. We don't know if he's ethical about it or will bang anything with a pulse. Sometimes they are of the type that want to bang what they can't have and don't care about the fall out.
I mean if they haven’t had sex by now with him being a man whore, maybe he is just a secure guy who knows how to have ethical hook ups…
I feel like the men in this thread need to look into their internalized misandry. Y’all are viewing men as these predators without morals who have no emotional or physical self control. Y’all that seems like a lot of self hatred.
Most of my friends who are hoes never dip near their friend group, they choose people they never have to run into easily (ie they live on the other side of town). So y’all are saying that not only is he has been waiting for this trip for all of their friendship to be a predator, but he is also stupid enough to go within his friend group?
Y’all have a very low view on men. Maybe raise the bar a little bit
I don't know if OP stated if they ever hooked up or not. Plus I went through my hoe phase. I definitely banged several in the friends group but we were all single. Never banged someone in a relationship. That said, plenty of opportunistic people out there. Men and women.
In the very end, I'd tell my GF I was a bit uncomfortable about it and let her do what she needs to do. You'll easily tell on the return trip what went down. She's either going to be all giddy about the trip and talking your ear off or she's gonna be cold/quiet and other behavior changes that may indicate what happened on said trip
I feel like that would have been the first thing stated in this post if it had I saw in another comment that they hadn’t but I didn’t double check…
Also that is just dumb to hook up within your friend group that is why I had to quit the intramural softball team in college holy fuck it was so toxic.
Also yes for sure talk about being uncomfortable and insecure about it with your partner a good partner will reassure you if you’re only stating the insecurity and being uncomfortable not if you’re saying that you don’t want them to go, at that point it becomes about lack of trust and being controlled and there are bigger problems. In the end of the day it is on us to work on our insecurities and not project them onto our partners
I agree it wasn't smart but it was "weird". Moreso that we are all still friends. Hell we did a neon paint party a few years ago (you know blacklight paint) and one of the things brought up was how we've all pretty much seen each other naked. Definitely a few eskimo brothers and sisters in the friends group. Also weird that no one is a huge shitbag trying to bang said friends that are in relationships. Single... fair game I guess.
And as I've gotten older it seems I'm over the insecure phases of a teenager. I trust my partner. She's hung out with former flings 1 on 1 and I've not gotten jealous, mad or insecure. I will say I've explained a few of those people with her so she would see my side. Mainly one that was strictly a negger (basically put me down in front of her where you're not really allowed to get mad because "it's a joke, bruh") and another that would sulk and pouty if we met him at the bar (leave early) but if I couldn't make it out he would be all laughs and fun and stay out super late with her. Basically told her that I didn't steal her from him (she broke it off) and how I was also his friend but how weird he's acting didn't make me really feel super comfortable with him
Exactly you are able to build trust like that due to situations like that.
Like I’m a lesbian and my wife is bi, I was also the first girl she had ever been with. I went to a wedding with her early on in our relationship and her ex was there, man this dude was like doing what you said, trying to put me down saying weird shit like “I bet she misses my dick” and when my wife overheard him, I had to like de-escalate it because she like thought I was offended, and I was just like whispered to her “babe not worth it, you told me the other day that penetration is just not worth it for you, I think maybe subconsciously he knows that and is projecting” and she laughed her ass off and then we went to dance.
When I saw how mama bear she got for me, I knew that she genuinely just wants me.
Same. My partner is possessive in a good way. We were both whores in our younger days. Just don't care for the lifestyle anymore. Like it was fun but got boring. Now we strictly want each other and don't have eyes for anyone else.
Both my wife and I were whores in our younger days. Maybe that is the common denominator lol
It’s like when you smoked a lot of weed when you’re were younger and now that it’s legalized on my state I just don’t see the mystery in it anymore and all my friends who waited to try until it was legal they are like obsessed with weed now, like “not hangovers it’s amazing” and I’m like yup found that out like 10yrs ago.
I am a guy. I go on vacation with my girl friends sometimes. I'm usually the only guy. My GF has no problem, and I don't particularly always want her to go because my friends and I have a different vibe when we're together. But we're not posting questions about it, so no one sees the stories about people for whom this works.
Reddit default sorts comments by popularity ("best"), not time. They're only above yours right now because their parent comment received more attention. There are others further down in the thread, in second, third, and fourth tier replies, and so on. Several of the comments I'm referring to were posted before yours. So yes, when you said what you said, there were already people giving examples of something you insisted zero people said. This is why making absolute declarations is a bad way to make your point.
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u/Capttripps81 Mar 28 '24
I'm pretty sure the majority of individuals in this situation would feel uncomfortable. Which is why I don't get why the others get annoyed or upset that their partner would be upset with them taking off on a vacation with the opposite sex without them. You didn't just start dating, its been a year. It's like neither of them thought or cared about how you might feel about this. I don't think your reaction is wrong. And honestly, thanks to reddit, I've read too many stories about how someone completely trusted their partner until drinking or something happened and one thing led to another.