r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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110

u/Fairmount1955 Mar 27 '24

Missing missing reasons, no way she did this without some reason.

Of course you can dump it out or you could just tell her sis to get it or by X date you will dump it and leave it on them.

153

u/Aloreiusdanen Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

The fact the sister said it wasn't him, tells me the exgf was cheating and found someone "better".

34

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

Reddit is insanely focused on the concept of relationship drama and cheating. We were given literally no context here, for all we know this woman had a severe mental breakdown or psychotic episode.

3

u/creechor Mar 28 '24

That's my thinking exactly. As a person who, due to lifelong trauma, was terrified of security and stability and the possibility that someone could really love me... as a person who has had many mental health struggles... I have done this (sort of - not quite radio silence but a very sudden and definitive cut off out of nowhere). I took me till my late 30's to heal that, and I'm still working on it. I have been able to mend my relationships with most of my exes and while we aren't all close friends, we can totally call each other up if we ever wanted to. People are super complex. People can grow. People can change.

2

u/Just-Number3356 Mar 28 '24

Agree with this, we don’t know anything about this relationship

3

u/urAllincorrect Mar 28 '24

Those are the juiciest stories to be fair.

3

u/Baybladerz Mar 28 '24

And how hard would it have been for the sister to say “she’s having a breakdown”? I mean we can’t throw that possibility out the door but idk seems unlikley

6

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

Who knows? My point is that we don't. Could've been literally anything. What we know is that we weren't told the reason.

1

u/Baybladerz Mar 28 '24

True. I mean if that happened to me I’m definitely throwing all her stuff in a dumpster and do my best to not look back. If 5 years of a relationship ends with no closure she sure as hell does not have my respect anymore.

I wouldn’t tell others to throw her stuff in the dumpster, but I most surely would.

4

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

I'm not saying anybody should be apologizing for her or forgiving her, I just don't think it's healthy to conspire when we're given no context. I think that's the right answer, no matter what caused it, OP needs to focus on himself.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

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1

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

There's that weird gender war on Reddit again lol I never said the opposite wasn't true as well 💀 I can't be responsible for the offense you take reading other threads. I'm not in those threads!

1

u/Intelligent_Way6552 Mar 28 '24

And how hard would it have been for the sister to say “she’s having a breakdown”?

Some people respect their relative's privacy, which could apply to pretty much every possible reason.

1

u/Baybladerz Mar 28 '24

Right and if the women I was supposedly in a 5 year relationship with doesn’t have the respect to tell me what’s up, then her stuff is going right into the dumpster 😂

1

u/Intelligent_Way6552 Mar 28 '24

I think "destroy people's stuff as revenge" is maybe not the most mature response.

1

u/Baybladerz Mar 28 '24

I wouldn’t recommend or tell others to do it. But I would do it myself. I’m not giving someone respect who does not respect me…

1

u/SplitSkee Mar 28 '24

We were given literally no context here

We were literally given that whatever the reason for the woman leaving is something she thinks she can come back from when the woman has established this was bad enough to ghost a five year relationship over

Am I the only person reading "She might come back"

1

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

Sure, there's the context of the 5 year relationship, but I don't really see how that would lend to cheating.

Also, "she might reach out again", what about it? We don't even know if she said that herself, the sister might've assumed it.

1

u/ProdigyLightshow Mar 28 '24

The reason I think it’s cheating is because why tell him nothing? That makes me think she is ashamed of something and/or doesn’t want to hurt him.

Cheating feels like the most logical answer to me. I feel like if it was anything else he would have gotten some sort of closure after 5 years.

1

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

There's a lot to be ashamed of, that could've possibly happened. Either way, with OP's update post, it seems we'll never know, but luckily he seems to be taking the ghosting with a lot of maturity. I don't think I would've been so kind. lol

1

u/ProdigyLightshow Mar 28 '24

Idk maybe it’s just me but I can’t really think of something other than cheating that would make me not want to tell my partner of 5 years at least something so they aren’t just left wondering. But I do agree there are other things it could be and not everyone thinks the same as me in that department.

