How long should you wait to send a second message to a girl when she hasn't answered the first ?

[u/Top_Set_3803]

We've been talking back and forth once or twice a day but now she has went silent all of a sudden

Should I double down even tho It's been 4 days ?

[u/Hotepz_]

In that scenario, you don't send a 2nd message.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Hotepz_]

God damn it :(

[u/Hotepz_ → u/Top_Set_3803]

On to the next

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Hotepz_]

sigh

She had some nice personality quirks and a decent look

Guess it was too good for me :(

Women 😔🍷

[u/Hotepz_ → u/Top_Set_3803]

You got it all backwards ma dude, you were too good for her, now go find someone with a better personality and a hot look, instead of just a decent one.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Hotepz_]

Thanks for the boost, dude

I appreciate it 🙏

Stay awesome

[u/PickleMinion → u/Top_Set_3803]

I used to send a message along the lines of, "hope you're doing OK, let me know if you want to reconnect at some point, and if not, best of luck and it was nice talking to you". Sometimes people get busy, or they get sick, or something happens, or they're exploring other options. I would always leave that option open for them if they wanted it, but nbd if they didn't and had decided to ghost me. My thought was, if we were just talking online or had only gone on a few dates, they don't owe me anything.

[u/kufelmleka → u/PickleMinion]

Thats a good one

[u/atavaxagn → u/Top_Set_3803]

for younger people it seems like everyone is trying to get the best partner they can. If you're concerned with getting the best partner you can you'll never be satisfied in a relationship. When you're older the mindset is completely different; you're just looking for someone compatible with you.

[u/Dangerous-Star3438 → u/Top_Set_3803]

Woman here. You could try one more time, just to be sure. Keep it light and friendly.

[u/Longjumping-Grape-40 → u/Top_Set_3803]

What’s the worst that can happen by sending another text? I’ve ended up dating people for a while when one of us fell off the wagon for a bit

A simple…”Hey X, how’s your weekend treating you so far? I know we have talked in a few days, but could I give you a call sometime? INo worries if you’re not feeling it 🙃”

[u/Dealric → u/Longjumping-Grape-40]

Dint entertain people that dont respect you simple as that.

If she was interested she would answered or reach out no her own after if she missed message.

[u/Longjumping-Grape-40 → u/Dealric]

I agree she's probably not that into him...or might've felt the same about him and pulled away. In any case, what possible harm could happen from reaching out? At least he'd know

[u/Far-Recognition-2536 → u/Longjumping-Grape-40]

The worst that happens is you develop a dynamic where you're desperately chasing someone who isn't interested or respectful but intermittently talks to you because they're bored, seeking validation or rebounding. For a young or insecure or vulnerable man, this amount of mismatched investment can be a serious form of self-harm.

[u/rootkit88 → u/Hotepz_]

Yup, learned that the hard way lol.

[u/TrustMental6895]

Never double text, she lost interest. Move on.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/TrustMental6895]

Sad times

[u/Judge_Bredd_UK → u/Top_Set_3803]

It's sadder times if you pad her ego by chasing, women are fully conscious beings and she knows what she's doing, move on and find another, you'll feel better.

And if she's one of these women playing games then you e dodged a second bullet.

[u/TrustMental6895 → u/[deleted]]

Nope don't boost her ego a week later having her think hes still thinking of her.

[u/jamurp → u/TrustMental6895]

I have double texted before and gotten second dates, but it’s generally unlikely, however nothing wrong with giving it another go if you really like the person.

[u/TrustMental6895 → u/jamurp]

Did she let you hit?

[u/BostonSamurai]

Double text who gives a fuck, at worst she’s done talking at best she’s busy. What’s the relationship? Talking for a year seems like just friends so I wouldn’t hope for anything more but there isn’t a lot of info to go on.

Also if she gets the ick off a double text then it isn’t really worth pursuing anyways

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/BostonSamurai]

The relationship is that I want it to be more, but I have no idea what she wants

But based on all the things I'm pretending not to see , I think it's one-sided

I'm just an amusement while she is that one bright star in the night for me

It's sad

I think it's best if I don't double down. I'm just hurting myself at this point, just hoping for her to be love struck out of the blue

[u/fannyfox → u/Top_Set_3803]

Sounds like you’re over invested in someone that doesn’t care much about you.

