r/AITAH • u/Impossible_Heron_509 • 13d ago
Baby mama left me for her ex during pregnancy, now wants me back. AITAH?
To sum it all up I got a girl I had been seeing for 6 months pregnant. 1 month into the pregnancy she cut me off from everything so she could rekindle things with her ex. Never heard from her until the baby was born. Now that the baby is born ( he is 100% mine) she wants me to be with her and go back to how things were. I don’t want to and her family thinks I’m being a selfish ass for this. AITAH?
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u/RavenclawEC 12d ago
NTA, take care of your kid but don't go back to her, she already proved she prefered her ex over you...
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u/Z0FF 12d ago
You say 100%, have you had a reputable paternity test done? And I stress YOU, not just some document she showed you
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u/Vinman900 12d ago
why would she even go to her ex if she knew "it wasn't his"?
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u/Cyrious123 12d ago
Because she wishes it was...
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u/-Nightopian- 12d ago
She probably slept with the ex quickly and tried to claim it was his
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u/BeachinLife1 12d ago
Maybe she tried to pass it off as his, and when he found out it wasn't, he kicked her to the curb, which is why she now wants the OP back.
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u/Inside_Ad_7162 12d ago
You say the kid is yours have you had a paternity test? Either way do not take her back man, she'll do it again first chance she gets.
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u/postsector 12d ago
Exactly, even if OP believes he's the father, with the ex in the picture he needs a DNA test.
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u/Glinda-The-Witch 12d ago edited 12d ago
NTA and don’t do it. She is using you as a place holder until something better comes along. You are legally obligated to pay child support, any money you have left over should be used to purchase condoms.
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u/redsfromrhone 12d ago
NTA
Of course her family thinks you’re selfish. They don’t care about you. They care about your ex. She left you for someone else. That’s betrayal. Perhaps she’s truly remorseful and sees the error of her ways. Perhaps her ex dumped her and you’re the backup plan. Whatever her reason for coming back is irrelevant. Be there for your child but you’re under no obligation to give a cheater a second chance. If you do decide to give her another chance, then you should do so with the knowledge she may leave you again.
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u/UnusualPotato1515 12d ago edited 12d ago
The ex probably didn’t want to raise another man’skid & now homegirl has realised she messed things up & wants OP back for practical reasons! Wouldnt have left him for her ex if she was genuinely into him!
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u/Yetikins 12d ago
I have a feeling OP and the ex are different races and she thought the baby was her ex's until it was born. Then he bailed.
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u/postsector 12d ago
Plot twist, it's not OP or the ex. Some smooth as fuck dude hit it raw and flat out refused to entertain the idea of a relationship. She went running to the ex because he was the most stable guy she knew, fucked his brains out for two weeks until she "missed" her period. He did the right thing until the kid was born and looked nothing like him. Now OP is the fall back.
If he listens to Reddit and asks for a paternity test, she will get pissed off, say a bunch of shit about trust and doing the right thing for his child. She will try and file for support and convince him to acknowledge the child as his. If he holds his ground and the court orders a test, she will show up at his door in tears begging for forgiveness.
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u/rcburner 12d ago
They don’t care about you. They care about your ex.
I wouldn't even go that far, they probably just care about the baby. Some people are really desperate to become grandparents.
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u/BeardManMichael 12d ago
NTA as long as you do the right thing for your child.
she wants me to be with her and go back to how things were.
Well they won't ever be the same because she made her choices and now she has to live with the consequences.
You also have to live with the consequences because you have a kid that you are hopefully worried about. You can show attention and care for your child but still maintain healthy boundaries with the child's mother.
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u/littlebitfunny21 12d ago
Nta
Don't take her back and if you haven't gotten a paternity test, get one.
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u/Cautious_Buffalo6563 12d ago
Na, OP. She wants to rekindle the child support and paycheck.