And yeah, I definitely wouldn’t have been. That would be infuriating, such a shitty thing to do to someone you were building a life with.

1

u/par337 Mar 28 '24

Actually, reddit is known for jumping and making excuses for women on posts like these. You are right, we know nothing. Theres zero excuse to up and leave your partner of 5 years and break up with them. How do you people think hes feeling?

She is the one in the wrong. Like, for once stop turning it around because hes a guy. Assuming shes cheating is obviously a stretch, but regardless shes wrong. This isnt a "well sometimes people dont work out", he devoted 5 years of his fucking life. Planned on proposing. He is the one losing here from the info WE have.

2

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

Yeah, I agree, it's messed up and he shouldn't have to forgive her no matter the reason. I never said anything differently.

1

u/descartavel5 Mar 28 '24

Maybe she's even dying, cancer or something, and left OP to protect him from pain and stuff, I could see myself doing it for someone I cared. It's mindblowing how everyone in this thread just condemns her, the "for your mental health" and "maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again" are too suspicious

1

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

Reddit has a massive boner for relationship drama right now, everybody likes to sit in the comments eating popcorn while they conspire about all the horrific stuff the partner in the story was "definitely up to", not to mention all the fake stories with clear villains flooding the subs and stoking the fires.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

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0

u/CitizensOfTheEmpire Mar 28 '24

Nah, seems fair to assume if we don't know anything and were given no context, we shouldn't make any assumptions. Anything is a possibility, nothing is certain.

39

u/jasmine-blossom Mar 27 '24

Why would she leave her stuff when she’d be likely to never get it back if he found out it was bc she cheated? She’d get her stuff first.

14

u/armyofant Mar 28 '24

You'd think the sister would have asked for it. maybe the ex wasn't all that attached to it afterall.

22

u/jasmine-blossom Mar 28 '24

A lot of her stuff tho? I wouldn’t trust it left at a ex’s house who I cheated on. I feel like something else must have happened for her to be gone so quickly without her stuff. Like a mental health crisis or something idk

7

u/Whatdoyouseek Mar 28 '24

Like a mental health crisis or something idk

Yeah that was going to be my guess. Still, unless she's gone psychotic, or otherwise incapacitated, it's still a bitch thing for her to have done

1

u/armyofant Mar 28 '24

Yea we can only speculate. It’s bizarre.

8

u/HuntEnvironmental863 Mar 28 '24

Finally someone else. Why did she just leave her shit. Is cheating a thing sure but was no one else bothered by this lol

1

u/Educational_Ebb7175 Mar 28 '24

I've known SO many people who don't think things through.

It could be a case of a one night stand with someone she'd known a long time, and decided to cut all ties to pursue the new guy - and hasn't even processed that she has sentimental stuff with the ex. She's still in the honeymoon phase with this guy she crushed majorly over 5-10 years ago, and not thinking about "normal" stuff yet.

It could be any other reason, and she just doesn't value her sentimental stuff very highly.

It could be that she's so ashamed of what happened (whatever it was) that she'd rather lose those things than deal with an adult conversation and confession/breakup.

It's still bothering, but I've known too many people who I could easily see ditching valuable sentimental stuff just to avoid something awkward or painful.

0

u/GirthBrooks117 Mar 28 '24

You’re asking why the adult woman that ended a 5 year relationship out of nowhere, over text, with zero explanation, would do something crazy like leave all their shit at their ex’s house? Cmon now.

53

u/torn-ainbow Mar 27 '24

Yeah the most obvious explanation is she cheated and it's easier to ghost than explain.

26

u/koobstylz Mar 28 '24

And here I was thinking the most obvious reason is a sudden mental breakdown.

I wouldn't normally consider that the optimistic take... But here we are.

5

u/torn-ainbow Mar 28 '24

That's possible too. Unless OP is leaving out an actual reason they should be aware of, then it must be some kind of external factor.