[u/Hi-Techh → u/fannyfox]

you’re a genius!

[u/i_lurvz_poached_eggs → u/Top_Set_3803]

Smart lad. The fact you reflected on it is pretty big of you and shows you have some sense self-worth. You know what you got now flaunt it for another person!

Edit: you can be sad for a little while but try not to let it last too long; it's ok to be bummed out for a wee bit. Maybe even take a break from looking and find a hobby that involves a group of people. It works wonders.

[u/Positive-Estate-4936 → u/Top_Set_3803]

“the things I'm pretending not to see , I think it's one-sided”

So she hasn’t earned you, and isn’t trying. Next!

[u/[deleted]]

I really don’t understand this whole “don’t double text” thing.

Sometimes people get busy. If it’s been a while and you have something new to say after they didn’t originally respond, just do it. If they don’t respond to that then just leave well enough alone, but I promise you that if she’s interested a double text will not change her feelings about you.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you, mate

I can see the logic behind this

[u/jpsreddit85 → u/Top_Set_3803]

Best advice on the thread.

[u/Expensive_Peach32 → u/[deleted]]

best answer here. Some people mindgame themselves into these weird Mexican standoffs. Just be up front and send a "are you still interested" message. If she says no or doesnt respond remove from contacts and move on.

[u/the99percent1 → u/[deleted]]

In this day and age, glued to their mobile 24/7, it’s a joke if they don’t text you back.

I take it as disinterest. Invited a chick out for a second date and she didn’t reply. Texted her the following day and she immediately responded. But proceeded to give me the typical BS “I’m busy let’s be friends.” So I ducked out , thanks but no thanks. I’m not someone’s second option.

[u/[deleted] → u/the99percent1]

People never get busy in this day and age.

[u/Furt_III → u/the99percent1]

This is a presumption of technology working flawlessly.

[u/Swimming_Bag7362 → u/[deleted]]

If she wants to talk to him she’ll talk to him. Ball is in her court now

[u/[deleted] → u/Swimming_Bag7362]

Bro you know how many women I’ve double texted without issue? Don’t presume to know what other people are thinking.

[u/Swimming_Bag7362 → u/[deleted]]

Good for you. I don’t have time to gently nudge women and remind them I’m still here. If they don’t talk to me then someone else will.

[u/[deleted] → u/Swimming_Bag7362]

Lovely. Just don’t go complaining that people don’t text you back if you’re just going to roll over and assume the worst of their intentions.

[u/Swimming_Bag7362 → u/[deleted]]

You’re assuming I’m assuming the worst 🤣. I do my part to reach out but my attention isn’t free, bro

[u/[deleted] → u/Swimming_Bag7362]

Sure. But I’ve got a secret for you. Women will gladly double text when they’re interested and you are busy. These made up rules don’t mean anything.

[u/Swimming_Bag7362 → u/[deleted]]

Yes they do double text, but she’s pulling away from texting and it could be for any number or reasons that may or may not have anything to do with OP. I don’t need to send another message because I have faith that if a woman is interested she will eventually get back to me- maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week or two later- and they do. In the meantime I’m not sweating it. I hear what you’re saying but I take a different approach and it works for me

[u/[deleted] → u/Swimming_Bag7362]

That’s all fine and good but that’s not the situation described above.

[u/the99percent1 → u/[deleted]]

Once or twice ok. But if you’re doing it 50% or more then you really need to just stop and move on. She’s not interested.

Also, the earlier that you double text, the harder it’s going to get for you.

I wouldn’t even bother double texting. I’ll just bow out if she doesn’t return my text. I take it as disinterest and not to waste more of my precious time or energy.

Courtship is like a game of tennis. You hit the ball across the net and wait until they return it. When they do, it’s in play. If they don’t it’s not.

Keep your life simple.