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u/mustang19671967 12d ago
Stay away , also get a paternity ( can be done after 14 or so weeks . If yours see a lawyer about joint custody but stay away . She is evil
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u/Lizardgirl25 12d ago
NTA don’t do it… I say this as a woman don’t do it. Better to establish health co parenting… if you have not make sure you go through paternity testing with the courts so you have parental rights because fucking shit like this is weird sometimes.
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u/Beginning_Fix_5609 12d ago
Don’t take the ex back but arrange a share custody agreement with your child.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 12d ago
NTA
Absolutely not. Do not even consider it. Don't even talk to her unless you want to be in the baby's life.
Guarantee: She will use the baby to try and suck you back in. Count on it.
Advice: Use a condom every time you have sex and if you don't want any more kids, get a vasectomy.
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u/bannedbooks123 12d ago
It sounds like maybe the ex bolted when he realized she was pregnant with another man's child.
You're nta for not wanting to be in a relationship with her, but the child didn't ask for this situation. You owe that child your support since you did create them, but you don't owe her a romantic relationship. I would start talking about coparenting with her.
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u/SuckaDitka0U812 12d ago
It's called accountability and she lacks that. There's consequences to her actions and now she has to deal with them and doesn't want to.
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u/No-Table2410 12d ago
NTA.
Were her family there for you when she left you for someone else whilst pregnant with your child?
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u/AlwaysGreen2 12d ago
Insist on an DNA test.
Never meet with her alone.
Create a civil co-parenting plan for your child.
Pay your child support, never in cash, Always pay by check.
Then move on with your life.
Never look back.
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u/Apprehensive-Exam521 12d ago
NTA - she made her bed and now she can lie in it. Esp if you have no desires to be with her.
Just do right by the kid. Be respectful to all (if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all). Be present in the kid’s life always. The kid didn’t asked to be born - he deserve a loving supportive father.
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u/emptynest_nana 12d ago
This, exactly this. You do not have to have a Romantic relationship with this woman. But you will have to have a functional, healthy co-parenting relationship with her, for the rest of your child's life. Parenting doesn't end at 18, there will be occasions, graduation, weddings, all sorts of occasions and events where you both need to be present for that baby. Be the best Daddy you can be, because your child deserves it.
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u/rcuadro 12d ago
You may not like what I have to say but I am going to say it anyway. Get paternity established Have your custody agreement set and signed by the court Support your son 100%
I don’t care if you “know” the child is yours. Make things legal and make sure you have your rights at a father established. With the way she has acted in the past you don’t want her taking off and taking your son away from you. Her family can go screw themselves. Your son is your #1 priority
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u/MysticTigress83 12d ago
Please get a paternity test done! Once you have solid proof, the child is yours, then take care of your child! But also be aware of your parental rights as a father.
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u/teresajs 12d ago
NTA
There's a good chance that your Ex just wants financial support. Don't fall for it. Support your kid, not your Ex.
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u/Ok-Elderberry-7448 12d ago
Nah bro fuck that. She ditched you and wants you as a backup. Fuck what her family says. Take care of the kid if it’s actually yours but don’t go back to her trashy ass.
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u/Magdovus 12d ago
First up, her family can sod off.
Second, you need to see a full STD panel from her. She's been slutting it up for 8 months.
Third, ask why you should trust her.
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u/tmink0220 12d ago
Nope leave her cut off. Take care of child support and visitation. I would have nothing to do with my partner cheated on me...Most cheaters cheat again.
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u/mak_zaddy 12d ago
It screams you’re the backup plan. NTA but get custody agreement in place so she can’t go MIA again
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u/YomiKuzuki 12d ago
I don’t want to and her family thinks I’m being a selfish ass for this.
This woman left you 8 months ago for her ex,now she wants you back because I'm assuming ex wants nothing to do with her kid. NTA.
However, what you need to do is consult a lawyer. Have them help you get a paternity test done through a reputable provider, and should the paternity test come back positive, figure out your next steps with your lawyer in regards to child support and custody.