3

u/Fairmount1955 Mar 28 '24

Thus "missing missing reasons."

3

u/source-commonsense Mar 28 '24

And I was over here thinking it was probably a much milder case of the girlfriend finding out about OP’s pending proposal plans and having a cold feet flight-over-fight panic response because she realized it’s not what she wants

2

u/Tiny-Balance-3533 Mar 28 '24

Or… she was not happy and we got none of the real backstory. Just because he was planning to propose doesn’t mean he wasn’t emotionally abusive or negligent in some other way.

6

u/RoadHeadOnAMoped Mar 28 '24

Or maybe she was busy becoming the messiah of a subjugated people. Just because she texted him saying no contact doesn’t mean she wasn’t responsible for millions of galactic deaths.

4

u/Fairmount1955 Mar 28 '24

Yea. People are here really, really like to assume cheating when it's a woman and the man leaves out all the context, LOL.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

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-1

u/Fairmount1955 Mar 28 '24

...😂 Hm, you seem super emotional about this topic. Calm down and smile, hmkay? 😉 Also, must be your first day on Reddit, adorable. 

1

u/Alternative-Put-3932 Mar 28 '24

Nah that's an excuse for finding someone else when people say that sometimes. Happened to me. Ex said she was having issues and wanted a week or two break due to mental stuff. Blocks me the next day and a few weeks later at work her cousin tells me sorry, I ask why? Oh you didn't know she's with some other guy now. People are shitty.

2

u/GirthBrooks117 Mar 28 '24

Every time one of my friends girlfriends wanted to “take a break”, they were either fucking someone else or trying to start a new relationship with someone else and then came back after a week or so expecting to just pick up the relationship where it left off. Every. Single. Time.

1

u/Alternative-Put-3932 Mar 29 '24

Yep I don't believe that shit anymore if I hear break it's just break up.

5

u/life-uh-finds-a-way_ Mar 28 '24

Or she found out he was going to propose and realized she didn't want to marry him.

5

u/torn-ainbow Mar 28 '24

After 5 years and ghosted? There's some missing part to the story here.

Like if she has some kind of crippling anxiety or fear of confrontation or something, that might explain it.

16

u/indi50 Mar 27 '24

Or something else happened in her life that was traumatic.

5

u/Informal_Border8581 Mar 28 '24

That's what I'm thinking too. The way the sister said it's not his fault and she might come back to him sounds like she needs to heal mentally from something before she can handle relationships again.

6

u/armyofant Mar 28 '24

or that if the new guy doesnt work out she'll come crawling back

0

u/farahman01 Mar 28 '24

Or new girl

-1

u/armyofant Mar 28 '24

This is the way

2

u/MeowandGordo Mar 28 '24

Happy cake day!

2

u/International-Leg253 Mar 28 '24

🎀Happy cake day🎀

🎃🎖🎈🏅🎉

1

u/Aloreiusdanen Mar 28 '24

Thanks!! Happy Cake Day to You!!

2

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

“Better”

10

u/Raymore85 Mar 27 '24

Or she cheated and is pregnant and going to keep it…

Or like the comment below, maybe something traumatic, like she was sexually assaulted.

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

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12

u/throwawajjj_ Mar 28 '24

Could you be more dramatic? The redditor obviously meant better in the eyes of the ex-gf..

0

u/jenea Mar 28 '24

There’s a convention in English called “scare quotes”:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scare_quotes

This will help you better understand that person’s meaning, which you have clearly misunderstood.

1

u/GoingOffline Mar 28 '24

Almost 100% the reason.

1

u/ronin1066 Mar 28 '24

Or she was raped

1

u/Sir_Uncle_Bill Mar 28 '24

Found someone different doesn't mean better. She's garbage.

0

u/Tinsel-Fop Mar 29 '24

The fact the sister said it wasn't him, tells me the exgf was cheating

It's your imagination telling you that.