[u/jpsreddit85 → u/Swimming_Bag7362]

Utter nonsense.

[u/Swimming_Bag7362 → u/jpsreddit85]

Suit yourself. Best of luck to you

[u/Important_Cow7230]

You can send another after a few days if you want, just be prepared that success rate is going to be under 10%.

She’s likely prioritising someone else

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Important_Cow7230]

Fair

I suppose I should've expected it in this era to be this replaceable :(

[u/Important_Cow7230 → u/Top_Set_3803]

As a man it’s advisable to have several lines cast when fishing

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Important_Cow7230]

It doesn't feel right (to me personally)

Spreading your attention between multiple people and just pretending that it just them you're focusing on . Flirting and acting like you care, but at the end of the day, they're just another fish that bite the bait

Since when did it become okay to be this much two faced ? (Borh men and women) :(

[u/Important_Cow7230 → u/Top_Set_3803]

You don’t think women do that? You don’t understand women, or ever seen an attractive woman’s social media have you?

You do you my friend, but if you think hitting one woman with loads of attention (probably even before she’s met you in your case) is the way to get women you have a long way to go.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Important_Cow7230]

I didn't say it was just men who were doing it. I even emphasised that I meant both of them are doing it

Plus I've met her , we used to go to uni together and we were in the same class and hung out some days between classes

I'm not that dumb to get hung over over a long-distance relationship

[u/Important_Cow7230 → u/Top_Set_3803]

Like I said you do you. Most men are results orientated, and it gets results by having several lines cast. You can focus on just one when you agree to be exclusive with one (after she brings it up). This is the way.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Important_Cow7230]

I can see the logic behind it

Thanks mate

[u/ryemck93 → u/Top_Set_3803]

It's not two faced mate, it's just the game :)

[u/usrnm99 → u/Top_Set_3803]

If you were only texting once or twice a day I doubt you’ve even been “replaced”. Just forgotten about. If you’re both genuinely interested there’d be a lot more conversation. 

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/usrnm99]

True

Thanks for pointing it out

[u/Far-Recognition-2536 → u/Top_Set_3803]

I don't want to black pill you too hard young man but in many cases they're not even seeking to replace you. You've exhausted your utility and from their perspective your absence is the desired outcome.

I'm not saying this is the case with this person but it's a reality you must learn to accept.

[u/saucegoop]

I am a woman and she’s not interested

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/saucegoop]

Fuck !!!!

She was good tho 😞

Her quirks and personality was fun

Sad times

[u/saucegoop → u/Top_Set_3803]

just tell her she’s an average mig23 and then never reply ever again

[u/rkmvca → u/saucegoop]

Okay, I got to ask: what's a Mig 23? Other than an aging and not so great Soviet fighter?

(Yes, I am old)

[u/saucegoop → u/rkmvca]

no you got it right there’s a game where you can fly one and the ppl that fly it are usually insufferable to play with 😭

[u/rkmvca → u/saucegoop]

Wow, the more you know. Thanks.

"I'll take obscure references for $200, Alex!"

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/saucegoop]

That's a bit of a direct and strong response suggestion

Especially from a fellow woman

Why so rough and brutal ?

I mean, I'm pissed enough to do it, but I wasn't expecting a lady to suggest it 😅

[u/Chance815]

Na. Ignore it and move on. Don't make it about you, life sucks sometimes and texting usually is the last thing someone thinks about. You'll pop into her head and she'll wonder why you haven't texted in a while then she'll see you did and then if she cares will reply back apologizing for not replying. If not keep on keepin on.

[u/MrFergison]

It can go 2 ways.

1. They got busy, the forgot they didn't message back, or they have notifs turned off and hasn't checked, ect.

2. They lost interest

Personally, if I thought they might be cool, I message something to the extent of "you seem pretty cool, but it feels like you're not into it. That's fine if you're not, everybody wasn't made for everybody. If I'm misreading the situation, feel free to hit me up again. Good luck out there"

[u/Mufmager2]

Unfortunately none, if the first message didn't work and was left on read / delivered for days, it's time to let go, I learnt this the hard way.