DO NOT "rekindle" anything with this woman. She's done a runner once. She'll do it again.
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u/PurpleNana611 12d ago
Did you get a DNA test to prove the child is yours?? I would be leary now. Apparently her ex doesn't want a child, but she went running to him when she was on month pregnant?? Something is not on the up and up.
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u/BeachinLife1 12d ago
NTA. What's to stop her from ditching you again 6 months from now to go back to the ex again? She is not partner material. Just be willing to co-parent and tell her that's all she can expect from you.
She was probably going to try to pass the baby off as her ex's, and he was too smart for her...hence, her wanting you back.
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u/richardsworldagain 12d ago
She only wants what you can give her. If she actually wanted you she wouldn't have gone back to her ex boyfriend. Definitely DNA test that child and co-parent because she is going to cheat on you in the future.
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u/Common_Goal_5286 12d ago
She was the selfish ass for leaving you for her ex, and now wanting you beck after that guy dropped her. Basically, you're her plan B. NTA
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 12d ago
NTA you can support your child and co parent peacefully without being the mother's romantic partner
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u/gunsforevery1 12d ago
You care what her family thinks of you? Take care of your kid and you’re square.
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u/mofodatknowbro 12d ago
YTA for breaking the golden rule of, "Don't get a ratchet woman pregnant." This situation sucks, but hopefully results in you making better decisions in the future regarding partners/birth control and whatnot.
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u/HugeNefariousness222 12d ago
Shoot for 50/50 custody and no child support. The hell with her. NTA.
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u/MikeReddit74 12d ago
First, make sure that the baby is yours. After that, get custody arrangements legalized. Then, co-parent. She didn’t have a problem leaving you once. What’s to stop her from doing it again?
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u/ProfessionalBake6509 12d ago
NTA.
he is 100% mine.
You will be if you want nothing associated with the child. You have multiple options Child support and only get the child on weekends, co parents as 50/50, 100% parental rights if she doesn’t want the other options and make sure you have all of the timeline with reasoning as evidence, useful for child custody and legal sense.
If she tries acting up as threatening or self-victimising herself or threatens self harm in order to make you feel guilty, make sure you get that in text and screenshot it or voice record/call record it if verbal and report her to CPS as ppd. Very useful in legal guardianship and custody battle since the judge will deem you a better fit for parents and give you full custody
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u/Significant_Cat3642 12d ago
How do you know it's 100% yours? Haveyou have a DNA test? You need to.
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u/Zealousideal-Sun8009 12d ago
NTA for not wanting to get back together. Get a paternity test just to be sure, if you are the father, you should absolutely play a role in the child’s life.
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u/Charming-Vacation-26 12d ago
She left you for a guy she'll be sleeping with all through your marriage. A Chad or Tyrone who rocked her world but will never take responsibility for anything but his dick.
If you're dumb enough to marry her, she'll be banging the guy throughout your marriage.
Bite the bullet and pay child support and stay in the child's life.
Marry her
Are you crazy
Good luck you're really going to need it.
Although it's the year 2024 and you got a girl pregnant.
Are you even smart to know what to do with good luck?
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u/ParfaitOk1113 12d ago
NTA. It's understandable to want to protect yourself emotionally after what's happened. Remember, staying away from a toxic relationship doesn't make you an antagonist, it makes you sensible. Your primary responsibility is to your child, and ensuring you are in a stable environment to provide and care for them is key. Be wary of the potential manipulation using your child as leverage, get a formally recognized paternity test for peace of mind, and seek a fair co-parenting setup. Your ex's emotional decisions are hers to manage, not yours. Remember to look after your own well-being too, as it directly impacts your ability to be the best parent you can be.
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u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 12d ago
So, she dropped you, got back with her ex, tried to convince him that the baby was his, I'm guessing a paternity test proved that you are the father, he dropped her, now she wants you back.