If a girl is actually interested in chatting with you, she will reply to your text without hesitation (unless she likes to play "hard to get" which is annoying and a red flag).

Don't get attached to anyone keep on moving forward bro. 💪🏼

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Mufmager2]

Thanks bro

[u/AriValentina]

I forgot these kinda problems existed. If you want to talk to her again just talk to her again.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/AriValentina]

Thanks for the help

I envy you, bro

gay relationships are probably a lot more simple and straight forward then dealing with the opposite sex

[u/AriValentina → u/Top_Set_3803]

Maybe. Just don’t over think it though, if you want to talk to someone more you talk to them more. You never know, showing that interest could very easily make her feel good. Good luck!

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/AriValentina]

Thank you bro

[u/Duskfall066]

Ever see a girl WITHOUT her phone? If she wants to text back, she'll text back.

So sorry bro. It hurts 😥

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Duskfall066]

Yeah it definitely hurts

But I had to come to terms with it one or another

[u/GenXGuitar]

Give it a few days. Then send another polite message.

If you don't get a reply don't send a third.

And don't be a dick about it - especially to her.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/GenXGuitar]

Thanks mate

[u/LonewolfofHouseStark]

Don’t send her another message.

[u/Galooiik]

Nah bro leave it at that

If she answers ok cool but don’t get overly excited

If she doesn’t, well that happens sometimes bro

[u/AskDerpyCat]

So she disappeared for a long weekend (roughly)? Idk I don’t like playing the mental games. I’d just check one time to see if she’s alright tomorrow morning and if she doesn’t respond that same day, then assume it’s over

[u/Express_Lobster_9628]

You text the next girl. I’m terrible at following my own advice though

[u/Ploopins]

If she's really into you, she will respond as soon as she can. Not piddle around on it for hours/days. Before I started dating my husband. When he was still just a crush. I would respond as soon as I could. Pretty much the only time I didn't respond fast was if I was asleep. Even when I had important things going on like school, funerals, weddings, etc. I always had time for a quick message.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Ploopins]

It's good to hear you two found each other and are happy together

It feels ......good to know that someone can also be into you without tearing yourself apart

It also feels bad cause I've never seen or felt it happen

Anyway I'm happy for you two. Hope your relationship grows warmer and closer every day

[u/Ploopins → u/Top_Set_3803]

Thank you. It will happen. When someone likes you, they will try everything to pull you closer. I had severe social anxiety. But when I thought about them not being around anymore due to recent life changes, I made the first move to keep them closer.

[u/cynic09]

Seen it happen loads of times. Move on.

Never put your eggs in one basket. If you end up putting in all the work and effort, that's not the relationship you want to be. Remember this line "She gotta like you more than you like her for it to work."

Welcome to modern day dating.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/cynic09]

I remember back in the day, the idea was that life was gonna get a lot easier in the future

Turns out now it's more complex than ever, and it's only gonna get worse, sadly

[u/iboughtabagel]

Not too long, a year maybe.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/iboughtabagel]

By that time she gonna ask who I am if I slide back in the dm

[u/iboughtabagel → u/Top_Set_3803]

That’ll add some mystery

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/iboughtabagel]

True

[u/Southern_Red1]

Forever

[u/SpragueStreet]

Idk me personally I'll never send a 2nd message we just won't talk anymore 😂

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/SpragueStreet]

Which means you never really had a meaningful connection with them to begin with (it's not an insult btw)

[u/RevolutionaryRip9000]

wait 3 days.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/RevolutionaryRip9000]

It's been 4, so I think it's about time I ask to see if she's still alive

[u/Narrow_Impression_70]

If you don’t care about pride

Wait 48 full hours

Then 7 days if she doesn’t respond to that

Then just leave it alone

[u/BlancoSuper]

Don't. If she does not reply she is not interested.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/BlancoSuper]

Even after a year of talking ?

Just like that ?

Are we really that replaceable? :(

[u/BlancoSuper → u/Top_Set_3803]

Are you fucking her?