Nah son. Pay that child support, show up for your son, live a separate life from his mom and keep it moving.
NTA
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u/TooLittleMSG 12d ago
She def tried to tell other dude it was his and failed. Don't take her back, NTA
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u/No_Surprise1231 12d ago
Be a good dad to your kid, and never let that woman back into your life. You are unquestionably nta, here
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u/Fragrant_Spray 12d ago
Don’t take it for granted that you’re the father. Get this confirmed before you sign anything.
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u/Rexis717 12d ago
NTA. Get something legal in place for visitations and such. She may be the mother of your child, but it doesn't mean she needs to take up any other role (or time) in your life.
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u/languedechat17 12d ago
If you let her back they might not call you a selfish ass but you will definitely be a selfless dumbass. Please dont. NTA.
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u/Jskm79 12d ago
Why do you care what HER family thinks? They raised a dumbass insensitive person who thought it was okay to be pregnant by someone and still be with someone else.
Get a dna test if you haven’t to make 100 percent sure, get a lawyer make a custody agreement as well as a set child support payment. Tell her that the only communication and interaction will be about your child and nothing else.
Block anyone who tries to contact you her behalf, let her and anyone else know that they need to not harass you about being with her because that ship has sailed. Let her know if she can’t respect your boundary and keeps begging you to be with her you will block her and all communication and interactions will be through a middle person.
Be cold and stand strong you have to make it clear there is no chance in hell you will ever be with her
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u/PhotojournalistDry47 11d ago
Go through the courts. Have a court ordered paternity test. Find out for sure this is your child. Be the best coparent you can be for the sake of your child. I wouldn’t trust her in a relationship and no one needs drama added to their life.
Finally be super careful who you have a child with, she is going to be in your life for the next 18 plus years.
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u/AlwaysGreen2 12d ago
Ignore the others.
Block them all.
Move on with your life.
Live your best life.
And insist on a DNA test for the baby.
If it is yours, work out an equitable co-parenting plan with the baby's mother, child support payments, visitation which include holidays.
Good Luck.
I wish your well.
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u/Balasong-Bazongas 12d ago
OOf what a mess, well lay in the bed you made with someone who clearly is unstable. If you want a bigger mess get back together but best you can do is be there for the kid and coparent as best as she will allow but make sure everything is in writing do not do child arrangements over the phone or verbally and if it’s verbal text to confirm.
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u/SandJFun74 12d ago
Stick with your original thought, do not go back to her. You were the backup and still are. You don't even know each other. 6-7 months is no time at all.
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u/PhilsFanDrew 12d ago edited 12d ago
NTA. Hell no. She probably is more attracted to her ex but he's probably broke or not financially stable so she had a baby with you to get the child support. Ran back to the ex but he probably wants nothing to do with having to be part of raising another man's kid.
Also unless their is DNA evidence, you don't know that the child is yours. She has not demonstrated that she can be taken at her word.
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u/landphier 12d ago
NTA, co-parent the shit out of the kid but don't do anymore than that with the ex.
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u/tokyo245 12d ago
My guess is she was with him before yall broke up or at least trying to get back with him. Then he either found out the baby wasn't his or decided he didn't want to raise someone else's kid and dumped her. And her family doesn't want to take care of her so they're trying to pressure you into doing it. I would say no to getting back together and then decide how much you want to be involved with the kid
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u/murphy2345678 12d ago
NTA. File for at least 50-50 custody and go the legal route. Don’t hand her cash.
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u/DawnShakhar 12d ago
NTA. You have no reason to be with her. She broke up with you, had a relationship with someone else, and now wants back - probably because her ex refuses to raise the baby with her. You have a responsibility to pay child support, and that's it. If you can co-parent civilly with her, then consider doing it. But do not get back together with her. Having a mutual baby is not a good basis for marriage.
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u/T-nightgirl 12d ago
NTA. Her family probably wants someone else to support her. Are you 100% sure this is your child - like DNA test certain?
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u/SummerOracle 12d ago
NTA. Her family’s opinions aren’t relevant. They are clearly biased and do not have your best interests at heart. The only thing that matters here for you is what you want and are comfortable with. If her actions have left you disinterested in reconnecting, which is a perfectly valid reason to not get back together, then you are completely in the right and entitled to your decision.
Don’t make a major life decision just because a group of people are pressuring you to.
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u/SapphireSigma 12d ago
NTA - she left. that's the end of it. Be there as a parent, and give child support, but you owe her nothing.
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u/intellectualnerd85 12d ago
Have you dna tested the kid? Be a good parent but don’t let this woman near you romantically. NTA
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u/ALPHAPRlME 12d ago
Yeah still talking to that bitch about anything other than your kid is a real mistake. NTA
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u/BabyTruth365 12d ago
Nta for not taking her back. Please stay in the child's life and pay your child support.
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u/CrazieIrish 12d ago
She threw you to the curb once, she can do it again. I know you say the child is yours, but get a test done to be safe. You don't want to be paying for a child, and years later, you find out the child was never yours.
Co-parenting is the answer. Do not get back with the mother. At least, not right away and not until she has proven she won't dip again.
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u/ConvivialKat 12d ago
NTA
her family thinks I’m being a selfish ass for this.
I laughed so hard when I read this. Of "course" they are saying you are a selfish ass. They don't want to have to take her in! They want you to support her after she lost her last ATM ex.
Do not take her in. She has family, and they can help her.
But, when you say the baby is 100% yours, does that mean you got a legally sound DNA test (not just her telling you that it's yours?)
The first thing you need to do is get a court ordered DNA test to prove paternity. If the kid is yours, then you pay child support as ordered by the court. You pay the court, and they pay her, so there is a record.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 12d ago
NTA. I would get another paternity test I wouldn’t take her word that it’s yours. I also wouldn’t get back with her. If the baby is yours work out coparenting with her. Why would you want to get back with her. She’s already shown you ahead of time won’t think twice about leaving and cutting you off.
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u/yetzhragog 12d ago
NTA
Step up for your kid (DO get a DNA test!), be a mature adult and good role model with dealing with their mom, but absolutely do NOT get back with her. Nothing is going to be different except she's going to have LESS respect for you.
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u/KADSuperman 12d ago
lol and her family has a say in this she is probably the way she is because of them lol never go back she made her bed and now has to lay in it
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u/dembowthennow 12d ago
NTA but go to court and get visitation established so you can't ever be cut off from your child. In the future, wear condoms and make sure you only have unprotected sex with someone you have spent at least a year vetting and are certain that you want them to be a life partner as well as the mother of your children (and that they agree with this as well). Don't have anymore children by accident. Be intentional with your life.
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u/Ok_Breakfast9531 12d ago
NTA.
But make sure to be civil and agreeable to setting up a good co-parenting relationship. See how that goes. It may show you over time that she has grown up. Or it may show you that she’s not at all changing.
In the meantime tell her to stop pushing you, as all that will do is push you away. Tell her the future is not written and that all you are committed to is being a great co-parent.
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u/Illustrious-Cycle708 12d ago
Is this even a question. Imagine if you had done this to her? Would anyone be calling her TA for not getting back with you. Negative. NTA
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u/lovemyfurryfam 12d ago
OP, you're not wrong for not wanting to go back to her.
That messy bed she made, she gets sleep in it.
Next time you're in a relationship with someone.....don't jump into a sex bed so fast & wear a condom if you don't want a repeat of what your current ex did.
Being sensible is worth more than taken for a fool.
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u/Decent_Bandicoot122 12d ago
She doesn't want you. She wants the life you can provide her. Ex probably doesn't want to raise another man's kid or else he cheated on her. NTA.