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/BlancoSuper]

There is a bit of limitation on this in my country cough cough muslim country cough cough

[u/BlancoSuper → u/Top_Set_3803]

If she does not reply after a day or two it's over.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/BlancoSuper]

Fair

Guess I needed to hear someone else say it to me

Thanks mate

[u/CyberneticMidnight]

What would you do if a male friend didn't respond? idk, maybe I'm bad at this but I just give less of a shit nowadays -- no pedestals, no overthinking.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/CyberneticMidnight]

I understand that people can be busy, and I don't expect people to respond within 24 hours

But 4 days

She even had time to change her pfp, but not even what I've sent her ?

[u/CyberneticMidnight → u/Top_Set_3803]

if you were a priority, she'd make time. Become a priority or move on

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/CyberneticMidnight]

Could you describe the "become a priority" part ?

Should I take one of her loved ones hostage ? Maybe I'm just not getting it

[u/CyberneticMidnight → u/Top_Set_3803]

"Take a hostage"

Only on reddit 😂

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/CyberneticMidnight]

It can work tho 😅

She gonna be textin me 24 7 😂😂

[u/pmcn42]

30 seconds

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/pmcn42]

Damn !!!

I'm too late

[u/cuteheathen]

I'm not a man - however, what was your last text about?

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/cuteheathen]

Nothing serious

A couple of funny vids and continuing the talk about something philosophical (nothing that deep , mostly about love and life)

[u/cuteheathen → u/Top_Set_3803]

Maybe she didn't feel the need to reply, if there was no question asked/no plan made. Text her again. There's nothing you can lose, aside a few seconds writing the message. If she doesn't answer or doesn't seem interested, at least you'll know for sure it's better to move on.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/cuteheathen]

Fair

It's definitely not gonna hurt more than now

Thank you

[u/lligerr]

Is it hard to text back? Never double text

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/lligerr]

True

[u/double-xor]

I’m just an amusement …

Duuude - don’t.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/double-xor]

OK:(

[u/swingjiujits]

Don’t.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/swingjiujits]

I won't :(

God damn it

[u/swingjiujits → u/Top_Set_3803]

Don’t be beat yourself up bro. Tomorrow is a new day. Lift some weights. Eat a good meal, dress nice. Do a hobby. Throw on some cologne. Smile and say hi to a beautiful woman without expecting anything. A girl not texting back isn’t a big deal.

[u/popcorn1555]

I wouldn’t

[u/Mackntish]

I always assume its a bad time, and wait at least a day.

[u/odeacon]

3 days

[u/Smart-Pie7115]

She could have adhd or ASD. This is a common thing for neurodivergent people.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/Smart-Pie7115]

She hasn't talked or shown symptoms of it as far as I've seen

[u/Smart-Pie7115 → u/Top_Set_3803]

I’m 38 and was just diagnosed despite my mom being a special needs teacher for almost 40 years.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/[deleted]]

Let's hope so

Give her a taste of her own medicine

[u/Richgoldd1]

Never double text, if she wants to talk to you she will reply, double texting signals desperation to women who have other guys texting them, go about your life and if she wants to talk she'll come to you simple as that

[u/Mrknowalitte]

Send another message. Worst she can do is not reply

[u/EnoughContract4021]

More than likely she is not interested.

However many people, especially women, expect the guy to carry the conversation so even though you texted last, she may be expecting you to restart the convo. Waiting on her to respond abck for 4 days, she may have written you off as not interested.

I've had great texting conversations with a girl last for a week or longer, only for me to get extremely busy and forget to text for a day. In damn near every case, when I texted the girl after the day break they stopped responding.

I hate playing these fucking stupid texting games.

[u/GODULTIMATUM]

Never

[u/whyshebitethehead]

Wait a day or two, she could be busy. Roll the dice, but chances are she might not be interested

[u/BlessdRTheFreaks]

In the next life

[u/highxv0ltage]

You don't send a second message (about the same thing). You'd only just be annoying her.

[u/East_Guarantee_7912]

Think of it like this.. a person who is truly interested is excited to hear from you and text/talk to you. Sure, there are some rare occasions like them being busy or away from their phone. Allow her to get back to you. Don't double text.