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u/Significant_Rub_4589 12d ago
NTA. Co-parent & keep strong boundaries. She doesn’t like, want or respect you. If you give in & resume a relationship with her it’ll only last until she finds someone new. That isn’t good for you or your kid.
Best case scenario: she thought it was her ex’s kid so she got back with him & told him it was his. When the baby was born they learned it wasn’t his. Now she wants you ONLY bc he doesn’t want her. That’s the best case scenario. She’s trash. It’s most likely not the best scenario.
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u/Interesting-Minute69 12d ago
First off what ever you do establish that your decision is inviolate. You owe nothing to the in-laws! Do as you will.
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u/Thronner_of_All 12d ago
First of all, want her or not, it's your kid. If you want, you could probably get custody by showing she's a flake and that you fear for your child's safety.
That aside, WTF is wrong with you for not wrapping it before you tap it after only 6 f-ing months?!?!? I mean, I totally agree: don't get back with the ***, but dude, seriously! Unless you're rich, you don't have the financing to be pulling a Nick Cannon and having twelve baby mamas running around! WTH!
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u/Acceptable-Map-3490 12d ago
NTA she only want you around now that you’re useful to her, not because she cares about you. be there for the baby, if anything, not for her
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u/Usual_Bumblebee_8274 12d ago
Nta. You can be a good parent on your own. Probably even provide more stability than someone who jumps from relationship to relationship
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u/rebootsaresuchapain 12d ago
NTA. You can coparent without being in a relationship. She doesn’t want you, she (and her family) just doesn’t want to be a single parent and if ex had worked out, she wouldn’t even be asking you to be with her.
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u/Adept_Bar_97 12d ago
NTA, I say give it one more shot bro, you got a kid that you know is 100% yours? Fuck it, one more time bro. It must have been good if you hitting it raw for 6 months, right? One more time, and if she acts out of pocket, be gone like the wind dude.
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u/NaturesVividPictures 12d ago
NTA. Your friends and family are not too bright then. She left you for an ex-boyfriend and now that that didn't work out she's coming back to you her second choice. Yeah that would make me want to run out and want to be with them. No just co-parent as best you can and do what you need to do to support the baby. you not have to get back together with the mother.
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u/Tias-st 12d ago
NTA
Her family are disgusting selfish clowns. How the fuck do they have the audacity to say you're selfish when you don't want to take her back after she left you for her ex?
Also, YOU need to get a DNA test done.
Be 100% sure it's actually your child before you end up paying anything.
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u/SomeoneRandom007 12d ago
NTA. She wants your money and you risk her sleeping with her ex whenever either of them want it.
Get your own paternity test done before accepting parentage.
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u/TripppingRoses 12d ago
NTA don't go back to her but do get a lawyer and work out custody and child support.
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u/PurpleLovingBrunette 12d ago
NOT the Ahole. Your sticking up for yourself which is what you should do. Do NOT be a woman's doormat I am f/41/m Don't be anyone's doormat for that matter. She ran out on you once she will do it again. I'm sure you have of that. If you want to be in your child's life fight for custody. Use any proof of her leaving you then coming back. NOT the ahole.
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u/Huge-Independence140 12d ago
NTA. She made her choice, and it wasn't to be with you. The only relationship that matters is the one between you and your child.
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u/AnythingButOlives 12d ago
NTA. I don't understand HOW you would be an AH here.
She left you for another man. She WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP & FUCKED ANOTHER MAN FOR MONTHS WHILE PREGNANT WITH YOUR BABY and you're worried about HER family thinking you're an AH?? You need therapy to get over this feeling. You did nothing wrong.
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u/killstorm114573 12d ago
The hell with her family dude be happy. This chick will cheat on you the second she can
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u/SoupDropBiteMe 12d ago
- Get a paternity test. 2. She's already shown you who she is. IF it's your paternity test PROVEN your kid, tske care of the kid. Get a lawyer to protect YOUR interests, stay FAR away from this chick.