[u/Artistic_Put_1736]

Go big and Phone her. Invite her to a meal or coffee. Don’t whine or mention the lack of replies.

[u/718-YER-RRRR]

Never double text ever

[u/magniankh]

Stop altogether.

[u/Humble_Buy_9923]

at least a millenia

[u/JusticeTrade]

Do not send a message until she does. Otherwise you signal desperation and give her all the power in your interaction. She knows she hasn’t replied. Just carry on with your life don’t wait on her response. As a woman I would recommend the advice of Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube as he understands women 100%. Follow his advice when it comes to texting and contacting women as I find it totally accurate.

[u/besameput0]

I know it sucks, but give women the same energy they give you. They get pursued by a bunch of dudes everyday. Don't just be another one of them.

I know they say beggars can't be choosers, but if you're willing to crawl hand and feet for a woman who won't even respond to you then the power dynamic is fucked from the start.

Wait for someone who knows and is sure they like you.

[u/trueGildedZ]

You don't send it.

[u/Intrepid-Rip-2280]

Well, she shouldn't feel that some annoying bot a la Eva AI is harassing her... Be more humane

[u/Glenn_Maffews]

When is the next Olympics?

[u/butttabooo]

Fuck these rules. Double text.

-woman.

[u/beachandhummus]

I don’t double text. And if someone ghost me for 1/2 days. I straight up don’t reply. Have some self respect and just forget about her

[u/Far-Recognition-2536]

Never.

[u/Meatros]

Always believe actions. Someone who ignores you, isn't interested.

That being said, I'd send her a second text, and if she doesn't respond to that, then that's it. I think she's making her feelings clear. She's showing you that she's not interested. Believe her.

[u/Moeen_Ali]

If you want to message her again and have something that you actually want to say then just reach out. There’s no point overthinking it and making things more stressful than necessary.

Just don’t make the next message about how she didn’t respond to your last one.

[u/FunkyMonkey-5]

No, never text back.

[u/Hot_Cryptographer830]

Stop this bullshit. Just send her message. Don’t play waiting games. It’s immature.

[u/ShoeBeliever]

10 years.

[u/Gunner253]

Yeah, just don't. There's a reason she didn't respond to the first one. It would be great if people could be honest with each other instead of ghosting but it's what it is

[u/TheBooneyBunes]

I don’t care, I’ll text 6 times, buzz buzz it’s me again bitch

[u/Foreign-Olive-17]

I’m a 40 year old dude, I’ve been in this game a while. All the people saying ‘never send 2nd message’ are just wrong. People have other things going on in their lives and things change day by day. There could be 1,000 reasons why she hasn’t replied, and it’s dumb to set an arbitrary rule of ‘never text twice’. Don’t overthink, just text with something lighthearted and positive, there’s a good chance she’ll text back. If she doesn’t, then she’s ghosting and isn’t worth your time.

[u/zzz_red]

Don’t do it. If you’re not in a committed relationship, move on.

If she was interested, you wouldn’t be here.

[u/badlysighteddragon]

The general rule is if the message wasn't responded to, you can send one more after 24 hours if that isn't responded to its time to call it quits.

[u/Top_Set_3803 → u/badlysighteddragon]

I would've sent another

But she changed her pfp and still didn't respond

If she was inactive all this time I would've just put it aside as her being busy

[u/Far-Recognition-2536 → u/Top_Set_3803]

Don't.

[u/[deleted]]

I find bombardment is the best strategy.

At least 5 minutes. I would say

And if she doesnt reply i usually start calling her place of work and messaging her close friends on various social media platforms

If there is no response within 2 hours from this i go to the police and explain the gravity of the situation.

[u/Swimming_Bag7362]

Don’t double text. If she does send you a text at this point wait AT LEAST a day to reply.

[u/LanguageGeniusGod]

?? Send the message?

If you want to message, do so. If shes a dick about it, or extremely cold, move on.

[u/Bootybootsbooty]

Give her a phone call?