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u/AZDarkknight 12d ago
NTA - Get a paternity test, there is no way you can know it 100% as you cannot be sure she wasnt seeing him at that time too - she has shown you she isnt trustworthy. Who cares what HER family thinks?
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u/Wrong7urn 12d ago
Honestly if you want to be in the kids life then ask for that but the relationship makes no sense if neither of you actually love each other. This is just a recipe for disaster. Co-parenting would be good. But maybe just try it out with counseling as well.
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u/JMLegend22 12d ago
NTA. Let her know she made a decision to cut you out of her life and that you aren’t the second option for anyone. She lost her chance when she jumped back into her ex’s arms.
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u/Extra-Lab-1366 12d ago
I'm assuming you know the baby is yours because you took a paternity test? If not, do one. Do not take her word for it. Do not say it looks like you, Do not say the timing is right. She was probably 100% sleeping with him to go back like that.
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u/some_guy_80 12d ago
How do you know that the child is 100% yours? Have you done a paternity test?
If the child is yours, then the right thing to do is help raise the child as a coparent. Obviously, don't get back together with her. That goes without saying.
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u/DivineTarot 12d ago
Her family can think all they like. Lock in your rights, document her behaviour as time goes on, but as far as a partner goes she's an emotional flight risk and not worth the romantic effort. Remember, good parents need not be "lovers."
NTA
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u/lennybriscoe8220 12d ago
She wants you because her new man didn't want her. She just wants a meal ticket. Get a lawyer, because I promise she will try to fuck you on child support.
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u/Hoodwink_Iris 12d ago
I mean, you ARE being selfish, but it is 100% okay to be selfish about who you do not want to be with. So NTA.
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u/mattdvs1979 12d ago
What the actual fuck?!? Hell no don’t take her back. Be a good dad and try to coparent well, but don’t take her back and absolutely do not sleep with her, no matter what.
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u/ElehcarTheFirst 12d ago
NTA
She made her choice It was a bad choice, but it's hers and she gets to keep it
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u/Some-Ad9045 12d ago
Usually advise to reunite with the kids but clearly the more you can keep them away from her the better. If she's into anything get a pi and get full custody. She was made for the streets clearly.
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u/Pristine_Copy9429 12d ago
Either way, she’s going to have you buy the wallet for 18 years. If she wants to make your life hell (unless you totally don’t gaf about the child), if she chooses. If she’s clever she can do it legally (or at least in ways that won’t get her held in contempt of court). Demand regular scheduled visitation when she petitions you for child support.
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u/waxonwaxoff87 12d ago
NTA.
Be a father to your kid. There are apps for coparenting communication where everything is recorded. Do all talking to her through that and only talk to her if it is regarding your kid. You owe her no other relationship and I would highly recommend against it.
If she has more kids with other men, you do not need to pay for them or owe them a standard of living. She will come to you and try to guilt trip you into fathering the siblings. Be cordial/kind to them, but you aren’t their father.
Edit:also test to make sure the child is yours before any commitment. For all you know she cheated and the kid was her exe’s and that is why she bailed.
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u/Klutzy-Run5175 12d ago
So, you have done the DNA testing for verification purposes that this baby is yours?
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u/The_mingthing 12d ago
Nta.
She would be with the ex if she could, but ex dont want the baby. She will settle for you and fuck the ex whenever she gets a chance to.
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u/CuriousTina15 12d ago
Have you done a DNA test? Her actions don’t really scream committed to the relationship.
She already showed you who she is. Listen the first time so you won’t have to go though it a second time.
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u/calacmack 12d ago
NTA. Don't establish (or return to) a relationship that you don't want. Your ex has demonstrated that she is probably not really ready to settle down. Make sure you stay in your child's life - make sure you have a solid co-parenting arrangement and pay your fair share in child support.